emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels xxx

[EisAHandbagaHolic]

hi ladies
well i think its about time we had somewhere where we can all come to reflect on our lost angels and help us to move on towards the future and support eachother through the bumps in the road in the meantime
love and hugs to you all
{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}
xx ei xx

Hello ladies, I hope everyone else is OK, thanks all for your kind words and support especially as we are all going through crap at the moment, I really appreciate it. Just a quickie from me. After a whole afternoon of chasing the hospital a nurse finally told me that my levels were 8, the registrar yesterday stated they had to be 1000-1500 so I thought that was bad, but according to the magic of google at 4 wks (which I think I am roughly) then they should be between 5-430 anything over 5 confirms pg. So at least they have confirmed I am, will go tomorrow for more bloods to see if they have doubled to confirm if pg is progressing. I've had no spotting since yesterday early evening.
I can't describe how muddled I feel at the moment, I'm so up and down so I apologise for not catching up properly.
mm Hope all went as well as it could today, I did think of you
Mollie Waves to everyone and promises to catch up properly soon and apologises for another "me" post

monkeysbum Meant to say that I'm with a counsellor at the moment, she's not specifically a m/c one, but she is fantastic, I felt much more positive and stronger this time than last time and although it's not all down to her, I think a majority of it is. She has given me relaxation and breathing techniques that I have used loads. So I say go go go if you don't like it, you don't have to keep going. I refused first time round and then had a bit of a meltdown about 3 mths later so this time I wanted to stop that. I'm actually seeing my counsellor tomorrow I haven't been for two weeks so the poor woman might really regret seeing me!

hello everyone, l made it too work on time this morning.....just! i had christmas training, saw all the nice things for xmas but all the time keep thinking i should be 6 months by then i don't help myself due to the fact that i torture myself by looking into all the prams that i see in work...i did smile at somebody's post earlier about who have you told, i cant seem to keep it to myself what has gone on...not sure if its because i want sympathy (pathetic i know!) or whether it makes it easier to talk rather than be talked about...i realised i was going a tad to far when i told the checkout girl in asda You have to laugh!

mollie what on earth is going on with you young lady, you really are on an emotional rollercoaster aren't you? don't worry about your post being all about you, we are here to listen to you and you are welcome to rant away! ps i always think my post sound like im only thinking about myself

monkeybum been meaning to ask about your name???!! i was offered counselling yesterday or mild anti depressants but turned both down, i think you girls are all the help that i need and anyway i'm not sure talking to anyone that hasn't been through 'it' will be able to help me any more than you....i might be wrong but i feel better every day....if im ever going to go to the counceller it will be for all my other problems! Good luck with whatever to decide to do.

mm hope you are ok my darling, been thinking about you loads today ( i know i should of been concentrating on how to gift wrap fragrance! but i think you are much more important)

villagemum i love the fact that you are feeling more positive and are such a help to all of us, you are now my official guru on all things to ask the hospital/ consultants! hope you are still enjoying the herbal teas

I say lets all toast october, for a positive new start to the month, happier health, better news and most of all to the brilliant friendship we all have on here....ill drink to that! (barbie raises her glass of orange juice!)

Hello everyone else, keep posting x

Big (((hugs))) going out to everyone tonight. I am having a soppy night watching the pride of Britain awards. At least DH doesn't keep asking me why I'm crying.

VillageMum you have been such a fab support to us all. Hope the scan goes well tomorrow - do let us know how you get on.

Barbie Cheers ! To October

villagemum thinking of you today and everything crossed that the scan comes back clear.

mollie how are you today. I don't know how you are handling what is going on atm but we are here anytime you need us. Take care.

barbie good to hear you are well, we were missing you, "christmas training" I can't believe we are getting to that time on year already, what a year it has been for us all. The next one hopefully we are all sharing our good news stories.

mbm Interesting talking about counsellors, I have been thinking about seeing one after this mc. I actually feel ok but wonder if I have issues carried on from the previous mcs that haven't been dealt with. Still something I am thinking about atm but will let you know if I do.

lix hope your first day at work went well.

4everhopeful i know what you mean about finding something wrong from the investigations, something they can "fix" and it would give you some answers. I think I am terrified that the investigations won't show any problem and leave us with no answers.

Well thankfully I didn't need the ERPC yesterday, I had passed it all on Tues evening. They scanned me in the morning at the hospital and it showed that I only had one small clot left so didn't need the ERPC after all. Still left me until lunchtime before they would make a decision and then five attempts to take some blood, I felt like a pin cushion by the end of it. Kind of a strange day overall. Feel a mixed sense of relief and sadness about it all being over but I know we need to start moving on. Didn't post last night as we needed some family time with just the three of us, the best tonic you can have but again thanks for all the messages of support. mm xxx

fifi didn't watch the pride of Britain awards as I knew I would be bawling my eyes out, if I start not to sure I will be able to stop.

