Emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels part 3 xxxxx

[christmasBarbielovesSanta]

so here we are on part three, let this one be fun of happy news.....

All - you know, anyone would think we were almost cheerful. Well done ladies!

4ever, I have holiday envy - enjoy it as when you have your lo's, they are not the same again. Although, I've got a weekend in Paris at the end of the month with DH and no lo's ... bring on the wine...

Talking of weekends away, GracieGirl - are you back from Edinburgh yet?

Giggle - I'm not sure I fancy rhino skin , think I'll just get to a better place . Having said that it's amazing what a difference a week makes - I do feel positively cheerful now and can (possibly) talk about my mc without crying. Not that I'm planning to test it out, mind.

Hope you get your appointment soon, Giggle. I was getting a bit worried myself as I seemed to be getting some brown coloured sticky stuff when I went to the loo. It seems to have gone now - anyone know if this is normal?

I've now got something new to focus my worries on - my dd has been diagnosed with very poor hearing in one ear. It's not causing her any real problems but we now need to go through lots of medics to find out what , if anything we can do. Ah well, good to give me something to focus on...

I hope no-one minds me crashing this thread. I posted on another thread about miscarriage and bleeding and gigglewitch pointed me in this direction (thanks gigglewitch!) I've read through some of the posts and am so sorry to hear about everyone's losses. This thread sounds really supportive.

I had a "natural miscarriage" last Tuesday with a scan at the hospital yesterday to confirm there were no "remains" left (what an awful word that is). I was shocked when I arrived at the hospital that I had to have the ultrasound done in the ante-natal department. I sat in a waiting room full of pregnant women, horrified. Luckily I managed to hold it together but I was worried I'd start blubbing at any time, it was really quite upsetting. Is it normal for women who've had miscarriages to have to sit in the ante-natal ward for their scan? I assumed I'd be seen in the general gynae ward.

Finding everything very difficult at the moment especially trying to hold it together at work. I just wish the bleeding would stop so things could get back to "normal".

Hi Englebart

You're not crashing, you are very welcome> Come in, get cosy, it's cold and quiet miserable out...

IME, scans in the antenatal department are the norm - mine was there.

I too had a " natural" miscarriage but mine was about a month ago now. The bleeding stopped last week for me and things are getting better. It took a good three weeks for me - this group of ladies has been great and have really helped me.

I'm not sure that things will ever get back to normal though but they are most certainly much better

Take care of your self, eat lots of chocolate and allow tears when they are right for you

Hello all!

I had a lovely time in Edinburgh thank you, just what I needed. Taking my brother and his girlfriend with us meant we got out and about quite a lot showing them round, and lots of sleep, food and wine too!
But now I'm panicking about going back to work tomorrow night, I know I'll be fine when I get there but I'm really quite nervous about it. This miscarriage has really knocked my confidence and emotionally I'm still quite dodgy. Though I don't think leaving it any longer will make it any easier, I just can't imagine where my scary Sister in Charge of an A&E Department personality is going to reappear from!! I think I left it somewhere!

Giggle - big hug!

Altagloria - I bought the Leslie Regan book too and read it cover to cover, I think it helped answer a few questions and sort out a few myths.

4Ever get yourself tucked up on the sofa with your duvet and a hot water bottle. I think chocolate will help!

engelbart sad welcomes - I hope you find some support here.

Englebart welcome although very sorry to have to see you here. Was this your first pregnancy?

I'm not surprised you're finding it difficult to hold it together at work, I haven't been back to work yet since my ongoing mc started last week. Can't imagine having a conversation in person with someone who doesn't and can't know about it. Is there no way of taking a couple of days off work now?

Re waiting in the antenatal ward, I think that's terrible to have to go through. I was lucky, at the Edinburgh Royal Infirmary the EPU is separate and the waiting area is set up like a small living room/kitchen. I wish all EPUs could be like that.

Gracie glad you liked my hometown - did you see any of the tourist sights or just have a relaxed time?

this is such a rollercoaster. I wanna get off please?!
Earlier today I was all cool and breezy, head screwed on and everything, thinking 'this is the way up', now I'm an obsessing crying befuddled idiot
oooh girlies, big hugs all round x

Evening ladies, just catching up on everyone before i head off to bed. Just watched Mamma Mia, a real feelgood movie, just what i needed, that and chocolate oh and a large glass of wine to go with it .

Gracie-Glad you had good time in Edinburgh, i really love that city-been a few times. Im sure when you get back to work tomorrow you will feel like you have never been away, fingers crossed you have a decent shift.

Littlebells-Feel quite at your child free weekend away to Paris, i bet you have a lovely time.
Re the sticky brown discharge-i had that a few days before AF started, it looked like EWCM but was dark brown.
Hope you get you DD,s hearing problem sorted.

