Debt Number 3 : For those who feel they are drowning and want a way out

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from Nerf's incredibly useful
FIRST www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1969188-Can-we-have-a-support-thread-for-people-who-are-massively-in-debt
and then
SECOND
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2011878-Debt-support-thread-2?
threads about realising you are in and supporting each other out of debt.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.

I don't know TiP. I get what you are saying and there is no way I would want my girls scaling trees in LittleRocha to show off to the neighbours, but the "good" clothes that my eldest had - the Next, Mothercare, Jojos stuff (so not hugely posh!) was the stuff that wore well, washed well and has been dragged out again in lovely condition for my next daughter to wear. The Primarni, Matalan, h and m clothes are bobbled, faded, the hems are falling down and they are generally not fit for much at all. I kind of feel that if you buy cheap you buy twice when it comes to children's clothes. And I do buy as much as I can in charity shops but the good stuff gets snapped up fast as everyone is in the same boat.
This is all academic of course as I can't afford the good stuff right now anyway!

I'm going off radar for a while, my lovely granddad has died this morning. Will be back with updates but will be a difficult time for now.

Hi, Can I join in please? I put a thread up on Money Matters but it has got no replies so I was hoping perhaps someone on here could give me some advice on whether or not I should go bankrupt. I'm feeling really lost and could really do with some outside thoughts on what to do . I've copied and pasted the op from my thread here:

I'm looking for advice as at this stage I'm completely confused and am really concerned I will make the wrong decision. I live in Ireland. This is relevant! DH and I bought a house in 2005 as we were expecting ds. This turned out to be terrible timing, nearly the height of the property boom and we paid €240K for a new build two bed terrace.

Since then we have moved out of the area and as we were unable to sell our house we rented it out and we rent a house for us to live in. The mortgage is currently €1,000 a month, the rental income is €750. We were making up the shortfall but now dh is out of work. I am a sahm. We can no longer make up the shortfall, and for quiet a while even needed to use the tenant's rent to allow us to pay our rent and so we did not pass it on to the bank. We spoke to the bank about it right away and after a very short period, when we were €3,000 in arrears they said that we could either sell the house or they would repossess it. We would then be eligible for the shortfall. The house is currently valued at about €140K and we still have €200K on the mortgage. So a 60K shortfall.

I'm not sure what to do. I spoke to a solicitor and she said we could get bankruptcy. It is three years here. I am just about to re-enter uni so now would be a good time as there is a certain living allowance and by the time I left with my PhD we would be out of bankruptcy and free to move on. So then we would have no debt but no house. We would be at zero essentially.

Other than bankruptcy I have looked online and spoken to an estate agent and could probably charge rent of €900 a month instead of €750. Should I try to make a deal with the bank? I really don't know. Is it worth having a house like this? We will not live in the house again as it is too small but I thought perhaps if the rent goes up that it would start to cover the mortgage over time and then eventually when we retire we could sell it and have a lump sum as we don't have a pension and are shortly approaching 40.

I'm overwhelmed by the future consequences of my decision and would really really appreciate some feedback. I'm particularly concerned to find out if there are many long term consequences of bankruptcy, such as visa restrictions etc as I will most likely look for work outside Ireland once I complete my PhD.

Thank you for any replies!!

Big hugs Nerf...sorry for your loss xx

(( Nerf )) look after yourself.

Pixie I guess things like Mothercare and simple Next are just decent quality clothes : its the daft over tailored stuff and the hundreds of pairs of shoes that get my goat

giantfloorpuzzle
I have to admit that my knowledge of Irish bankruptcy laws is zilch
BUT
Irish house prices are unlikely to recover for at least ten years.
Your bankruptcy will be discharged by the time you are really job hunting again
and you would be doing so with a secondary school age kid, clear of ties, ready to start again wherever the opportunities arose.
I'm not aware of visa restrictions within the EU linked to any Bankruptcy
and frankly, if your PhD is in something that will earn you money, employers will look at who you are in 2016 not who you were in 2005
clean the slate and move on
(NB this is NOT my normal approach, but the Irish property market is nadgered!)

nerf so so sorry to hear this. Lots of unMN hugs, , for you.

