emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels xxx

[EisAHandbagaHolic]

hi ladies
well i think its about time we had somewhere where we can all come to reflect on our lost angels and help us to move on towards the future and support eachother through the bumps in the road in the meantime
love and hugs to you all
{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}
xx ei xx

barbie - what a rough old morning you've had and your doc was very insensitive to say the least. As for religious beliefs interfering with her job, that's just ridiculous. I even read about a woman whose pharmacist refused to issue her with the MAP because of his relgious beliefs!! Anyway, I hope the pain will go in the next 24hrs but if not, then at least you can go back to A&E tomorrow. And I guess the -ve test lets you know what is happening inside.

Thanks for heads up about the acronyms! Sad to say not just lurking, but came on because have had 2 mcs this year. One in Feb and one in July. Everyone tells me how well I am coping, but inside not coping at all!! I only took a couple of days off work for each mc, and it was my sister's wedding quite soon after the 2nd in July, so just got on with life...but don't think keeping a lid on the sadness is doing me any good. Just worried what will happen if I let it all out! Glad I found this site - feel a little better already - reading about others experiences, although i feel so sad for all of you, does help in a strange way...at least this has got me recognising I need to grieve. I do have an amazing friend who remembered to send me a lovely text on what would have been the due date for 1st angel in September, and I know other friends and DH and family all care - but I always end up saying I am fine if they ask. My darling sister (Dsis?!) is pregnant already after 2 months of trying and I am happy for her and excited about hopefully becoming an aunt, but to say that it brings back my loss is a massive understatement. Then I feel bad for not just being able to be happy for her. We will all be at a family friend's wedding on Saturday where there will be loads of kids...I can't even resort to booze as am in the middle of the two week wait, and don't want to risk it.

Hope the pain gets better barbie1 and hugs to you and the rest of you mums-in-waiting. None of us are alone if we are all here!
xxx

just saw that my dog has eaten half of my new work shoes grrrrrrr....

scamper im so sorry that you arent just a lurker if you have the time read back through the thread, you will see what we are all going through and you will realise that you arent alone and that your feeling are normal..
Isnt it typical that we always know more people who are pregnant after we have a mc, 5 new people this week told me...5! Im green with envy at them all but finally am able to hide it and say congrats without bursting into tears (that comes later in the safety of my home ) i hope you find comfort here

circular yes i read something about a morning after pill being refused, my dh thinks i should complain but to be honest i just havent the strength...the pain isnt so bad, just v.bad period pains, felt a bit of a fraud for going to a&e!

forever did you get your results???

barbie, well done for taking charge! OK, so you're not pg (which rules out an ectopic pg too) and have loads of CM - which means that the spotting may have been AF (it was two weeks ago, wasn't it?) and you might be ovulating now... You did really well both in contacting A&E and asking GP to book you an earlier scan - is that going to happen? If not, I'd still go back to A&E tomorrow because they will refer you for a scan at the gynae clinic pronto, and then you'll have an answer about the cyst. Though your pains aren't bad you've had them for a while now and they don't seem normal, so don't feel that you're wasting anyone's time - you're not!

scamper, welcome. My younger sister has been trying to get pg for about two years. She found the news of my recent pg very hard to deal with and I have not even heard from her since my mc. I guess the feelings can get very mixed up where a sibling is concerned - love, envy, resentment, the works. Good luck for the two week wait! It will be your turn; if not this month, then another month.

Grrrr, my doctor has just rang me to tell me I've got an infection, I wondered why I was getting funny pains, so now I'm on a strong dose of penicillin.
On the plus side I can't believe how much better emotionally I am this time round...you guys help. Thankyou xxx

Hi everyone, sorry I am so late tonight.

barbie What a day you have had hun, your Dr is shockingly insensitive, incompetent, judgemental and I could go on and on and on. I like vm am RC but and Drs give up the right to judge when they make that career choice. So sorry for the way you were treated today, I actually wish I was there with you, treatment like this makes you sooooo . It lets us sadly see how accurate the times article really is. I agree with vm forget the stupid comments from today, don't let it dwell. If you are still in pain tomorrow call A&E again and get it checked. You have had the rollercoaster of emotions again today sending you a big virtual hug, sounds like you need it right now. I was also told I had a cyst during the last scan I had. Thought it was funny after all the scans I had it was never mentioned before. They didn't appear concerned but I will be mentioning it to the consultant when I get my appointment.

