Emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels part 4 xxxxx

[littlebellsmum]

Less sadness, more joy but always lots of lovely people who understand

sophable so sorry you are struggling. I recently went through a bad day too with a similar scenario thought I was okay was looking forward to the AF, got it and just felt overwhelmed with sadness.

I had a couple of days of "what if's" and a few days later now I feel a bit better. I am trying to shift my focus to the possibilities of the future rather than dwelling too much on the past. It's hard though. I find this thread very helpful and I also find reading other people's stories help me too.

Take care

becks130 sorry you aren't feeling good either.
I think it's normal to not want to go. Last Thursday there was a baby shower for a friend who is due in a few weeks. I decided not to go but gave a gift to another friend to pass on. I didn't make a big deal about it as I didn't want my friend who is expecting to even know I mc (I think you have enough worries when you are pregnant with out taking on someone else's sadness and although she is a friend we aren't really really close). However my close friend who is incidently a councellor said to me in a tone that implied I was being really rude not to go ... "what! why aren't you going! whys that ... just don't fancy it". I made up an excuse about a prior engagement.
I am glad I didn't go but sad that I felt I had to miss it.

I'm wondering if any of you could give me some advice. My exf had a mc but didn't tell me when I had a baby until after.

I was expecting again and she told me she did not want any more ch/ren anyway, but later she didn't tell me she was pregnant and then did go on to have a new baby. What is the best way react if someone has had a mc and you've had a baby?

Do you think f/ships are doomed? It took me 3 years to get over the loss of my friendship but it was her breaking off fship with me rather than the other way round. I never blurted out how happy I was to have had a baby or anything as insensitive as that.

She really did not seem to be terribly upset about the mc but is that ever true?

kidowner I'm not sure I can help on this - but I recently found out that someone I work with is pregnant - almost exactly the same due date that i would have had. I inexplicably feel v. angry towards her - not her fault - she doesn't know about the MC and is happy news for her. But I just don't want to speak to her... I can't help it.. We are not close friends, so not really the same situation. But maybe it was too hard for your friend to deal with? Some people might think I am not terribly upset about the MC as I only cry at home, in private and I can talk about it with people that know without getting upset in front of them...

I expect is hard for you - but am guessing is nothing you have done - is probably just that she couldn't deal with it

others may have other perspectives - which may be more helpful?

hello to everyone else

Had rubbish day yesterday too - maybe something in the air! So very upset about this girl at work. Thought I was ok - but sometimes huges waves of sadness get me - without warning

Hope everyone has a better day today xx

Also - keep having wierd dreams... keep dreaming I have murdered someone.. bit worried about that..

sorry for randomness of post/ frequency of posting

Morning ladies...so sorry to hear about all this sadness Iggy I think the weird dreams are normal...I had loads around the mc and still a few now, especially about looking after babies and leaving them in random places and forgetting about them...horrible hope yours stop soon. Also so sorry you feel so sad about this girl at work. I too feel angry at the pg people I know because I feel like they take it for granted...which is unfair of me cos really, I don't know what kind of personal pain they could be going through/have been through.

Big hugs to you and Sophable and Becks... I think getting af is bound to be emotional as it reminds you again of what you have lost. Just cry if you need to. Sophable I know what you mean about being overwhelmed with sorrow- it scared me; I'd never felt like that in my life. Go and get lots of hugs from anyone you can find!!

Well, I had my final appointment at the hospital this morning. They did a pregnancy test and as it was negative and I'm not bleeding, said I didn't need a scan. They also said my ovaries were healthy (from previous photos they had taken) and that my leg pain after pethidine was normal. I could have cried with relief when we walked out - I hadn't even realised what a huge weight was on me until it was lifted. I feel one step closer to closure now that's for sure. Just got to wait for af now

Cupcake hope they stop too - I been googling dream meanings (how sad!) and says these dreams are common when people feeling depressed on when they resenting someone - both of which seem vaguely likely for me...

good news re: you not beeding scan etc. hope AF comes soon for you xx

Sorry to hear you're feeling low sophable and becks. I had my ERPC yesterday. It was very emotional and I cried lots when I came out of the anaesthetic, but I'm so glad to get it over with. Looking forward to trying to move on now. The bleeding had almost stopped, and apart from feeling very angry, I'm OK... Going to take the next few daysa day at a time and hope time flies...

Well done for getting through it amyboo... definitely good to take things one day at a time! Don't forget we're here for the harder days...(and the easier days too of course!)

Just wondered, have any of you noticed changes in your body since your MC? Maybe I am just paranoid but I'm concerned about every little thing now and relate it all back to the MC...