Thanks mm and monkey for replying..

mm so glad you can now get the closure you desperately needed..

I'm feeling crap today, angry at the world, feel like no-one understands or cares, but know you all do understand so I'm just being stupid.. I so want October to be a better month.. I just feel down, put on a stone and half in last year, doesnt help I still look pregnant and had to buy bigger clothes, always been skinny so this is wierd for me, once again my bodys letting me down.3 miscarriages in 10 months has taken its toll physically, my bodys changed so much. Bit tired of being 4everhopeful and strong. My dad died suddenly 2 years ago, my brother 11 years in November, as well as my grandad and my cousin last year. Think I'm so used to putting on a brave face I dont know how to let my emotions out. End up feeling angry instead. Anyway - taking afternoon off work to watch football with hubby. Can shout at them instead! Please dont take my negativity on.. I'll bounce back as I always bloody do! xx

4everhopeful it's ok to feel down after all that's happened, get it all out but don't let it stop you moving on. I too have had 3 mc in 10 months so know exactly how you feel about your body letting you down, your body will be different physically as you now are mentally but this doesn't mean it will always be like that. I look in the mirror and atm and am not happy at all with what I see but I now know that I need to take a break and get both physically and mentally ready before we even begin to think about trying again. Just reading your post is so similar to what I am feeling but thankfully I haven't had the family losses you have had to deal with as well, you really have had a lot to cope with. Anyway you shout away all afternoon and hopefully that will help, chuck a few extra shouts from me as well. Take care xxx

mm Thank you so much darling, I feel better already after reading your post. Cant believe how many similaraties we have, 3 in 10 months, retained products, 2 erpcs for 1 mc, wow, you truly understand! Have the frustration in normal life is that no-one else can even comprehend - god this site is amazing!

You take as much time as you need to recover physically, and mentally, you've been through so much in last few months... I'm off now and will do some shouting for you too! Ahhh release!

Pats on backs and big hugs to everyone else! xxx

4everhopeful it was villagemum who had the retained product and 2nd ERPC, hopefully today she will have found out that she is now clear of any more in her scan. However we do still have lots in common, 3 mc in 10 months, the same 10 months. It is difficult to keep track of what stage everyone is at on this thread as well as dealing with our own issues. Thought I should clear this up to save on any confusion in the future, didn't want to take credit for villagemum's bravery either. Do you still have a voice after all your shouting today, hope you feel much better now.

Just to update you all, after much more chasing and hassle finally had 2nd blood test today, the hospital just rang with the results, it's now negative so they can't confirm but they think we probably conceived and the fetus died straight away. Just have to wait for AF now. To be honest it's hit me hard being so close to the 2nd m/c, even though I kept trying to convince myself it would be bad news, part of me was still stupidly hoping

I have been very lapse over the last few days and I promise to catch up properly when I'm in a better frame of mind
x

mollie so sorry to hear this confirmed for you but at least it stops the confusion and mind games you have been dealing with. I can see how difficult it must be right after your last mc, just do what ever you need to get thru this. Don't feel stupid for hoping for a positive outcome, of course you were, at the back of our mind until it is confirmed we always cling to the glimmer of hope no matter how small it is. Take care xxx

Hello everyone... This is just a quick one as it's midnight already... I have missed you all in the last two days! I meant to say hello on Wednesday but somehow real life actually caught up with me again and I found myself living it instead of mooching and obsessing...

Though it was mostly cleaning I was doing - monkeybumsmum, I also have a total need to sweep floors and wash everything at the moment... I have even scrubbed the bathroom taps with a toothbrush.

Fifi - I missed the Pride of Britain - was probably busy scrubbing the taps! Though I have recently burst out crying in the car when hearing James Blunt on the radio, which is particularly shameful.

Mollie - I'm so sorry to hear your results. I'm so glad you have an answer, but very sad for you that it's this one. Thinking of you...

4everhopeful - wishing you strength...

mm, so very glad you could avoid the ERPC and can move on now! How are you doing?

barbie1 - your posts always make me smile because your natural bubbliness just shines through! I even told my dentist's receptionist about my mc yesterday (the poor girl didn't know WHAT to say in reply), so was very relieved to hear that you had 'shared' with the checkout girl at Asda!! Still drinking the teas... I have just had more raspberry leaf tea; in fact I think I am turning into a raspberry.