4ever how did you get on today, been thinking about you, hope you are ok hun.

vm as always you are here when needed with good advice today, you are much appreciated on here.

vickyjane I was reading your post from yesterday and you describe the same feelings had after my 2nd mc. I unfortunately have went on to have my 3rd but please try to stay positive. So sorry to hear of your infection, hope the AB's work fast.

scamper welcome to the thread, it is so hard to deal with family members around you pregnant, you want to be happy but it does bring it all home to you. You will find talking on here will help you get thru the tough times.

Hope everyone else is good today, just seen the time so bed calling, will chat more tomorrow. Take care everyone mm xxx

Hi everyone,

Just did a long post but it seems to have disappeared.

I've just done a pregnancy test and it is still showing a BFP? Is this normal? It's 3 weeks since the miscarriage, and I was sure it would be negative as the Dr's were so pleased that everything was passed intact, and the bleeding stopped so soon afterwards. I am so frustrated as wanted this whole thing to be over with so we could just try again. Now I feel like it might be months and months before my body gets back to normal. Can anyone help? Did anyone test post miscarriage at 12 weeks (actually I was nearer 13). When did you test negative? I feel so sad that this is still going on. My body felt like it had returned to normal.

Oh barbie sounds like you had a horrid experience at your docs - why are people so insensitive about mc? It astounds me.. Sounds like you're on the case with the docs and your gynae ward, demand that scan, surely your EPU would offer it? Take that hug I gave you out of your pocket and use it... xxx

Scamper welcome and sorry you've had bad experiences too. Its really hard when friends or family announce their pregnant, my 1st mc, two of my closest mates were due 2 weeks apart from my due date, was very hard when they had their babys, had lunch with another mate yesterday who I'm sure is, and didnt want to tell me... Very mixed emotions of happiness for them tinged with sadness and envy, its hard.

Vicky sorry to hear about your infection - keep taking those antibiotics, and make sure you can get a follow up scan to check its cleared up within 2 weeks!

Sausage I know the HGC level takes a while to drop and thats what gives the +ive result, I didnt test post mc, but my last mc was at 13 weeks too and I had retained product, perhaps you have too, and thats why you're still getting a +ive, it maybe that as we were coming into 2nd trimester hormones were flying round even moreso, and therefore take longer to drop, worth checking with your EPU.. I know how frustrating it is, you just wanna get back to normal. I felt my body was holding me ransom!

Anyway - thats my pearls of wisdom, hello also to vmmmcircular and all you other lovelies... (((waves))) xxxxx

So, we went docs yesterday and I'm absolutely gutted that my tests came back normal. We really thought I'd have the antiphospholipid (sticky blood), or another immune based result. They havent done full thrombophilia screening (Factor V leiden), or very importantly, the test for Natural killer cells. The doc gave me blood test form for the thromb.. screen, will go hosp on mon, guess will have to wait for NK cells test when we see specialist on 13th. Was praying they would find the reason WHY I lost my 3 angel babys, and a CURE so I wont lose anymore. Its quite despairing, I dont know where I go from here. I'd presumed they test everything in one go, so clinging onto fact maybe the last 2 tests will show something, but then we are back to the waiting game, and what if I fall in between? Felt like a massive blow knocking me back down, when was holding onto it being the balloon that would lift us up out of this dark hole I've been hiding in. I can cope with redundancy, and my lovely DH stresses & his problems, we can cope with anything, if we can get the family we so want. Barbie like you, we got married 07/07/07 and found out I was pregnant 1st time on 07/08/07. Was text book fairytale stuff, until sept 07 when we lost it, and this rollercoaster began. It means we will enter our 4th pregnancy on a wing and a prayer, rather than dosing up on aspirin, heparin, steroids or whatever else they could of offered, and knowing we had a fighting chance next time. I'm pretty low TBH, its been a hell of a week. What do we do now? (apart from pray constantly and stitch our fingers crossed!)

