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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels part 4 xxxxx

770 replies

littlebellsmum · 13/03/2009 20:44

Less sadness, more joy but always lots of lovely people who understand

OP posts:
Original poster
littlebellsmum · 15/05/2009 22:39

Hi Eva - sorry you need to join us and sorry for your losses.
Wether to TTC again is very much your choice and 4 weeks after a mc is still early
Look after your self

OP posts:
VJaybigpants · 16/05/2009 10:48

Hi eva i had 2 mc's last year, and found this thread a god send. First mc was in June, the second in October, then found out I was pg again at Christmas, I'm now 25.5 weeks pregnant. It is heartbreaking going through all this and a very anxious time when you do get pg again, but I just wanted to let you know it can happen, you just have to try and stay strong and positive, this is where this thread comes in handy .
Good luck with whatever you decide xxx

cupcakefairy · 16/05/2009 18:47

Hi Eva and Em sorry you are joining us but as everyone has been saying, the support here is great. I miscarried 6 weeks ago and I wouldn't be in the place I am now without knowing all these lovely ladies are holding my hand through it.
Vjay is right, it is a scary time. We're now thinking about ttc again and I do have a real fear this will happen again but only you can know when your body is ready, physically and emotionally to go through getting pregnant again.
Anyway, just wanted to say I'm another listening ear here if anyone needs one

hoops997 · 16/05/2009 19:23

Hi all, how are you all doing?

I'm having a bit of a bad day today and finding even the simplist things mega hard.......like getting dressed and cooking food

I'm really hoping that I will start to get better soon

leonifay · 16/05/2009 20:39

hi, can i join you. i had a mc today, well it finally happand today it had been coming for a week. i was 6 weeks pregnant, i'm so devistated.

dh told mil and her responce was, you can try for another in a couple of days, i know its silly because i wasnt that far along but at the moment i cant even contemplate trying again, i want to but all i keep thinking is i dont want another baby, i want that baby.

the lady who scaned me this morning said to me 'are you sure you had a positive pregnancy because i cant find anything' when i started crying, the porter told me off and said i shouldnt be so upset as i wasnt especiallly leaving the hospital and a lady taking her new born baby home for the first time, sat down next to me, she was showing him off to everyone and glared at me when i started (silently) crying while waiting for dh to get the car. she said this was the happiest day of her life and i should be happy for her. i just sat there crying and couldnt find the words to tell her to f off while she bitched to her dp about me.

i know so many of you have lost babys further along in your pregnancys and i have no right to feel like this so i'm really sorry if i have upset or offended anyone i just needed to put my feelings somewhere.

leonifay · 16/05/2009 20:43

the lady who scaned me this morning said to me 'are you sure you had a positive pregnancy because i cant find anything' when i started crying, the porter told me off and said i shouldnt be so upset as i wasnt that far along in the pregnancy

leonifay · 16/05/2009 20:44

i cant stop crying especiallly leaving the hospital and a lady taking her new born baby home for the first time, sat down next to me, she was showing him off to everyone and glared at me when i started (silently) crying while waiting for dh to get the car. she said this was the happiest day of her life and i should be happy for her. i just sat there crying and couldnt find the words to tell her to f off while she bitched to her dp about me.

sorry about all the mistakes, my head really isnt with it.

cupcakefairy · 16/05/2009 21:35

Hi leonifay I'm so so sorry for your loss
Don't apologise at all, everybody on this thread has miscarried and we're here to support each other, it doesn't matter how far along the pregnancy was.
My mmc was at 8 weeks so only 2 more than yours and I found it incredibly hard to deal with so don't play down your grief.

So sorry for what you experienced at the hospital, that really is horrible...especially that porter! Obviously has no experience of mc at all.

Anyway, stick with us here we'll listen and not tell you you shouldn't be upset!

Original poster
littlebellsmum · 17/05/2009 20:28

HI Leon
Sorry for your loss - your concerns about wanting this baby not a new one is quite normal and whilst it gets better, I don't think it ever really goes. people who have had mc years ago still talk about the one who got away or who wasn't meant to be or just the one they lost so, stick with it. My mc was 3 months ago now and whilst, I would love to be the 24 pregnant, I should be, I can live with the fact that I'm not. However, it took many tears and lots of weeks to get to this state. Take care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve - no matter what anyone says, you have lost and need to grieve.

