Debt Number 3 : For those who feel they are drowning and want a way out

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from Nerf's incredibly useful
FIRST www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1969188-Can-we-have-a-support-thread-for-people-who-are-massively-in-debt
and then
SECOND
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2011878-Debt-support-thread-2?
threads about realising you are in and supporting each other out of debt.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.

3k is a fantastic reduction, well done! Has made me think about how far I've come so checked back over my spreadsheets. Since joining the thread I have repaid:

• repaid/closed a store card 2k
• repaid 300 OD
• repaid/closed CC1 with 3k repayment and 6.5k balance transfer to 0pcnt
• put aside 500 emergency fund

I'm a happy bunny looking back at that!! 2.5k OD is my next target!

Ok guys... Advice needed.
Back in August (aka pre-debt confession by DH)
DH and I got a small inheritance of about £2400 which we locked away in a "save to buy" account where it is totally inaccessible unless we close the account or turn it into a mortgage deposit, by saving into the account for whatever amount we need.
I am not sure if there are penalties to close the account but I'm thinking - ask on weds and if we can close it without losing any of the cash we should do so and pay it off the debt? DH heartbroken as he feels he is ruining our savings but I feel quite positive about it ...

have you contacted your bank MissAnnersleyismyhero about that account?

If there are no penalties then Id probably look to withdraw it and put towards debt (in fact, even if there are penalties, Id weigh them up against the potential interest you will save on the debt). Can understand how he might be upset about it, but think about the long term plan and see this withdrawal as a step along the road...

DH has agreed to go in on Weds (I am a teacher so I can never go into banks when they are open in term time ) and ask about penalties etc. I don't think there are any, I think the guy just said that we couldn't withdraw anything, we'd have to completely close the account if we decided we needed the money.

You'll probably find accounts Ts&Cs online but I do recall my bank doing something similar and closure was as you describe. I'd withdraw, who's to say your mortgage would even be with your current provider...so you might not qualify for the benefits of the ac anyway.

MissAnnersley
Unless the savings rate is over 5%, better to pay off debt
but feel free to PM me the numbers and I'll chew on them for you

moneyone
and the holiday in two years time done out of savings will be worth SO MUCH MORE
well done on the mindset change

Had an email from Scottish Power on Friday, due to being in credit they have lowered our direct debit by £40. Yay!

Shopped at aldi today, came to £50.04, not bad, although we did have meat for 3 days in the freezer. We managed much better last week after doing a meal plan and getting everything needed in one shop.

Have just updated my spreadsheet to reflect reduction in Scottish power payment and realised this means I have an extra 40 quid to chuck at our debt! Yay!

That's brilliant kazza.
Dh and I have agreed that we will start paying the mortgage properly in September.

Nerf great idea to swap something for hair colouring. I tried giving up colour but hated it, made me feel miserable, but cannot justify the ridiculous salon prices. I asked around and have found a nice lady to come to my house and colour & cut it for a third of the salon price, very happy with that.

TIP thanks alot for the budgeting spreadsheet. It is really helping me to see things over a longer term rather than just waiting to be paid each month and trying to work out what needs paying for. I'm still working on mine but am planning to show jt to dh tonight. Have also set up standing orders for a savings/emergency fund, just £50 a month to start and one for car expenses so I don't have to find car tax money etc all in one big hit.

Have any of you tried your local technical college for hairdressing?

My hair is cut for £5

Loads of people are in there getting it coloured. The students are heavily supervised so no chance of it going more wrong than in a salon.

It definitely takes longer, and is very industrial feeling but the cost savings are enormous.

I get my hair coloured in a salon, I push it to every 2 months, get it cut around 3 times a year, get free fringe trims in between. I ruined my hair once by dyeing it myself, now terrified to even try. I am 28 with a lot of grey (started going grey at 19) and am just not willing to go au naturel at this stage!

I also get eyebrows, lip and chin threaded every 2 weeks. Beyond that I spend very little on myself, haven't bought clothes in ages, no gym membership as I run outside or do the Shred at home, probably buy 1-2 foundations a year.

Hello everyone - it's all gone wrong :-(

After getting £100 less from tax credits I was feeling a bit low, but then I went out to buy my daughter some new clothes and ending up spending £60. She does need them. She's had a massive growth spurt. Was is 12-18 months and is now in 2-3 quite comfortably. All her dresses looked like t shirts, sleeves and trousers too short etc. BUT the thing I really shouldn't have done is bought new shoes for my self at £35 from M&S. I'm really going to struggle to get to the end of the month now. My only work shoes were very scuffed and I felt embarrassed.

Debt is paid this month (and still over paying CC) and I'm not going to go over my overdraft but it just sucks. My child care bill seems to go up and up each month?? It has come to £760 this month and as CTC was reduced I only got £140 towards it.

Sometime it just seems so shit. My DH and I work long hours as teachers and we live in this tiny house and in all honestly can't afford to buy a pair of new shoes and certainly not god forbid go abroad on holiday. And this is why I spend. And if I don't stop it I'll never pay off the debt and never move.

I am in awe of some of you paying off £3K in the last few months!! But also when I read your posts you do still seem to be buying things / booking holidays?? I guess you must earn quite a bit really.

Feel a bit hopeless and depressed [brings thread down] Have to somehow get to the end if this month without adding to debt.