Hello ladies, I would like to introduce myself. I had a miscarriage a month ago. I was 11 weeks pregnant and it was my first pregnancy. Will post my full story soon when I feel able enough to write the whole saga down. SO desperate to get pregnant again, but as I have explained on other threads, medics have told me to wait 3 months as I had medical management. Going to India for 2 weeks over xmas and NY with DH, so hope to start trying again after that. January seems so far away

MN has helped me so much to see that I am not the only one going through this and find everyone on here so brave and courageous, give me hope...

4ever - I guess you must have very mixed feelings right now: glad at least that nothing major was found but also perplexed as to why there are no firm answers for your mcs. At least they are going to perform further tests and you will see the specialist on 13th, so you may still get some firm answers in the next few weeks. Terrible that you are still in limbo land though because it means yet more waiting and not knowing . It must be hard to stay positive. Did the doctor offer up any reassurances at all? Did he say that because nothing major has been found, future pregnancies are not more likely to mc? I hope you and your dh can stay strong in the next few weeks - not long until 13th.

sabs - hello and welcome to this thread. I hope you're feeling OK at this difficult time. Take your time in telling us about your experience, we'll be here when you're ready. Going to India over Xmas should help take your mind off things a bit as you'll be very busy both before you travel and during your stay and January may seem like a long way off but it means the start of a brand new year - which must be a good omen!

vicky - hope you're feeling a bit better today and the tabs are getting to work.

sausage - I don't have any experience of having a +ve test after mc but I bet some of the other ladies will be able to advise you...

take care everyone.

sausage, it could be that your having been nearly 13 weeks means that the hormone withdrawal is slower than after a very early mc, but I'd get in touch with your EPU/ gynae unit and ask for a scan to check that everything is clear.

4ever, how incredibly frustrating for you! Did the GP offer ANY other insights at all, or at least some indication of what, in their opinion, your chances of miscarrying next time might be? You may have to wait to see the specialist on the 13th before you get the answers you need... Glad you've got further tests scheduled. When that appointment comes, just ask everything you can think of asking!

VickyJane, they had me on penicillin too, plus metranodizole - at least you can be assured that the antibios will blast that infection! (I don't think any self-respecting bacterium will be taking up residence in my body again any time soon... ) I also had scan and bloods done two weeks later to check that the infection was gone.

sabs, fear not, January will come. It's just around the corner. I'm also on a wait this month - we will get there! Think of it as 'getting fit and ready to be pg' time!

mm, do you know, as I get older I actually feel that I should be calling myself an ex-RC now - in almost every sphere of life where compassion, kindness and basic human decency are called for the old RC brigade seem to fail every time. I totally agree with you about doctors giving up their right to religious separatism when they make that career choice - the same with lawyers, the police, teachers, etc. Grrr.

Circular, about to head for the pool in an hour!

barbie, how are you today?

Hi everyone,

hopeful - I'm sorry you didn't get the answers you so badly need. You are being incredibly strong.

Hi Scamper, sorry to hear of your bad experience. I'm finding that this thread is a very theraputic and helpful place to be.

Barbie - your visit to the DR's sounds terrible. I feel so sorry for you. It's hard when you want answers and facts and no one can seem to help.

Vickyjane - I hope you're feeling better.

Thanks to Villagemum, and everyone else who has helped with my question. I have been doing a lot of googling (I am sure the amount I google is terribly unhealthy!) but still not sure what's going on. I am / was so sure that there were no retained products as the Doctors were so sure that this was the case, and the bleeding stopped so quickly. Grrrrrr. I'm not booked in for any further scans. I know that I will only get more frustrated if I ring the Gynae unit where I was treated as they will probably just tell me to give it more time and that it's normal. (It says on pregnancy test packets that it cannot guarantee a postive result anywhere before 8 weeks after a miscarriage. Boo Hiss. DH seems to think there's a chance I might be pregnant again. I think this is impossible 3 weeks after a miscarriage.

sausage, it's indeed possible to be pg 3 weeks after a mc. It all depends on when you ovulated afterwards. You would have had to have ovulated and conceived a week after the mc for a +ve new pg to show up on the hpt around now, though, I'd have thought.
Maybe wait another half week to a week and test again? x

Hi villagemum,

Wow - is that really possible then? I have to say, we didn't waste much time getting.... hmmmm.... back to normal in the bedroom department (ewwww - how old fashioed does that sound!) after the miscarriage...So I suppose there is a teeny tiny chance. That just seems unreal though. What I wouldn't give for that to be true though. I suppose we can only wait and see. Fingers crossed. I think it's probably more likely to just be the last pregnancy lingering in my system though.

