emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels xxx

[EisAHandbagaHolic]

hi ladies
well i think its about time we had somewhere where we can all come to reflect on our lost angels and help us to move on towards the future and support eachother through the bumps in the road in the meantime
love and hugs to you all
{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}
xx ei xx

Hello, I am just coming to terms with a missed mc at 12 wks last weekend. The whole experience has rocked me to the core emotionally and physically and it all still feels a bit surrreal. I too was on the April thread, albeit only lurking, not posting as didn't want to tempt fate (due to previous mc in 1st pg, although have had two children since.) Obviously didn't make any difference though...

You all seem like a really lovely bunch so hope to get to know you better!

Hello mayl, so very sorry to hear your news but it's good that you're not lurking anymore because it's much better to talk about how you're feeling after experiencing a m/c. I too had a mmc, discovered the day before my 12wk scan - it seems to be a depressingly common scenario. Anyway, well done on finding this thread and hopefully, it'll answer any questions you may have and provide support when you need it.

barbie1 - has af turned up yet??

Hi, I've never been on this before and not really sure how it works but I'm still struggling after my third miscarriage in March this year - having got pregnant again finally through assisted conception (IUI). My friends and family have been lovely but they can't understand what I have been going through the last few years and it was so lovely to hear all your stories and know I am not alone, not so much of a freak as I've felt, increasingly. I have been off work now for a while which i feel very quilty about, but I have to make a choice, and having another baby is the most important thing to me, the only way I see to get through this. We do have a beautiful 4 year old daughter and my love for her overflows every day - I know how lucky I am to have her. I should be more grateful, less angry, less sorry for myself and I am trying so hard,but i feel so empty, so desperate. It is coming up to my 39th birthday in a few weeks, which also coincides with when we will start IUI again. I'm not sure how i will find the strength to get through what ever lies in store for us in the next year, but i know I will have to dig deep, and knowing I am not alone, that people do come out the other side is inspiring. So love to you all and thank you.

Hello mayl - I'm so sorry this has happened to you too (I discovered my mmc at 10 wks - also via a scan; I'd had no inkling). As CircularRainbow says, it is very common, although one doesn't realise that until it happens to you... The ladies here are lovely and I'm sure they'll help you as much as they've helped me. x

barbie - did your AF start and then stop again? Or not start at all? Are you OK? x

Hi Bluewater - I'm so sorry to hear you've been suffering like this. Come and join us. You're not a freak at all! If it's any consolation, I'm already 39, and about to try again too after a mc. Still plenty of time for us both. I really hope the IUI works for you in a few weeks. Presumably you're in good hands and being overseen by a consultant or gynae? Much strength to you. x

NEWS UPDATE; af still not been found, last seen in the newcastle area on saturday afternoon...owner considering a reward for information on whereabouts!!!

Ha ha hello everyone and welcome to the newbies! you will love it on this tread, we are all mental and will help you through this horrible time, lots of love, tears, laughs and hugs are always avalible!

villagemum af showed late wed, more brown discharge though than red, even more followed on friday and red when i wiped on sat morning (tmi...sorry!) so was prepared with my bag full of thingys and then nothing, no discharge, no blood...nada...zipperty zilch!

Hubby still here, boat been delayed so i still have him around until friday....no chance of seeing him until he gets home because his job is on a tanker, going for port to port. I think his trading pattern this time will be singapore to middle east oh well.....

mm you have been v.quiet are you ok my lovely???

Welcome mayl and bluewater to our lovely thread. You will find all the help and support you need here and like barbie says we are always available.

barbie yes I am here just been busy today with dd being off school, holidays up here so dd is off all week. Glad to hear that dh boat has been delayed but you must be wondering what has happened to af? Our bodies really have left us all wondering what is going on these days. The horrid part is you are continually left wondering if and when your af will make an appearance. Good to see your usual bubbly self is still shining thru.

villagemum how are you today, I've had a quite day as you can see but missed you.

