emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels xxx

[EisAHandbagaHolic]

hi ladies
well i think its about time we had somewhere where we can all come to reflect on our lost angels and help us to move on towards the future and support eachother through the bumps in the road in the meantime
love and hugs to you all
{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}
xx ei xx

Hello everyone. I just wanted to send hugs to you all. I am still feeling drained and I'm sure there are quite a few of you out there who feel the same in spite of today's autumn sunshine... Sitting here drinking raspberry leaf tea in the hope that this will do me some good! A friend told me it's useful for helping the womb get back to normal after a mc. Tastes revolting, though.

Thinking of mm especially and anyone else who is about to have an ERPC this week. Much strength to you all. xxx

hi all

vilagemum many thanks for supportive post, I have dealt with such issues most of my life so am determined not to go under again.
I went running today, always makes me feel better and to keep motivated through the next few months will join WeightW, works for me.
decided not to make any plans just yet regarding future pregnancies. too soon too raw.

thinking of those going through ERPC this week and it is true you have to watch out for the dip in the hormones it floors you if you are caught unaware

Hi again sfxmum - exercise is great for depression and feeling in control of life, isn't it? I normally swim about three times a week but of course thanks to the infection I've had, getting into pool water is a no-no just now. Though at the moment I wouldn't have the energy to swim a stroke in any case... Good for you that you're running!!

hello girls, well i have had a kick up the back side reading the post from sfx so im going back to the gym this week! i went 4/5 times before i found out about being pregnant (mainly for the wedding) but now i feel im ready to go back and get my body in the best possible shape for any future pregnancies!

villagemum i dont envy you drinking herbal tea, yuk, yuk and more yuks! i hope you are starting to feel less drained, im the best i have been in a long while..fingers crossed it lasts....

fifi how are you feeling today, i hope you are holding up..

Thinking of everyone having treatment this coming week.

Well my sister has returned from her honeymoon and decided she doesnt love him like she should more brother like! only she hasnt told me this had to find out from my parents! tried to talk to her to see if she would open up but nothing, didnt say a word so if i didnt know better i wouldnt have a clue! its hard because we are so close and i normally would know everything....my dad isnt too well either, told he had siactica and is in pain, normally he is so fit so its floored him...hospital for test this week for him.....the house is still being worked on (ive sneaked of to check on all of you!) so hopefully i can get my weekends back soon! Husband is due to go back to sea in a few weeks but still has to decided whether to accept job in dubai!!! to be honest im surprised i feel so normal with all this stress! ha ha

Im waving to everyone i forgot xxx

barbie another kick up the backside

sorry about sis don't know the story so shall not comment, have been with dh for 14yrs married for 6 ups and downs are part of it all tbh.

sorry put the comment for villagemum on another thread oops meant to say you are right exercise is great medicine love just going out by myself and run as hard as it is walking out of the door I always feel better once I get going

thanks sfx no excuse for me now!!!!!!
I shall just enjoy a chocolate bar now and start from tomorow

my sis is just a pain in the butt, 25, married because i think she got carried away with it all? she says she loves him but who knows....im just going to breathe and stay calm!!!!

Hi everyone,

Lix Good luck for tomorrow - I hope it goes as smoothly as it can do. You didn't mention if you've been through this before, but as I think villagemum said it's quite a straightforward procedure and shouldn't hurt. I hope you're managing to get through this weekend okay. It's very difficult waiting for the ERPC as you just feel your life's on hold... I will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Villagemum Hello! Sorry I didn't reply earlier to your kind offer to help me with questions. That would be great if you have any advice as I just feel like my brain's a bit like cotton wool at the moment, and can't come up with anything sensible to ask. All we've had done are the normal blood tests I suppose (couldn't read lots of the writing on the form) and then the baby was tested. We actually got the bill for those tests on the baby yesterday, and it made me feel really sad. I have a complete mental block over what I should say at my appt. I don't know whether I should just sit there, listen to the results, and leave, whether I should be demanding other tests, or whether I should tell her about all the stuff I've found out about on the net, and whether she thinks any of it could be the reason why. I also want to ask her if I can take aspirin next time round (if we're lucky enough to get pg) but I'm terrified that she's going to say no. I just don't know what to do. It's really unlike me, normally I'm in control, and I know how I'm going to proceed, but it's like this last mc has taken away all my feelings and instincts and I just can't see where to go from here.

