emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels xxx

[EisAHandbagaHolic]

hi ladies
well i think its about time we had somewhere where we can all come to reflect on our lost angels and help us to move on towards the future and support eachother through the bumps in the road in the meantime
love and hugs to you all
{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}
xx ei xx

Waves back mollie xxx

Hello all, I'm back. Hello to the new folk too, agree it's sad that we are here but hope we can help each other through.

I've had a funny few days - saw my nephew on Weds, he was playing up but felt OK to be around kids which sounds selfish but I was dreading it. Been off the painkillers for a couple of days too, bleeding after the failed med mgmt tailing off too. Had my hair done yesterday and had a little wander round town, which helped.

Then today I had my re-scan. As expected, the sac is still there, albeit collapsed or something. After an internal to ocnfirm, we were sent to another room and waited for a doctor. Told he was delayed with emergencies and would be about an hour so went for a wander. Back again and waited for another hour! As expected, I was recommended a D&C/ ERPC, likely on Monday. Then found out I can't be fitted in til Weds, nearly 3 wks after this whole palava started. I lost it and started crying again, I just feel so stupid and in limbo. I want to get some control back, move on and hate waiting around. I've been off work for 2 wks now and am in 2 minds if to go back for Mon & Tues, as my sick note has run out. Or whether to go to the GP and get it renewed, then sit around some more, go for the op on Weds and maybe feeling too grotty to go back the rest of the week.

Husband was getting stressy about the waiting round in hospital and get a bit short with me for being impatient. I'm also worried I might get an infection or something, the development stopped at wk 5-6 and I should be 12-13 wks now, it doesn't feel healthy somehow.

I'm all weepy and dreading ringing in work to give them an update. Sorry for the rant - hope everyone is doing OK.

Hello everyone, I didn't get to read through this thread last night as I'd planned because my bleeding was too profuse so I saw my GP who referred me to the gynae ward immediately. We went straight there and after initial observations, a doctor did an internal and extracted the foetus (or product as she kept calling it!). I asked to see it. I then had some drugs to stop the bleeding but the bleeding kept on so another doctor had about three separate attempts to pull out the remaining tissue but it was too embedded in my uterus so I had a D&C. It was a pretty long day but I'm so glad I went to hospital because I don't think the outcome would've been any different in the end. I lost so much blood and I was getting weak so it was the right thing to do. I feel OK now, not in any pain at all, no cramps, just feel a bit woozy when I get up too quickly. I'm looking forward to a hot, hot bath tonight and an early night.

When I got home from hospital this afternoon, there was a letter from the ultrasound department informing me of the date of my 20wk scan!! I guess they time the letters to coincide with the end of the twelfth week. So many reminders all over the place, I opened my wardrobe door and there were my maternity notes sitting looking at me (I'd forgotten to take them into hospital last night).

I will eventually read this thread from start to finish. Until then, hope you're all as good as can be expected.

Jemima123 - you need space to get through this, and the stress of going three weeks without closure is debilitating in itself. Take time out for yourself if you need it. If you feel you can't manage work on Monday and Tuesday (and there's no reason why you should feel you have to - you're going through something emotionally and physically very taxing) then I'd simply tell them that you've had unforeseen complications, get your GP to renew the sick note, and take the whole of next week off. Do what's right for you though.
Don't worry about getting an infection -unlikely to happen and as long as you're not bleeding heavily, having a bad-smelling discharge or running a temperature then all signs are good. (If you are, get back to the hospital straight away and they will give you antibiotic cover.) Hope you get peace soon! xx

mm - way to go with the positive talk!
Your dd is obviously a very motivated girl; my ds is bunking off his swimming lesson tomorrow for the second week in a row and weak-willed mommy is letting him...

Mollie - you really lift my spirits too with your kind comments...

Stork - so glad it's over for you. Enjoy snuggling down in bed and shutting out the world! xx

just popped in to wave at everyone and will read through all these pages later - love to all and I am fine you sweeties xx

Bloody PMT! having not had a proper period for years due to the coil this period is hitting me hard, angry to tearful in zero seconds flat...
My dh has been sent to the pub for the last drinks with friends before he head of to work next week (cant stop crying now just thinking about being on my own for 3 months flat, hang on i need to get a tissue!.......

