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Original poster

Debt Number 3 : For those who feel they are drowning and want a way out

999 replies

TalkinPeace · 25/04/2014 21:23

This thread follows on from Nerf's incredibly useful
FIRST www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1969188-Can-we-have-a-support-thread-for-people-who-are-massively-in-debt
and then
SECOND
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2011878-Debt-support-thread-2?
threads about realising you are in and supporting each other out of debt.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

  • yesterday is as past as the Crimean War
( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )
  • this is an anonymous forum
( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )
  • this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt
( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.

OP posts:
KinkyDorito · 01/06/2014 13:20

BUT I am now dieting and starting an exercise regime alongside being more frugal. So the plan is that in about a 2 years when I might be able to stretch to a foreign holiday, I will be able to wear some nice things too and feel energetic and up to it.

We blew thousands and thousands (you do not want to know - most expensive holiday ever) last year going to Disney and took out a loan to do it. The reason why was because DD had finished chemo and wanted to go and we wanted to treat her but didn't want to go through a charity as we could (kind of) fund it ourselves. She was in a wheelchair the whole time and I was huge from all the cancer-related stress eating over the past couple of years. We did have a nice time, but I kind of wish I'd not spent the money and given it a couple of years. It was a 'thank god she's still alive' holiday.

I'm making sure the next one is paid for up front, with spends, and I feel good about myself when I go.

KinkyDorito · 01/06/2014 13:21

I do now have a taste for luxury Disney hotels though... Grin

MissAnnersleyismyhero · 01/06/2014 13:56

aww, kinky I remember you talking about that holiday on another thread, I hadn't realised it was you. I think you should definitely give yourself a pass on that one Smile I'm sure your DD had a lovely time.

DH is on a housecleaning binge, I actually feel a bit guilty sitting here as he bustles around Blush

just meal-planned 'til end of week using freezer/cupboards etc only need to buy a tiny amount of fresh stuff, milk etc, so should be a very nice cheap week groceries-wise. hurrah!

KinkyDorito · 01/06/2014 13:59

Thanks Miss.

Original poster
TalkinPeace · 01/06/2014 20:22

Holidays are great, but they always need to be such that you do not regret them later.
Kinky start planning forward to the 5 year sign off holiday and it will ALL be worth it.

OP posts:
calculatorsatdawn · 02/06/2014 09:48

MissA

Just read a post from you from yesterday no item/object/purchase is worth being in debt for

nearly bought some curtains on my credit card yesterday and came here for a reminder of why the curtains I have are perfectly fine (they really are, they are just brown and I would prefer blue) and I don't need new ones. This sums it up nicely, thank you. Grin

pixiestix · 02/06/2014 11:13

NSD yesterday and hoping for a NSD today. I love the beginning of the month, it always feels so hopeful Grin I've realised that I'm most careful with money just after pay day. When it's all gone I'm at my most likely to say "Sod it" and get the credit cards out for a splurge. Odd.

MissAnnersleyismyhero · 02/06/2014 23:53

calculators Grin yay! so glad to help. I realised this once I'd done a huge clear out to move, and thought I'd cut my stuff to the bone, then when we moved I found out about the debt and sold even more stuff, then even the stuff I'd thought was a "definite keep" I was looking at thinking... I don't need that, why did I buy that, etc.

I realised there's literally a handful of items I actually care about and the majority of them are sentimental and otherwise worthless anyway, not expensive handbags etc.

Mum4Fergus · 03/06/2014 08:33

I'm needing a clearout again too.Happen to be in loft to find our gala day flags and it has filled up again! Going to do kitchen tonight,a friends sons is moving to his own place so will see what I can give him,cheap house warming lol loads of NSDs for me recently. I've started juicing and have lost ALL cravings after a 3 Day Detox...it's doing wonders for my food bill (and I've lost 18lbs into the bargain!!) Grin

Nerf · 03/06/2014 18:45

NSD today except for breakfast club 2 quid.
Exhausted - two days back in after half term and the funeral and travelling, but at least it's pay day.
Totally agree about nothing being so great the bank needs to pay for it.

Mum4Fergus · 04/06/2014 08:19

Kitchen clearout didn't happen,I did however clear out my wardrobe,rubbish/recycle some stuff that's now too big,and got some old (too small!) stuff out of storage bags that now fit me...woohoo!!

puffylovett · 04/06/2014 08:34

mum2fergus ooh what 3 day detox did you do? I really miss my juicer, it broke a few months ago. It's one kitchen item that really needs replacing ASAP (along with the non existent toaster and the oven that's on it's last legs and possibly has a gas leak and and and...) Grin

Did all my invoicing yesterday, so just waiting for it all to land. Money set aside for Dh's crown, child benefit took me by surprise AGAIN yesterday, so that will go on ds2 uniform for next year and a standing order set up
On our big credit card - yay!!

pixiestix · 04/06/2014 08:53

I know I'm having a good month when the Child Benefit surprises me Puffy. Lately I seem to be counting down the days.