Sorry about my rant . How are you doing? That's v interesting about the raspberry tea. It is disgusting isn't it! I can't believe all that you've been through you poor thing. It's bad enough going through a miscarriage, let alone having it dragged out for weeks. I really hope that your scan on Thursday goes well, and they find that you've passed the rest of the clot/liquid naturally. You need an end to this .

mm How are you doing? You're so wise to be just taking one day at a time. This is such an enormous thing to deal with. I know exactly how you feel when you said you were scared to let it go in case it doesn't stop. I feel like once the floodgates open then all this heartache and grief will come rushing out and it'll just be too big to get control of. I hope you've managed to get through this weekend okay. It's such an awful time, just waiting... I'm thinking of you too.

Barbie Sorry to hear that you've been so sad, but it's probably a good thing that it's all coming out. It sounds like you've had a really tough time. Don't for a second feel guilty that you've "only had one mc", there's no 'only' about it. No matter how many times it happens it is a truly devastating thing to go through.
By the way, I just read your post from today - about your sister! What will happen now? Are they going to stay together? Hope your dad's okay...

ei Poor you working overtime, hope you're not too tired? How are you feeling now about your results? I don't know much about the syndrome you mentioned, but is that the same as NKCells? I've been reading up about that a bit, and the results from the trials seem to be really good. Hope I haven't got it confused with something else ? At least you now know why your mc's have happened, and hopefully next time round it will end much more happily

Mollie How are you doing after all the excitement of getting a BFP? I bet you still can't believe it! Are you still going to see your consultant on Tuesday? I hope from the bottom of my heart that this time all goes well for you.

Mermaid I'm so sorry for you that this is happening again. Did you manage to get seen by the doctor? If you're reading this then please let us know how you are if you feel up to it.

Fifi Hello to you too, and am sending you a huge (((hug))) back. I'm sure you must need one after what's just happened. I'm so sorry for you .

Sarah Sorry to hear what you're going through, it must be so difficult for you, but we are here for you if and when you need to get things off your chest. I'm afraid I can't be of any use giving advice about AD's, but I really hope you're okay x

Sorry for my mammoth post, am trying to make up for having been so crap over the last week! It's been a very hectic time what with going back to work. It's exhausting! Better go - dh thinks my fingers have been superglued to the keyboard .

Waves to sfx 4everhopeful Bethany scotlass Sparkly... Hope I haven't forgotten anyone!

ps. am very impressed with you keepfitters - wish I could work up the enthusiasm to go running/swimming! Have you seen the Virtualgym TV thing in Member Discounts? Had never heard of it before.

barbie1 - when are you getting married? Congratulations!!! I must say I have a mental picture of you now: young, blonde, bubbly and beautiful, plus sailor husband-to-be! Enviable!! Sorry to hear about your dad and sister... families can be hard work.

sfx - I've made a promise to myself to get back in the swimming pool once I'm off the antibiotics and have had my next scan, if I'm given the all-clear. Glad you're feeling good.

barbie giggles...villagemum im already married! have been since 24th may this year, just been crap with the gym because after wedding and honeymoon only went for 2 weeks before finding out about pregnancy! so i think in 3 months i have been 4 times.... as for your mental pic of me, well i am blonde and i suppose young, soon to be 29 and my husband is the sailor so now if i could only class myself as beautiful! not so bubbly yet but getting back to my old self slowly!!! I will put on some wedding pics as soon as they arrive (still waiting for official ones)

Im sure you will be back in the pool before you know it!

Nice post monkey, we have missed you!

Ooops barbie1, sorry! I see from an earlier post you put on before I joined the thread that your dp works for an oil company! Mine used to as well, once upon a time (he's an engineer)... but he's landlocked and housebound now, ha ha!

Hi monkeybumsmum. I got the bill on Friday for the nuchal blood tests I had done just before my mmc. I do know how you feel and I'm so sorry... there are so many reminders of how things should have gone.
BUT looking to the future and the next successful pg... I see from your earlier posts that you've had three mcs and one successful pg. If I were going to my GP now to get the results of my recent blood tests:

(a) I would want to know if they have detected anything - chromosomal, hormonal or immune-related - that could be causing the mcs. There seems to be no obvious pattern here, does there? The GOOD news is that you know that you CAN have a successful full-term pg. This suggests that your other three mcs were sporadic, but I'd want to rule out any underlying trigger for the mcs if possible.