The tea must have worked, because I had my scan this morning and have been given the all clear. Everything is back to normal. I felt like kissing my consultant, which would have been a bad move as he is by now terrified of me. Now I have to wait for the dreaded first AF.

I'm so grateful for all your support; you've kept me going, ladies! I'm venturing down to London tomorrow to do a bit of work but will be back here in the evening to see how you all are. Hugs all round and thinking of you all. xxxxx

mollie oh mollie, im sorry to hear of your news...take your time and come back to us when you feel ready, we will be waiting for your return, in the mean time sending you plenty of well wishes x{smiley}

mm good news that you didn't need an erpc (although the general a is pretty good! first time i had ever had drugs and it was pretty good fun! Dh said i was talking about not liking bananas and carrots when i came around ) I know what you mean about a pin cushion i was walking around black and blue for a week or so after...they always find it hard to take blood and said its because i have child like veins also had a few attempts at putting a canular in, In the end i did have a child's one in but down the side of my wrist, so it keep hitting the bone that sticks out and i couldn't do anything but keep my hand bloody straight!!! Hopefully you can relax for a while and move on in your own time x

villagemum hope you enjoyed london hun, i used to love living there...something so nice about being back down south....hmmm
Im so glad you finally got your all clear, how are you feeling? Glad im not the only one bonkers enough to tell everyone in sight and i giggled at the thought of a 2 legged raspberry waking around! I too am waiting for my first af, i have a feeling its not too far off...i have been getting period type pains for days now, headaches and feeling slightly sickly..also loads more discharge (sorry for tmi {blush} i keep checking but nothing so far. Im slightly worried whether its going to be bad, anyone hard whether to expect worse than normal???? Ill have to go back to being a bag lady...carrying around a spare bag of tampons, towels, knickers etc. I think i cleared the shelve in asda after mc by buying every make, size and strength of product...mind you my dad was helping and he managed to convince me i needed string towels for my small knickers that stick up the bum! (his words not mine!!!) night towels and industrial strength ones too....

lix haven't seen you for a while, i hope your time back at work is ok and you are coping fine x

monkey are you still cleaning???????

hello *fifi, how are you holding up, hope october is proving to be a better month.

4ever i soooooo know where you are coming from, i hope you bounced back and didnt lose your voice in the process! i have had a shitty few months as you might of read on previous post, first mc, then losing so much money on the house, husband having to back to work early and be away for christmas, the uncertainty of not knowing whether we are moving to dubai, my sister leaving her husband 2 weeks after the wedding, which by the way she still hasnt made up her bloody mind! my dad is ill, and is NEVER ill, missed promotion because boss thinks i cant cope due to having too much time off for mc! and then to top it all yesterday somebody glassed my mother in law in the bar she owns, we are waiting to see if she loses her sight in her eye ....but you know even with all this im strangely coping???? Its good to watch football, its the only time you can shout at a bunch of men and not get any read back or insults back!!!

Whooooo mega long post, i hope i havent bored you all to tears or made you late for work/ hairdresser/ tesco closing time etc etc

Have a good day, bye for now xxxx

villagemum fantastic news that the scan is all clear, so happy to finally hear that news. Missed you the last couple of days. Smiling at both you are barbie telling the most unlikely people, sometimes it is just so easy to tell people you don't know. As for the cleaning it is my turn today I have given myself a big list of things to do in the house today while dd is at school, ipod blaring in about 10 mins.

barbie you really have so much going on atm, so sorry to hear what has happened to your mum on top of everything else, how nasty some people can be. It's reassuring to know that I am not the only one who is difficult to take blood from, apparently I have deep veins, they went on about it so much I was beginning to wonder if I was some sort of medical freak! In future I was thinking about asking for a scan and then mark out my veins for them.......anything to help. Never apologize for long posts it's always good to hear from you.

mollie how are you today hun, we are here when you need us.

mbm SIT DOWN!!!!!!!

4ever how are you feeling today, hope the shouting cleared your head, and you are right about the bouncing back, we have no choice really do we.

Well today I decided no more moping. The last week is now in the past and now it is time to start moving on, hence the mega list for cleaning. I don't know about the rest of you but it has just got so cold up here, I have to scrap the frost from my car for the school run, what happened to Summer. Just thinking what cheesy music I will be singing to at the top of my voice in a couple of mins, the joys of having everyone else out.