MyGolden I know how you feel. It is hard not to be resentful when you are working in a professional role yet feel unable to buy yourself some very basic things. At least if we keep plugging away at it, eventually we might feel a bit better about things. It is depressing. I really like taking pictures and I desperately want a DSLR camera, but I know I can't justify it at the moment whilst we are paying debt down. Makes me feel sad though. I think the shoes were needed - do you budget a bit for clothes and shoes? I never used to, but realised that the spends crop up more frequently than I thought, so now allocate £50 a month for clothes and shoes for all of us into a separate account. That way I can get myself a work top if I need to, or buy bits for kids as they grow. Thankfully, DD seems to have slowed down a bit. Anyway, and just keep on as you are.

Feeling fed up too. Seems slow going and I spent a bit more on shopping than I should have over the past week, which is making me .

Should add, I realise a DSLR is not a 'basic thing' . It is a WANT not a need. But I really WANT one .

Oh, and MyGolden, no holidays for us for the foreseeable, except a couple of days in DPs caravan in May and visiting PIL in July. Wild times.

Golden, I'm with you. We can't afford to buy anything that's unnecessary and we can't afford to buy essentials, either. We decided to stop buying food this week in order to save some money towards the cost of our DRO fees because that really is the only area of expenditure that we have leeway in. No-one worry though, we have lots of store cupboard food and lots of food for our DS in the freezer. We're not going hungry, just going without fresh veg/fruit/bread for us and relying on what we've got.

Could you return the shoes if you feel so bad about it, Golden? If you're really going to struggle until the end of the month, I think you should consider it.

I know that will likely make you feel worse though - I've been there. It's a catch-22 situation: feel shitty for spending money you can't afford on shoes, then feel shitty because you should be able to buy shoes because FFS, it's SHOES and you need them and other people can do it, why you? It's not like you're wasting money on something non-essential.

Then, feel shitty because you bought shoes and you really needed the money for them for something else, like food. You need to pick the situation that makes you feel less shitty in the long run. That's either keeping them or returning them but only you'll know which one.

I applied to one of the energy trust charitable funds the other night, to ask for the cost of the DRO fees. I need to get paperwork together that proves our debts and our income and send it off. Once that's done, it will take about six weeks for them to get back to us. I'm hoping to have managed to save the cost of the fees by then and hopefully we won't need the grant, but it's nice to know I've got the ball rolling.

Thanks Kinky and I am - just needed moan. I do budget some money for clothes but not the almost £100 I spent this month. So went £50 over budget there. It's just other little things like I bought myself a face moisturiser because my other had run out (not premium brand) and I tried going without for a couple of days and make up sat badly Andy skin felt tight. That plus CTC drop and whoops I'm in the shit.

Met a friend for breakfast at her new house this morning. Huge Victorian five bed. She and her husband are teachers, they got £70k inheritance in January and don't have kids so I see the difference but still felt crap. I'm the poorest of all my friends which doesn't help. I feel so inadequate sometimes.

Yes - plugging on is the key. 19 days till pay day and no wiggle room. I'm not going to make it am I?

I'm trying to look to next summer when DD is three and fees come down. Should have paid off Next card by then which will be £60 better off a month. Plus I will be earning slightly more. So that's a light I guess. I get so cross with myself because I can't seem to stick to budget even ONE month.

It's my birthday this month and if I get any money will put it towards debt x

I am FFS it's shoes - yes, this.

I struggle so much with budgeting. You'd think having next to nothing to budget with would help, but it doesn't. I'm just really shit with my money. My dilemma today (it's DP's birthday) is whether we should use a bit of the money we do have to go to McDonalds, not for food for us, but a Happy Meal for DS and a coffee for DP and I. Or, should we walk to our nearest supermarket and buy a new pan? I suspect we'll end up doing both and then I'll feel shit because we should be able to have little treats on birthdays and we should be able to buy semi-decent pots and pans that last more than a few weeks (thank you Wilkinsons, for selling completely shite pans), but we can't.

I feel better for moaning. It's only a temporary situation for us and this time next year we WILL be in a better position.

Yes - I am - I sometimes find myself wishing my life away for that very reason: 'This time next year'.

I have no plans for my birthday either. We did discuss going away for a night but it's not feasible.

I think if we can have a place to moan it might help to think more positively. Enjoy the positives in our lives. Money is so stressful. Sometimes I think, as much as I love DD, that I should never have had a second child. People say there's never a good time, and 'you'll cope!' - but there are bad times to have children. If I'd waited a few years I might have been able to give my daughter a better life, I might have been able to afford to work part time for example. Plus money makes me so depressed and anxious all the time. It's a constant weight against my chest.

I am you should be able to get your DS a happy meal. Could you bring a flask of coffee (if you own such a sensible item - I don't!) and then the extra couple of wuid could go towards your pan? It's true that if you buy this you buy twice (my well off friends love saying this about everything) but unfortunately some of us can only afford to buy cheap!

And I think that the problem with budgeting with very little money is that you can't help but be unrealistic. I may give myself £60 to feed a family of four for a week for example, including nappies, packed lunches etc. So it's never going to work - maybe one week of the month I'll manage it. And if you break once - meet a friend who really wants to see you for coffee and cake, DS gets invited to party and you have to buy a present or tell him he can't go ...

Anyway - I've just got to keep trying. In December I was putting food shops on a credit card. I've stopped doing that, my CC is now 0% and locked down thanks to TiP so I've made some progress.

Should be able to save family allowance towards overdraft next month if there are no more surprises.