How are things with you villagemum?

Hi sausagemc, well, I ovulated 3 weeks after my ERPC, and one reads all the time about women who fall pg before getting their first AF after a mc - if you don't deliberately abstain, there's always a chance! (Happened to a first cousin of mine: mc followed by conception 3 weeks later!) It's less likely that you would have ov'd just one week after your mc, but not impossible - the body is a strange thing... Having said that, though, I also think it's more probable, given how far along you were, that this is still hcg from your pregnancy that's being picked up by the hpt. Don't lose heart though; it's bound to start going down soon. But if you still test +ve in a week I really would ask for a scan to rule out retained tissue.

I'm OK - have been swimming again today and am still sticking to the plan of waiting this cycle out so that I can get my head together (DH is making sure we do, even when I weaken! argh! He is immune to my seductive manoeuvres! ) Patience, patience...
Let me know how you do? x

4ever sending you out lots of hugs, meant to make my appointment - I have a Friday list which contains everything not done all week or the one before that etc. Are they going to do more tests soon sweetie? It is so hard,I know you were so hoping for something constructive. Now after 3 mc I dont know if I have the mental reserves if things go wrong. AF arrived yesterday in her best party dress with a ladder in her tights already which is always a bad sign, feel awful and had to sit next to babies today and you know most of the time its ok and other days its just plain not ok.
vm well impressed with the swimming girl.
Hi to sausage,scamper circular and everyone, mermaid sending out warm sea breezes, off to jump on some sandcastles!

hello to all you mummies of lost angels. Thank you for the supportive messages - I feel like there are people who know just how I feel for the first time!

4ever - I am sorry that you did not get the answers you so badly want.

Mermaid - I just know I'mm gonna get my AF next week (half way through the 2 week wait now but not hopeful) and babies keep appearing out of nowhere...on buses, tubes, in shops.

Keep strong ladies, and I hope your weekends are peaceful. I will be at a wedding where I already know there will be lots of babies - will just have to coo and bear it!

hugs, xxx

Hello everyone, I had to miss my steam room and swim fix today as dd off pre-school but tomorrow, I'll be back in with a vengeance!!! Next week won't be easy either, with it being half-term but perhaps I'll squeeze the odd visit in....

Hope everyone has had a good day. I had one of those moments this morning where I felt 'empty' but it passed...m/c is such an odd thing really, your mind gets used to being pg but then it's suddenly all gone, like a thief came along and stole a valuable when you weren't looking . I can't begin to imagine what it must be like to lose a baby at 20wks or so, that must be terrible. Sorry for sad thoughts but that's what thinking does!

After feeling fine yesterday, i'm feeling quite empty today , I really do need to give myself a break, it is still so early days at the moment, it's not been a week yet!!! I start thinking about trying again, then I'm filled with a dread that it's all going to happen again, plus my bloody boobs are still so tender.