(b) SO I would want to know if I were eligible for further tests that would identify genetic, hormonal or immune causes for recurrent mc, and if they'd now advise me to have these or not, in the light of whatever info they've got from the bloods.

(c) The tests they've performed on the baby should also be able to tell you whether this last pg was chrosmosomally normal or not, and I'd want that information. If the baby was chromosomally normal, this points to the fact that some other cause was reponsible for the mc.

(d) What have you been reading on the net? I absolutely WOULD mention any of your fears to the doctor you're seeing this week, never mind how you came by the information or how silly it might seem, simply because these worries about possible causes will prey on your mind otherwise. It can be scary to browse the net because the info there is so random, and there's no one to interpret it for you. So just ask. Make a written list and mention the lot. The doc now needs to do some sifting for you. Raise all your suspicions or ideas; better to have them ruled out and your mind set at rest.

(e) Aspirin: its usefulness depends very much on the cause of your mcs (it's usually prescribed in the case of women with autoimmune mcs), but I'd absolutely mention this too AND ask specifically whether there would be any benefits in your case, or whether it would be contraindicated in your case. You don't want to take it if it's a risk for you...

(f) And for good measure I might even consider signing up with a gynaecologist for peace of mind, just so that there is somebody next time around not only with whom to discuss getting pg again and when to do it, but to oversee any tests I might need to have first. I think you said you live in Belgium? Not sure what sort of insurance/ state v private health cover is on offer there... but maybe worth if it finances allow.

Someone else on another thread here advised me to get a book called 'Miscarriage: what every woman needs to know' by Lesley Regan, which I've found incredibly useful. It covers every aspect of miscarriage and has a detailed section on recurrent mcs. It is also very reassuring and points out that 'the vast majority of women with a history of recurrent miscarriage eventually succeed in their aim of having a healthy child'. Since you already have a lovely ds and know you can do it, I'd say you'd most likely fall in this category!

Best of luck and please let me know how it goes (if you'd like to). xx

Hi again barbie - yes, you're definitely young, without a doubt!! Enjoy! Would love to see the wedding pics.

Villagemum I can't thank you enough for taking the time to do that for me - you are so kind. I actually feel like a little bit of the weight has been lifted, as with your help I can now sit down and figure out what I'm going to ask.

My appointment isn't actually for another three weeks, but I'm already in a state about it. It doesn't help that I've got to go on my own as DH will be away.

The doctor I'm going to see is a gynae, but she's quite a scatty one! She delivered ds, and has seen me through all the mc's and I do trust her, but she tends to gloss over things and she talks very quickly. I need to be armed with a shedload of questions if I'm to come out feeling like I've found out everything I can from her.

I certainly will let you know how it goes, when I've eventually been! Feel a bit of a wally for getting so stressed so far in advance

Thanks so much again x

Just ordered that book too - thanks!

Hi again monkeybumsmum - it's only a pleasure. GREAT that you've already got a gynae on board in the form of your doc. (After my mc I've got one now for the first time in my life- makes a difference! We need peace of mind!)

So sorry to hear that your dh will be away when you have your appointment. Maybe you could take a friend to go with you? Might be an idea too to make a written list of all the questions you want answered and just to go through the list point by point, taking notes, thereby forcing chatty doc to slow down and spell out the answers! I've become very good at saying, in a slow 'bear with me here, I'm not a medic' sort of voice, 'So, if I can just recap that again: what you're saying is that...' and then making a P-A-I-N-S-T-A-K-I-N-G-L-Y slow note of the answer. If they know you're writing it down they tend to become very careful and specific (being on record concentrates the doc's mind wonderfully, ha!)

Oh and don't apologise for being worried! Completely normal. I've become the pushy patient from hell where my reproductive system and answers about it are concerned. You have a right to information about your body - and information is really the only thing that helps at this stage. Knowledge is empowering, so go for it! Very, very best of luck to you; I know you will get the info you need. xx

Hello everyone, and thank you for your lovely messages. I had to go to a christening today which was really tough going, babies & bumps everywhere I looked. After the service I went and hid in the kitchen and did all the washing up with a glass (or 2) or wine. Apart from my employer & 2 sets of close friends no one else knows that I was even pregnant in the first place. How have you all coped with telling people what is going on ?

