Debt Number 3 : For those who feel they are drowning and want a way out

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from Nerf's incredibly useful
FIRST www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1969188-Can-we-have-a-support-thread-for-people-who-are-massively-in-debt
and then
SECOND
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2011878-Debt-support-thread-2?
threads about realising you are in and supporting each other out of debt.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.

2 and half weeks of no wages sucks. Had to dip into oil account to cover bills.

Although food and fuel has been sorted for this week thanks to facebook selling - £30 on Friday and £5 today (if she comes).

Still got loads to sell but they will have to be ebay sells as I cant see them selling on Facebook.

I've projected next months bills and spends and I 'should' be able to replace 1/3rd of the money I borrowed and i'll just keep putting extra in as and when I can. So annoyed but it had to be done.

Hi All,

Lovely, inspiring start to the new thread Peace :)

I haven't posted in a while although I have visited the thread almost every day. I got paid on Friday and after an expensive few months (weddings, birthdays, a short holiday) this should be the first month I can save. I know it will be hard though as I can already hear the voice in my head (just my whiny voice - nothing worrying!) telling me about all the things I need right NOW. Mainly clothes for DD. I do definitely need to get her new shoes but she could get by another month in the clothes she has.

I'm trying to remind my self of the old 'How do you eat an elephant? One bite at time!' as I'm struggling right now. It seems like such a hard task. I've visited friends in their gorgeous big houses over the holiday and felt jealous and a bit of a failure . It didn't help that my DS (6) kept saying 'why does our house have to be so small?'

I know we've had bad luck with DH's job and then my PND sent me crazy with the CC trying to 'buy' my children the Instagram childhood that I see all over Facebook. I know this is all quite pathetic and would not admit these feelings anywhere else!

But ... I'm not going to get anywhere thinking this way am I?! So somehow I must not spend this £200. I don't think I've actually managed not to use all my salery each month for seven years. I'm telling myself I have reason (for me) to be proud too. I didn't spend on my CC last month and I didn't go over my overdraft. Why is it so hard for me to believe that I can do this?

I find myself thinking that my friends feel sorry for our lifestyle (a couple have made unfortunate comments such as 'I could just NEVER live in a small house again' and 'I'm so glad that when I have DC I'll being bring them to a proper big family home') and that leads me to spend spend spend. As if I could keep up anyway. It makes me do unhappy. And my DC are beautiful, bright and healthy - my DH is kind and supportive. I am wasting my life. I do not see the flowers beneath my feet!

Sorry for epic post. But thanks if you've stayed with it x x

Welcome back Notebook only thing I can say re your post is 'no one knows what goes on behind closed doors'. In all probability the lifestyles you might envy are born out of debt...all the sugary FB updates/pics in my opinion are just masks to make up for what the people are lacking.

Do your best for yourself and those closest to you xx

Top up shop for me today,and forgot about baby next door 1st birthday tomorrow so will hunt down a bargain for that. FB sale this morning for £15 too!

Happy Solvent Sunday folks!

Thank you for being kind mum - I think that I really have to prove to myself that I CAN do it this month. That I can save that money. I already slightly over pay all debt. The saving is to come off overdraft. I want it paid off by September.

Last day of my Easter hols today. Anyone else? It's been a lovely holiday but time to crack on! X

Notebook, I've also done this in the past, trying to buy the perfect childhood with the nice clothes and outgoings etc. We wasted years of a good salary instead of paying off debt from unemployment. Now we've had no income and have more debt and are having to settle for a poorly paid job we will pay for our foolishness for years. I have suffered and still suffer with depression.

Sorry, I meant nice clothes and outings.

When I was desperately pulling together the last of my house deposit I played a little focus game with myself...before I spent anything I calculated up what impact it could have in my deposit/mortgage. Example, xp was after a TV for bedroom say 100, in my head, that 100 became deposit money which took me 1000 (10pcnt deposit) away from my mortgage needs...make sense?

So now I look at each spend as a percentage of remaining debt which is currently on my target list...so currently 1500 away from repaying my OD. Today I was tempted by a 15 blender...so what was more important, the blender or reducing OD by 1pcnt...the reduction won.

