emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels xxx

[EisAHandbagaHolic]

hi ladies
well i think its about time we had somewhere where we can all come to reflect on our lost angels and help us to move on towards the future and support eachother through the bumps in the road in the meantime
love and hugs to you all
{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}
xx ei xx

barbie is sat wrapped up in her coat as its so cold!

He all, i took it upon myself to leave work 2 hours early! Just really wanted to come home and so i did... (im not a rebel i promise, i am indeed owed all the hours as ive been working so bloody hard!) So im home and thinking that i really should go to the gym since not going yesterday but its so cold that i havent even managed to take my coat off! The heating comes on for 6 so i guess if i go now at least it will be warm for when i get back????

Im glad you are all ok, im ok too! Worried about dh though as i was expecting a call today and waited for an hour but it never came, nor did i miss any calls i thought there would be an email but nothing there either, its so not like him not to contact as he knows how much i worry

I will email you all again in a few hours.

barbie tries to warm up doing star jumps in her work uniform and coat!

4ever - thank you so much for telling us about your experience, especially the third pg/baby. What an awful lot you have gone through already, I hope the next set of results provide you with some answers and pointers. My fingers are crossed very tightly for your future pgs. And how uncanny that you knew your friend was pg...but then how sad that she also had a mc - I guess she could join this thread?

vm - glad that you're feeling a tiny bit better today and I hope it continues. I also hate the winter nights and cold weather, I could quite happily not see through another winter again.

barbie - hope you get a call/email soon and fingers crossed for seeing your dh in December.

Hope everyone else is ok.

I am knackered!!!!! but at least im warmer after the gym....

sabs I hope you are feeling ok about getting a new niece, it cant be easy. Remember though one day you will have your own baby and somebody close to you will be looking at you green with envy its the kind of look i do when i see any baby or pregnant women, i think i have it off to a fine art now! My husband calls it my baby face Try not to punish yourself about how far you would be, although i have to say that i keep thinking i should be 17 weeks yesterday and not hammering it on the treadmill!

scamper for you about p test, they really are little sticks of hurt arent they? I too hoped that i would fall again so soon after mc, i read stories of it happening and part of me thought that could be me....still no af for me but 4 test have all come back negative and the doctor said they would be positive by now since dh left over two weeks ago...oh well, fingers crossed he will be back in dec and we can try again. I think this thread will be a lucky one in the new year, i can feel it in my bones as my grandma would of said!

mermaid your post always make me i really doubt you are the queen of slobs! im lucky i can get away without shaving my legs for a whole three months if i wanted too! but then if i did that they tend to poke through my tights

vicky well done for going back to work, three hours is a step in the right direction

sausage i do hope you are over your low period and have oicked yourself up a little, same goes for you vm im sending you both lots of hugs to help you get over your lows!

circular i know what you mean about pregnant ladies, i find myself gazing longingly at there bellies, once i have got over my baby face! Enjoy your swimming, we are a bunch of health freaks at the moment!

lilac im glad we have helped you somewhat with your feelings, is so hard to put on a brave face all the time. I only tend to let my guard down to dh and you lovely ladies, i dont think anyone really understands the extent of my pain

4ever sorry to hear about your friend hun, can she get on here to talk with us? and you must not blame yourself for feeling envious when you find out anyone is pregnant i do it all the time I do hope you get some positive results back after all the pain of giving bloods etc, im thinking about you...ps sorry for writing too much over the last few days!!!

mm thankyou darling for being there the other night for me, i do love our chats!

mollie i hope you have your feet up munching on chocolate and wine to get through your af!!

Well dh finally called this evening, he had got the times mixed up with our clocks going back and his forward! least he didnt fall over board no news on him coming home yet....

Keep smiling girls xxxxx

Hi All, anyone noticed all the baby adverts on at the moment? If not actual images there seems references to them!
Today my dh & I had day off and on way home from park dd was pretending to talk to someone next to her, said it was baby, which was lovely but at same time I didn't say anything to dh, but it put tension between us as as though he has been supportive, he is finding it hard that I'm going between ok to low easily. He is sad that I had MMC, but doesn't realise in my head I'm now thinking (as per rest of you on here feel and have said) that I could be on a 'week' and have different feelings (for me I'd be in week 10).
Sometimes for a moment I forget about it, then have weird feelings that I shouldn't forget at all yet. Then sometimes feel guilty after I've felt v. bad for a bit as I do have dd. Maybe I just need hormones to settle!
I have successfully avoided friends who are pregnant and ones that have just had babies, but need to stop doing this as will loose friends. I agree with you mm, perhaps is better to talk about. One friend I confided in (who has 2 dc) lost 2 inbetween, and that made me realise it could have happened to lots of others who haven't said it. Also, a work colleague is about to adopt (I didn't know she'd tried for years) so again is someone else who seems ok on 'outside', but having probs with TTC/pregnancy.