.......some time later......i am really feeling sorry for myself so please accept my apoligise! i have been waking around today in a daze, i really am so angry at everything, the mothers i see with new babies, the babies who cry to loud in the shop, old people who walk to slow, and anyone who just looks at me! Is pmt normally this bad??

Oh and a question for you (i bet villagemum will know! ) i have had browny discharge and red if i wipe but not enough to use sanitary product so when do i coult the first day of cycle, the day the discharge starts of the day its full blown blood, sorry for tmi.

stork im glad its over for you so you can recover and move forward, talking about reminders my scan appointment fell out of my diary today and when i was looking for a tampax just in case i found the hospital pad, my arm band and the two pregnancy text i took, i was planning on making a memory box along with the scan pic but forgot i had put it all today in the drawer. Made my cry all over again.

mollie hello again, been thinking about you, been keeping a little eye out for you on your other post just to make sure you were ok, glad you are back

monkey and 4ever how are you coping with af, better than me i hope! barbie extends a hand to monkey my new hand holding buddy until feb!!! ps good luck with the councellor, im thinking i might need one, im going to see how i cope without hubby to talk to over next few weeks first.

sarah im clapping my hands in glee for you due to the fact you are so brave not going back on the meds,,,,you go girl!

jemmima hope you are bearing up, i had the same kind of wait as you, you will get through it but i suggest stayng off work as i went back and lasted 4 hours before being sent home in floods of tears and in a constant panick in case things just 'happens to come out'

mm and villagemum last but not least how are you both today? Im glad i have the pair of you as my chat buddies, long may it continue!

oh mermaid nearly forgot you there, whoops! how are the bruises, hope you are healing well xxxxx

such bad grammer, i hope you can all make out what was meant to be said!

Thanks VillageMum for your thoughts and to everyone else that said hello. I did wonder whether the embryo had implanted at all but then thought it must have as I've had a week of pregnency symptoms each time. Is it possible to get the symptoms if it hasn't implanted yet? I'm not sure as it's all quite new to me.

I'm aware that due to the very early nature of my pregnancy problems I haven't had to go through the awful experiences many of you have and I'm not sure I even qualify to be writing on this forum, but thanks for including me and know that I appreciate the support. It also helps me understand what my sister who had a miscarriage at 8 weeks went through and hopefully I'll be able to support her better now!

Good morning everyone
emm76 don't you worry about being qualified to post here of course you are, you and your sister can now help each other get thru this tough time.

barbie hormones really are taking over with us all these days good idea sending dh to the pub, they really don't know how to handle us when we get like this. I know what you mean about seeing babies everywhere, when I had my docs appointment on Thursday it was immunisation day so the waiting room was full of babies and I started to think that I should be there with my baby - my first due date was in Aug. They only do this once a month so how lucky was I to book for that day and time. It will hard when dh is away, I hope you have plenty family and friends around you and we are always here when you need us sending virtual hugs your way. I am not sure the answer to your question but someone will answer soon.

stork what a horrible experience you had, like others are saying at least it is now over, you need that before you can move on. You need to rest up after losing so much blood so some tlc prescribed to you. I still have the letter from my 2nd mc with my scan date, sounds silly but I just can't bring myself to throw it out, it's all I have to say my baby was here. You will probably see some little reminders that will take you back over the next few days/ weeks but they are all just showing how much this baby meant and how much you will always care.

jemima I wouldn't go back to work before the ERPC especially if you are feeling weepy, don't worry about the time you are taking off. It is horrible when you have to update work on what is happening each time I have had to contact them I have found it really stressful. It has surprised me how bad I have felt talking to people I know really well.

villagemum I am getting in before the Sat morning rush starts, I don't know so much about dd being motivated she just loves swimming and dancing and the socialising that goes with it, this her at 4 you can imagine what I have coming in the future. Hope you are good today hun.

mbm I called the mc counsellor last night and spoke to her for a while, it actually felt good to talk to someone who knew exactly what I was talking about without having to explain anything. She was actually from SANDS so has passed me onto another counsellor who specifically deals with earlier mc so waiting on her to call me back. She asked who we had been referred to and said it was a good idea to have counseling alongside any treatment. The good news she couldn't sing the praises of my consultant any more if she tried so that made me feel good.

mollie how are you today, recovered from villagemums words yesterday, they still bring a tear when you read them again.

mermaid good to hear you are ok, take care hun.

