emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels xxx

[EisAHandbagaHolic]

hi ladies
well i think its about time we had somewhere where we can all come to reflect on our lost angels and help us to move on towards the future and support eachother through the bumps in the road in the meantime
love and hugs to you all
{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}
xx ei xx

barbie sorry you have been so sad and feel horrible that I was one of the straws that broke the camels back so to speak. Sometimes it does feel as if it all bad news and then you go on some of the other threads and see all the good news and it gives you some hope for the future. I have to believe that we will all have our good news one day and for some reason that I cannot explain we are having to wait. If I don't I honestly don't know how I would get thru the day. You have had so much to deal with lately and it sounds as if last night emotionally it all came to a head. Sometime we just have to let it all out and I know mine will come but I atm I just have to be "normal" for dd. Writing this alone is bringing a lot out because when I am on here I don't need to hold back or be strong for anyone. I guess we all just do what we have to just to cope and make it thru another day. More tears have have came out writing this post than in the last 24hrs. To be honest I huge part of that is the thoughts and emotions others on here are feeling for me and they have never even met me, you have all helped me so much more than many friends in rl.

villagemum how did you get on today, I really hope it was good news, god knows I could do with some. Thinking of you.

sarah76 and mermaidpurse welcome to you both and sorry this is on the back of a major rant from me but you will get untold help and support from the others on this thread, they are all priceless.

barbie & mm I think today has been the hardest day of all it is sunny but have not been able to get myself together and go out, dd is around being her lovely self but honestly sadness does not describe it.
am very scared of plunging into depression as I did last year after yet another miscarriage, that was in late November and by Christmas I was really low.

this time I made practical plans and set things in motion but I am feeling the dark feelings pulling me down, have not grieved really, only cried over a week ago when the bleed started

sorry about the long ramble but I expect you would understand

Hello everyone, and welcome and a big hug to the new ladies on the thread. Have just come back from a morning at the hospital. Firstly, good news: the fluid on my left tube is apparently within the normal range and does not indicate a clinical problem. It's probably the result of my recent mc. In other words, no hydrosalpinx, and my ovaries are fine. I'm stunned. I must admit I burst into tears right there and then on the scan table with my knickers around my ankles. They will have me back for another scan next Thursday to monitor it, but I've been told it's not significant. However, there is still some clot or liquid or something in the womb, even after the second ERPC. This will be checked next Thursday too if I haven't passed it by then. I'm not keen on a third ERPC so here's hoping... On the whole, though, good news rather than bad, and I am now determined to get well!!

barbie1, you poor sweetheart, you've had a lot to cope with in going back to full-time work - the weepy reaction you're having now is perfectly normal. Is there any chance you can just put your feet up this weekend? I am still off work, by the way, and will be all next week. I have handed a big work project I was about to start over to someone else. They can count me out. Too bad, world! xx

sarah76, welcome. I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been through. What type of antidepressant were you on? It sounds unlikely that 1/4 of the lowest dose would have any effect at all; I'm sure your GP is right and that you've very likely already weaned yourself off them! Depending on the type, though, you could probably go back on them in the third trimester if you felt you really needed to - worth checking with your GP. Some selective serotonin uptake inhibitors are safe in late pregnancy (I was on fluoxetine years ago during my very unhappy first marriage and had checked this out.) It might help with the emotional aspects of stopping them if you knew there was a safety net if you needed it? Well done though for getting this far!

monkeybumsmum - what test results specifically are you about to get? Would be happy to volunteer questions if I can and if they're any use to you. Apologies if you've already put the test info in an earlier post. x

mm, thinking of you all the time up there in Scotland and sending you many hugs. xxx

mollie i know your secret come here and tell all!!!!

sfxmum It is so hard, I am not planning anything other than getting thru one day at a time. I know what you mean about not grieving I think when you have other dc you have no choice but to try and act normal. Sometimes we are scared to let it go in case it doesn't stop. When you have recurrent miscarriages as we have it becomes harder to stay positive and your mind works overtime looking for answers that we don't have. Like I said before I have to think that it still will happen or else I don't know how I would have got out of bed today. You are doing the right thing by making practical plans and use your dd to help you too, extra hugs are priceless and the best pick you up in the world.