So sorry to hear that nerf, sending hugs and and

Just quickly to say thank you all so much. Will be very odd, sad, expensive cple weeks as travelling with granddad (body) for funeral etc.
will come back properly soon x

I'm so sorry Nerf. We are here for you whenever you need us.

With all our money troubles at the min I wanted to see how far we've come. Since Jan 2013 we have cleared 2.7% of debt, 1.3% of that has been cleared since jan 2014

I'd love to clear more but watching the % go up each month is a real positive

I find watching the pcnt-age repaid going up motivating too (especially when I take the mortgage out of the equation!)...7 days til payday for me, and it's going to be really tight! Wed/Thu I have business trips which invariably cost me,albeit I can claim back, will see how I go

Found a template online that calculated net worth too...that lifts the spirits too

We are actually doing quite well this month, despite the moaning If I can manage to spend less than £74 between now and next Friday then I will be able to make another extra payment off the credit card of £100. Going to try.

Nerd - so sorry for your loss.. Echoing what others have said, we are here if you need to talk..

How does everyone measure their percentage repaid? I'd love a spreadsheet for that!

Ticking along here - was about to start paying down our biggest credit card, but DP came home waving a dental plan for a crown yesterday at £219 or £350 :(( it really feels like its all coming at once this month :( on the plus side, I miscalculated my budget last week and was £50 in credit this morning. I've had to use that for DPs dental apt yesterday though :(

Dentistry is becoming a major cost issue for us both, especially as I am of the anti amalgam brigade and he has a mouthful of metal and horrifically weak teeth ;-/

Nerf sending much love to all of your family. I'm very sorry to hear of your loss.

I keep dropping off the 'threads I'm on' for this one. It is too long between pay days and I have had a shocking week, so am sheepishly hovering about and not posting anything. Sigh. It feels like Thursday, so how the hell is it Tuesday???

10 days to pay day...

Sorry to hear of your loss Nerf

So, having booked a holiday (tunisia, £1200 all incl for 3 of us) I still have money left out of moderating pay for parking, clothes and spending.

And I will get enough from exam marking for car MOT and healthy emergency fund.

So why, oh why, have I agreed to mark ANOTHER exam paper in an overlapping marking window? I am addicted to earning extra money. This one is going towards the debt. I am crazy I think

So sorry to hear your news nerf

ishe you're like me - I'd have done it too. Make sure you treat yourself to some good sources of caffeine and sugar! Glad you booked; we will now like vicariously through you as you count down and enjoy some time in the sun. It's so lovely to have something to look forward to. Could do with it now given the depressing mire the 2 week push to exams has become...

Plus, we can be buddies - I normally carry on when they lift the bar. I did all of June and July last year. It was mental.

Hello all, thank you again. Can't engage with debt reduction at the moment - it's all spiralling with the travel and flowers and hotels etc. cheapest flights and hotel have added 1700 to the cc.
But, I can't not go and the children were so close to him. At least with the headway we made we can find a way to go.
Will update and read back soon. Just so much to do in real life.

That's completely understandable Nerf. I'm sorry for your loss.

Nerf
Borrowing for exceptional purposes is entirely reasonable : I flew all four of us to another continent for my grannies funeral. I'd have never forgiven myself if I'd missed it
AND
when you get home you still have the mental tools to not borrow on fripperies.
Hugs to you and yours.

Thank you both. New habits though - not buying an outfit
Thanks . How weird that total strangers can make you feel better.

We're not total strangers, we're your debt buddies ;)

Much love Nerf - you are doing exactly what any of us would do. As TIP says, it is exceptional circumstances. I hope you and your family are all as okay as you can be.