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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

missed miscarriage, just sat here waiting.....

500 replies

dramaqueen72 · 13/01/2005 09:37

anyone out there relate to this? this is my second missed m/c, tho i had a baby inbetween. the shock of a diasterous scan still hurts like mad i found out yesterday. i now have to wait a week for a rescan, and then choose how i want ot proceed. either a eprc (d&c), or pills to force m/c, or 'sit and wait' with poss return to surgery. absolutely crap awful choices. i feel so numb and like my life is on hold. still havent told hardly anyone but struggling to day to appear 'normal' and jolly.
bloatella if youre out there......i couldnt find your thread so am wittering away on this one.

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dramaqueen72 · 20/01/2005 18:26

thanks for thinking of me. it was okay, not as awful as last time. big wuss and cried on way to op theatre. nurses very sweet. actually the DR took time out to reassure me and be nice. dr are usually so buys and suhc arent they? i ache very much now -back ache more than anything- but the rest -bleeding etc, is not bad at all. trouble brewing here as dh is strugling with dd already (!) and i ahve to MAKE myself not get up and do it. not sure about my 'standard of care' here...its slipping LOL
glad i'm home anyhow. looking forward to a few 'normal' months and then trying again. feel positive that the op will actually work in my favour for next time i ttc. simply because it worked that way last time for us.
must get some rest now, but wanted to get on here and say i was okay.

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myermay · 20/01/2005 18:33

Message withdrawn

mishi1977 · 20/01/2005 18:54

DQ can i just ask if the drs told you how long u should wait to TTC etc as i was given no info regarding this and looking online it all differs

Bella23 · 20/01/2005 19:20

Dramaqueen so glad you are ok and all went well.
Time for some real "you" time now which I know will be difficult with a little one but try.xx
Mishi - in response to you, my Dr advised that I could start TC when I felt ready and not to wait until next AF if i didn't want to. I don't think there are any hard rules, best to listen to your body and more importantly your sanity as to when is the best time to try again. I am trying again asap as my stubborn streak has kicked in and therefore it is the only option for me. good luck

dramaqueen72 · 20/01/2005 19:21

mishi, there is no 'set time' i know people who have successfully got pg straight away - no period at all. however, this makes dating the baby very hard, as of course, it could not be growing right again and they wouldnt know if it was wrong dates or a missed m/c again.
i have been told a 'safe' bet is one period. if you let the bleeding postop stop, and then have a regular period, they can be sure of dates and that your body is functioning well. last time i tried after one but it took 2. so 3 mths after my d&c i was pg. some dr's suggest you wait 3 mths to be 'sure of' regular cycles, so they know if you are 28 days etc etc all of this is often suggested to you for your bodys sake, but really, as its a small op, its not its for dating and to assist the dr. how that helps you.

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girlfromipanema · 20/01/2005 19:43

welcome back dramaqn, phew, good to hear that you're ok sounding very together. hope you can have as much rest and recup as possible.
Hope everyone is well.

Spacecadet · 20/01/2005 20:42

Teatime just wanted to give you a big {{{hug}}} Dq, try and rest as much as poss, I am thinking of everyone who is posting on this thread, especially those that have left the aug thread, I will miss you all and hope that when you are recovered you will be posting happy news again.

TeaTime · 21/01/2005 00:28

Thanks for the messages all ex-August thread folks - it certainly is a huge help to feel I'm not alone and that since m/c is so common it's not something I did or didn't do even at my great age! However I read recently that at my age m/c is 50% likely - still that only means that it's also 50% unlikely (getting stubborn too!).
Glad you're home safely DQ, hope dd and dh manage to muddle along OK (they probably will if they have to so you just take time to recover!)
BTW I'm not sure I know who everyone's previous names were on the other thread. Do people change a lot? Do you keep a few names on the go and swap around? I'm fairly new to MN and the chat idea so not sure what the usual practice is. I used the name Michaelsmum when I first started posting but it seemed so boringly obvious that I chose another but I haven't got much imagination!!
AS for me feel physically fine - too good really. I don't think the m/c is going to happen naturally but still willing to wait. Would jogging or aerobics hurry it up?

girlfromipanema · 21/01/2005 10:39

hello teatime, good to hear you, I used to be bloatella but that felt like my pregnant name, girlfrom is just the first song title that came into my head that day!
I posted on the other thread about how my m/c so far has happened on its own but as i say scan on 25th may show I need an op to finish completely. Hope not but fingers crossed.
Thinking of you Dqn, hope you get to rest as long as possible, take care.
my m is going today and am dreading next week, on my own, bdays over, just normal life but without the excitement of an imminent one - will be on here a bit I think looking for you guys.......
all the best and thanks spacecadet that was sweet of you.

