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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

missed miscarriage, just sat here waiting.....

500 replies

dramaqueen72 · 13/01/2005 09:37

anyone out there relate to this? this is my second missed m/c, tho i had a baby inbetween. the shock of a diasterous scan still hurts like mad i found out yesterday. i now have to wait a week for a rescan, and then choose how i want ot proceed. either a eprc (d&c), or pills to force m/c, or 'sit and wait' with poss return to surgery. absolutely crap awful choices. i feel so numb and like my life is on hold. still havent told hardly anyone but struggling to day to appear 'normal' and jolly.
bloatella if youre out there......i couldnt find your thread so am wittering away on this one.

OP posts:
girlfromipanema · 23/01/2005 16:54

Thanks for yr thoughtful message dramaqn! How pathetic is this, but it does feel like a big step for me to go to a conception thread? And thanks for the encouragement - I just have to keep going til tuesday and then I'll know if i'm on the way to it being at least physically over. And I will go to your ttc thread if you're there you know! You'll give me the courage I'm sure.
DS asleep on the sofa back home safe - great to have him back full of stories and adventures he's had with this g/ps. Happy new week to all.
Take care all and spk soon.

TeaTime · 24/01/2005 09:46

Hi folks - thanks for the raspberry leaf tea advice Spacecadet- have some r.leaf pills left over from being overdue with ds which are past their sell by date but might go for that. I hadn't thought of the implications of being in a class environment for aerobics (there's a nice little group in a local village hall)! Might wait till after physical side is over, Funny thing is that I've started to get irrational hope that it was all a big mistake since m/c hasn't happened properly. I KNOW they checked carefully but what if.... If I do go for d/c in the end will they do a last minute check? Just mind games I suppose.

My main problem is a return of terrible pain when have a bowel movement - must be the fibroid and what's left in the womb pressing on that area. I think there must be a conflict with blood circulation too as I get dizzy and nearly faint sometimes. Only lasts a minute but is horrible. Thought yesterday it was m/c finally kicking in but no. Still in dilemma whether to go all out to get rid of fibroid or just get on with ttc in the last few months left...

Going back to hospital on Weds for ds grommet operation -getting to know the place although they're doing a lot of building work and so it is the most god-awful mess and impossible to park. Signs are small and next to useless - if you don't know where you're going you just circulate aimlessly, and if you're in a state of stress it just makes you worse.

Hope the op goes well for you tomorrow girlfrom. Seems like a sunny start to the week, so fresh beginnings to everyone...

GOLDFISHBRAINbonkerz · 24/01/2005 14:47

Have just been told that i have had a missed miscarriage too and have been admitted for DNC tomorrow morning. Am numb and angry that this has happened a second time. What have i done wrong?

Bella23 · 24/01/2005 15:16

HUGS Goldfish - so sorry to hear that!
I agree it really is so unfair, I hope you have family to support you through this.
I don't have any answers but hope I may be help you a little through this f**king awful time.

dramaqueen72 · 24/01/2005 16:09

goldfish, so sorry to hear your news. not a lucky thread that august one. you did nothing to deserve this, and its one of those shi**y unfair things. the op isnt too awful, quick at least. will be thinking of you.
girl, will be thinking of you too tues. i hope your scan is all clear.
teatime, i have just done those very mind games and they REALLY mess with your head. trust the Drs and the scan results, because otherwise you'll go mad. your pain sounds awful, maybe should get that double checked out too. so sorry ladies that its not a good week for you. i hope it improves for us all.

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Spacecadet · 24/01/2005 20:59

bonkerz, so sorry so hear your sad news, you havent done anything wrong, trust me, im so sorry this has happened to you, life is so unfair, I will think of you tomorrow.{{{hugs}}}

Spacecadet · 24/01/2005 21:00

Teatime the r/l tea cant do any harm , I dont like the sound of the pain and dizziness you are having though, I would get that checked out.

TeaTime · 25/01/2005 00:24

So sorry to see you on this thread bonkerz - we've all been there, leaving the Due in August in bitter disappointment and confusion. It's NOT you, just one of those things - Here you're among friends which might help a bit.

Thanks for concern about the pain thing - it's what made me go to my GP about 14 months ago and I was told to eat more roughage and not use tampons (it only happens during AF usually) - GP did an exam but couldn't find anything even my huge fibroid!! Went again in summer when pain nearly made me pass out and a different doctor did a more thorough exam and STILL could not find fibroid - can you believe it? It's the size of a melon. However he referred me to a consultant and I finally got an appointment for a scan on December 16th - the very day I found out I was pregnant... they confirmed the large fibroid but also the tiny pregnancy sac. The rest is history as they say.

However the S.L.O.W process of all that means that I don't know whether it's worth wasting precious ttc time on it. I didn't have any pain in early days of the pregnancy this time and carried ds to term with fibroid in place - caused no problems at all. Part of me just wants to ignore it and if I wasn't hopeful of another baby I could easily do that.

