emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels xxx

[EisAHandbagaHolic]

hi ladies
well i think its about time we had somewhere where we can all come to reflect on our lost angels and help us to move on towards the future and support eachother through the bumps in the road in the meantime
love and hugs to you all
{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}
xx ei xx

Thanks mm1509 im glad to off load - its hard because my friends have not had kids and by most groups standards (including the NHS) i was very young to have this sort of loss (21 at the time) and its easy to feel a bit out of place! I want to 'do' something on her birthday but not sure what? I havent been to the crem since her funeral and not sure i can face it.

oh my gosh, you girls cant be left for more than 24 hours without filling up loads of pages on this thread! i had to re read everything that i missed and get a pen and paper to write a summery of everything that had gone on, dh is rolling his eyes!

For all you newbies i would like to say a huge welcome to this wonderful thread, full of support, love and total randomess at time! Im barbie, well not really barbie of course because i would be plastic, and be married to ken with horse stables, a pink barbie mobile and arms way too long to be in proportion! he he nope in 28, no children from devon but currently living in the bloody cold north near newcastle. I hope during the next few months we can all get to know each other better and help each other through such hard time! i used the be the person who would write the most on here but i think that title now goes to mm or maybe even villagemum
So a big hello to emmahelena thejesta2 tinkerbell nattyt jemima i dont think i forgot anyone??? Im sorry for all your loses x
sfx so glad you are back! i havent been to the gym...yet!
i have had a cold but dh is off to work for 3 months on tues next week so im back full time to the gym then...if im not please give me a kick up the butt! keep on running!

monkeybum hope you had a good weekend away, catch up soon, missed you by the way.

4ever sorry about your appointment hun, did you manage to get anything from the secretary?

the jesta2 sorry its a horrible time for you with the birthday date coming up.. i found something called ballons for heaven in clinton cards.. a balloon you set free with your message attached for your special angel in heaven. saw them yesterday, they made me cry in the middle of the shop! was going to tell you all about them last night but my last post was short due to cold and feeling sorry for myself.

mermaidspurse hello hope you are ok

mm and villagemum my two chat buddies, i have missed you! kind of been feeling sorry for myself and didnt want to post anything negative so been reading and watching but im better now, the bits of tissue stuck up each nostril is working! i have been decorating again today and cleaning like mad, trying to keep mind of sister and dh mum....

Im not to sure about all your post containing medical jargon, not really up to speed with asprin/ heparin etc, as first mc was just told i was unlucky and will be fine next time, fingers crossed eh?

Mega long post {blush} sorry!!!!!

Hi barbie good to see you back to your posting best You should know by now anything goes positive, negative in fact we are here even more for the negative days. Smiling at the thought of tissue up each nostril, that's normally my solution. You are doing the right thing trying to keep busy to keep your mind off of everything that is going on but don't do too much especially if you are not feeling great physically, rest and recuperation (or sit on mumsnet). I think I might have a look for the balloons you mentioned it would be nice to do something and this we could do with DD. Tears are coming again just thinking about it. You are right I probably am getting up there with the amount of posting I am doing, will need to start weaning myself off a bit when I go back to work, just a little mind. Take care hun and glad to see you are starting to feel a bit better. mm xxx

Beam me up Scottie! You know when you have those days when you know that your life has been kidnapped by the worst ever soap opera? So there I am trundling along to Drs appointment(questions at the ready, thankyouVillagemum)just round a hairpin bend I collide head on with a car travelling on my side of the road.

wow do those airbags go bang, luckily and ar'nt policemen getting younger?

so I am home covered in bruises but alive, always good, and cant sleep cos everything hurts.
A mermaid hit a Latvian who forgot which side of the road he was on.... you heard it on mn first!
Big hugs to all

mermaid hope you are ok?????
I cant believe your luck, how are you feeling now, i hope you get some sleep and come back to us when you are rested! Did you even make it to your appointment? although your news was serious i like your humour! Big hugs back to you and i hope your bruises heal soon x

Mermaid OMG really hope you are alright. Just what you didn't need to happen atm. Thank goodness for airbags. Take it easy today your body will probably be in more pain today as all the bruising comes out, also don't be surprised if you find yourself emotional you have had a huge jolt to the system. Like barbie says good to see the humour is still there. Take care.

Sorry to hear more bad news. Hope everyone is doing OK though. I'm trying to be positive today and will make an effort to at least get out of my pyjamas shortly!

mermaid hope you are well

hi everyone sunny here so soon to park after picking up dd

just so you know
I seem to be ovulating with a vengeance and all that come with it dh is looking scared and pleased at the same time

must remember to use that birth control
hope you are all holding on

btw thanks for virtual hand holding, much appreciated
and barbie i went running Sunday in the rain, not been today as had essay to finish but tomorrow will do after dropping dd at nursery

ttfn

mermaid - that is really awful, so glad you're OK! Same thing happened to us last October, coming back from a bonfire party with dh and ds - drunk driver (not a Latvian though ) drove head-on into us on the wrong side of the road. We were all OK, since dh had the presence of mind to veer off as much as possible onto the hard shoulder. There is nothing much you can do if the other car is in the wrong lane. Bummer! I'd be FURIOUS! Good for you for keeping a sense of humour about it all!