Barbie - hope your dh gets back soon so you can TTC again.

Agree to all re. preg tests. I went through 5 in April when I was sure I was pregnant, I even struggled to believe I wasn't after af at end ofmonth (I had bad nausea). So was happy to be +ve, and then so sad to loose it, and now is strange to want to see -ve to feel things have 'ended' (well and feedback from results, anyone else still waiting?).

lilac hello!

Thanks to circular mm and barbie - sorry I went on, but there are so many events we've been through that I havent even mentioned cos of fear of boring all with superlong posts. I lay in bed last night working out I'd be 28 weeks now. This morning I got my hosp ltrs & photos out, only for a minute... AF due next week so fingers crossed I dont see her til next July! I am feeling very emotional and all over the place, PMT is so similar to preg symptoms so really hard to work out...! So tempted to buy the 6day early test..! Anyway - promise to get my head together, spend more time reading through, and get a chance to say my individual hellos to you all v soon! Hope you're all bearing up and thanks again for letting me get it off my chest - hugs and strength all round xxxxxxx

Just want to go GRRRRRR! I organised an In the Pink day at work, do it every year for breast cancer research as my mum survived it 6 yrs ago this month (which also happens to be breast cancer awareness month). Wear pink for a pound is the idea. Bunch of rubbish people (80 or so) and only about 6 girls out of that lot bothered to wear something. NOthing like feeling the support of your colleagues eh?!? Next year I'll scrap this idea and do a 5k run instead!

4ever - thank you for sharing you experience and I am really sorry to read about everything you have been through Having had 2 mcs at 8 and 12 weeks (second was a missed mc) I really feel for you losing three angels, especially watching the third grow week by week. You are a very strong and special lady to be writing about your experiences here.

Stay away from the pg tests!! I am also waiting for AF who is expected on saturday, if I am right about when I ovulated. TBH, am not even sure I am right about that as I was charting temps and cervical fluid (sorry tmi!) and neither were doing what the books tell you to expect.

I really really hope AF doesn't come calling for you til July! I love your nickname and please stay that way - hope is what gets us all through.

Lilac - yes there are babies everywhere on adverts! Also my DH sounds like yours - supportive, but a little confused as to why I am still a wreck from time to time. As someone else said, they don't feel it the same way in their bodies as we do. Every day our bodies remind us that we are not pg, or that we are recovering, or hormonal, so it is hard to switch off from thinking about it all.

Barbie - am very impressed with your gym attendance!! I need to get back in shape but have been using the cold weather as an excuse for staying in and eating cakes.

Hellos and hugs to everyone, can't write any more as the cat is getting on the keyboard for attention xxx

Thank you so much Scamper! That really means alot, I felt very tearful reading your lovely post, just knowing people understand really helps. In RL I'd love people to know, but don't even bother cos they just wont be able to relate. I must remember that you lovely girls are sadly able to know whats in my head and my heart, as you all feel it too.. I dont feel very strong or hopeful at the mo but I'm trying to be! Will try and stay away from the misery sticks but willpower is not v strong at the mo and have a strong compulsion! Thanks again sweetheart xxxx

4ever, I think our stories come out when they have to, so never worry about long posts. You have been through such a lot and I really hope your test results give you some answers.

lilac, my ds also used to talk to baby, even after the mc. Now he talks to 'baby to come'. So no pressure then!

barbie, I'm imagining your hairy legs and 'baby' face! Any update on dh's plans yet?

mm, yes, almost every time I mention my mc to anyone I get their story of mc in return. It's out there all around us, but it's just not spoken about. I don't have a problem sharing my story as I find it easier to be open. But it does mean that the tears keep getting triggered...

And a big hello to everyone I haven't mentioned. Real life seems to be taking over again, which is good - I keep wondering if that low point I had earlier this week wasn't partly about moving on - realising that I can't cling to this experience forever. No one ever seems to warn you that letting go of pain can be difficult too. x

vm my ds has told his teacher that I'm having a baby soon, like you say no pressure! (our half term was the last 2 weeks).
I've been on my own today, ds back to school and dh at work, and I've felt my mood get lower and lower. Each time I have a cry and feel low, it's a step forward I think.

vm We allow the tears to come, we pick ourselves up and then we get on with life. Acknowledging our sadness but not letting it take over that's all part of the process of getting thru this and coming out stronger for us, our families and for the memory of our lost babies. You are saying what I have been thinking about not clinging to this forever I am beginning to feel that I am tentatively moving to the next stage if there is such a thing. The feelings will always be there but they are not the same raw emotions of a few weeks ago more a sad acceptance and fear of what lies ahead now. This could of course all change tomorrow but atm I feel that each day I take another step.

vickyjane when you are alone you almost have too much time to think, I know I do. It is a step forward you will keep taking those steps until you feel ready.