VillageMum I'm going to order some raspberry tea, any other tips ? I think my brain needs some help with getting back to normal too. Keep on repeating myself, and left my purse at home this morning, only to discover when I went to pay for some petrol.

Barbie and sfx you have inspired me to get out walking the dog again and ditch the choccie biscuits.

Monkey how are you finding it back at work ? I hope your colleagues are supportive.

Hi Fifi That must've been really tough at the christening. You are very brave for even going in the first place! Well done for getting through it.

Despite thinking that I would keep my mc's to myself and close friends/family, I seem to have a deepseated need to blurt it out to anyone I meet, even if they've just asked me how I am. Then the shocked look on their faces usually makes me cry. I'm my own worst enemy.

Are you thinking of telling people other than those who already know? An easier way would be by email. I know it seems like a cop-out, but it'll be a lot less upsetting for you as you can try to detach yourself from what you're writing, and then you don't have to see their reaction. I've done that for some friends as I couldn't bear to tell them face to face. It's so difficult to know what to do, whether to keep it to yourself or not. I just feel that my mc's have been such major events in my life that I need to explain to people (even work colleagues) why I may be acting a little strange.

Work's been okay, thanks for asking. I'm very lucky in that the people I work with are wonderful. I'm a nursery assistant, so my colleagues all love children and are devastated on my behalf. Makes it more difficult not to sob - everywhere I look there are sympathetic faces .

Fifi Hello and welcome, sorry to hear of your loss, well done for holding up at the Christening. As for telling people, I'm a bit like monkeysbum I haven't kept it a secret, as I've had time off work it was easier to tell the whole office while I was missing so that there were no awkward questions, I've done that both times.

Hello to everyone else, hope you're all OK?

Well it looks as though it's all over for me before it's begun I started spotting yesterday lunchtime, TMI alert, very pale and watery but just when I go to loo and wipe. Feel a bit crampy this morning, just want AF to appear if it's going to so I know where I am, can't believe this is happening again I presume it would be classed as a chemical pg? I did another test this morning with FMU, clearblue this time (the other two were sainsburys) this was BFN
Don't know what to think, feel very bewildered

mollie I am so sorry To get good news just for it to get taken away like this, it is so cruel. My heart has really sank hearing this please take care and we are all here if you need us.

fifi welcome and I am so sorry for what has happened. When we had our first mc we hadn't told anyone about the pregnancy so kept the mc from all our family as well, in hindsight this wasn't the right thing to do for us and it eventually had to come out. That was us but I guess what I am saying is do what feels right for both of you at the time and don't feel that because you haven't told people that you can't in the future if you feel the need to. And if you need to talk we are always here.

barbie you really have worries coming from all sides atm. I know you will worry about your family no matter what but you need to concentrate on healing yourself. You have been thru both an emotional and physical rollercoaster and you will need time to recover. It shows what a caring person you are thinking of everyone else but just make sure you are ok hun.

sfxmum how are you today, I have been thinking of getting going with the exercise and hats of to you for starting so soon. Physically I definitely need a little more time but it is such a good way to clear your head which is exactly what I need atm. Keep it up and it will help fight the depression.

villagemum what a fantastic post for mbm sounds like you are the resident expert here and we will all be picking your brains, really good advice in there to I will be using the advice given soon when I will be starting more investigations. Got some initial blood tests done by the EPU after the second mc but this time I have the option of using private health care so will probably take it up. For one it will be quicker and possibly more will be offered.

mbm How are you today, how are you coping back at work

Well Friday afternoon/ night I started getting really strong pains and knew what was happening. I thought pretty much everything had came away on Friday but it has continued over the weekend so am not too sure if it is over now or not. Was feeling really sad on Friday night, the thought it was all gone. Got thru the weekend, can't let the emotions show when dd is around, brave face and all but honestly don't know how I would have got thru this if she wasn't here. Hopefully I won't need to go in for the ERPC on Wed but will have to be scanned again tomorrow to confirm this. Having problems sleeping, weird dreams, also since Thurs been having bad headaches. I know it's tension but end up feeling like my head is in a vice before giving in to painkillers. This is so unlike me I could count on one hand the amount of headaches I have had in my entire life. Will mention to my GP if they continue.