Hope everyone else is doing good today, take care everyone xxx

mm So sorry got your experience mixed up with villagemum Ooops. As I said head is obviously still not straight! Also look at this whilst at work so try not to be on for too long! I had a good shout yesterday though, inc a few for you! It worked, for me and the team!(just as well or hubby would not have been a happy bunny - rely on him to lift me up through my down times - he is truly amazing!)

mollie so sorry to hear dissapointing news. How unfair.. Hopefully you can move on after AF, mine was more heavy & long lasting than actually painful... Sending you hugs.. x

villagemum So sorry I confused what had happened to you with mm. Really glad you didnt need another erpc. I know what a headf* it is waiting on scans to see do we operate, is it over? Hopefully you can start recovering both physically and mentally now.. That whole cleaning thing is definately part of getting control back over your life! After 2nd erpc for last mc me & hubby attacked the garden, cleared the shed & under the stairs and filled the car right up to take to the local dump. It was very therapuetic for both of us!

barbie Ah hun, I see you've had real rough time of it, well we all have.. Awful about your mum in law, as for all your other dramas, worrying about your dad (sure he'll be fine!) and with sis in law marriage crisis & also poss moving abroad (tho did dubai for honeymoon and its amazing), but perhaps its all a healthy distraction? After my dad died my mum faced mass changes with her work & poss redundancy and it was healthy for her to obsess about it rather than obsess about my dad not being around anymore. I threw myself into sorting their affairs and then planned my wedding. Before you know its a few months down the line and you think to yourself, wow, I made it through the darkest times and you start seeing the light again... Well done to you for recongnising you are coping, however strangely it maybe!

So, yes, today I'm feeling more positive. Think yesterday was just a bad one. We're all bound to get them. Have to say AF due on tues & still hoping it wont come! PMT & preg signs are too similar! How confusing, but my brain is telling me I need more time for body to recover and belly to go down, and fundamentally, we get our results next thursday!!! Will probably be on a rolercoaster next week so will be back on to you girlys for venting & support on monday! Hope you all have a positive weekend... Higs and strength, and much appreciation to you all xxxx

hi there
Sorry to burden you ladies i just need help really to understand why i have m/c again this is now my 4th m/c but this time i was on hcg injections to stop me m/c but thay didnt work i was just 7 weeks,it was only on wens the 1st of oct i was admitted to hospital on the sunday as started to bleed and then on wensday it happen i am likley to have a d and c next week as i am very heavy and in alot of pain,i just dont understand why it has happen again i done everything so right just like last time is there a possiblity that i cant carry cause of a problem with my womb i also have endometisos and pcos i just feel so so numb and i cant pull my self out of how i feel sorry to go on i just need some help love harm xx

hi there ladies think i poseted the wrong message i just feel so so numb and my heart is broken as this being my 4th m/c,i was on injections to stop me m/c i had to take them every 4 days and i just dont understand why it didnt work i am feeling so angery at the mo and that isnt me also i have mental health problems and at the moment i just want to be with my angel babies xxx

Crossed posts harmony So sorry for what you are going thru. I just posted a reply on your other thread. I am not an expert on the medical side but can see this is so raw for you atm. Have the doctors/ midwives spoke to you about what has just happened if not when you feel better, no rush, then you should make an appointment and ask all the questions you have. Right now make sure you have some support around you to get thru this time. Cry, scream do what makes you feel better especially until after the ERPC. Like I said in the other thread we have all unfortunately had mcs like yourself, physically some may have been different but emotionally they are all the same so come on here for a rant anytime you need to vent. The great thing about this thread is to know you are not alone so welcome and rant chat anytime you need, want to. Take care xx

harmony just seen your update I don't have any experience with mental health but some others on hear do. I am sure someone will be along soon and give you better advice than I can.

r thanks mm1509 for ur reply i am just feeling tired,numb and very empty inside hun x

Longer term you need answers to your questions but right now you need support around you. The problem is how often people in RL just say the wrong things. Do you have someone with you right now? If not do you have someone who can come and be with you. It is so hard all your hopes, expectations, dreams all come crashing down but it is not the end, somehow we just have to get thru this and you will, it may not feel like it right now but you will find a way, honest. The feelings you have we can all relate to them. If it helps read back on this thread and see how we have been there. To give you some of my history I had my 3rd mc in a row confirmed last week, my ERPC was scheduled for Wed but thankfully I didn't need to go thru with it in the end. I will check in tonight if you need to chat but there are many of us on here who will give unlimited help and support.

hi there mm thanks for ur reply hunny ya my dp is off work for 11 days as she is so so down so she is here with me but i still just feel alone and i feel i am to blame for my dp to feel like she does cause i couldnt carry our baby :-( x

I am glad someone is there with you and you are not alone at this time, take care.

harmony hello, welcome to this lovely thread where we keep picking each other up and helping each other through the difficult time, i hope you are looking after yourself right now but we are here for you if you need us...
hi mm caught you checking mn again, and the same time as me! hope you had a good day??