My bleeding seem to be getting heavier again this week. Last week it seemed to be tailing off and I hoped this would continue however this week it is more like having af and pretty embarrassing it now has a foul smell (sorry if tmi). Do any of you know if this is normal or could it be retained tissue. I haven't had this with my previous mcs. I am thinking that I may give the EPU a call in the morning to check with them but thought I would pick your brains on here first, checking the time it is probably too late now but who knows. Anyway hope everyone else is doing good today just didn't have time to mention everyone but waves and hugs to all. mm xxx

mm hi babe glad you are back, the hospital told me that if i had an foul smelling discharge to go back, even if it happened weeks after because there could be a low lying infection, i hope its not for you and that 'its just one of those things' but i think you are right about giving them a call....still no af here, i think it must of got lost on its way down!

Hi barbie I have just called the EPU and they are going to do another scan tomorrow morning to check for any retained products. She said that this could be normal but just wants to rule out any infection. I thought I was by this stage but this just seems to be going on and on, I am honestly sick of the sight of the EPU. Hopefully it is nothing to worry about and like you say it just one of those things.

Hi ladies, have been lurking for a while but just wanted to pop on and say hello

I went for my 12 week scan last Friday and discovered that I had an anembryonic pregnancy, or a missed miscarriage

While I am staying philosophical about the reasons for this, I am finding it so cruel that the sac continued to grow and give me all my pg symptoms while the embryo stopped developing early on.

I had decided to go back in for a D&C this week but started bleeding on Sunday morning. Yesterday was horrific in terms of blood loss and pain, but thankfully things have started to ease a little today.

There is such a lot of positivity and support on this thread, so I am hoping to lurk a while and take comfort from this

mm - oh my goodness, I'm so sorry you've been going through this! Well done for calling the EPU and getting a scan organised. If it is a slight infection they can give you antibiotics straight away and that will knock it on the head... Thinking of you! xx

Barbie - have you considered doing a pg test? (just a thought...) I see what you mean about visiting your dh - not easy unless you actually swim to the tanker! Glad for you that his boat has been delayed! xx

Hello detoxdiva - welcome and feel free to lurk! I hope today goes well for you and that the pain starts to ease off... Sending you hugs and support. xx

Hello all new ladies, sorry to detoxdiva.. Most of us have had mmc, and my last one was at 13 weeks so know exactly how you feel.. These ladies have been a great help to me...

Barbie glad you get afew extra days with DH, strange about AF? Mine were all over the place but as you know after last mc I had about 9 weeks of constant bleeding..

Brings me on to mm sounds like an infection hon.. didnt they give you antibio's after erpc? I had a course after 1st erpc for last mmc, then retained products found a week later and was given 2 diff lots of antibios. 6 weeks later and still bleeding and still retained product so had my 2nd erpc and was given another lot of antibios after that op. (4 courses in all for this mc). After 2nd mmc and 1st erpc was given them too so seems to be standard procedure. Worth mentioning to them...

I'm having a crap time. Af is tailing off but was terrible, almost fainted twice with heaviness and pain. Still no joy with appt for results. Wont go into detail but specialist secretary is a complete cow, after discovering needed 2nd erpc for last mc I needed to know how would affect tests. Understandably crying and upset, she thought I was shouting at her and told me she was going to hang up, which she did. I made a complaint as it left me in tears and with nowhere to turn.

Then when this results appt got cancelled I got told i had to speak with her to rearrange. I called and didnt give my name and she said I could get results from specialists team of docs. I called back next day and said would go for that, she asked my name and switched. She told me 'I'll tell the doctors and they may call you back, or they may not' she was so horrible, I said I really need to know and she said she had to go and hung up on me again, which left me sobbing, again! Had to complain again and now liasing with the manager of womens services. Its been anightmare. Surely if she works in such a sensitive area she should know how to treat human beings! Anyway that was all at the end of last week and I'm waiting on a phone call this friday to rearrange hopefully.