Hi girls, sorry I haven't posted all week but had a real downer and everyone on here has been so strong and positive lately that I didn't want to bring the thread down. The final straw that broke this camels back was when my DH's brother & wife told us they are pg again (their DS is only 8mths) they will be due in June, which is the same mth that our last pg was going to be due. So for the next 7.5 mths I'll have a constant slap in the face reminder of what should have been, but hey ho, life goes on! Needless to say I have had a few days off work and feel much better for it. Still no AF so off to doctors on Tuesday to chase up where the bloody hell she's got too!!!
So I'm going to try to catch up with you chatter boxes!
Hello and welcome to newbies Nannyn Vicky so sorry you have had to join us
VM I see Operation Conception is on hold for a month, so I won't get my pom poms out and start doing a BD dance for you just yet Be sure to let me know when you are and I can dust them off ready
Barbie I know I shouldn't have laughed at your experience at the doctor, it was one of those if you dont laugh you'll cry kind of scenario's I loved the way you retold it. I can't believe how insensitive she was, good old NHS
4Ever I too am hoping that they can find something wrong that can be fixed. We had our first round of blood tests that came back normal and our consultants appt is in December, like you said it would be amazing to get some answers to all our questions and it's shite that sometimes we don't. I will keep everything crossed for you that the consultant can perform some magic Keep your chin up hun

I will abandon this post as my chinese has just been delivered but will finish catching up later x

Have not read whole thread, but my lost angel would have been born Nov 8th 2003, so always fell very raw and lonely at this time of year.

villagemum, you made me laugh talking about not being able to corrupt your husband! Mine is quite amenable to our renewed 'activity' as he had thought it wouldn't be happening for 9 months. He's making the most of it.

molliemooma, sorry to hear you've had a low week. Poor you with tht news. That must be incredibly hard to hear. I really feel for you.

scamper - enjoy your wedding. Make the most of being able to drink at it!

circularrainbow and vickyjane, sadness can strike at any point can't it. I had a wobble today because of this whole test thing. It's all thrown me again. Vickyjane, it really is such early days for you though - take it easy and don't expect too much from yourself. Give yourself time.

Hi mermaidspurse and

I gave the unit a ring who looked after me throughout the miscarriage, to ask about the positive pregnancy test thing, and if I could get a scan to see if there were any retained products. I hate that terminology by the way - just don't know what else to put. Anyway - I nearly hung up on the nurse. She didn't understand what I was asking, and became fixated on the fact that I had had 'unsafe sex' since the miscarriage. She was foreign, and the way she worded it would have been hysterical if I wasn't so disgusted by her lack of tact and what she was saying. She couldn't believe I have had sex since the miscarriage, and acted like I was so stupid for having done it. She kept saying 'I would have waited at least one cycle.' Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Anyway - she said nothing of value whatsoever.

Another question for everyone... has anyone had any kind of therapy / counseling since their miscarriages? I am going to see someone on Monday. I hope it makes things better not worse though. I have a terrible habit of getting my hopes up that people can help fix this, when it seems no one can. Sorry - ending on a real downer there.

Sausage More shining examples of our wonderful NHS After my first m/c my GP said there was no reason to wait, they usually recommend one cycle so it's easier to date but as she put it, I'll just work a bit harder for my money trying to date it! I actually fell pg straight after 2nd m/c in August, got a BFP 5 wks after ERPC, so it is possible (unfortnately mine was a chemical pg) but there have been others on MN who have gone on to have successful pg's. I am currently undergoing counselling and I have to say it's been an absolute bloody god send, and without it I think I would have tipped over the edge, after being pg 3 times in 9mths my emotions are shot to pieces! So I would recommend counselling to anyone considering it.
Right back to my catching up
Another hello and welcome to Scamper & Sabs so sorry to hear of your losses but glad you have found us, feel free to rant and moan to your hearts content
Barbie I too had a cyst mentioned at my last scan, it was a bit wierd as my DH has seen a part of me on the screen that I haven't but the doctor said it was quite common, he did give it a name, but like mm will mention it to the consultant.
Circular Hope your DD is feeling better soon, if we don't hear from you enjoy half term next week
MrsGhoul One of the women at work can still tell me straight off how old her first m/c would have been and she's 60, she says you never forget. Do you mark the day by doing anything?
Mermaid Hope you are feeling a little better after the bombardment of babies, they pop up everywhere don't they Go smash a few more sandcastles it will make you feel much better
Mollie waves to everyone else and hopes you all have a good weekend

mollie - If you're talking about ovarian cysts, then I believe it is called the corpus luteum, here: www.drspock.com/article/0,1510,5335,00.html

I had one at my 12wk scan with dd and the sonographer said it was the size of a grape (about 5cm) but at my 20wk scan it had gone.