Works for me

Kazza - that's exactly what I keep spending on - the nice clothes and the outings. I feel guilty if we don't go somewhere cultural/educational/activity based every weekend. I have to stop. We have about £8.5K worth of debt built up since DS was born six years ago - some due to DH's period of unemployment but a lot of it spent on clothes and tickets, travel, toys. 'essential' baby items - a £110 for DS scooter comes to mind as well as a £200 impulse spend on Mama's and Papa's clothes for DD when she was about five months old - double .

Mum4Fergus as well as paying off debt I'm also trying to save for a deposit so that we can move house. I think I will use your strategy from now on.

I needed £10.5k deposit and it took me about 18months to pull together Notebook...it can be done! Always keep your end goal in sight

That's my saving aim too! £10K. I could actually do it too. 8 months would be amazing. I'm aiming for about £7K in that time as I'm paying off so much debt - and the £750 a month childcare bill does restrict me in terms of saving somewhat. I got my DD her new shoes today. She had gone up one size. I just bought one pair in the sale and walked straight past Boots on the way home.

Mygoldennotebook
You have to learn how to be bored
and to teach your children how to be bored

I grew up in central London : Covent Garden was weekly - but neither my mum nor I ate properly

I am debt free so take my kids on holiday a couple of times a year
but today they did not get up till noon
we've had Sunday lunch and are all now chilling / doing bugger all

it is VERY good for children to find their own interests - they can be culture vultures in their 20s, but you do not need to entertain them EVERY week

and Clothes : do not get me started on clothes
have what you need
ditch the rest

So true TiP...I used to be anal about having weekend activities, both days, every weekend...good and bad weather options! Crazy in hindsight...today, we've tidied his toy spare, played in the garden, and played on the Wii...not a penny spent but had as much fun together

Hello all. I have posted way back on thread number one under a different name. I'm coming back as big moves have been made. I have read every single post.

Firstly we have decided not to have a third child (see my only other thread under this name if you're interested). This is mostly due to financial reasons. The real cost of a baby, childcare, mat leave through to uni (or whatever) has just made me think no - actually. Our existing dc would have a better quality of life with the current system rather than another sibling. We have paid off a credit card with some money gifted to us. It was supposed to be used for something else, but we have used it with the intention of buying the new bathroom in the new year.

We have a plan now to throw £750pcm to clear the credit cards. This should be done in November. Then we'll sort out the bathroom. My parents think we've put the money meant for the bathroom in a savings account to use once we have all quotes etc... Hopefully they'll never know. Btw they wanted to give us this money. Our bathroom doesn't need doing.

Then we're going to put that same money (£750pcm) aside in readiness to pay off our cars in 2.5 years.

The good news about no third child is not having to change any car.

We're using a YNAB system (without the software).

I feel a massive sense of relief that we're not about to embark on a big life changing event (baby). We can be debt free (except mortgage) this time in 2017.

Hello Look . Wow. That sounds like a really thought out plan, I'm glad you have your dh on board too.

My DH is amazing. He earns twice what I do, but is totally committed to the future and where money goes. The debts are a combination of what I brought to the marriage, and what he didn't notice he was spending iykwim. The kids are mine from previous marriage.

He has been so bloody gracious about me coming in with my budgeting and thrifty ways. It's great.

The one thing he would struggle with is changing his car for a cheaper one. In hindsight it never should have been purchased, but it is and he loves it. And tbf he could afford it before I came along .

It's going to stay. Although interestingly he has just had his bike serviced so he can cycle to work a couple of times a week. He does need to get fit, and he wants to save on fuel costs

I'm a complete dave Ramsey fan. I listen to his podcasts every day, and am trying to keep 'gazelle intense' as he'd say.

So, having promised kids a good holiday this year, I went looking tonight. Originally I said October cos it is cheaper, but found a bargain in July. 7 days, all inclusive, on site water park, in Alcudia - £1400 (my kids are adult prices). It means leaving the very night we break up for summer on a midnight flight. Leaving the next day puts the same holiday at £2700!!!!

By this time next week I have enough money to pay for it in full from just my moderating. £1.5k marking money (minimum) still to come before July. Shall I do it? October breaks are actually no cheaper and I can't wait that long, I am knackered. Plus weather is less reliable in October.

Kids are begging and to be fair the last time we had a package holiday was when the eldest was 4 (now 15) and their Dad does cheap uk holidays so they don't get overseas with him. Also that was really the point of all the extra work. But I am scared to let that money leave my bank account before the other marking money comes in "just in case" there is an emergency.