I'm just so very low. Most of you on here are so lucky to already have children. We only got married last year and are desperate to have a family, we just want a normal life is that so hard to ask for? Having kids already is a reason to keep strong. Its a struggle when life keep throwing crap at you. My darling amazing best friend husband has got crap going on too so am really worried for him right now too. LIfes hard at the moment.. Just want to run away, except we cant cos we need to be near hospitals... I'm feeling quite desperate that this is my lot and life will just continue being this bad and this hard. My name is failing me...

4ever You are really going thru a hard time right now but you will come out the other side. What a bitch of a secretary, how dare she treat you like that, she really needs brought down a peg or two and good for you to complain, it's the only way people like that will ever stop. It makes you so angry at the treatment you have had, hopefully you will get the appointment rescheduled and get some results that will help you feel more positive. Don't give up yet, mentally or physically, wait till you get your results you then know where you stand and what options are open to you. Like villagemum said to me 'fertility problems usually have solutions' so hold on to that thought. You know what is sad is how much better you would feel if you were speaking to a supportive secretary who understood and just made life a little bit easier, it would take so little on her part and make such a difference. I hate using the cliche but keep your chin up you will get thru this, positive thoughts for you. Keep posting if it helps.

villagemum thanks for the thoughts. I really just want to physically get back to normal now, it feels like this has been going on for an eternity but you will know this feeling from your experience. Anyway going round to see my nephews later, they want to have a little birthday party for dd it's her birthday on Fri, so will be having a good time with all the kids, looking forward to it as dd doesn't know yet. So staying upbeat and positive as always. Hope you are doing good today hun.

Welcome detoxdiva your mc sounds very similar to my second so we all know what it is like. Feel welcome to lurk or chat whenever you need.

Waves and hugs to everyone else mm xxx

Hi mm, I do so know how you feel... very glad you're having that scan tomorrow as it will give you the answers you need. You sound as brave as always, if I may say so...

I'm going through a minor panic of my own right now (all being played out in the Conception topic area) about whether or not to have an amalgam filling removed tomorrow before ttc next month (I've read that you have to wait AGES after having amalgam taken out before ttc, because of the mercury absorbed by your body during the process). Am now waiting for the dentist to call me to advise (another hapless medical professional I've managed to terrify!) Argh! Wish I could just get back to my old self, who wasn't constantly anxious... But it's easy not to be anxious if it's only your own health at stake; less easy when you know that you might be affecting your unborn (still to be conceived!) baby. xx

4ever - I'm appalled by the insensitivity that's been shown to you and so glad that you're dealing with someone sympathetic and responsible now. I really hope things are resolved for you on Friday. You will get some answers once you get to see the specialist - just hang in there. Is there anyone you can speak to in the meanwhile to get you through this tough time? xx

4ever oh sweetie, encountering the receptionist from hell is never good, encountering her when you are going through all this is beyond grim, sending you a big
mmfingers crossed for your scan
barbie eek not looking forward to AF after reading how you have been feeling. It has been and this sounds weird but I think you will all know what I mean - really a fab feeling to say 'I have had a car crash' to people and not worry about upsetting anyone too much No one says 'oh it was only nature' It made me realise how hard socially mc is on a great many levels. Yep it was the bang on the head...
Finally got to the Drs who has given me my choice of gyni clinics so next week I will pluck up courage and book an appointment.
villagemum hope you managed to terify that dentist! what did he reckon by the way?
bruises are ok, neck hurts a bit but taking arnica.
sad welcomes and big hugs to mayl, bluewater

goodevening pretty ladies, im not sure if im coming or going today so ill keep it short.....sad about hubby going away, sad about sister, sad about not being pregnant, sad about mother in law.....so you might of guessed im feeling a little sad !!!! im so sure my af will show soon, im so emotional right now and feeling completely like 4ever i really do understand where you are coming from hun, im in the same place too! vm i have thought about p, test 100 times today but couldnt handle the disappointment if it was negative but at the same time not sure how i would cope if it was positive??? sorry this post is all over the place, i tend to get like this when hubby is about to go i promise ill be back to my normal dizzy self soon enough...

