emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels xxx

[EisAHandbagaHolic]

hi ladies
well i think its about time we had somewhere where we can all come to reflect on our lost angels and help us to move on towards the future and support eachother through the bumps in the road in the meantime
love and hugs to you all
{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}
xx ei xx

Circular That was it! That's what they called it, thank you for the info
Don't think I'll bother the consultant with it now I've read the article, anyway I've got at least 210 questions for him don't think I'd fit that one in

MOLLLLLLLLLLIEEEEEEEEE I have missed you! i have been keeping an eye out for you on your other thread, not stalking you i promise I was going to give it until the weekend and post there for you, i was wondering about your missing af! I have just re read my post re doctors and yes i suppose it was quite funny! Bloody women! Dont leave us for such a long time next time young lady ok?!

Soooooo much to catch up with, so here goes....welcome newbies, im sure you will soon get to know us all and we can help each other through such difficult times love to scaper sabs and mrsghoul vickyjane the empty feeling is sadly normal, its still early days for you but it does slowly get better i promise

4ever im sorry your test results were not more imformative/ positive for you. The 13th isnt that far away, now im sending you a hug to keep with you and to keep you company until then

mermaid at your af, pmsl at post....party dress...ha.ha

Hello everyone else, blowing lots of kisses to you all!!!

vm impressed with your swimming, i have been to the gym 3 times this week!
I have my own we heart barbie fan club at the gym due to the fact it is staffed by 20 something year old boys with raging hormones!
So they are falling over themselves to help me train and for the last three days have been put through my paces with them personal training me usually £25 a pop! i have paid nada, zipperty zilch.....its amazing what a pair of 32dd can get you! he he

Barbie Bless you thanks for my lovely warm welcome back and loving the "young" lady I bet you always knew your 32dd (.)(.) would come in handy one day At least you can distract yourself with the personal trainers until your lovely DH returns Just re-read that and I do only mean visually

By the way I secretly love having a stalker

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Am very of your gym visits though, all I have done this week is pig out on a tonne of chocolate trying to make me feel better, it works temporarily but then I just feel fat and sad, I still love it though but have to give it up, I would love to use the next 2 mths when I'm not TTCing to lose about 8 stone

mollie i bet you havent even got 8lb to lose let alone 8 stone!!!!! Going to the gym means i can eat more chocolate after i finish!

OK I lied, it's not 8 stone, but it's definately about 7!!!!!!

Mollie, yes, Operation Conception is on hold until next cycle because when AF finally arrived I suddenly realised, whoooaaa! that I was still a total basket case after my mc. I am now trying to get something of my old self back (her deadline is 17 November). You can dust off the pompoms for the end of November, when I'll be cornering DH and forcing him to deliver .
Don't blame you at all for your reaction to your in-laws' news... I have a similar reaction to other people's pgs, even though I know that their journey is their own and that mine is my own, etc etc... Glad you have a good counsellor!

sausage, hmm, I made the mistake of filling my DH in on my plans to wait this month out, and so he now knows exactly where I am in my cycle and is taking over the project! Argh! He is also popping man vitamins in readiness for his great performance. And I thought I was meant to be the obsessive one...

Can you speak to your GP about having a scan and about your concerns generally? Since you've had no success when approaching the hospital unit? I must say it makes me very angry that we all have to beg and scrape like this just to get some basic answers. Don't give up, OK? This will be fixed, believe me. It may seem like hell now but you will get back to normal as surely as the sun rises and sets.

mermaidspurse, I love the idea of a Friday list!

MrsGhoul, you're very welcome here... come and join us whenever you like!

Circular, I've also had a low patch today - to be truthful I probably have one every day at some point. But I would rather be here, now, than where I was a month ago. I am trying to trust to time to untangle this... .

Hi again, sorry to newbees who are going through this too. I've had some psotive and some negative times since last post. I took advice and told my best friend and she was great, really felt for me as she has PCOS and is worried after they marry that she'll have probs and already considering going for adoption if nothing happens after a five years, as she has always wanted children and works with them(she'll be applying in late 30s). Also I have a lovely dress on order, which is great as it's already adjustable at the back! (Thanks for advice on this, I should have thought it could be adjusted anyhow - I just didn't think beyond worrying how she would feel).