Trip advisor reviews are good and dates all around are more expensive, I think it is simply cheap due to midnight flight and the fact we break up a week before the rest of the country. Think if it is still available next weekend I should probably do it, the kids have had "absent Mum" for a month or so while doing the extra work and they have been ever so helpful at home because they want the trip. Even both offered to lose pocket money for 2 months towards holiday clothes.

I think I feel guilty for not putting it towards debt but I will have paid off £7.5k in 2014 and would not have put the kids through me working so hard if it wasn't for the holiday they asked for. Also sold my engagement ring (from the ex) to put towards it.

Dilemma.

God, that last message probably looks awful on a debt thread! To clarify (before you all shout at me), I do not have that kind of money to burn on a holiday every year. I always do one lot of moderating and one lot of examining, which goes towards debt after car MOT.

This year I took double on both which was a decision I made with the kids purely because they asked for a holiday. It's had a huge impact on family life and my own personal life and will earn me around £2k, maybe £2.5k more than usual. The "normal" quota that I do will still go on debt and car MOT as it does every year.

I won't do double again next year, it's just too much work. But definitely want to make sure it fulfils it's purpose with the best value holiday I can find. I'd live with a few days camping, but I want a holiday for the 3 of us before girlfriends/GCSE's/Uni/ etc kick in.

(But I've got stingy and don't really want to spend it now...)

You've been planning and saving to go on holiday for months ishe - go for it and have a lovely time. You've paid for it.

Go steady with taking too much marking on. I do it very intensely already, I think if I did double I would have to stop sleeping to fit it in. At least we can console each other as we go!

I think you should do it, ishesingle. If it was the point of taking the marking on, and you've promised the kids, then do it. But probably you should wait till the money is in your account?

The only thing keeping me going is thoughts of a skiing holiday next year, I am determined to take the boys - it's my motivator for this debt. But like you, the idea of spending 2-3k on a holiday that could go towards the mortgage now makes me twitch!!

I totally hear all the people talking about "buying a perfect life" - I got really into blogs in the last year of my doctorate and was spending all my spare time looking at incredibly saccharine, staged, kitschy american lifestyle blogs where they'd post amazing craft projects, fashion posts, designer labels etc and I became obsessed with "thrifting' and was spending £30 a hit in charity shops, buying fabric which I never made into anything etc. I look back on it now with total horror!

The worst thing is that most of the "vintage"/ second hand stuff I bought ended up being donated back to the charity shop in the end anyway, because I was buying it because it looked like the cute stuff on blogs and not because it fitted my life - e.g. £35 on a vintage metal typewriter which I sat artfully on an old school desk. Went to charity shop when we moved house about 6 months after it was bought.

Hi I'm new to this thread, thanks Mum4Fergus for letting me know about it.
We are not in a great financial position. DH had huge cc debts owing when I met him. We have an arrangement with the CCS to repay these with all interest frozen. It will take us years and we repay almost £200 p/m but at least it is managed and no one hassling us.
After two maternity leaves in recent years we have also landed ourselves with £1500 cc bill and £450 overdraft.
I have set up dd's to pay a bit of these each month but again it will take us forever and having read some of these threads I'm wondering if there's a better way of tackling it.

I am worried as we have all these debts, no savings and only just get through each month as it is. Although we have no one chasing us it means we can't go on nice holidays with the children and the future just seems a but bleak financially.
Every month there are things that have to be bought, not luxuries just normal things plus we have a couple of family bdays most months.

I would welcome any ideas on this as me and dh are both pretty rubbish with money but I feel its time to act and sort it out as best we can.

Mum4Fergus please can you explain how your envelop system works?

Hi All, NSD for me. I paid off my OD on one account last night. It was only £150 but I tend to use this separate account for saving in now. My family allowance goes into it and I've also set up a standing order from my main account (which currently has a £2400 OD - the first £100 of which will be paid off at the end of the month) to bring savings up to £150 a month.

Go for it Single - it sounds like you have a good deal and have really thought it through.

It's going to be my first time marking this summer. Just 250 papers (English though). I intend to use the whole lot towards paying off my overdraft. After tax recon it will be about £800. Will it be awful? :)

isshesingle
do it
we always go somewhere hot at Easter because DH is always shattered after the spring season.
Its good for the head
just make sure that your kids REALLY appreciate that this holiday it to do heads good and that it is impacting on how quickly debt free day comes