In particular I've been losing weight which both my dh and bf have commented they'd noticed (and my dh never notices stuff like that!) ...just worries me cos I've been eating way more than normal (chocolate!) yet still losing weight. I guess it could just be the stress?
Also been having much stronger ovulation pains this month (at least it feels like ovulation; I hope it is!) which worries me af pains will be worse this month. I'm such a worrywart!

hi amyboo
So sorry you are feeling angry. I haven't had an ERPC, I'd booked one for me but ended up having MC naturally before it happened ... I think I got a different type of closure as a consequence.
I felt I was moving on then I had a few sad days. For me it has been a bit of a roller coaster but mostly I feel optimistic. Some days are better than others.

cupcakefairy unfortunately I've noticed I've been getting tubbier .. all self-inflicted though and very enjoyable. I figure I'll sort out the tubby tummy later. All joking aside though ... if you are worried and your weight loss has been enough for your DH to comment on you might want to just ask your dr, just in case?

Sorry..I haven't read the threads at all to date but I had to post this somewhere and here felt right somehow.

I've had an awful day today but feel really silly about it. I had my 2nd miscarriage 10 years ago today. I've had 4 and always try to forget the dates involved, so I can't get sad about it all. But with it being a Bank Holiday, this one sticks in my mind.

I've been grumpy all bloody day, rowed with DH (very rare) and suddenly realised the date...it might not be connected. It might be nothing to do with that...but now I'm thinking about it and I can't stop.

I always wanted a big family and I have a beautiful dd (8) but I feel ludicrously sad for the lost lives just today.

I'm going now. Trying to get a grip. I don't cry often about it all, so it feels a bit weird, but I feel bereft....

Hi squilly. I don't think you should feel silly for the way you felt yesterday. I think my MMC has just bought it all back for my Mum. She lost 2 and I know she still feels sad for them. I don't think you ever really get over a MC do you? I think you just try and get past it... So, please don't feel silly for feeling sad and upset.

Thanks happybump I will keep an eye on it and maybe ask my doctor if it carries on.
Squilly so sorry for how you are feeling this weekend. As Amyboo said, I'm sure the sadness never goes away, it just becomes different. We're here to listen anyway

So sorry you are having a bad weekend Squilly - I always feel a little sad on Fathers Day as that's when my first EDD was - I m/c that one.

I feel kind if angry too Amyboo so I know what you mean.

I am still bleeding and I'm now into week 4. I keep thinking it's getting lighter and then it all comes back again. GP says that tests are all clear though there was indications that I had an infection (which then makes me worry about m/c - did that cause it, should I have known?) but all clear now. Generally I don't feel so ill but am still feeling blue.

Hi all,

I haven't posted for a couple of days, I think the hormones are still at very high levels, I feel hormonal at the moment. Thankfully the bleeding has stopped and I am actually finding it a little easier, it's almost like that constant reminder has suddenly gone.

Squilly I'm with everyone else I don't think it's something anyone could ever forget, I think we just have to deal with it in our own way.

Hello ladies!

Been a busy week so haven't been online for few days and last night was unable to break in - methinks our PC does this on purpose - hmmph!

Have had my 2nd AF since mc so was and quite moody all week although I didn't mean to be. Is anyone else finding they are more tetchy with their other halves or is it just me?

I still find having AF very difficult cos (1) it reminds me of what I have lost and brings back the memories of losing baby (2) it another blow to say "not pg" again. Is this a normal reaction?

Sorry not a particularly jolly posting - just needed to talk.

Hi BionicEar glad you made it back
I haven't had af since mc, am waiting for it now..but I have read loads of others saying they found it emotional/difficult when theirs came.. I'm hoping mine will give me a little more closure and I can then think about moving on and ttc again but I have no idea if when it happens it will actually make me emotional

Jacanne sorry you're still bleeding, that sucks and really doesn't help to start moving on does it hope it stops soon for you. And don't go down the road of 'should you have known'...this wasn't your fault and as one of my nurses told me - there's really nothing you can do that would have affected the outcme of the pregnancy. Thinking of you x

Having a low day. I feel like crawling under my duvet and sobbing. Not entirely practical at work... I wish the sadness would just go away.

Wow, it is quiet in this cave...

Everyone ok?

Hello Cupcake I'm here!

Just swung by to check on the gang.

Amyboo extra big hug to you today - the low days are worst but hope tomorrow improves.

I'm doing ok today - just stressed with work but hey ho.

Catch you all later.

Hug hug to you all.

You're right CupCakeFairy and Bionic its gone very quiet in here, I can still hear the echoes of CupCake's voice from yesterday.

Everyone ok?

Hi All,

I'm still here, taking each day as it comes. Thinking about ttc again, i need something to focus on.

Hope everyone is ok

I'm still here too. Getting over my ERPC from Thursday. I've been told to wait a month before ttc again - is that what everyone else got told/has done?

Have to ring my doctor tonight to find out the results of the analysis they did from my ERPC. I don't expect they found anything though... Am also thinking of changing gynae - I'm still annoyed that she didn't come and see me before doing the procedure on Thursday...

Taking one day at a time like becks130 and seem to be doing OK. Can even almost talk about it without crying, which I suppose is positive.

hello - how are you all?

I am feeling much better this week - after a pretty bad week last week. i guess is just ups and downs... Am waiting for AF - but guess won't arrive until next week or the week after...

amyboo - hope you feeling better?

BionicEar glad you feeling ok - am expecting AF to remind me of everything too.

Big wave to everyone else. hope you all ok xx