Anyway enough of a rant from me hope everyone else is doing well today. Take care mmxxx

Hi Fifi - the raspberry leaf tea doesn't seem to be doing me any harm, at any rate - it's supposed to help the uterus contract back down to size and has a whole lot of other nutrients too. Some say it shouldn't be taken in the first trimester of a pg, though, as you don't want to be stimulating the womb at that time. Though there's a whole debate about that, I'd personally stop drinking it when ttc just in case. xx

monkeybumsmum - I just told everyone - work, friends, family - about my mc straight off on the assumption that then they're all in the know (mostly by email, though, because I couldn't face the phone, and email gives you some much needed space and some control - not a cop-out, just looking after yourself, so don't fret about that!) Very glad I did that, given the complications I've had since, as it would have been a long story to have to explain later...

Oh Mollie your post has just come in... I'm so sorry. xxx

mm, I've been thinking of you - I'm sorry you've had such a tough time over the weekend. Fingers crossed you won't have to go for the ERPC on Wednesday. The headaches could be caused by changing hormone balance too... So very sorry you have to go through all this again, can't say how much. xxx

Thanks villagemum I hadn't thought of hormone changes causing the headaches so will watch out for that. What wonderful and horrible things hormones are.

Me again, everyone - I really will stop posting in a moment and go and do something useful like the vacuuming , but here is a link I found a while ago called 'Dealing with Others' which really helped me to cope with telling people about my mc:

www.pregnancyloss.info/dealing_with_others.htm#friends

It's part of a site called PregnancyLoss covering every aspect of mc generally (and there's a heartening section called the 'Sperm Meets Egg Plan' for when you feel brave enough to try again... )

hello all

villagemum thanks for all the links and book suggestions

mm1509 am fine thanks, not building high expectations as this process has relapses, just have to keep going and hoping that positive days outnumber the negative ones.

fifi this time, apart from dh of course, I told only my sisters, since the mc I have told a few friends who knew I had been trying. which seems right for me

Hi all, hope everyone's as well as can be expected. Haven't been on for a few days so struggling to remember what I wanted to respond to.

I am continuing to feel better every day, withdrawal symptoms from stopping venlafaxine going away gradually (really feel okay today). Venlafaxine (Efexor) is an SSRI but also a Noradrenaline Reuptake Inhibitor. It's got a nasty reputation for withdrawal side effects, wish I had known when I started it. Just the 1/4 of a tablet was keeping those symptoms at bay, but now it's been more than a week without any and I'm finally not dizzy/lightheaded/anxious every time I move from the couch/bed. The current advice on it is that it is not to be used in pregnancy or breastfeeding, particularly the 3rd trimester as babies can get these withdrawal symptoms too. If I were to take any ADs during pregnancy (which I'm hoping not to), I'd have to do more research and find out which ones are most studied in pregnancy (thinking it is Prozac, but have been on that before and it stopped helping).

There was someone who was wondering how we coped when no one knew we'd been pregnant-afraid I can't answer that, but from the opposite standpoint (absolutely everyone knew), it has been pretty okay. Everyone has really been friendly and sympathetic without saying any of the stupid things that I hear people are prone to saying. I tried to ask key people at various places to tell everyone so I wouldn't have to, but a few have slipped through the net and asked me how the pregnancy was going. Example, a customer at the pub was worried about me lifting stuff 'in your state', and I had to tell him I wasn't pregnant anymore. But it hasn't been really awkward, I've just matter of factly said, 'I'm not pregnant anymore, but I'm doing okay and we'll try again' and smiled. That's usually enough for people. To be honest, I think I'd rather it this way than no one knowingat least now when I look a bit down people don't have to ask me what's up--they already know and just let me get on with it. However....I probably will wait a bit longer to tell people next time, if possible. 6 weeks was a mite too early.

Mollie am so sorry to hear this has happened to you again. It does sound like a chemical pregnancy.

VillageMum thanks very much for post on what to ask the consultant. I have an appointment in two weeks and am completely flummoxed by the fact they even want to see me. This was my first pregnancy and MC, so either the NHS postcode lottery is really working in my favour, or they think there's some other reason to give me services that normally don't happen until after 2-3 miscarriages. Perhaps at 32 I am considered old in this part of the country?