On a negative - I went back to work on Wed to face 'baby talk' everywhere (I work with trainee medics and they were on the baby case unit) luckily most of it was from clinical perspective and I was in an office, but was still hard to see plastic babies, hear talk about 'abnormalities' and from corner of my eye see ultrasound images (we go to children case unit next so I'll be ok then). Also, today I did a preg test just to see that I wasn't pregnant and hormones had cleared (woried that it was molar pregnancy) and it still said pregnant I wanted it to say 'not pregnant' to help me stop worrying about molar preg fears. It was a 'strong' test though, so maybe my hormones haven't cleared? (Has been 1 week and 2 days since ERCP). I heard one poster on here say she got pregnant while miscarrying, and in the back of my head (when not thinking very desperately I want to be preg right now)I hoped the same had happended, but I can't see that it could have happened (i.e. implantation after ERPC as egg moves down tube), also I've had antibiotics, and painkillers on and off since, so wouldn't be good.

Village Mum - I'm sorry to hear your ds has found it hard too. I find it hard to see others pregnant and wonder why it happens, so for a child I think they must understand why even less. It's so sad it happens. My dd is 2.5 and has been talking about babies in tummies and said she wants a baby brother like George in Peppa Pig, but hasn't gone beyond that, yet...

Barbie - I'm really impressed with 3 times at the gym, I went for about 9 months of sometimes 2 times a week at the gym,(with dieting I lost around 3 stone - after having dd - but I'd put 4 on), but now I've just got out of the routine of it and find excuses. I have been swimming once a week for some of the past month tho, so may try to keep this up: You can motivate the rest of us!

I've used painkillers to sleep last few days, but have now bought more natural sleeping pills so I'm off to try out now (I don't have caffiene beyond midday as I'm naturally an insomniac anyhow!) Nite nite.

Hi everyone,

I hope you are all having a lovely weekend.

Thanks for th advice and kind words villagemum and mm. I have tested again today and it is fainter than Thursday so I am guessing the HCG from my missed miscarriage is taking a while to leave my system rather than being a new pregnancy. I hadn't got my hopes up anyway - that would have been a miracle.

Lilac, sorry to hear you had a bit of a rubbish day. As you can see above, I'm 3 weeks post miscarriage and still testing positive on a pregnancy test, so a week and a bit sounds ompletely normal to still have HCG in your body. It's frustrating though isn't it.

Take care everyone, and have a good day. I was oing okay today, and then for no reason (actually there was a reason... I keep thinking about how pregnant I should be / would have been) I had a real blip. This is all so hard.

sausage - that test result sounds very encouraging! My line also went fainter on successive tests until finally there was none.

Lilac, perfectly normal still to be testing +ve a week after mc. It will go down - just wait a few days and try again.

Hello ladies, the weather up here is awful today, the winds are soooo strong it's scary!!, anyway enough about the weather. I went onto a website that sells cheap teats and and ov sticks yesterday, babymad.com, and ordered some, hows that for positive forward thinking? Plus I ordered Lesley Regans miscarriage book the other day, and that arrived today, so I'm going to make a cuppa and have a read. Has anyone else read it? and what did you think?
I'm going back to work on Monday and I'm dreading it, only 3 poeple knew I was pg so that's OK, but it's the fact that I'm going back to 'normal', you know pre-pg world, and I don't want to yet. Does that make sense?

VickyJane - Lesley Regan's book is excellent (it's taught me pretty much all I know about mc!) The only thing it's not completely up to date on (because it was published a while ago now) is PCOS, I think; otherwise it's incredibly informative as well as wonderfully humane and reassuring...

Totally understand your fear of going back to your 'pre-pg' self. That terrified me too, which is one of the reasons why I decided to wait this cycle out before ttc, even though desperate to be pg again. Have to face the world again... It will be OK, you'll see.

Circular and Mollie - luteal cysts are indeed normal and nothing to worry about (the corpus luteum actually is a cyst, ie a fluid-filled body - it's the follicle that fills with fluid after ovulation and it later degenerates, yuk). I think problems only set in if the corpus luteum gets twisted.

Hi everyone, sorry I haven't had much time to post lately since I went back to work RL seems to have taken over. I have also had family over from the States so my free time has been spent with them. Things should be settling down now so more time to chat to my buddies again. It's been strange going back to work this week and I am finding it difficult to focus on anything work related. I was on a course on Thurs (prearranged so couldn't get out of it) and for the first time really struggled to maintain any sort of concentration while I was there. It was a strange feeling, tbh I spend way more time thinking about you all on here than I am about work atm, I suppose I still need to give myself more time.

Looks like I have a lot of catching up to do so here goes.

villagemum I know what you mean about the ex RC, I guess now I take what I need from religion and have to leave what I disagree with, I think as long as you have the core values that's what counts, been struggling with it though since my 2nd mc tbh.

barbie how are you doing, sounds like you are making best use of your 'secret weapons' lol, good to hear you sounding more chirpie. Hope you are feeling better.

