Debt Number 3 : For those who feel they are drowning and want a way out

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from Nerf's incredibly useful
FIRST www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1969188-Can-we-have-a-support-thread-for-people-who-are-massively-in-debt
and then
SECOND
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2011878-Debt-support-thread-2?
threads about realising you are in and supporting each other out of debt.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.

This is at the point of applying for a new mortgage. I sm going to continue paying off CC debt until it's gone gone gone!

I am considering cleaning as a job...
I'm good at it, and I could do it when kids are at school

Mygoldennotebook
If you have kept your nose clean and paid down debt for over a year - and can produce a nice spreadsheet showing your plans as that always scares them into realising you have thought about it you should be fine.

And your "friend" sounds awful. I have friends who are INFINITELY richer than I am (helicopter for a birthday present) but they would NEVER ever comment on my circumstances.
Drop her and find nicer people to meet for a natter.

Bad cleaning sounds like a good idea. It pays above minimum wage and should be quite easy going if you can get involved in cleaning peoples houses while they're out at work. Good exercise too.

Thanks TIP - I'm determined to make it work. I think after DH being in insecure work for so long I find it hard to feel c

( bloody phone) to feel confident about the future. I expect things to go wrong but I'm working hard to get our of that mind set as it doesn't do anybody any good. I've bought myself a self help book called 'Positive Thinking' and I'm keeping a journal.

You're right about my friend. And even if she isn't meaning to hurt me my self confidence is such that I can't continue with relationships like that any way. I just stew for days and feel all out if sorts because I feel that if I say anything it will just look like sour grapes. To me it comes down to - why would I want to be friends with someone who looks down on me??

Baddderz
Cleaners are always in demand : there is a niche that the big companies cannot cover though : blitz cleaning - being willing to tidy out under beds and stuff for people with money but no time.
And yes, great exercise and can fit into the school day.

Hi peeps, haven't posted for a while due to end of term mayhem and then a week in the sun, which was fab and due to AI I came home with £230 of the spending money budget - yay!

Paid off a debt today. It was originally 3 debts (2xOD and a loan) but bank rolled it together when I started my DMP 2.5 years ago. There was £100ish left to pay once the July payment hit so I called and paid it off and closed the account. Lovely to see just 4 debt accounts on the list in YNAB. Also did a budget review with Stepchange and increased monthly payment so will be great to see those 4 come down faster.

I have 3xCC left (on 6.7, 3.95 and 0% interest) and I reckon they'll be gone in 2 years but am going to try and pay more to the 6.7% one when I can.

Then it is just scary big loan, which is defaulted. Weirdly, had a letter to say it has been sold and the amount owing on the letter from the original lender and the new owner is £4k less than it should be. Keeping quiet and watching my credit file to see if it updates to the new owner with the lower amount. If it does I think I can clear it 10 months after the credit cards. Light at the end of the tunnel!

Has anyone who marked for Edexcel been paid yet?

All sounding good ishesingleI just love that light at the end of the tunnel feeling. I should be debt free in spring 2016 (apart from mortgage) as long as I keep my will power up! X

My AQA friends have been paid but know nothing about Edexcel sorry! Not very helpful.

I am somewhat at a crossroads in my life tbh.
After the worst year of my life (illness, bereavement, you name it...) I face turning 42 later this year and I am at a loss to know what I want to do.
I cannot get work in my old field (admin/NHS) as I have been out of the workplace too long. I have tired...I can't even get a dinner lady job :(
So...do I re train? As what? And go into debt to do it?
A friend of mine says that I should think of it as a "graduate tax" but....I don't know.
It would take 6 years p/t too....
Sigh...

I wouldn't go into debt to re-train tbh... I wish I'd not taken out my student loan, even though my degree has got me where I am today.

At the very least I wish I'd tried to minimise it by working PT in the holidays rather than borrowing the maximum. But they come into schools and tell 17 year olds everyone has one, it's free money, it's a passport to the future, sign here. And I did. It gives me the

That's my feeling too

Oh god, it makes me feel ill to think of what I spent my student loan on. The clothes, the drinking. Ugh. I have paid off £34 in the last four years as I don't earn enough. I don't think I'll ever manage to get rid of it.