4ever-Im with you on the mega painful AF, i took to my bed on Sunday as the cramping pains were so bad, but thankfully only had 2 days of heavy bleeding, one day light and today just spotting. Im sorry you didnt get your BFP but im sure the end of this month will be your time, im hoping for mine this month too!
Have a fab holiday, it will be just what you need and even though you deserve it i am a teensy bit {envy] as well, so could do with some sun on my bones.

mermaid-Good on you for your healthy attitude, ive promised myself since my mc i was going to eat healthily, and start going back to the gym, but that hasnt materialised, ive probably got a good 2 stone plus to lose, i will do it though!.

alta and giggle-I hope that your mc,s are are coming to completion soon, its awful just waiting for it to be over.

Sad welcomes to engelbart-you are in the right place here, i wouldnt have got by these last few weeks without being able to 'talk' to these lovely ladies.

Hope mls you are as OK as can be. Feel really{angry} for you at that bloody bitch of a doctor,she had no reason to say that to you.
I really empathise with you when you say you NEED a baby, you are right its not a want or would like, its a real urge. I count myself very lucky in the fact i have a DS, but it took 2 mc before him to get him, and i feel i need another child and dont want to give up until i get one.

Well, off to bed now. X

AAAh Giggle-big hugs, i hope you feel better tomorrow after a sleep.

Thanks for the warm welcome everyone. I've just had a very large glass of wine and have cracked open an early easter egg. The bleeding seems to have eased off a bit tonight, I really hope this is it on its way out. I can't imagine how awful it is to have to go back and have further procedures. Feeling a bit more positive, spoke to a friend who had a miscarriage at 9 weeks several months ago and is now 16 weeks, very happy for her and it gives me hope that I will get pregnant again. For some reason I feel that this is it, I will never have a baby. Do you think this is normal?

Littlebellsmum- I'm glad your bleeding has stopped. I wasn't really told when my bleeding should stop, or what I should do if it doesn't, and it seems to vary from woman to woman. I've read that some women stop bleeding after a week while others can bleed for months.

Altagloria- it was very difficult at work, I ended up making a few mistakes and of course because people didn't know why I was so distracted they weren't very sympathetic, guess I can't blame them though as they have no idea what's going on with me. Your EPU sounds great, much better than sitting in a room with heavily pregnant women...

Think I will hang around this thread, so many lovely ladies.

Hello lovely ladies I?ve been away at my parents for a few days for some r&r. Have been trying to catch up on all of your posts (even before reading my emails or checking Facebook!) so will post a quickie.

Engelbart you are not crashing (feels like a crash landing though eh?), you are very welcome. I too had the ?pleasure? of a scan in the maternity department last week to check everything had gone from my natural mc two weeks ago. It was hellish being surrounded by happily pregnant women while I felt like I was going through a private nightmare as these women?s bumps were making a mockery of my emptiness.

anniecam38 good for af coming. Stroke the cats & look forward to a fresh start. My dh bought me Mama Mia & I?ve still to watch it, maybe I should do that tomorrow.

4ever you really must kick up your heels on holiday & get absolutely bladdered! When I was pg with my dd & had a very relaxed attitude & had a drink when I wanted one, ate blue cheese & runny eggs & she is now 17 months, healthy & as bright as a button. With pg no 2 I was so careful with what I ate & I gave up drink?.. then mc at 9 weeks. Definitely dance on tables & why not be twirling your bra in the air while you are at it!! Happy birthday for tomorrow.

Giggle it sounds like we are definitely in the same boat. Have they told you what is left inside you? My sonographer didn?t make it clear & I thought I was carrying part of my dead baby inside me until half an hour later when the doctor said that actually it was a clot & the baby had already gone. Apparently it can come out with the next af?. Whenever the hell that might be. I really hate this waiting around for it, wasting bloody time. I want af so I can start trying again. We were actually ttc a week ago & obviously thought the mc had finished. for sad sticker face, that would totally make me boo my eyes out if that was on my notes! I?m going to stick with my hospital for now but as 4ever has mentioned, I?ll deffo push for an erpc if I think this whole ?retained product? thing is dragging on too long. Just read your last post, like you I was fine for a while after mc but after I had my scan last week when they said it wasn?t over, I felt like I was right at the beginning of this nightmare again. Big hugs, have some wine?

Alta how is your bleeding today? Will have everything crossed for your scan next Monday.

Littlebells yes I?m getting that horrible brown stuff too, old blood I think. I just wish it would stop. Hope your dd?s ear is something simple to rectify.

Right I?m off to bed now. Will hopefully sleep after having my usual two hour tossing & turning ?over-thinking? session while I ponder ?can you get pregnant if you have retained product, if you get pregnant while you have retained product will you harm the baby, will af ever arrive? - repeat for two hours?.

Welcome to our thread Engelbart. My scan was done in a gynae assessment unit full of people who looked as worried and upset as me so I guess they were all having problems. I didn't have to see anyone who was visibly pregnant except the group of teenagers stood outside the door smoking! (just what I didn't need to see after my ERPC!). LittleBell , Giggle and annie are right, this is a good place for support so stick with us EngelBart. Altagloria - I go to Edinburgh 3-4 times a year its a lovely city, my DH still has the flat he used to live in as a student there so all the family use it as a place to escape to. My brother's girlfriend has never been before so we did plenty of walking around the Royal Mile, Princes Street and even climbed to the top of the Scot Monument - brilliant view! I bit cold and windy to do Arthur's Seat again - so a good excuse to go again in a few months when its warmer.