Hello and hugs to all the new names, so for you but its nice and safe here!
Im sorry for all of you having a bit of a poo time at the moment, im thinking of you all even if this post is all about me!.........
And another hello to all my chatting buddies, hope you are all well xxxx

so wrapped up in me forgot to say to mm good luck for tomorrows scan, im sure you will be fine...sending you all the positive thoughts i can muster! xxx

welcome to this thread bluewater and detoxdiva; sorry you have had to join us here but it's a good place to be after a m/c.

4ever - life sounds tough for you atm; I guess all you can do is to keep focussed on your appointments and on getting your results. Although the secretary is unpleasant, don't let her bring you down because she's not worth it. Things must be due to improve for you soon.

mm - good luck with the scan tomorrow, hope it sorts everything out so that you can get back on track again and move forward.

Well, after feeling hideous, headachy and worn out since Friday, I've felt so much better today. I actually feel physically 'normal': no headache, no cramps, hardly any bleeding and my energy levels are going back up. I'm looking forward to having a swim but I think it's a still a little early for that - it is on my list though! Another thing that is surprising me is that I seem to be very receptive to the idea of ttc again . Of course, it won't happen for some time yet (i.e. I've got no idea when af will next turn up for starters!) but only a couple of days ago, even the thought of ttc was anathema!!!

CircularRainbow - good for you! The old life force is clearly kicking in again - way to go!
I have to say that I feel better than I did even before pg and mc; could it be having given up alcohol? I stopped drinking my one glass (OK, three) of wine a day when I found out I was pg, and after the mc I just felt too sad to do anything so celebratory as pulling a cork. Got so out of the habit that I haven't touched it again since. Used to swim 20 lengths a day but I've yet to get back in the pool, however! (BTW, wait till your bleeding has stopped completely before you swim, to avoid any risk of infection. Must admit that mine stopped weeks ago - I'm being extra, extra careful ).

barbie - just sit tight... Thinking of you... and of mm today.

mermaidspurse, I just love your posts - they are so funny and well put!
I've yet to do battle with the dentist - she tried to hide by getting her receptionist to ring me instead, but it will be drills at noon when the appointment comes around.

Hi everyone, well the saga continues, went for the scan this morning and it looks like there are still some retained product, so booked in again for the ERPC tomorrow. During the scan we could both see a small piece there so she got me to do a pregnancy test and it is still showing positive so it does look like some retained tissue. I am so annoyed that they didn't do the ERPC two weeks ago and this wouldn't still be going on now, tbh I think by their reaction they also know this. The timing is just so bad, tomorrow is step brothers gran's funeral so all the family will be at that so trying to find someone to take dd. I haven't even been able to get a hold of dh he is tied up in a meeting but I know he will struggle to take any more time off, but he will and we will work it out one way or another. On one hand I want to scream and on the other I am relieved that this isn't going to carry on indefinitely. Four weeks of heavy bleeding is enough for anyone.

Anyway no more ranting for now. Hope you are all feeling better today especially barbie and 4ever, circularrainbow Glad to hear you sounding positive. mermaidspurse Get that appointment booked.
villagemum last but definitely not least, hope you got information about the fillings from the receptionist, I hadn't heard anything about it before so some food for thought there.

Take care everyone mm xxx

Hello lovely ladies,
Sorry I've not been around for ages. I've been keeping so busy (not sure it's the right thing to do but I have to keep some normality).
Still having good and bad days. Today is a bad day - I couldn't face going to work so I stayed in bed for most of the morning.
Hello to all the newbies - I'm so sorry you've had to go through this but am glad you've found this room.
Haven't had a chance to catch up - I think I've got about 15 pages . I'll start reading when I feel a bit better.
Lots and lots of love to all of you xxxxx

Thank you ladies for your support yesterday, was so so low.. barbie hope you're starting to see some light at the end of this very long dark tunnel! I think I'm seeing a glimmer..! Your bound to be emotional with DH due to go, we are all here for you sweetheart, just like you been here for me...

mm hope the scans going ok and you raise the issue of antibiotics, even double doses like I got... Its time we are all allowed to move on, why should it be dragged on and on like this, its not fair..