Good news villagemum well about your left tube anyway, sorry to hear about the clot that is still in your womb, you really must be asking now when will this end! Hopefully it will pass by itself with no more surgery. We have put the day of my ERPC back to Wed, sounds crazy I know but Tues was so busy after the bank holiday weekend and I was bottom of the list so it meant there was a pretty good chance I would be kept in overnight so I changed it to Wed. Let's face it if I could last till Tues I can make it another day. Keep your chin up you are doing a remarkable job so far!! mm xxxx

Me too mollie, see there is good news out there!!!!

mm my darling im so sorry if i made you feel bad in anyway for making me sad If im true to myself i know i have been bottling things up for far too long, even from day one as some of you might remember my pregnancy was a bad one and i never really gave myself any time to grieve, it was always another hosp appointment, another scan, another op etc etc always something else to concentrate on getting through and when it finally happened i kind of shut it all out, carried on with the other things going on, ie the house, husband going back to work etc..so yesterday when i had a really quiet day in work i had time to think and it hit me, and then to come home to the sad news on mn made me lose it...as i said before its a relief, im still teary now typing this but its gradually coming out and im sure it will be for the best. I think seeing your news yesterday made me realise just how common mc is and the tears were for all of us....

villagemum i want to kick your doctor up the bum for suggesting that you had a blocked tube and making you worry, im glad they go it wrong, hopefully come thurday you will finally get the closure you have been longing for...

mollie how are you today young lady

a big hello to ei sparkly and monkey

And another big hello to all the newbies sarah lix mermaid and anyone else i forgot! sorry we couldnt meet in better circumstances but welcome girlies! xx

sfx sorry hun didnt mean to leave you out, i know how you feel, im totally the same but feeling guilty as i have only had one mc and others have had much more of a horrible time than me
I do hope you are feeling better, apart from my constant headache and tears things are starting to feel a little better today, im day off and taking it easy, i have a doctors appointment on tues so i will see what the doc says.....big hugs x

OMG barbie don't ever feel guilty for only having one mc, whether it is one or one hundred your feelings and fears and still the same, we are all in these unfortunate circumstances together. To be honest I think my first mc was the worst the deal with, not physically but certainly emotionally, so the emotions you are feeling are just as real and hard as any of us who have had multiple mc's. How much do I wish I could get us all in one room and give each and every one of us a huge big hug, sending virtual hugs to all. xx

thanks all

it doesn't really count how many a loss is a loss, barbie.

this has been a looooong day feeling like popping out and getting M&S take away
actually only probably for the bottle of wine and pudding

i have just had a chocolate muffin!!!!! yummy....

mm i too wish that we could all get together, prehapes we should make a pact that when will all finally get the baby we dream off we will meet up and then we can truely celebrate such amazing friendships and journeys!

sfx m&s takeaway sounds good, enjoy! and yes what a long day it has been!!! Have a glass of wine and relax, im making pasties now, missing devon so much thought id bring a touch of the westcountry to newcastle!

mm i hope you forgive me for making you feel horrible, thinking it was you that made me upset! im sorry xx

barbie that sounds like a celebration not to be missed, I'm in anyone else!!! You didn't make me upset just tears that had to come at that time I guess. Feel better for letting some out.