Bella23 · 21/01/2005 10:52

Teatime, hope things hurry up for you. Now medical knowledge but exercise seems to help the body along so it may well speed things up - worth a go - although not in a class environment!
GFP - I know what you mean about it all being over and feeling like there's nothing to look forward to but I am trying to think of it as now all the horrible part is over, I am through the other side so there is promise once again on the horizon! Being positive is bl**dy hard at the moment but you gotta try haven't you!

Spacecadet · 21/01/2005 11:15

Teatime if you would like to try to help things along naturally, try drinking some raspberry leaf tea, as it is well documented that it causes contractions, it might help.{{{hugs}}}

dramaqueen72 · 21/01/2005 11:17

aaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggghhhhhhhh! sad sad me. huge fight with dh last night, dd nightmare sleeping, and so achey today its unbelievable. fought with dh over tsupid stuff, really one angry post-op woman and dh no idea whats going on. today he is giving me wide berth as if i am mad. quite poss true. ANGRY. hmmmm, didnt know i would go thro that emotion, but why not? done all the rest i guess. i'm so sorry to whinge here, but i cant ehlp it. no-one seems to know how to look after me, the very best i get is someone/dh taking the children out. nobody has offered me some pampering/housework help/meals made. am i so wierd to want that? my m is meant to be coming to look after me tomorrow, but now shes coming later on in the day to just take my 'big' 2 children out. leaving me to fend for myself, and youngest dd. so whos got florence nightingale when i need her? i feel much worse when i think i have to just get on with things again. did want a few days to recoperate properly. can i come and stay with one of you guys? i cannot sit in a house full of housework, full of children all demanding something, and one cranky dh and not get up and do something!!! i cannot do it!!!! suspect thats my problem, but i cant sit in bed and listn to world war 5 kick off down stairs. sigh. its like -and here i sound very 'poor me', sorry - everyones gone 'oh shes had the op, its all over, lets get on now' and you know i dont feel like that at all!!!
can someone just shoot me now please.

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Bella23 · 21/01/2005 11:31

Dramaqueen I went through the same angry stage. I do think it is linked with the feelng that now all is over you should be "getting over it and be moving on". This angered me because it is the saddest part as you are now no longer pregnant.
Hang in there and demand things if necessary as the problem with a m/c is that unless someone has actually been through it they have no idea how you are feeling. Big Hugs xx

Spacecadet · 21/01/2005 11:33

Dq if I wasnt about to go to hospital, you would be welcome to stay with me!! although you would be very quick to go home, its like a madhouse here! Of course you feel angry, why shouldnt you?, you have been cheated out of your hopes and dreams, beleive me ive been there, you need time to grieve and naturally you feel that you want some is not over and done with, you now need to come to terms with what has happened.I do think it is difficult for men though aswell because although you have had to go through all this, he too has lost the baby and needs to grieve, what would be perfect would be if you and your dh could spend time together, just you and him.I know it is awful for you though dont forget that your hormones are all over the place and how you feel is to be expected.

girlfromipanema · 21/01/2005 17:36

dramaqn, I don't know what to say, that is too hard, you so need to rest for your and your whole family's sake, can you go and stay with other relatives or friends? Sounds like you won't get any recup at home.... I really hope this shifts for you because you really need rest and tlc now. But I can't imagine the logistics of three children, that is a lots of people to care for.
Did the hospital give suggested bed rest at all?
Thinking of you and sending you my best as always hope you can snatch some rest....

dramaqueen72 · 22/01/2005 18:19

slightly calmer more rational dramaqueen today betcha glad to hear that!
not too poorly, but achey, esp my back, which is usually a sign of having done abit too much i think. how is everyone else. girl, hope the ttc thread hasnt scared you away. i'm not quite ready yet either, but hope to be. i do find it nerve racking but also very comforting, to think about a successful pg. keeps me going.
everyone tell me how the wk/end is going for them
miss you all.