Just reading your responses helped, I'm really not one for self pity and that makes me even more upset, mind you glad you all agree about the bitch secretary, made me smile! Its all about the lack of control we have over this whole sorry saga, everythings in someone elses hands and thats probably the hardest part.. Anyway, thanks again, I'm not out of the woods but feeling a bit better than yesterday.. xxxx

Ahh mm our posts crossed, honey my heart goes out to you, I was so upset when I had to have my 2nd erpc for last mc. I hope you can soon start feeling a sense of relief that this will now be over for you, it was tinged with anger for me & felt my body was holding me hostage, you just want closure and your body to start to healing don't you? Make sure you get antibio's when the op is done.. I was so relieved to stop bleeding after 6 constant weeks of it, no more pads & liners, able to have sex again (in 2 weeks!), just getting back to 'normal'. This last mc was so much worse than my first two because of all this prolonged healing. Its so frustrating and depressing but you will soon come out the other side.. Will be thinking of you tomorrow.. Get some chocs and magazines ready so you can put your feet up tomorrow evening and the next few days and then you can start finally, moving on.. xxxxx

Hi, please can I join too? I'm not new to mumsnet, I have 1 dd (2.5), but new to ERPC, as just had done today. I've had bleeding on and off for around 5 weeks (last 'normal' period end of May. 1 week ago I was delighted to be told was pregnant (but terrified re. bleeding), had scan 8.50am, told were signs of molar, I got lost finding my way out of hosital (alone) so walked around crying for what felt like hours, got home (after full break down in car), went back in at 1pm, had op at around 7-7.30, I had lost all track of anything at that point. Now can't sleep even though I probably really need to. I rarely drink (one glass and I'm happy, 2 and I can be sick!), and was told not to, but would love to knock a lot back now! Also scared to sleep, this morning I wokeup 8 weeks pregnant (i.e. holding vomit back,sorry if TMI), scared I'll be the same tomorrow, but no bean

Oh, lilacpink, you've had a very rough time. I hope you managed to get some sleep last night and that you feel a little better this morning. It's a lot to have to cope with at very short notice, but the worst really is over now... Sending you many hugs. xx

mm - I'll be thinking of you so much today and hoping that you wake up from that ERPC with a sense of hope... xx

barbie - how are you now sweetheart?

And hello to all you other wonderful ladies! ((waves))

I did go to the dentist yesterday and she told me to leave the filling alone until I've managed to produce a sprog as it's not really creating a problem (the filling, that is - producing a sprog may be harder.) The poor woman also offered me a baby buggy (used to be her dd's!) Now feel that I am the dental patient from hell as well as the gynae patient from hell. Oh well.

barbie is here, trying to type through the tears.......hubby will be leaving in less then an hour and suddenly my world is collapsing, im terrified im not going to be strong enough this time (normally i have been living in devon with parents and friends around, not having had a mc, or worried about sister and mother in law) the councelling idea suddenly seems like a good option...
Im so sorry that im being like this, especially when we have newbies on here going through such an awful time lilacpink and mm who i feel so angry for what a horrible thing to have to go through (hope you are ok hun)
Like foreverhopefull ive never been into self pity but right now its all i have been doing??? i blame the hormones!
Had a rubbish day yesterday hence no post....went to work early and stopped to by pg test just in case....couldnt resist and ended up doing in in the bathroom in work, classy! BFN! this effected me more than i thought i would, i so wanted it to be positive, so no af and no bean then i found out one of the girls is pregnant, just turned 18, no partner, due the same week as i would of and she had no idea she was pregnant sat eating crap and wondering when she is meant to have scan etc etc, honestly she had no idea!!! then started bombarding me with questions as i had been pregnant before....told her its a bit raw so could she stop but NO......i ended up bursting into tears and fled the staff room feeling sorry for myself because i have to watch her pregnancy progress, i only hope hubby will get new job so i can be out of there before she nears the due date...Is this being selfish????
Anyway ill be here all day so if anyone is lurking come and play!