Still waiting for natural m/c - feeling fine and able to romp with ds again (it was horrible being too scared to do that when bleeding started).

girlfromipanema · 25/01/2005 16:24

Bonkerz, so so so sorry to see you here too.I can't believe how many of us there are. How are you doing? These m/c threads have been a huge support for me and I hope if you need anything you'll look here too. Apparently m/cs are so common and so random, it's natural to feel we did something wrong but apparently it's usually far more to do with a simple genetic luck of the draw with that conception. But of course that isn't how it feels always - it has very often felt for me: what did I do wrong and also why me?
I had a scan today which showed that my m/c is almost finished and the registrar said I didn't need an op which is a big relief, I had run out of patience with this. The whole waiting room process surrounded by the hugely pregnant is still grim but I wait in the hall now and avoid the huge tums! I don't blame them but it does feel like an oddly insensitive mixture of patients.
Thanks and all the best to all, I'm finally feeling a bit better and stronger and looking forward etc.
Thinking of you bonkerz and wondering how you're doing today.

Bella23 · 25/01/2005 16:51

Goldfish - let me know how you got on today, have been thinking of you xx

bonkerz · 25/01/2005 17:02

thankyou all so much. had op at 9.30 this morning adn am still very sore. Was old there was a feotal mass removed and i will have to decide what to do with my baby in 3-6 weeks. Emotionnally i feel drained, cant cry anymore just yet and feel wuite numb. My ds is home from school at mo cos he is poorly so am trying to hide it all from him as havent told him yet that the baby is gone. i would have been 12 weeks tomorrow so cant help feeling we have been cheated. Nurse asked me if i had a religion and i just told her if i did then i havent any more. Dh broke down last night and said he felt silly about crying but he couldnt stop thinking about the fact that we have lost 2 babies in less than year. Have been advised to wait 6 months before ttc again so also have to decide if im going to go on pill or what. All these decisions are so hard to make because we desparately want a baby but are so scared. Have also been told that until we have 3 mc in a row then we will not qualify for early scans or investigations. Ok am off now cos am crying again. thankyou for everything and im sure i will be back later. its great comfort knowing i have support here frompeople who know how i feel. thankyou all again.

girlfromipanema · 25/01/2005 21:17

bonkerz, so sad to read this, don't know what to say but am thinking of you and sending hugs, I'm so sorry. hope you have a good rest tonight.

dramaqueen72 · 25/01/2005 23:24

oh i'm so sorry to read that bonkerz. what a terrible day. i hope you feel much better and stronger as the days go on. i cant believe you have to decide about the baby.......its almost insensetive of them to ask/tell you. or maybe thats just me. i'm so sorry. i hope the next time is very much your time. and i hope you get some comfort from ds. i know i have from dd. i know the 3 m/c rule is a hard one. we too have been told that. everyone here is thinking of you right now and willing you onwards.

OP posts:
dramaqueen72 · 25/01/2005 23:27

Girl, so sorry i forgot to ask about your scan. but i am glad you at least got spared having to go thro an op after all. not that its any comfort but. i'm glad too your feeling better day by day. take it easy; currently i am hurting from doing too much i think. its not even a week, and yet seems like a whole world ago...

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Bella23 · 26/01/2005 09:42

Just wanted to pop in to say I am thinking of you Bonkers, what a terrible time! Don't really know what to say other than hang in there and I hope your family is looking after you....Big Hugs

hereshoping · 26/01/2005 09:43

ERPC yesterday - felt dreadful and spaced out all today.This am my head is clearer but physically feel really rough
goldfish - so sorry to see another person off the august thread - how unlucky was that thread? justhope everyone still on it has better luck.Ive had 2 missed m/cs in 6 months now and feel ive really been through it - not least as ive had effectively 2 firsttrimesters of feeling ill.Everyone at hospital very reassuring that will happen eventually. My next door neighbour just told me she had 4 m/cs ,3 at 10 -12 weeks and one at 18 weeks between her 2 but there is only a 21/2 yr gap between them.also consultant told me that biggest bar to having a baby is getting pregnant - couples who get pregnant do go on to have babies eventually - this certainly made me feel more positive
hope we can continue to support each other via mumsnet - Ive found it a huge help as m/c is quite isolating

Bella23 · 26/01/2005 09:53

Hereshopping , glad you are getting there. Agree on the isolation of m/c, I think I have found that the hardest as no-one knows how you feel and you don't really tell anyone. I am leaning on DH quite a bit which is causing problems in itself. I take heart hearing what the consultant said to you. Spend the next few weeks being as nice as you can to yourself.

girlfromipanema · 26/01/2005 13:22

Bonkerz and Hereshoping hope you're ok today and not in too much pain, and you too Dramaqn (thanks for your msg - very sweet of you, yesterday was a kind of ending for me and start of a new slate - sort of). Hope you're ok too Teatime and Bella. Thinking of you all and sending my best.