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hereshoping · 22/01/2005 18:25

hello all
back from skiing, managed to block it out while there and did have a great time but really low today with 'back to reality'.teatime -sorry to see you here - it just wasnt a lucky thread the august one. Dq- soory to see all the angst youve had - im the same - massive row with dh who asked me when he could expect me to stop being angry and pissed off - bit rich considering ive got d/c on tuesday! its difficult to get it right for my 3 - definitely want to cherish them and 'count my blessings' but feel wierdly detached from them too. Def need a post m/c thread - think i will give it another go
was shocked to be told it was my age - Im only 35 but profoundly relieved that ds1 decided to arrive in an unplanned way when I was 27 now!

dramaqueen72 · 22/01/2005 20:28

hereshoping, welcome back. well, not much of a welcome as your op is hanging over your head but welcome anyhow. i hope its over and quick for you. sometimes my dh is a star - today he was at work again and i missed him so much it hurt- but sometimes they can be the biggest stupidest oafs ever....i'm sorry yours said that. i do suppose we arent great to live with right now tho....
i'd love a new thread, as i appreciate some 'new' m/c people might find this one abit beyond where they are at first(if that makes any sense...) but altho i added my support to the ttc after a loss (depressing title.......) i'm actually NOT quite ttc yet. so feel abit like i dont belong anywhere right now. so suggest new 'inbetween' thread and i'm there.
if i can help you get thro tues in anyway, say so.if its any help, my op was thursday am and today (saturday)i'm feeling huge huge amounts better, both in my head and in my tummy..

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girlfromipanema · 22/01/2005 22:08

Welcome back dramqn and hereshoping. Good to hear from you.
Feel good after birthday evening out - good to have time alone with dh for once but in the restaurant a pregnant woman sat next to me just before we left and I was surprised at how much it made my heart sink.
Yes i'm looking forward to a new thread very much - some kind of transitional thing sounds good but if the maj want to go straight to a ttc then I'm there too.
I just want to get tuesday's scan over too - i'm still losing and feel really mis about it - thought it would be OVER by now and really want to move on but that's not how it works is it?
All the best and hope you're having good w/ends.

dramaqueen72 · 22/01/2005 23:42

hereshoping, you have 3 too? oh so do i. thats nice to know. how old are your lot? mine are 13 (just), 10 and 19mths. its hard to count them all as blessings sometimes, but on other days after going thro this AGAIN, i realise how fortunate i was to have had them, esp the first 2, with who i had such easy straight forward pg's, i never even thought about complications or m/c in those days..... much older and wiser and much more of a worry wart now tho. sigh....last dd came via much heart ache and hassle. but of course worth it.
actually looking forward to ttc again. i have cheered myself up with the idea. ordered some opk today, so should be ready for next month.or th one after...or there abouts. i have just about stopped any loss now, so glad... hate that part. ready to be on with the next part of my life. if you all know what i mean. i havent forgotten this m/c or 'got over it' but keen to be further past it....
glad your b-day meal lifted you some Girl, i 'm sorry the pg lady threw you for a moment....that will be us soon enough, hang in there.

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Bella23 · 23/01/2005 10:16

Drama and GFP - glad you both seem much better. GFP I hope Tuesday goes ok, will be thinking of you.
I too feel "on the other side". A wierd place to be I can tell you! Its better though as physically I think the hormones leave you alone a bit more!

hereshoping · 23/01/2005 10:33

feel a bit brighter today - good sleep and chat with dh
dq - mine are nearly 8, 6 and 31/2 - 2 boys and a girl,.
all concieved in first month of trying, sailed thru all pgs
now like you older and wiser
feel should be able to be content with wonderful 3 I have but amazing how strong the baby urge is when you get it
in between thread sounds good - my dh wants me to try to chill and not madly bd as soon as d/c over

dramaqueen72 · 23/01/2005 10:43

okay i started a new thread. its in conception, because i didnt know where to put us! but its not ttc just yet, but nearly/soon....... i really dont want to play down what we have been thro, and are still going thro, but i wanted us to feel good for having got so far and move on. if anyone thinks thats a bad idea, tell me, and i'll shut up. just dont want to lose touch with the very people who have got me thro such bad times. 'cause i'm very fond of you all now!

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girlfromipanema · 23/01/2005 11:20

congratulations dramaqn, bold to start a new thread! I'm not sure where I am with all this at the moment (apart from this having been a great support) how are you Teatime? I'm feeling really shaky again and as if I'm back at the beginning today, maybe it's because my ds has been away for two days and I'm missing him so much. But I think it's more that I'm dreading Tuesday and being told I might have to have an op when I've sort of run out of stamina for this process, maybe I just need to be brave til then and hope news is that i don't need any more intervention.
Sorry to be blue - it's good and inspiring to hear you sound so positive drqn

dramaqueen72 · 23/01/2005 15:46

oh girl- i dont want to leave you! i'm so sorry that its not finished for you yet, if you see what i mean, i'm hoping tuesday will be an all clear for you. of course youre very normal to feel as you do, and i know we shall all swing between positive and negative feelings for a long while. i hope your ds hurries home, how they drive us crazy when here yet we miss them so much when they are not!!! tuesdays checkup must feel awful hanging over your head, but its nearly here, and we are all thinking of you, and wishing you well.

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