Well I am still feeling pretty up and down atm but I know I will be fine. Talking to the counsellor last night helped and I think speaking with them will help so will definitely give it a go. I was surprised how easy it was to talk to her so any of you thinking about it give it a go, that includes barbie to if you need it. Big hugs to everyone have spent to long on here and need to rush now arggghh, take care and have a good weekend. mm xxx

Morning!

Okay.... My cleaning has now reached frenzied pitch . DH has just gone away trekking for three weeks and I've started on the hall. Anyone got any tips for sanding/painting too??

Sarah I think that's amazing that you're doing so well without the AD's. As somebody said you must be a very strong lady . You should be feeling so proud of yourself. My MIL has depression, so I know how very difficult it can be. Stay strong.

Villagemum I am in awe of how you constantly know not only the right thing to say, but also the most meaningful too. Yes, I am another one you've had in tears from your beautiful posts.You've made me feel like more of a mother to my lost little ones too, so thank you... Btw, lol at Captain Underpants! I have visions of a little monkey racing round with pants on his head for some reason .

Jemima So sorry to hear that the medical management failed. What a nightmare, and to now have to wait for the ERPC. You poor thing. You must be stressed about work, I know how awful it is having to ring in and tell them you're going to be off for even longer. Remember that it's you who is important here, not work. You've probably already sorted it, but I think you should get a note for at least all of next week. I really hope that the ERPC goes well, and that you are able to try to move forward from this soon.

Oh Stork what an awful thing to have to go through. It must have been terribly upsetting. Make sure you get lots of rest after what you've been through - I hope you're being well looked after x

Barbie Sorry to hear you have such bad PMT. Do you think that it's being made worse by the anger that you must be feeling anyway after what's happened?
Where is DH going to work? Hope you're okay - must be difficult for you to have three months without him, but I'm sure it'll fly by! Have you got lots organised to try to keep you busy? Think a counsellor would be a good idea - I feel better even just having the appointment booked .

Hi Emm Yes, it is possible to get pregnancy symptoms that early, in my experience anyway. For the last three pregnancies I have 'known' well before AF was due. The last one, I was thinking I was pg three days after ovulation! I felt sick, had indigestion, and my tummy felt different. I couldn't sleep on my front like I normally do. Maybe it's coincidence, but with it happening three times I think there's something in it.

mm That's great re the counsellor, and really good that she was positive about your consultant. It helps to have confidence in the person who's treating you...

Better go, as the mess is calling me back. Love to everyone I haven't mentioned, and I hope that you've all got the lovely sunshine that we have. It certainly helps to lift the spirits .

Have a good weekend x

Hi everyone,
Can I join? I am trying to get over a missed miscarriage and finding it very tough. Found out a day before my 12 week scan was due that the sac was empty, and had medical management last Friday (which was horrid as it went rather wrong.) So am I feeling very sorry for myself and rather sad. I was ScrumptiousBumptious on the April thread by the way if anyone else was on that one?

Hi everyone, I've now read this thread from start to finish. I've also changed my name from StorkExpectedInApril to CircularRainbow (I once saw circular rainbows in Zimbabwe over the Vic Falls and I took inspiration from the image of an endless colourful ring).

Some of you ladies have been through so much heartache and grief, it's so sad that m/c are so common. This thread provides great support and advice and is a real help for newbies such as myself. I was shocked that some of you have had to undergo more than one D&C (or is the new term ERPC?) - that must've been really tough, both emotionally and physically. Hugs to those of you who had to experience this.

sausagemcgrah, I remember you as ScrumptiousBumptious from the April thread - so very sorry to hear of your loss but this is the right thread to be on for help and support. Your experience is a mirror of mine - I also found out that I was m/c the day before my 12wk scan. Hope you are getting some rest and tlc.

This whole experience is so new to me and I seem to have so many unanswered questions - does anyone know the answers to the following questions?

If you experience a m/c, then are you more likely to have further m/c? Or is a m/c an independent event that doesn't impact the odds of a subsequent pregnancy being successful?

If you experience a m/c, then are you automatically scanned at 6wk/8wks if you get pregnant again? Or do you have to suffer several m/c before being offered an early scan?