I just can't justify it....mine would just be spent on tuition...not clothes and vodka :) but it's still a lot of money....£18k at least.
This year had been an utter disaster money wise and it doesn't look like it's about to get any better.
Dh won't hear of budgeting - he reconciles his bank account at her end of each month but as I point out, that's not helping us budget!
He also won't stop the cable tv - I do understand this...the dc watch it and it's our only luxury.
But I am thinking that soon we won't have a choice.
We have to pay for ds2s b day party soon.
Then holiday money (mum has paid, but we will need money whilst there)
Then school stuff for new term...it's never ending.
:(

Badderz
you say NHS admin : which area - find your niche .... then think how to build on that ...
and yes, being broke is shit,
but frankly WHY pay for TV when there is more than you can watch on youtube, freeview and iplayer
look at EVERY one of your payments and justify it ...

You would be proud of me TIP - I nearly ordered 2 new sofas yesterday.
Then I didn't :)
No idea what's wrong with my sofas...all the colour is coming off the leather :( they look awful.
Oh, and my new carpets? That have been down 9 weeks? They are crap. Had the chap out yesterday and he agrees and is contacting the manufacturers!
Gah!

Sofas : look on Freecycle / charity shops like Emmaeus / ebay / gumtree
DO NOT buy new unless the money is burning a hole in your bank.
My sofa was £10 from ebay 12 years ago and its still going strong.

Carpets : yup get them to sort. Pay no more money.

Sofas : get some nice big throws and change the colour scheme every day

Thing is....I think we over stretched to buy this house and because it's been a money pit we are now in debt.
£15k we didn't have in 2.5 years.
New roof, new boiler, windows,...not stuff that could be left, sadly.
No savings.
Dh will not accept we have made a mistake and takes anything I say as criticism of him
Part of me thinks let's just sell up and rent - the house has gone up quite a bit since we bought - but of course that's not ideal with 2 young kids.
I reckon we would end up with about £50k equity.
Or even move to a cheaper house (I wanted to buy a cheaper house but Dh wouldn't consider it)
It doesn't feel like we will ever have any money whilst we live here :(

Do you have a spare room .... could you take in a lodger under the rent a room scheme : £4250 tax free per year ?

But yes, if selling up would make you debt free and then able to rethink, its worth considering

Have just phoned a broker to see if we can get a better deal (ours is a high fixed rate ATM)
God, then I think of the money we have spent over the last few years on fixed, rates I could cry :(
I am wondering if interest only for a few years might help us?
Don't think Dh would go for it though...:(

I've never had a fixed rate : trackers all the way.
IO is really hard to get nowadays
but yes, see if you can get onto a tracker

IO is absolutely fine so long as you understand that the capital will have to come from somewhere - and that somewhere is no longer allowed to be increasing house prices.

We've been unlucky with the house too - I think there's quite a few of us kicking ourselves for fixed rates. We were stuck on nearly 7% when everyone else was on 0. something!!! We have no equity either . We also spent a bomb on it that you would never be able to tell. It was a stupid move and we have paid and paid for it.

Feeling fed up today: all the things I want for us as a family and for myself seem so far away. I work so hard and continually feel like I'm beating my head against a wall. I've had a shocking month with money and now we're going into the holidays. Then we'll be back at work and heading to Christmas. You can tell me to shut up now! As Badderz says, it is never ending.

Attempting to sort out money in this house is like trying to get a grip on water.

Exactly how I feel kinky
Wish I could feel more positive about things...

If it makes you feel any better you can't possibly have done worse than me this month. £5.65 left until Friday and no food in the house other than onions! Giant budgeting fail. I refuse to use the bloody credit card though! Pasta or toast until Friday!

Sadly poor past choices on housing can rarely be undone.
It is therefore best not to dwell on them.

If the house is a moneypit, re prioritise those costs that will make you like it the most even if they are not things that anybody else will notice.

If the house is too small, declutter as much as you can and make at least ONE room in the house just how you like it.

BUT the more you focus on the negative emotions, the more of them you will have.
You need to practice 'mindfulness' to stop yourselves beating yourselves up about a past decision that is done and dusted.
You need to focus forwards on learning from that mistake and making the best of all future decisions.

People who believe the glass is half full make it so.
You have to create a bit of your own luck : and that involves focussing on the positive each day.
Its hard
and teachers in particular are shattered at this time of year
but find something
even if its getting the kids to do a sticky card on a walk at the park
that will give GOOD vibes and memories.