Hello ladies - thank you for pepping me up at the end of last week after my dissapointing lack of results.. Went and gave another 6 tubes of blood yesterday for full thombophilia/factor V leiden screening! (Ouch!) More waiting now....
vm hope you are feeling a bit stronger, its good to let it all out when you need to rather than bottle it up tho, cant remember who posted about 'acting normal' when you are breaking up inside... but we all know that feeling so vividly. Sometimes I feel like I sound and look so false I'm astounded people cant see through me, so vm you let it out whenever you need.. That is what we're all here for (thank god!)
barbie you have all written so much over the weekend I cant catch up! Is DH coming back early, do you know yet?
My friend I had lunch with last week, told me her and her dh were ttc (she has 1DS), I smiled and wished her well through gritted teeth, hoping she couldnt see the little green monster inside me. I posted on here I swore she was pregnant already & didnt have the heart to tell me. Well yesterday she phoned to say she was, and she mc on sunday. She was only about 5 weeks but now I feel so so bad for being envious. She was prob the only mate that was a bit more sympathetic than the rest. None of my friends have had mc, all have kids, most now starting on their 2nd and 3rds, I'm the only one with no kids, and everyone seems baffled that I've not just knocked em out as simply as they all have. My mate that has just mc was the only one that I felt I could talk to and who understood, she didnt need to go through this herself in order to understand. I feel really bad, we are round the corner from each other so she went same EPU, I named the nurses and gave her my advice as I'm a guru on it now (according to her).
It brought it all back for me. I would be 7 months now. Also reading these posts talking about seeing babys h/b, & this reminds me of my weekly scans in last preg, we watched our little bean grow every week, from week 6, til we saw its hands, feet etc. The first 2mc just didnt grow so each week with no 3 I expected the worst but our bean kept on and on. We got pictures every week and sat there comparing how much it had grown. It was week 11 they saw massively increased nuchal fluid (6mm) & referred us to fetal meds. Director of the unit saw us and said there maybe a chance it would be ok, but could be downs, (we were so grateful it was growing we were happy if that was what it was meant to be) but also that it could be a chromosome defect incompatible with life, we could go full term but would only survive 3 days. Everything else had grown properly, the letter said, heart appears normal, brain appears normal, lungs, kidneys, spine, all that could be seen and commented on at that stage. We spent the longest 2 weeks waiting to go back, thinking we'd be honoured to bring up a downs baby and praying for that, but when we went back the day before I was 13 weeks, there was no heartbeat. I saw my little tiny but perfectly formed baby on that big screen, and they said it had literally happened in the last 2 days or so, as it was still to scale. I'm sure she was a girl. Well, there you go, I've not really gone into detail about the weeks leading up to losing baby no 3. It was probably the most anxious time of our lives, then we had drama after drama with the retained placenta and 2 ERPCs and 8 weeks for closure afterwards so thats probably why. Sorry, dont know why I just poured that all out but its good to get it out and write it down sometimes. I'm going home now! at my long post! Thanks for listening/reading/being there xxxxxxx