Jemster · 04/06/2014 09:35

Hi there
I haven't been on for a while. Having a tough time with my dh, marriage under strain and the stress of money, or lack of, is a big part of it.
So far this month my car has cost £90 to repair and now heating system has packed up which they've quoted me £450 for and I just don't have that money.
Car is 10 years old and starting to think when adding all these costs, it's costing almost as much as it's worth!
What should I do? A newer car would be a good idea but how on earth would I pay for that?
Feel so frustrated. Am trying to save an emergency fund as well as pay off o/d and this will just wipe out all of that effort.

This is why it's adding stress to my relationship as our biggest debts (and they are huge) are ones my dh had before I met him. I can't help resenting him because of this as it is now affecting my quality of life and my kids.
Feels like such an unhappy situation.

How have other people managed with car expenses when you just don't have the money?

Mum4Fergus · 04/06/2014 09:53

Puffy,I did the Jason Vale/Juicemaster one...it's working really well for me...after the detox Ive been having juice for breakfast and lunch (occasional soup for a change) and a light dinner. I've never once felt hungry and have absolutely no cravings! Positive impact on my food budget too Grin

Jemster,apologies,I can't recall the background...is car an absolute essential? It may be that you need to reconsider your goals...work on the emergency fund first...then start overpaying your OD. That way you'll always have a cushion...

Jemster · 04/06/2014 10:04

Hi Mum yes I do need my car for work. Luckily dh's work provide his car.

Mum4Fergus · 04/06/2014 10:21

And on the heating system,Id not bother with that at this time of year.

Mum4Fergus · 04/06/2014 10:26

You're right in that cars reach a stage when they are more expensive than they are worth. I've always bought 2nd/3rd hand and been very fortunate in that they last me for years. Based on what you say it would be worthwhile to start putting something aside in your monthly budget if you can afford to. Don't try to do everything at once...focus on one priority...then move on to the next,then the next. Trying to tackle everything at once can be futile.

Nerf · 04/06/2014 12:36

I gave up with cars. My friend has gone through so many cheap cars that cost so much in time and money that I have never wanted to do that.
I took a loan through car loans for you and bought an ex display six months old. Warranty for three years, no MoT etc.
sorry, not a helpful answer but after spending several thousand and dreading the next service it was easier.

MissAnnersleyismyhero · 04/06/2014 12:55

tbh with cars I'd never take a loan again - I'd drive a scrapper for as long as it took to save up for a decent one. You can get used cars that are very reliable, we got an ex-hire car with very few miles on it and it has never broken down on us yet.
Does the heating system need to be replaced or is it just a comfort thing? I'd only pay for repairs that are necessary to make it go or for safety.

Jemster · 04/06/2014 13:34

Thank you for your replies. Unfortunately he said the heating thing does need to be fixed fairly soon as it could burn out completely and cause a fire! I'm going to another garage this afternoon to get another quote. I know that my work have loaned people money before, interest free and repay through salary so this might be an option if this one conks out for good!
We've just been invited away for a long weekend with a group of friends. Can't go of course and we are always the ones missing out on these things. I'm sure dh's friends think it's because I don't like them because of course they don't know the real reason about our dire finances! All our friends seem to be loaded and successful whereas we both work hard and have one week together in a caravan. Feeling rubbish today in case it wasn't obvious ha ha!!!

puffylovett · 04/06/2014 14:46

Jemster I know just how you feel re the friends thing :(

Mum2fergus talks a lot of sense, if you can get away with the bare minimum repairs, then focus on your OD OR emergency fund, one thing at a time xx

Mum4Fergus · 04/06/2014 16:30

Your thoughts in your friends are just perception Jem, ignore them (your thoughts,not your friends lol)...who's to say all their lifestyles are not funded by debt. You never know what goes on behind closed doors...do what's best for you and yours Smile

Nerf · 04/06/2014 16:34

Yes I think we all feel that way Jem. Tbh we were probably one of those families on the outside, all funded by credit. Who knows ?

Original poster
TalkinPeace · 04/06/2014 18:08

Jemster
Talk to work about a loan : When I was horribly in debt I used to drive utter shed cars and the bosses got embarrassed (I'd slide the litter tray under the car to catch oil when I parked outside the clients' offices)
so they lent me enough to get a little runabout that lasted me bill free for 18 months and I sorted out my finances

is your DH pulling his weight debts wise? Is your relationship such that once the debts are done you'll hug each other and look back together?

your friends still have their heads in the sand about debt BTW
3 new threads for people who had "woken up" last night ....

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