I actually started a tai chi class yesterday which was really good for getting my mind away from its perpetually negative treadmill, felt a little better after. It's amazing to feel better now, I had lots of encouragement on this thread that things would get better with a little time and those people were so right - it was hard to believe at the time. I now think a m/c (even an early one) can be a massive jolt to the system, mind, body, heart - and takes some proper time to recover from properly. Or that's how it's been for me - I assumed it would take a week to begin to get over and it's been more like three to begin to feel like myself. This thread has been a big factor in getting me there too so thanks.

bonkerz · 26/01/2005 13:57

Been alone all day today. A friend took ds to school and have only just got up, went back to bed at 9am! The tablets they gave me get rid of the pain and make me so dizzy that i just sleep and i think thats a good thing. Rang docotrs though and have been advised to continue till weeknend taking tablets then wean myself off slowly (they are pain killers). Am going to take a slow walk now to pick up ds as cant drive! Still feel numb and cant cry anymore. everyone around me is being great and dh is being the best he can. Had long chat last night about practicalities of it all.

Bella23 · 26/01/2005 14:07

Bonkerz - I am a firm believer of the powers of sleep. Over the last few weeks I have slept loads not just for my body but for my mental state, it is nice to just switch off for a while.
Am pleased to hear that you DH is being supportive.

hereshoping · 26/01/2005 16:59

Bonkers - go easy on yourself - to me its exactly like after having a baby - afterpains,hormonal crash except much worse as there is no joy. Im finding it wierd at school pick up time - i know lots of other mums know but noone is saying anything
also woman v preg with twins - cant help feeling its unfair shes getting 2!
my sister in law rang today - couldnt face speaking to her as she is pg and is due 1 week after I would have been. should speak to her as shes had 2 mcs too
Girl, bella and dq - glad to hear you are picking up - but its a 1 step forward 2 back process isnt it? If only we had a crystal ball to see whether we will actually achieve a sucessful pg!

dramaqueen72 · 26/01/2005 17:51

hereshoping, hoping youre feeling better today? i dont know why i recovered pretty quickly from this ERPC> aside from the weird crampy twinges, usually in the evening. exactly like, as someone said, (here or other thread- cant keep up!) after a baby everything 'un contracting'. hurts but weirdly i amf ine as ever all day. abit tired but nothing terrible, so i hope you andbonkerz get to feeling better soon too.
bella, last few days i have slept more than i have in the last few months. and youre right, i feel so different, so much better and 'clearer headed'. it is very much a one sttep forwrad 2 back process; i cannot bear people who are now as pg as i was/should be.....i can handle really pg ladies, new babies etc, but anyone due around the time i was i find hard to be around.
bonkerz, sorry about the heavy painkillers you have....... i'm lucky i didnt need anything other than paracetamol, but i'm sorry yours are making you feel so spaced out and awful. hope it gets lots better soon. i really want to will us all onwards and ensure we all get a positive HPT. if i could 'fix' it for us all i would. Girl tell me all about your class?! i just dont quite have the confidence to do that yet, but would love to. i agree, a m/c really throws your body -confuses it. i cant wish my better quicker. am about to start extra boasting vitamins, -i am also taking my folic acid still. well 8 days outa 10, as i have such a bad memory.....
really hope tonight/tomorrow is a nice day for all of us.

OP posts:
girlfromipanema · 27/01/2005 11:15

bonkerz, how are you today? I agree 100% with Bella, sleep is turbo medicine, one afternoon after I m/c I slept for four hours straight and I could almost feel the mending that had happened while I rested.
How are you hereshoping? I agree, I wish we could see ahead and know what will happen, to give us the stamina, it really feels like we need psychological stamina like long distance runners or something doesn't it?
Are you ok Teatime? Hope you are, thinking of you too.
Dramaqn, thanks for your msg, yes it is amazing like people said when you start to feel a little like yourself again and I would always say to people now - it might take much longer to start to recover than you think - it is about head/heart/body realigning I think, it's been clunking back to alignment pretty slowly for me.
The class helped shift that process too I think. tai chi = v v gentle but you have to concentrate enough to really empty your head - salvation from my negative spiralling...
All the best to all hope people are getting a little of what they need to start to feel better

girlfromipanema · 27/01/2005 11:21

dramaqn, feel very stupid but what is HPT? dying to know! thanks

Bella23 · 27/01/2005 11:27

GFP and Hereshopping - glad to hear that you both sound a lot better.
I visited my friend last night you m/c last year and it really felt like a tonic, we even had a giggle over who had the heard the most insensitive comment from other people. It felt so nice to talk to someone who knew exatly how I feel, felt like a mini bit of therapy so Hereshopping I would definatly talk to your SIL.
Bring on February - am so seeing it as a milestone that I have moved on that I just want to see the back of miserable January

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