OP posts:
cupofteaplease · 19/05/2009 19:42

Hi all, thought I'd pop in and say hi. I'm so busy with my course, I've hardly had a chance to think about the mc. I'm managing to talk to the pregnant lady at work without getting upset anymore.

I don't think dh wants to try again He wants me to look for a FT teacing job for Septmeber, whereas of course I should have been winding down at that point ready for the baby coming in November.

I know our baby wasn't planned, but I'm upset that he doesn't want to try again. I have plans until beginnng of July, so I can keep my mind off things until then.

However, after all he has said, we haven't used contraception on a few occassions, so maybe at the back of his mind...

Hope everyone is coping okay.

iggypiggy · 20/05/2009 13:45

hello all - haven't been around for a bit - hope you are all ok?

Sorry that the new people are joining this thread - but it really has been a great support to me and hopefully will be to you all as well. xx

cupoftea that sounds really hard - but if you not using contraception then i think he must have it in his mind too. x

This is kind of a final post on here from me - I feel like am now ready to move onto a ttc thread - and my AF arrived on Saturday (CD 35 if you count the MC as CD 1) - so I now feel like my body has kind of righted itself.

Bye bye all xx

loobyboo · 21/05/2009 18:02

not having the best of weeks, i know that it has only been a week since the natural miscarriage started looks like its complete now just got to do a pregnancy test.

firstly one of our friends sister had her baby at 25wks unfortunatly she passed away 1 1/2 days later, which made me think my mmc was minor compare to that. had a very big cry on monday, then today my DD's ballet teacher has just announce she is expecting and it is due in dec, so now i have to face that every thurs ( i think we'd be the same number of weeks).

But on a happy note the friends who i was going to be a surrogate for last year as announce that they have found another one and that collection and plantation takes place next week, so i'm going to focus on that.

thought i could handle this as it was a early mmc but i guess my emotions have other ideas.

GracieGirl · 22/05/2009 10:22

looby whatever is happening in other people's lives does not reduce the sadness of your miscarriage, there will always be someone worse off than you, but its not a competition! Please don't feel guilty, your miscarriage is not "minor". You need to give yourself weeks and months to grieve.

On a practical note it took about 2 weeks after the bleeding completely stopped for my pregnancy test to go negative.

leonifay · 26/05/2009 12:47

i just thought i'd pop in and say hi, feeling more and more positive as the days go on. feeling ready to start trying again too.
i have a hospital appointment for a scan this afternoon, to make sure everything is clear then we just need to wait fot a negitive pregnancy test.
looby imo just because you sisters baby breathed her own oxygen, doent make it any diffrent to what you went through. your baby died too. a miscarriage is definatly not 'minor'

summerblock · 26/05/2009 13:32

Hi, wondered if I could join please?,

I'm sending lots of love and hugs to the ladies that have had a m/c.

I went for my 12 week scan last week, 21/5/09, with my hubby and mum and was devastated to hear the sonographers words 'sorry no heartbeat, you've had a missed m/c'.
I had no symptoms, only a nagging feeling things were not well, but put this down to being paranoid. I opted for a D&C straight away, couldn't bear the thought of waiting, but I can understand why others would choose alternative ways. If anyone is waiting on this option then I could offer some reassurance that it was v. straightforward and I felt physically fine afterwards, was only 'asleep' for 10 minutes.

I told soo many people I was preggers because I was so happy, and now I'm hiding away because I will cry if anyone asks me 'hows bump'. I am so glad this site exists as I'm so upset, my best friend caught pregnant at the same time as me and we spoke every day. I have a healthy 10 year old, and am counting my blessings ... thanks for letting me get that off my chest, I'm sending my thoughts to all of you and its some comfort knowing there are others going through this aswell, although I would rather this had not happened to any of us

xxxxxx

amyboo · 26/05/2009 13:47

Hi summerblock. Sorry you're having to join us. Hope you're not feeling too down after your D&C last week? I also had a mmc at about the same time - 13 weeks for me, but baby had died at 12 weeks - just at the end of April. It will be 4 weeks since my ERPC on Thursday, and I'm just praying that af returns on time. Like you I'd told lots of people already because I was so excited. It's acutally been quite nice because now I can talk to friends about it - even if they haven't been through it themselves they are understanding and listen to me. I know what you mean about hiding away though

Sending you lots of virtual hugs.

cupcakefairy · 26/05/2009 15:17

Hi summerblock I'm sorry you're joining us too but like you said, this site is a godsend and it's so good that we can all understand how the others feel.