4ever how frustrating with your results, the tests are not yet complete so something may still show up. The only good thing is you have time before your appointment with the consultant to prepare all the questions you want to ask him, get them all on paper so you get what you need from the appointment. Thinking of you.

mollie so good to see you back, hope you are doing good.

sausagemcgrah sounds like the hcg is starting to leave your body but it is so frustrating. My last visit to the epu last Wed still showed a +ve test but hopefully the hcg levels will pass soon.

circular hope you are getting back to the steam room and swimming, sounds like it is helping you so keep it up girl.

vickyjane have used that website before for preg tests, the prices are great the they post really quick at well.

lilacpink good to see you again, I know what you mean about going back to work, last week when I went back it was so awkward with people either not knowing what to say or just plain avoiding me, it does gradually get easier.

mermaid We all know exactly what you mean about emotions being different day to day.

sabs1981 welcome to the thread and chat whenever you feel ready, you know where we are.

mrsghoul I am sorry for your loss and I believe it will never leave, come and chat anytime with us.

Hope I haven't missed anyone and sorry if I have, hugs and waves to you all mm xxx

Hello everyone, hope you are all having a good weekend...ive been in such a narky mood all day, feeling really tired and snappy with everyone....thankfully im home now, quiet evening with just me and the dog! Im so looking forward to the extra hour in bed, even if im there on my own
Ps, im aching from the gym sooooooo badly!

barbie, I'm feeling pretty fed up too - grumpy about not being pg, about deciding not to ttc yet, about not feeling 'normal'! Have done a fair amount of work today (DH has been home keeping an eye on DS) but finding it hard to concentrate even so.

mm, you're right, it does take time...

vm im just so angry today! honestly its so weird not sure why im so angry just know i am! must be really tired of something......I hope next month you will feel better and ttc will become fun I was thinking today that if i got pregnant when dh comes home, i will be finding out about it around my due date, so it seems like i have wasted so much time, if that makes any sense???? My hands are tied to trying again and its so frustrating, cant even be happy about ovualting (if that is what is happening right now ) because it feels like im wasting it...3 whole months of possible trying to get pregnant wasted And is it me or are there loads of babies around at the moment?

barbie, I know what you mean... I feel as if my hands are tied too, and I'm the one who tied them, by deciding to wait this month out! Know there are good reasons, but it's still very frustrating. I'm actually frustrated at not being completely well yet, I guess. I want to be back to what I was before the mc: stable, working happily, concentrating well, in perfect health, and not this neurotic, pg-obsessed worrywart. I just want my old self back.

Try to see yourself as having the opportunity to get stronger in the next 3 months, if you can - though I know it's hard to do that! Yes, there are squillions of babies about! Where did they all come from?? I never noticed all these babies before!

What was everyone doing 9 months ago??? just had a little tear at the pampers advert...dh best friend baby is due any day now and im ashamed to say im dreading the call i really dont know how i will cope, even thought of playing ignorant and pretending i didnt get the text!
I wish i had me own self back but sadly my old self near had a mc to deal with so i doubt things will ever get back to how they were now i crying..........

That better barbie has a tissue in hand...I just think im tired and emotional so im sorry . . .
Surely after the extra hour in bed and another gym workout tomorrow ill be back better than ever, the show must go on and all that!

i meant never had a mc not near!

barbie, you're right, our old selves were different women to the ones we are now. But they had spirit and I want it back! I'm sure you'll feel better tomorrow after the gym and attention from the young lads - enjoy!(and I'm also going to go swimming again tomorrow surrounded by other middle aged ladies!) x

vm you enjoy your swim too! i think maybe my spirit is indeed missing, prehapes will return on halloween! [g
hgrin] night night xxx

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Hi vm and barbie wish I'd known you girls were on here earlier. I can entirely relate to how you both are feeling about ttc, all of our hands are tied whether through fear, situation or both. Now I have got to the stage where I am too scared to ttc until something changes, hopefully that will come when we see the obstetrician but the thought of going thru this again terrifies me. All of our circumstances are a little different but we somehow have to cling to the positive ending for us all. Barbie we are all different now, to me I am trying to see it as a positive as much as it hurts, I know that I cherish what I have way more than before and I have to hold onto that feeling. The spirit is still there for all of us it just isn't so prominent atm but it will be again when we are ready. I can only imagine how hard it is for you dealing with this when DH is away but I hope we can make it a bit easier.

I have really missed our chats, night night to you all too xxx.