barbie, don't be silly, come on here any time, have missed you! I'm feeling particularly sorry for myself (again) today as I had a tooth extracted this morning. The worst part of it is that I have to avoid hot liquids on the wound for 24 hours and can't drink raspberry leaf tea... Yes, I am now officially a wrinkly, spotty, toothless old crone!

mm - I think sitting on mumsnet is definitely therapeutic and part of the recovery process! I used to run my life to a timetable but I now have a new motto:

Wasting time is an important part of living.

sfx - good for you!! I felt the same way on Saturday when that egg went pop - amazing how the body reacts, isn't it? But being toothless, wrinkly, spotty etc has now put paid to that.

Just thought I'd post about those balloons, thats what I was talking about in my post recently, got one for my dads birthday and one for our 2nd babys edd & 1st babys anniversary... Only thing is you need a helium balloon cos we tried to let it go and it just plopped on our lawn! We left it for a day incase it got blown but ended up buying a helium star and attaching that instead!

Still not heard from secretary about results, gonna chase now. Feeling pre menstrual. UGH.

Gonna leave mm vm and barbie to their chatfest now...

BTW did anyone look at my link to mc clinic?

Sorry, 4ever - tried to open the link but my laptop can't support it.

Good luck with the secretary; hope you get to speak to someone soon!

I did have a look thanks am still keeping away from any decisions, it is all too fresh will see how I feel around the end of the month

lovely sunny day here

vilagemum have all those attributes but choose to ignore them

Hiya hope everyone is doing ok today....
thanksbarbie for your lovely welcome and i will definatly check out those balloons - sounds like a beautiful tribute.
mermaid i hope u are ok and your bruises dont hurt too much.
Its lovely and sunny here today which is making me feel quite positive - well, that a the chocolate cake my brother has just given me!
xxxx

Hello, I want to add my support and let you know what a bunch of very strong ladies you are. I have 'only' had one miscarriage and I can't even pretend to imagine what you must be going through and have to cope with.

Reading your posts makes me realise how 'normal' my feelings are - contrary to how other people tell me I should be feeling. For I thank you, humbly, because it is sad that in order for me to feel that you have helped, you have had to share your pain and suffering.

This post is for my little 'red frog'. If I was having a boy, my husband wanted him to be called Red. Odd, I know. Frog was my thing, perhaps that is even stranger. Now I can think of him (or her) as an angel. Thank you x

Hi redfrog it is the sad connection we all share on this thread but it has brought out the amazing inner strength and support we all have and I suppose these are the positives that have came from each of our losses. This thread will never bring back what we have lost but I am so grateful/ happy to have found the warmth and genuine affection that just flows on this thread. What a cute name to remember your little angel by.

sfxmum I will second remembering to use the birth control. We kind of forgot, got a little carried away when I fell pregnant the last time, yes there was some wine involved before you all ask. We actually planned on waiting at least another month before trying so have seen how easy we can get caught out. We will try again but will wait for about 6 months, it kind of feels like we have been constantly caught up in BFP then miscarriage for the past year, time for a break.

4ever I had a look at the link and it is pretty informative. I am seeing my GP tomorrow so will see how I get on speaking to her but it does give you some food for thought. Hope you had some joy today regards your results, why are things so difficult at times.

thejesta2 mmmmm chocolate cake. My absolute favourite

villagemum Thankyou I now have a new motto in life, It is so easy to get carried away in day to day life, sometimes it is good to take a step back and just waste some time Great mental image btw

barbie I take you are back at work, hope you are not working too hard.

mermaid hope you are not too sore, take care.

Well didn't spend all day on here as usual, met step mum today and we went for lunch then did some shopping for DD birthday, next Friday btw, so had a nice afternoon well until we got the news that my stepbrother and the rest of his dad's family have been called to the hospital as his gran is dying. I don't really know her but I feel sad for my SB, we have know each other since we were both 4 and are really close so thinking about him right now.

Hello redfrog - I'm so sorry for your loss. Whenever a new lady joins this thread I realise again that there are so many of us out there for whom this is happening now... whatever you feel is normal, don't worry, and whatever you need to do to get yourself through it in a meaningful way is fine too. If you are feeling strong and philosophical about it (as I only rarely manage to do in better moments) then that is of course OK as well. Hold on to the truth of what this baby meant for you and don't let other people get in the way... Thinking of you and sending you strength. x

mm, hmmm, yes, that's how I got pg last time too... In my innocence back then I also thought (feel free to laugh out loud here) that BDing three days before ovulation was a SAFE time to do so! Hahahaha! I can't quite believe that only back in July the whole subject of ttc and mcs (and ttc after a mc, which is where I am now) was a closed book to me.
So sorry to hear about your SB's troubles...

sfxmum, was actually paid a compliment on my appearance by a total stranger in Tesco's this afternoon, so can't be such an old crone yet, I hope?! What a miracle...