4ever don't ever apologise for any posting you do, that is why we are here and don't feel you need to hold back in anyway, if you can find the time to get it all down here we can certainly take the time to read because we can relate to it. I agree with scamper stay away from those tests atm it will only mess with your head although every day atm seems to mess with our heads in some way.

scamper hope you are doing well today and that AF appears at the weekend ( if you are hoping to see her that is).

lilac you must have had a tear in your eye with dd. I know what you mean about thinking you shouldn't forget, we won't ever forget but gradually it stops being 24 hrs a day, that's a healthy reaction and part of getting thru this hun.

barbie well done to you for keeping up the gym schedule. Glad you heard from dh and that puts you mind at ease. I was planning on logging back on last night at work but the internet connection went down last night. We were all nightshifts are pretty quite so it passes some time if you can go online. And I also enjoy our chats it is so nice when two of us are on here at the same time chatting.

Well I am doing fine today I guess being busy stops you from dwelling. Need to run as I have to pick up dd and get her ready for yet another halloween party, she has a better social life than us. After that then off to work again but then i am off until Mon so long weekend off. Hugs and waves to everyone else take care mm xxx

mm you are so right. One day I am feeling fine, the next I have a wobble, and I know this will be ongoing for a little while, but it is moving forward. I know I will feel a lot better when we can start ttc again, but I am so scared.

Hi girls, back home and decided against the gym this evening, hubby is going to call some time soon so i guessed it was the excuse i needed not to go! day off tomorrow so ill work twice as hard then

Ive been so busy over the last few days that i havent had time to feel so sad, today it took me until 6.02pm to think about mc! So i think things are finally looking up for me..

Dh got offered the job in dubai starting jan, we are just waiting to see what kind of relocation package we get offered to see if its worth our time, but if it is then its almost 99% certain that he will be home for xmas

I have the doctors tomorrow, so wish me luck....still no af and i keep having so many early pregnancy signs its a joke, but still get in -ve so no chance! I was wondering if there is anything they can give me to bring af on, failing that ill just be happy to get referred for another scan on my cyst.
Cm is so heavy ( tmi sorry!) and i have such itchy boobies! i just want something to happen!!!!

Well im here all evening if anyone wants to chat.....

Love and kisses Barbie xxx

Hi barbie good luck tomorrow at the docs. I've got the docs on friday morning, my gp is looking into baby aspirin for me to see if I should take it when I next get pg. I would like to think I'm doing something positive. At the moment it feels like I'm only going to get pg again for it to fail again, which is terrible I know, but I can't help it at the moment. Hopefully when it comes round to ttc again, I'll be more positive.

i know how you feel im dreading any further pregnancies just because i will be so paranoid and i will not enjoy one minute of it which will be a shame, i also know that my dh will not understand and will probably get on to me constantly to stop running to the bathroom every five minutes to check i also worry that if we do move to dubai that the medical care will be harder to obtain...i know it will happen but i wanted the journey to be enjoyable too, sadly it will never be that way for me ...

I know barbie, it was so easy 1st time round with ds, I took it for granted, I still can't believe Ive had 2 mc's now.

Hi girls, I will be here on and off tonight if you want to chat, at work.

barbie it is sad that you won't have a pregnancy you can just relax and enjoy, that is the reality after you experience a mc and it does take so much away. Good news about dh probably being home for christmas so how are we going to sqeeze in our meet up when you are in Dubai.

vickyjane I feel exactly how you feel about getting preg again only for it to fail, that's why we won't be ttc until after we see the consultant but the whole thought it so scary. See what you dr feels about the baby aspirin I took it the last time the EPU advised me that it wouldn't to any harm to take it either way.

Thanks mm. It's so hard, one day I'm all positive and looking forward to ttc, this time it will be fine, and all that, then the next day I'm terrified. This is one of the reasons I'm waiting until after Christmas, to get my emotions in check.

mm that was my first thought too (about meet up) so i think i get 4 return flights back to uk a year, so once we all have the precious babies we deserve i will save one on my flights and use if you all of you! are you free the weekend i come to scotland? if so do you think you could squeeze me in for a wine coffee?

vicky you cant be scared!!! you have to get preggers in the new year as were are having a meet up!

barbie quite possibly, it is the weekend of the 15th Nov right, give me an idea when you will be free and I can see what can be done, even if it is only for a wine coffee ......smiling already.

vicky tbh I think I am looking for the guarantee that everything will be fine next time which I know is impossible but I guess we are looking to at least reduce the odds hence the baby aspirin. We can all get thru this together, virtual holding hands will definitely be called for. And of course in the meantime th4e odd glass of wine always helps.

barbie your are starting to make me excited.........omg that sounds dodgy.

ill let you know in a few days, need to see what family have planned! oh im so excited! at last something to look forward too.....

ill let you know in a few days, need to see what family have planned! oh im so excited! at last something to look forward too.....