My advice about lots of people knowing, ask somebody to be your 'newsbreaker'. A friend offered to do this for me and even though I hadn't told many people I was pregnant, it was great to know that he was going to break the news to my friends at work and I wouldn't get any awkward questions. He also pulled aside a couple of senior anagers to tell them what was happening so they'd know to be sensitive for me. I told a couple of people myself but found that in the first couple of weeks after the mc, I couldn't say the words 'I had a miscarriage' without crying so if you're feeling vulnerable, do ask friends. I'm sure they'd be more than happy to be able to do something to help you out.

Sorry about your best friend; lovely for her that she's pregnant but will be hard for you
Hang in there ok, it honestly does get easier.

GracieGirl · 26/05/2009 16:45

Summerblock I'm so sorry you have to join us. I too told lots of people I was pregnant (I had ERPC at 11 weeks after MMC) as I work in A&E and so much of my job can be dangerous to pregnant people (heavy lifting, violent patients, xrays, infectious patients, etc etc). Also as lots of people at work knew I'd told other friends too in case they found out through work collegues. So after my MMC I had lots of people to tell. I only told my parents and DH's parents face to face. I rang one friend and cried at her down the phone, when she finally figured out what was wrong through my sniffles she did all the communicating for me and rang in sick for me too. I sent a group text message to all other friends saying what had happened and to leave me in peace for a while.

For the record when I get pregnant again, I will still have to tell people at work, and I know which friends were really supportive last time and they will get to know again.

I did hear a few comments telling me I should keep it more quiet next time.... why????... My MMC was bad enough without having to go through it with no support. I can assure you there are many things that cause miscarriage, but the baby hearing you tell people isn't one of them!!!

summerblock · 26/05/2009 17:27

thanks so much for your kind words, it has made me feel better to know others are out there ..

Similar to you Gracie, I work with children and that was why I had to tell lots of parents/carers I was preggers due to risk of catching illnesses (measles/rubella etc), then had to tell work colleagues and family as I didn't want them to hear from anyone else ... so it is difficult, plus I was so happy I couldn't hold it in, it's difficult hiding sickness/tiredness and hormones!. .

It's also reassuring to read that other ladies have become pregnant shortly after a m/c and gone on to have healthy babies... it dosn't bring back the one we've lost but its some comfort.

Amyboo I pleased your getting the support you need from friends, and best wishes for the future.

Cupcake, thanks for the good advice and kind words.

xx

cupcakefairy · 29/05/2009 11:08

Hi ladies, how is everyone?

LovelyPear are you around somewhere?? I know you'd been on hols and were back weekend just gone? Hope you had a really lovely relaxing time.

rainbowdays · 02/06/2009 11:35

Please can I come and sit with you all for a while? I am in the limbo-land of not knowing if I am miscarrying or not. I am fortunate enough to have 3 wonderful children but have also had 3 previous early miscarriages. My previous miscarriages have all been at 5 weeks. But I am now at 7 weeks with cramps and bleeding and no heartbeat could be found on the scan yesterday. Got to wait til next week to find out whether I am miscarrying or not. Mentally my brain says it does not look good, all the elements point to m/c, but my heart refuses to give up that hope that all is still ok. So I hope you don't mind me being here while I wait?

amyboo · 02/06/2009 11:55

Sorry that you're joining us rainbowdays. My thoughts are with you. Poor you having to wait a week.

cupcakefairy · 02/06/2009 12:59

Hi rainbow- sounds v similar to my experience. At 7 weeks I had cramps and bleeding- they found a very weak heartbeat on scan but said baby was too small... when I went back at 8 weeks they told me baby had died. That week of waiting was really horrible and I just felt sick the whole time with worry so I can really sympathise.
Obviously I hope it turns out differently for you and that would be amazing...but just know that the ladies here have all experienced this horrible thing and are a great support. Get comfy and help yourself to cake

leonifay · 02/06/2009 16:36

rainbows days, i hope your doing ok. crossin fingers for you. i really hope it all turns out ok.

rainbowdays · 02/06/2009 18:42

Sorry to be asking such a personal question, but how soon can I be expecting to get a negative test? With my previous miscarriages at 5+ weeks I got negative test the day or day after starting bleeding, today I tested nievely thinking I would get a negative test but it is very strongly positive still. I am only a week further on, so surely it will not take long to get a negative test? I am more convinced that I have m/c'd as I have started passing clots now with the bleeding and cramps.

cupcakefairy - can I have chocolate cake? I will bring in one next time I come.