Barbie You have outed me
I'm sorry I didn't come on here to tell you all but everyone seemed really sad and although I know it might cheer you up I also thought it might send some of you down further!
So for those that don't know I had a BFP yesterday! Very shocked as ERPC was 5 wks ago last Tuesday, no idea of dates. I am shocked, terrified, excited, petrified, and shitting it to put it precisely So I hope this is a good news story to keep you guys going, it can and will happen for us. We're just hoping this is third time lucky
Sarah How are you feeling now hun, sounds like you're having a terrible time at the moment, sending you a hug and some positive thoughts
VillageMum Good news! Really pleased all is well with your tubes Keeping everything crossed that you don't need a 3rd ERPC

Mollie waves to everyone else x

mollie the good news is exactly what we all need. Fantastic news and sending lots of positive vibes for third time lucky. Well done.

mollie im so sorry for outing you, just soooooo excited...we needed some good news lets hope you bring this thread good luck, fingers, toes, legs and arms crossed for you xxx

Oh Mollie What fab news!!! I have my fingers and toes crossed for you that it is indeed third time lucky. Ooohhh I'm soooo happy for you .

It does give us hope to hear your wonderful news

mollie this is the MOST fantastic news!! You give us all hope! Yay!!! I feel really encouraged to hear that it's happened for you, and so soon!

barbie1 - your experience is as real as anyone else's - I've only had one mc too (thank goodness!!) and know that it's as painful as anything I've ever known in my life, including divorce and bereavement - so no guilt, OK? Besides, it sounds as if you've had a really tough time. xx

mm, you sound reconciled to what has happened; I really hope you are OK, though I know the time between now and Wednesday can't be easy - it's the waiting again, isn't it? I will be thinking of you and hoping the hours pass quickly for you. xx

Yes, wouldn't it be nice if we could all meet? Imagine Village Mum extending a loooong arm from Oxfordshire all the way across England!

Congrats Mollie - I don't know you or anything about you really, but your news has given me a lift and shown me that there is hope for the rest of us just around the corner!

I've been very quiet since my first post. I am reading and keeping up with everyone else, but just haven't had many words to say. I'm hopeful that I will feel better after my ERPC on Monday. At the moment I just keep bursting into tears at random moments. Finding this really hard ..... but I'm sure I'm not alone there.

sfxmum I meant to say that I'm so sorry you feel so terrible; please do write whenever you have the need. I've battled depression on and off for years and I feel for you. Falling into the black hole again after this mc was one of my worst fears too... so far it hasn't happened but I'm still watching. Just make sure that you have the help you need on hand - other half, GP, medication, whatever you need - and please don't suffer alone. xx

lix dont be quiet hun, write anything you want, honestly we dont mind whatever it is!!!

mollie can i ask how long it was since mc? also did you have af in between??? sorry to be personal just want to know how all this works!!! Stll no af for me but then its only been 2 weeks since op....im sure she will come soon and ill be back to normal so to speak.

Lix I hope all goes well on Monday, please feel free to rant or moan or cry with us about the smallest of things
Barbie I don't mind the questions. I had my ERPC 19/08/08 so that's just over 5 wks ago, I've not had an AF yet, so hard to date it, just makes the doctors work a little harder for their money I worked out that I ov'd just over 3 wks after op, I knew I had but didn't think our quickie would make any difference, didn't plan to TTC til after our consultant appt on Tuesday oops (blush)
I have decided that what will be, will be. I can't control the outcome so I just have to sit back and try to relax on this roller coaster of emotions.
I'll still be here for you guys though

Hi there - new on here, though been watching the posts for a while. Had ERPC after MMC on Monday. Underneath everything am OK, I think. But hormones, lack of sleep and all the stress of last 3 weeks getting to me. Hope I can be of support to other people on here going through same thing. (((Big Hugs))) to all posters, whatever you need a hug for and also to those who haven't quite plucked up the courage to post.

Hi Fifi. The hormone withdrawal is awful, isn't it? I kept going by trying to remind myself that the hcg level has to fall back to non-pregnancy levels for a new cycle to begin - which is a good thing and what we're all waiting for after our ERPCs! Hope you're feeling otherwise OK physically. Much strength to you. xx

Thank you for your kind comments. Good luck with your scan next week.