villagemum I know what you mean whenever someone new joins the thread. When I see a new name posting my heart sinks a little the thought that someone else is going thru this but then again I am glad that they have found us all and don't have to do it alone. In reply to ttc we have found out that getting pregnant is not an issue with us, 4 time first month of 'trying', so we know we can get caught out pretty easy . This has DH walking about as if he is an adonis each time we get a BFP. If only the rest of pregnancy was quite so easy. It is amazing how quickly your whole attitude towards ttc and mc can change in such a short time. This time last year we were just talking about trying for No 2 little did we know what lay in store for us. Hopefully this time next year we will all be sitting here sharing all the good news.

sfxmum I take it you will be walking round Tesco's again tomorrow Your posts are never the posts from an old crone only a young, fertile babe could post as well as yourself, just like the rest of us on here, here here says mm .

mm it is villagemum who struts around Tesco
still babe/fertile/young check

sfxmum oops --- guess I am getting older, dementia setting in now. Still trying to be young/ fertile/ babe but failing badly at the moment.

LOL mm never too old to live and hope my dear

I've just read the posts here following what appears to be my second very early miscarriage in 3 months. I'm grateful to everyone here as it helps to know that I'm not the only one to lose something so precious, in fact I feel a bit of a cry baby for being so upset when the m/c's happened so very early (at around 2 weeks following conception).

Both times it's happened the same way - I'm charting temps and cervical fluid and at about a week after the time I would have conceived, I start having excess salivation along with nausea, cravings, sore boobs which eventually produce milk, dizziness, oily skin, moodiness, a funny cramping sensation in my lower oesophagus and my body just feels completely different.

The first time I went to my GP to ask if she thought I was pregnant and she dismissed me saying that no one ever gets pregnancy symptoms that early. I was suprised too but I have a history of being extremely sensitive to chemicals (particularly hormones). Both times my bleeding has started a day or two after a serious bout of dizziness that leaves me pretty incapacitated for a few hours and comes a couple of days before my period is due (my cycle length is ALWAYS at least 31 days on other occasions). The first time I did about 5 pregnancy tests which all came back neg but as I never get to my period due date that doesn't necessarily mean that I wasn't. The second time I didn't bother testing as I'd wasted so much money the first time!

I strongly feel that I have been pregnant twice and although for such short times am completely devestated that I'm no longer pregnant and have lost what was the most precious thing in the world. The first time was hard but I was philosophical and glad that I could get pregnant but now I'm really worried I've got a problem. I really don't think that I've made myself have the pregnancy symptoms as I wasn't even thinking I'd get pregnant the first time round as we'd only just started trying. Plus both times the bleeding has been heavier with more cramps and clots than my usual period.

I'm sorry to go on but I want people to know the facts in case they can offer any advice on what I should be doing/feeling now. I feel that no-one other than my partner and his mum takes me seriously - even my own mum said I was probably just excited and thats why I felt pregnant! I haven't even bothered telling her it's happened again!

hello everyone, I've just found this thread...I haven't had chance to read much but I just wanted to put my thoughts down on 'paper'. I started bleeding yesterday afternoon about 5.30pm, had a scan this morning and was measuring about 6wks when I thought I was nearly 12wks. I was 'fine' after the scan and came home. In the last two hours, the bleeding has been very rapid and I've passed several large clots - the first time this happened, I let go emotionally. I feel 'better' now but it's heartening (in a perverse) way to know that so many other mums go through this experience. The hardest part for me is the not knowing why it happened and that I'll probably never know why it happened. I quite like to analyse things but this is something that has no real answers. I hope this post isn't too much of a ramble and I'll read through the thread later - I guess I'll change my name to something else now too.

Hi Emm76, I'm very sorry to hear that you've had to suffer this distress. What you've had may well be what are called 'subclinical' pregnancies, ie where an egg is fertilised but the resulting embryo does not implant, and your period arrives at an odd time - but you may never know, since, as you say, you tested negative for pg on the first occasion and didn't test on the second. These pgs are called 'subclinical', a rather cold and horrible word, simply because they occur during the period of time between fertilisation and implantation (and the resulting 'clinical' identification of the pregnancy). It's believed that a failure to implant in these cases is nature's way of helping to ensure that embryos which would not be viable do not progress very far.

Your sadness is completely understandable, but I wouldn't worry about your chances of sustaining a successful pg in the future. Doctors believe that 1 in 3 conceptions never develop far enough to be recognised, and there are probably many, many women out there who have undergone the same experience as you without even being aware if it - and who have gone on to have healthy babies. It's a very common event and statistically your chances of it all going right next time are excellent. Good luck and do post here any time; the ladies on this thread are all immensely supportive and will be right there for you. x

Hello StorkExpected - my deepest, deepest sympathy for your loss. The stork was also going to visit me in April. I was 10wks when, like you, I discovered that I'd had a missed miscarriage (baby measuring 6wks). I then had an ERPC as my body was not processing the mc naturally. You're right, there is usually no explanation for an early sporadic mc like this; it often really is just a random case of the embryo not progressing as it should. I was told - if it's any comfort to you - that having one early sporadic mc leaves one's chances of having a successful pg next time unaltered. Wishing you much strength during this difficult time. xx