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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels xxx

993 replies

EisAHandbagaHolic · 15/09/2008 22:26

hi ladies
well i think its about time we had somewhere where we can all come to reflect on our lost angels and help us to move on towards the future and support eachother through the bumps in the road in the meantime
love and hugs to you all
{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}
xx ei xx

OP posts:
barbie1 · 26/10/2008 22:18

i know hun, i said to dh this has been the worse year ever and then he reminded me we got married this year so now its my worse best year ever night night speak soon xxxxxx

mm1509 · 26/10/2008 22:23

You are right there has been so many good things have happened this year and it is a shame that is written of due to our sad circumstance. Anyway to end on a positive 09 just has to be 'another' good year. Night night hun, you go and have sweet dreams, and yes we will speak soon, take care mm xxxxxxx

VillageMum · 26/10/2008 23:30

Oh ladies, this has been a bad day. Cried in the early afternoon while cleaning the house. Took myself off to the swimming pool at 3pm but sat for half an hour in the car park there, unable to get out of the car, still crying. Made it to the changing rooms and then cried in the loo. Cried in the steam room (luckily no one else there). Got in the water and began crying again somewhere around the tenth length. Cried in the shower afterwards. Cried driving home. I've managed to upset DS with all of this crying so I feel even worse.

barbie, really hoping that the handover on 5 December happens as planned...
mollie, fantastic news about your AF!
mm, thanks for thinking of me... I don't know where all of this has come from. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Hope you're OK even if I'm a washout! x

Sabs1981 · 27/10/2008 09:31

Good morning to all...
VillageMum hope you're feeling better this morning.
MollieMooma thanks for your note. SIL gave birth to a baby girl at 7.45am this morning. I am very happy for her, but at the same time sad for me. Have to seem to be happy for my DH as well, as he is very happy as it is the first baby in his family

Hopefully I will be able to cope when I see the baby, whenever that is (we don't live in the same city). I would have been 16 weeks today.

scamperT · 27/10/2008 10:14

Good morning ladies. Villagemum - sorry to hear you had a bad day yesterday, sometimes there just aren't enough tears, but it is very exhausting. Take it easy today if you can. Sabs - saw your post about SIL giving birth on another thread - thinking of you today. Am sure in time you will have your own positive relationship with your niece/nephew but for now it is not surprising you have mixed feelings. Right, time to put my brave face on for 3 hours of advising the public, just hoping there aren't too many babies today...

mermaidspurse · 27/10/2008 11:07

morning, yawn, coffee, yuk!
vm ok sister! put the duster down,don't rush around, get m&s dinner in and make some cakes with ds making sure you get to clean the bowl out too. I think that maybe our bodies need a lot longer mentally and physically than the outside world realises to get back to the equilibrium of supposed 'normality' that used to be us before mc. scamper sending a big hug your way, can you send some flowers, chocies or something it might help. I made myself feel so bad for feeling sobut it is of course natural. I broke down nine months after my first mc when my sil had her dd almost to the day of my expected little one. They seemed incapable of understanding how I felt treating us with victorian cross the road mentality It has in fact caused a rift and I have been cast in the role of an uncaring aunty. On the other side of the equation my little sister has produced 2dc in the space of me losing 3 and because we are both so open and talk there has never been a problem or awkwardness, if anything we are closer as a result of dreadful sadness, and I get extra special pressiesat certain times of the year. barbie hope you are feeling better today, weekends must be long with dh away, be gentle on yourself sweetie, fingers crossed he comes home soon. Off to make elevensies, hmm how to spell that? working from home has turned me into the queen of slobs but its monday so thats ok.

VickyJane77 · 27/10/2008 12:13

Hello
vm I do hope you are taking it nice and easy today, and are feeling better.
I went back to work today, I did 3 hours then came home....small steps. It wasn't too bad, but glad Ive done it, I'm next in Thursday.
When I got home, I found that DH and DS have done the houdework and washing, bless them, I am lucky.
Hope everyone else is feeloing good today and not getting the Monday blues.

mm1509 · 27/10/2008 12:18

vm you are having a tough time atm by the sounds of it, do you have a good friend or some family who you could meet for lunch or coffee. It may now sound what you want to do atm but when we have too much time to think it can make things worse. If not get your feelings down on here you know more than most how much it helps to talk. I will be on and off sporadically today but can be back on tonight when I finish work if you need to talk then. If it helps we are here for you.