From the reading I've done so far, it seems that many m/c and mm/c fail around the 6wk mark - does anyone know why this is so?

When I reflect on this pregnancy, I had lots of subtle clues that it was different from my other two (successful) pregnancies. All seemed to be well up until about the 9th week. I had the usual pg symptoms, which declined somewhat after about 8wks. At the start of my 9th week, I had some dark brown spotting. I did wonder what it was but as it didn't develop, I discounted it. However, once each week until my m/c, I had similar spotting. I also felt different mentally with this pregnancy - not so attached somehow (hard to explain). For those ladies who have had a m/c after having a successful pregnancy/ies, did you also realise in hindsight that there had been many clues that things weren't quite right?

Hope this isn't too quizzy but I'm curious to learn and to understand more about this whole business of m/c (can't help analysing things!).

I'm feeling OK today, just a little bit sore and I get tired if I do too much but overall I'm getting stronger. I hope you're all coping well atm and planning a nice relaxing weekend.

Hi sausagemcgrah- so sorry you've had to go through that, no wonder you're finding it tough. I'm a newbie to this thread too (in fact to the whole forum) and have found it a great help already so welcome and I hope you find it of some comfort too.

Thanks mm and monkey for your responses - I'm glad I'm not the only one who seems to 'know' so early!

Just about recovered from my teary episode yesterday thanks to VillageMum
Jemmima I really don't think you will feel up to going back to work before the ERPC, obviously it's your choice but I'm sure your GP would write you a med cert in a blink, you need to concentrate on yourself and take some time out hun, it's a bad enough experience without the added complications that you have had
Stork aka CircularRainbow I love the name change and the insipiration behind it! I don't think it's an automatic right to have earlier scans but most GP's will accommodate it. Luckily my GP agreed to whatever I wanted after the 1st m/c, this is a link re chances of m/c again here hope it helps
Barbie Glad to hear you're still stalking me I really feel for you at the moment, the idea of your DH going away must tear you apart, at least we all have the chance to TTC when we feel ready. I will be here with a large shoulder to cry on, long arms to hug you and a box of tissues for your tears, plenty of chocolate, wine and jokes too if you like
Sarah So pleased to hear you are still doing well without the anti-d's Fantastic news, I bet you feel really proud of yourself for coping so well without them during such a traumatic time, well done you
MM I'm glad you are getting on well with the counselling. I love my counsellor, she has had such a calming and positive influence on me, DH thinks that's good too
Monkeysbum I hope you haven't scrubbed your hands away yet?
Emm76 Don't feel your not qualified, you are more than welcome here to chat/moan/rant/question just like all of us

Well a little update from me, it's been just over a week since they confirmed the chemical pg after 2nd m/c still waiting for AF, ERPC was 7 wks ago last Tuesday, really confused as to why it's not here and a bit worried that my body thinks it still pg. Both m/c were missed ones and my body likes to fake pg a lot So I don't know if I need some kind of kick start to get my cycle to behave, seeing GP Tuesday so will bombard her with questions
Hope everyone else is OK and enjoying their weekend

Hello, everyone - what a lot of wonderful long posts. I will try to lighten up now and not make anyone cry (sorry, not intentional!)

sausagemcgrah - welcome, the ladies here are very caring and supportive. Hope you are feeling a bit better; warm hugs to you!

barbie - they normally say to count the first day of full red flow as cd1 (says know-all VM! ) Sorry to hear you've been so down. Your dh going away must be a wrench. Would a visit to Dubai between now and February be out of the question for you? Seems like a long time to wait...

Emm76 - Of course you should be on here! Just chat away. To answer your question: implantation is normally 8-10 days after fertilisation, and it's only at this point that the body would start to make HCG (pg hormone)... but this would still be before your next period was due, and if you're sensitive to hormones, then there's no reason why you wouldn't be able to 'feel' a difference already. With both my pgs I remember getting a very metallic taste in my mouth in the fourth week (days before my AF would have been due.) Don't think you should worry about your chances for a healthy pg in the future, though: these very early and usually undetected subclinical (also sometimes called 'chemical') pgs are very, very common. Check out that link that Mollie posted above - it has all the figures! x