MummylovesSadie- you have put into words what I have been obsessively worrying about today - whether I have retained products and whether this will stop me getting pregnant and of course on the off chance of getting pregnant whether old tissue would harm the baby. I'm glad I'm not the only one manically thinking this. I just wish I knew how I could find the answer. I know my gp would be completely nonplussed if I asked him...

Blimey we are all on here late tonight! 3 more posts whilst I was writing my last one.

Engelbart - I'm sure all your thoughts are normal. if they aren't normal, then none of us on here are normal so you are in good company!
Read mummylovessadie's last paragraph, its completely normal to over think everything its how we get everything sorted in our heads. That's why Mumsnet is so good, cos after a week or so people in real life start to think we should be over it by now. We should take our time, thinking and talking helps.

Waves hello shyly as I edge into room.

Um found my way here, through another post - but still have fuzzy head so can't recall which thread!

I lost my baby over weekend at 6 weeks and in process of having a natural miscarriage. Found out yesterday I was no longer pregnant with a scan, but as was bit spaced out can't remember if they said had any of baby left in me - jus t remember them saying the linging of womb was still thick and would have more bleeding.

Yesterday didn't really have a lot of pain, but very emotional.

Today have been feeling numb and been ok to talk to people without bursting into tears, but have been in agony today with severe stomach and back cramp along with splitting headache. Have lost more blood clots today.

House is starting to look like a florist as so many lovely family and friends have sent flowers.

My LO aged 4yrs made us laugh this eve, as when elderly aunt came to visit, she eyed the veg peelings that she brought to put in our composter with a face and then said "My Mummy sad, she's lost the baby" to which Aunty said "Well it was only small" and I did think "yep nice and tactful" but bless my LO she then went "Well why haven't you brought my mummy flowers like everyone else then?!" My MIL and I had to run into the kitchen to laugh, because it was such an out of the mouths of babes moment.

I just want to say thanks to all of those of who who have welcomed me to this board and offered support over the last few days - it's been very much appreciated, especially when have struggled to talk to anyone in RL.

hi bionic, hugs to you too. this isn't often a nocturnal thread, but I'm so glad we're all here together tonight iyswim

Guess we'll have to crack the wine open then?!

Actually have had some wine this eve - and do you know what - it's the only thing that has shifted this blasted headache!

4ever Happy Birthday! Have a great day. Hope you are feeling a bit better.

you lot were up late, hope everyones ok this morning.

mermaid I think we are all still in bed after being up so late.
Bionic welcome to our thread, sorry you have to join us, I hope your bleeding and pain is settling down a bit. I was just the same after my scan, it was all a shock as I'd had no physical symptoms of a miscarriage, I couldn't remember anything the lady had said to me accept that my baby was dead, I just switched off after that. Do you have another appointment to go back for?

I would love some wine, but I have to go back to work tonight

Where is everyone today?
I'm just off for an hours kip before my night shift - I'm going to sleep perfectly and restfully and not stress about being at work or anything related to miscarriages - Do you believe me? I don't!
I'm not panicking about being at work- honest!

Hope work goes OK GracieGirl, did you manage to have a restful nap? I'm just about to crack open a bar of chocolate, though staying off the wine tonight, as much as I'd like to drown my sorrows I think I'd end up a raving alcoholoic if I keep it up...

Evening all - although it's obviousely far too early in the evening for anyone to be about!

GracieGirl - hope work has gone/ is going well. I'm sure the scary nurse persona will come racing back once you get back into the hospital!

Happy Birthday, 4ever although I really hope that you have better things to do on your birthday than talk to us.

Bionic - welcome and so sorry about your loss. But you have to tell me, what did your aunt say about the flowers? Your lo sounds a lot of fun.

I seem to spend most of my time swinging from wanting a baby to thinking may family is complete as is. Really not sure, which is odd as prior to being preg and having the mc, I was definate that dc3 would be just perfect.

Anyway, think my AF is on the way as well now(4 weeks after the mc), which will be great to get it over with - never thought I'd be looking forward to one

oooh lbm, it's one of those debates you can't find an end to... got enough dc, this is too much stress / vs i'd really love another. Whatever happens, make sure you look after yourself

lol @ this being early

well i'm still enjoying skiving my time off work. going back next week i promise. As much as i love the idea of drinking red wine, I can't for at least another week because I'm on metronidazole, apparently the effect of mixing it with alcohol is not to be recommended . ahh well. apple juice for me eh?

btw, has anyone else felt the need to go round the talkboard clicking Hide on lots of antenatal threads?

Ouch sore eyes, sitting in bed with shades on. Laser eye surgery this avo & about to go to sleep now. Think af has arrived (yesssss!) certainly seems to be more flowey rather than spotting. Will hopefully be able to see more to type more tomorrow.

Night night ladies xx