I am at work so will catch up later with everyone else take care mm xxx

VillageMum · 27/10/2008 12:35

Thanks everyone for being there, mm, sabs, scamper, VickyJane, mermaid* - still feel drained after yesterday but I think I got it all out... I must admit I was taken aback by how strong the feelings still are; I really thought I'd worked through them. Clearly not... It's a slow process. Taking time out today to do things with DS, mostly listening to HSM3 cd! One day at a time... x

mm1509 · 27/10/2008 13:46

vm Healing takes more time than we expect or give ourselves sometimes, just get thru one day at a time like you say, it will eventually get easier. Glad to hear you are spending time with ds, steal yourself a few extra hugs from him today they always make us feel better.

VickyJane77 · 27/10/2008 18:49

I read Lesley Regans book over the weekend, and it left me with more questions. With both my mc's heart beats could be seen which would suggest that something happens inside me making me miscarry, but then I bled in the early stages of pregnancy with ds too! So is it me, or have I been very unlucky twice? I know no one can really answer this but it makes me feel better just writing it down.

sausagemcgrah · 27/10/2008 20:05

Just popping in to say Hi to you all. I've been feeling pretty low for the last few days. It's funny - I feel better then out of nowhere this huge sadness just hits.

Anyway - hope you're all doing ok. Great news about the possibility of your DH coming home early barbie.

Sorry to hear you've been feeling low too vm. It's funny, but I found great similarites in your day yesterday. I kept trying to go out, then just kept crying so much at inappropriate moments that I couldn't leave the house in the end. My poor DH pus up with lot.

vickyjane - would you reccoment Lesley Regan's book? Is it relevant to missed miscarriages? It's a shame it couldn't answer your questions.

sabs1981 - that must be so hard for you. It's a weird feeling isn't it - not jealousy, but a huge sense of loss at what should have been happening to you, whilst still being happy for the other person. Emotions are very complex.

Hi to everyone else. Sorry I haven't had time to catch up properly.

barbie1 · 27/10/2008 20:17

A quick one from me today too.....im so tired, like REALLY tired. No idea why but i feel so sleeply. Didnt even go to the gym this evening, just came home and got into my pj's and now im wondering if 8.30 is too early to go to bed
I have been getting so many period symptoms although confusing as they are the same as when i had my bfp last time??? Still i have doctors on thurday so hopefully some answers..

Night night to you all, keep your chins up!

barbie1 · 27/10/2008 20:19

this is for all of you d21c.com/jinnytoo/cats/cat.hug.jpg

Sabs1981 · 27/10/2008 20:50

thanks all for your notes (mermaidspurse, not sure if your msg was meant for me??).
I havent been able to concentrate at work at all today. SO down today and keep on snapping at DH. Got sent a pic msg of new niece, which I kept on staring at, wondering what my baby would have looked like and whether they would have looked alike.

Big hugs to all of you, you guys help me so much. Hope tomorrow is much more positive for all of us...

CircularRainbow · 27/10/2008 20:56

Hello everyone, sorry to hear that you had such a tough day yesterday, vm, I hope today as been a little better for you. At least you know the ttc pressure is off this month and that you can use the time to regroup and to regain your equilibrium.

barbie - how fab that you may be able to see your dh in just a few short weeks! Fingers crossed for you!

sabs - whilst you will probably have very mixed feelings when you visit your SIL and her new baby, I bet when you actually hold the baby, it will be a positive experience. Perhaps choosing a special present for the baby will help too? Hope the visit goes well anyway when it does happen.

Well, I took dd into an extremely busy Clark's today to buy new trainers and there was an 8/9mth pregnant lady waiting alongside us. It didn't make me feel sad but it did make me wonder whether I'll ever be pg again; I also thought how wonderful she looked (rose tinted glasses on here, I can remember all too clearly how uncomfortable it is to be 9mths pg, how often you need to pee, how uncomfortable it is at night, etc!). It's odd really because babies don't really 'do it' for me, but when I see toddlers (i.e. 12mths-24mths), then I go all ga-ga....rose-tinted specs on again!!