CircularRainbow - what a beautiful name - hope you are feeling OK. I must admit that I didn't have the faintest clue that my 2nd pg wasn't going to be all right and was full of disbelief when I was told that it hadn't progressed beyond 6 wks. But a cousin of mine who had a mmc at 8 wks said that she noticed her symptoms suddenly lessening at the time the pg stopped progressing and knew that something was wrong (she's a GP, though!)

mm - Yes, your dd is clearly a superstar in the making! What a disciplined girl. Not only is ds refusing to go to swimming, but he's now on strike re piano practice (I quote: 'Stop fussing me, old lady'!) Boot camp it will have to be, or maybe the army.

monkeybumsmum - yes, he does run around with his underpants on his head! As well as refusing to go to swimming lessons or play the piano. He also likes thrusting conkers down my bra. On second thoughts, definitely the army.

Hi villagemum disciplined is probably not exactly how I would describe dd but superstar in the making - hmm- well she clearly thinks so. We just have to wait till tonight when the x factor is on to see that. The description she has been given in the past is that she is a free spirit and tbh that's pretty accurate. She actually told her swimming teacher today that the lesson was boring - that's my girl. Your ds sounds such a character lol at the conkers. Oh they do brighten up your day so much.

Morning everyone, hope you're all OK.

villagemum - my brother and I had to have piano lessons at home when we were kids and I hated it!!! I think it was because it was foisted on us rather than it being chosen iyswim. However, I do think teaching kids music is a good idea because it helps with subjects such as maths.

I seem to be experiencing very mixed feelings atm. I veer from thinking, 'I never want to be pg again' to 'hm, maybe don't know'. Does anyone else have conflicting thoughts? I still feel a bit knocked out, wake up with headache etc. I'm not a very patient patient - my brain seems to think I'm OK but my body has other ideas.

Well, hope you're all having a good weekend, bfn.

Morning circularrainbow (love the name) I know what you mean about having mixed feelings, on one hand I think it would be easier not to put ourselves thru this again and on the other I look at dd and know how much we want a sibling for her. I think what is driving me is the thought that in a few years we will be left thinking 'what if' so I think atm I need to explore any route available to us. It is still such early days for us all and hormones are probably still playing a part of the feelings within us. Why don't you take some time out and then see how you feel in the coming weeks/ months. It would be so much easier if we could look into the future and see the outcome, after what we have all experienced it's just self preservation kicking in.

Morning everyone else hope you are all having a good weekend.Barbie hope you are feeling better thinking about you hun.

sausagemcgraph sorry just looking back, welcome to the thread, it's so sad to see some of the April thread coming over here but we are here when you need support or just a chat.

hello my lovelies! im still here, not so angry at the world today! the sun is shining so hubby and i are just about to go for a drive to the country with the dog, just the two of us spending the last day together before he goes i will post later tonight, barbie waves to everyone and sends loads of ((((((((hugs)))))))))))

mm yes, I do need to take my time and just focus on getting back to normal again. The problem with me is that I'm so very impatient. Time is also against me as I'm 40yrs old so I can't really wait around for months before deciding what to do. So, my short-term goal is to get my strength back and get my cycle back on track - no idea how long this will take, the nurse indicated between 2-6wks for first AF to appear. I guess this is as good a plan as any!

It's a lovely sunny day again but I'm so weak all I want to do is lay in bed!!! Hope it's sunny where you are.

Hi circularRainbow - I know that I do want to have another child, but my confidence has taken a knock and I now find myself wondering if I'm healthy/strong enough to ttc again - not rational, I know, since I was given the all-clear recently and feel full of energy again. It's the fear speaking... the next pg will inevitably be full of worries, definitely for the first trimester. But I guess one has to 'feel the fear and do it anyway'!

Loved the story about you and your brother hating piano lessons. Ds is passionate about the piano - either passionately for, or passionately against, depending on the day of the week!

mm - yes, go and explore those routes! By springtime the whole picture might look different and more promising... There may be very good things ahead. xx

Barbie - thinking of you as you say goodbye to dh and sendong you hugs. xxx

CircularRainbow - I feel that impatience too (I'm 39). All mixed up with cowardice. (Great, eh?)

NEWS FLASH....missing one af last seen yesterday afternoon, if any information of whereabouts please contact barbie!