Debt Number 3 : For those who feel they are drowning and want a way out

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from Nerf's incredibly useful
FIRST www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1969188-Can-we-have-a-support-thread-for-people-who-are-massively-in-debt
and then
SECOND
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2011878-Debt-support-thread-2?
threads about realising you are in and supporting each other out of debt.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.

Im 16 weeks pregnant, so still trying to find a job with more hours but thats proving difficult. Nothing on my CV suggests im pregnant, yet im still not getting interviews or call backs.

Driving jobs are a touchy subject for DP due to an accident he had, which started this whole problem of debt. He hopes to find a job closer to home, the one he did for a week was a good 45min away and cost alot to get to.

The agency I work for are trying hard to find me either a couple of days with another employer or a new job altogether. This job is due to end in July anyway.

Just remembered dh's car tax is due this month, so that will have to come out of the overdraft I've been trying to pay off .

dh's car goes back in for repairs on Friday, I really hope he gets paid Friday to cover the cost! as otherwise that will have to come out of the overdraft too . Feels like a huge step backwards, but I have to keep reminding myself that we've paid off £1200 of it over the last month, despite only having one income. We'll get there eventually, but I'm loath to give the bank too much of our hard earned money!

To help with those experiencing unexpected/unplanned for expenses. Get a diary or your phone or a bit if paper-whichever is your preferred method and write down the date that everything is due to be renewed - car tax, insurances, mobile and utility suppliers...budget for them monthly based on the past few bills as you recall them. Where you've been tied to a 12-24 month contract period start shopping for new/cheaper suppliers at least 1-2 months before contract is up ...

Thanks Mum . Unfortunately not been able to plan as dh been out of work for over ten months, so living hand to mouth until things get back to normal, but we have a spreadsheet prepared for putting money to one side for yearly expenses like car tax. This month however it will have to come out of the overdraft I think.

How is everyone doing this weekend? I'm very proud of myself having walked the length and breadth of Ikea and did not spend a coin, unheard of!!

Monday and it's pi$$ing down...again! Online for a bit if work this morn so updated spreadsheets. Budget envelopes balanced...food budget on track and every expense I know of budgeted for. Currently on track to repay OD by end of Aug but have still to add in proceeds from shares sales which (fingers crossed!) will allow me to settle it by end June! I'm then taking a break and buying a (long overdue) bedroom carpet...then I'll be going into battle with the bank loan

went to IKEA, £9.30 on lunch, £12.50 on kitchen accessories.

£17.99 on joggers for me, £20 on bathroom scales.

Also the £100 I knew I'd spend on weekend in London for DH and me to go to mate's 30th (£50 train tickets, £15 on pressie and card for mate, £30 on food/wine)

I also went to Ikea today and left without spending any money.
It was so crowded all four of us started to go mad.
So we came home to our quiet house that we had ALL spent the morning cleaning.

Sunny bank holiday. Not.

Oh blimey.
Are you married? If not it actually makes the decision easier because you can separate your finances.
You treated him like a kid financially and he acted like one.
If he wants to be treated like a grown up he has to act like one.
You need to sit down with ALL of his financial records and work out
a) how far in debt he actually is
b) what its been spent on
c) why was it spent
d) does he want to stop
e) are you the right person to help him stop
BUT
if you are currently keeping all of the bills under control I would not suggest doing anything to jeapordise that.

Okey cokey.

Go to my spreadsheets thread (link in OP) and download the budgeting sheet to your own machine.
Work out where the money is coming from
where it needs to go
and where it has been going

next
you both have to be totally honest with each other here
(and your DD will remind you of it for the next 30 years if you do not)
all debts, on the table
amount, interest rate, payment terms
as many as possible switch to standing orders
(as per the credit cards spreadsheet)

Why would he stop paying?
what is he hiding from himself and from you?
it sounds to me like he made a cry for help - what prompted it?
NB
NO BOOZE AT ALL DURING THIS DISCUSSION
you both need to be clear, calm, collected and if possible writing notes of what you tell and are told.

Oh blimey mama, that sounds like me and dh in reverse. I was really worried telling him and definitely underplayed it, so don't be surprised if there is more.
Do what Tip says, but also I would suggest looking after yourself first - get rid of any debt in your name.
As for the booze - I still haven't had a drink since giving it up to pay for my hair!
Although funeral Wednesday, and so may allow myself a sherry

Mum- you are doing so well. How is the rest of your life doing? Hoping it's calm.

Up n down Nerf if I'm honest...but will get there...

Good, it took me ages to get straight over husband number one.

Evening everyone,

Hugely expensive day here. Went into town and spent big on the children's summer and holiday wardrobe. Not hugely excessive quantities and most of it is Primarni but with two boys in adult sizes it mounts up even just for shorts, t shirts and swimming trunks. Add in sunglasses, beach towels, flip flops, much needed underwear and socks, and a long overdue pair of converse for eldest boy, there wasn't change out of £250. Eeek! I did have the money in my holiday fund all budgeted for clothes, and there is still £100 left for anything I need personally, plus suntan lotion etc - but seems like an awful lot of money and doesn't look like a lot of clothes when all put away.

It was basically £100 each (plus the converse which his Dad is giving me half for) and each of them got 14 or 15 items so I guess not too bad for a whole summer? Neither of them had even one pair of shorts which fitted so we were starting from scratch. Youngest is actually now taller than eldest so no hand-me-downs. Why do they keep growing?

I did clear out DS2's wardrobe and was horrified at how many barely worn, too small clothes I am chucking out from places like Next from my pre-money aware days. Has anyone used those cash 4 clothes companies?

ishesingle you might find it better to sell as bundles on Facebook. Our local cash4clothes pays peanuts

Can I join please? Not sure of exact debt. Will update when I know exact figures.

I think:
Overdraft 1 - £100
Overdraft 2 - £500
Loan 1 - £900
Loan 2 (bank loan) - £6600 (aprox)
DP debt - £2000 (aprox)

My also need to save just under £500 for upcoming expenses for DD that can't be altered. I have £135 so far for that.

I would like to clear the £900 loan whilst somehow saving for the £500 is possible. I'm going to start soon a "save the change" challenge and put the excess pennies into a different account each day. Last time I did that I easily saved £50 without noticing. Will also try to come in under my budgets.

So, need to double check figures with DP but my plan is: loan 1, overdraft 1, overdraft 2 and will fit in DP debt too! Phew I'm exhausted already!

Shampoo
Welcome aboard.

Hit the highest interest rates first : which will almost certainly be the overdrafts
any credit cards? convert the payments to standing orders ....
and then budget budget budget
and you'll be fine.

Is the money for your DD to do with school / a trip - there are people who can help with that (very low key but VERY useful)

I must say I'm so impressed with how everyone is coping on this thread. I feel in total panic myself, we're not in a large amount of debt but feel near drowning.
We have £1500 on cc, PAYE tax issue leaves us £500 worse off. I've cut our bills/switched and changes suppliers.
Mil will give us the £££ to pay off what we owe but oh feels really bad about it.
Would you accept it and pay back some each month as mnot to incure cc charges.

(Sorry for selfish posting, I haven't had time to read through yet)

TiP may u ask you what is probably a stupid question.

Crap, that wasn't the whole question! Phone is playing up