Couldn't go swimming today but will take dd tomorrow (when ds is at holiday club) so may manage a few lengths...but sadly, no steam room!

VickyJane77 · 27/10/2008 21:03

Hi sausage I would recommend her book it's called miscarriage, I got it off amazon x

lilacpink · 27/10/2008 23:10

Hi All, sorry for those having low periods today, won't say names as I've just read lots of posts and sorry cannot remember all names. I already feel in RL as though I'm not supposed to talk about loss. I agree with lots of other posts here that sometimes I feel fine and can feel ok, but other times it hits again. This morning I saw my Mum briefly and really wanted to cry and talk, but instead I just 'acted' normal. It's good to come on here and know I'm not weird for still thinking of it [most of day] and that it may always be there, but that is normal. I find it harder when I first wake, hearing babies crying, seeing 2 dcs around 3 years apart, random times, sometimes when dd is lovely and I think dc2 didn't have a chance to grow and be like you.
Thanks for feedback re. false positives after MMC (think it was Sausage who said), I'm going to wait for feedback from MMC tests now. I've had a heavy AF over past few days so glad that's over as has worried it would be worse (was really bad for about 3 hrs, heavier than ever before, but no pain and ok now). I'm wishing AFs on anyone that waiting for one to have a cycle back! x

scamperT · 28/10/2008 08:46

hey ladies, I hope today is a better day for all of us. Sausage - sorry to hear you have been low the last few days. Vickyjane - hope first week back to work is going ok. I will get the Lesley Regan book. I saw my first lost angel's heartbeat, but not sure with the second as lost him/her through missed mc. My MIL suggested getting some private tests done to give me peace of mind, but I am hoping its a case of third time lucky. Really don;t know what I will do if it happens again. Sabs - our time will come honey, that baby will be your baby's cousin not long from now.

Mermaid - its nice to hear about you and your sis - mine will be due next June. DH and I are going on holiday with her and her DH after xmas - to be honest I had been feeling like if I am not pg by then it will be really hard, but I think I'll just use that time together to talk. I really do want to be excited for her and hate the fact that my losses are taking the edge of that.

I didn't last longer than 4pm yesterday before nipping out to Boots to buy pg test...OF COURSE it is neg (sorry for those of you praying for neg...we are all at different stages but the impatience feels the same). Anyway, thought I'd let you all know Boots seems to have First Response double test kits on some kind of special offer - 8.95 for 2 double packs - ie 8.95 for 4 tests. Am sure I could get them cheaper online but that's the cheapest I've seen in the shops. Can't help feeling they are evil little misery sticks though xx

VillageMum · 28/10/2008 15:24

Hello everyone...
sausage, lilac, sabs, I really didn't expect the sadness to come back and bite me again like that either. Feel a bit better today on the surface but still quite raw in some deep place. The mum of one of ds's friends came around this afternoon and I found myself crying again and telling her all about it - only to discover that she had a mc too once.

Hello mm and barbie, ((waves)) - hoping all's OK with you...

mermaidspurse · 28/10/2008 16:36

opps, sabs well spotted, its getting to the point where a clip board is needed and my brain is more a sieve than ever. You ok today?
vm glad you are feeling a little better.
scamper boots are doing well out of all of us at the moment, just make sure you buy that bright red lippy with your points.

VillageMum · 28/10/2008 16:49

Thanks mermaid. Being able to post here really does help - I've never been so grateful for the support of other women... makes me feel so much less alone in all of this. DH is a rock but inevitably he hasn't experienced the mc as directly as I have. Not 'in the body'. And all of you have.

Must say these dark autumn days aren't fun. I usually count the days to the winter solstice and this year won't be an exception...

4everhopeful · 28/10/2008 17:04

Hello ladies - thank you for pepping me up at the end of last week after my dissapointing lack of results.. Went and gave another 6 tubes of blood yesterday for full thombophilia/factor V leiden screening! (Ouch!) More waiting now....

vm hope you are feeling a bit stronger, its good to let it all out when you need to rather than bottle it up tho, cant remember who posted about 'acting normal' when you are breaking up inside... but we all know that feeling so vividly. Sometimes I feel like I sound and look so false I'm astounded people cant see through me, so vm you let it out whenever you need.. That is what we're all here for (thank god!)

barbie you have all written so much over the weekend I cant catch up! Is DH coming back early, do you know yet?

My friend I had lunch with last week, told me her and her dh were ttc (she has 1DS), I smiled and wished her well through gritted teeth, hoping she couldnt see the little green monster inside me. I posted on here I swore she was pregnant already & didnt have the heart to tell me. Well yesterday she phoned to say she was, and she mc on sunday. She was only about 5 weeks but now I feel so so bad for being envious. She was prob the only mate that was a bit more sympathetic than the rest. None of my friends have had mc, all have kids, most now starting on their 2nd and 3rds, I'm the only one with no kids, and everyone seems baffled that I've not just knocked em out as simply as they all have. My mate that has just mc was the only one that I felt I could talk to and who understood, she didnt need to go through this herself in order to understand. I feel really bad, we are round the corner from each other so she went same EPU, I named the nurses and gave her my advice as I'm a guru on it now (according to her).

It brought it all back for me. I would be 7 months now. Also reading these posts talking about seeing babys h/b, & this reminds me of my weekly scans in last preg, we watched our little bean grow every week, from week 6, til we saw its hands, feet etc. The first 2mc just didnt grow so each week with no 3 I expected the worst but our bean kept on and on. We got pictures every week and sat there comparing how much it had grown. It was week 11 they saw massively increased nuchal fluid (6mm) & referred us to fetal meds. Director of the unit saw us and said there maybe a chance it would be ok, but could be downs, (we were so grateful it was growing we were happy if that was what it was meant to be) but also that it could be a chromosome defect incompatible with life, we could go full term but would only survive 3 days. Everything else had grown properly, the letter said, heart appears normal, brain appears normal, lungs, kidneys, spine, all that could be seen and commented on at that stage. We spent the longest 2 weeks waiting to go back, thinking we'd be honoured to bring up a downs baby and praying for that, but when we went back the day before I was 13 weeks, there was no heartbeat. I saw my little tiny but perfectly formed baby on that big screen, and they said it had literally happened in the last 2 days or so, as it was still to scale. I'm sure she was a girl. Well, there you go, I've not really gone into detail about the weeks leading up to losing baby no 3. It was probably the most anxious time of our lives, then we had drama after drama with the retained placenta and 2 ERPCs and 8 weeks for closure afterwards so thats probably why. Sorry, dont know why I just poured that all out but its good to get it out and write it down sometimes. I'm going home now! at my long post! Thanks for listening/reading/being there xxxxxxx

mm1509 · 28/10/2008 17:08

Hi everyone,

vm glad to hear you are feeling a bit better. Funny (strange not haha) when you said about ds friends mum prev having a mc I have found this when I have spoke with some other people it really is surprising how common it is but it seems to be a taboo subject until you raise it. I know it is because people don't want to dwell on a sad time but I feel if it was talked about more then others would understand more what we are going thru. I have been pretty open about this mc in RL basically because I couldn't bring myself to tell any more 'white lies' to cover up and the more I talk about it the stronger I feel in myself. Now I don't want to sound as if I am shouting from the rafters that I had a mc but with family, friends and even a few people at work it has been a relief to be honest with them.
The last few days I have felt as if I am moving forward a little, I think RL has taken over and I don't have as much time to dwell, probably a good thing but I am reminded not to be complacent after seeing how this has affected vm again in the last couple of days. I guess we will all find our own way and timescale thru this.

barbie hope you are not doing too much again, take care.

Hi to everyone else glad to hear we are all a little more positive today.

mm1509 · 28/10/2008 17:19

4ever crossed posts. So sorry for what you had to go thru, losing any baby is hard however some circumstances are definitely harder to deal with. That 2 weeks really must have felt like an eternity for you and dh. To be given hope and for it then to be taken away is the cruelest part of it all. I hope you get some news from the latest lot of blood tests and you have all your questions ready for when you see the specialist. Sorry to hear about your friend but don't feel too bad about feeling it is only natural after what you have been thru. I am so sad for what you have been thru hun but also glad that you felt ready to get it all down on here it shows you are taking steps to getting stronger. Take care xxx