missed miscarriage, just sat here waiting.....

[dramaqueen72]

anyone out there relate to this? this is my second missed m/c, tho i had a baby inbetween. the shock of a diasterous scan still hurts like mad i found out yesterday. i now have to wait a week for a rescan, and then choose how i want ot proceed. either a eprc (d&c), or pills to force m/c, or 'sit and wait' with poss return to surgery. absolutely crap awful choices. i feel so numb and like my life is on hold. still havent told hardly anyone but struggling to day to appear 'normal' and jolly.
bloatella if youre out there......i couldnt find your thread so am wittering away on this one.

[fisil]

Bella, I know, I know. I found you can cheer yourself up by thinking of how the truthful conversation would go, you know, the one that starts "Hi, did you have a fun Xmas?", "No, F-off, I spent it losing a much wanted baby that had died in my womb", "...

I know it's cruel, but it usually (except at my very lowest) brought a smile to my lips!

[Bella23]

Teatime good luck with the scan next week. Please don't worry about having negative thoughts. we all play the game of if I had thought this way would it have been different, did I tempt fate byt thinking that etc!
At the end of thr day what will be will be and there isn't a damn thing we can do except deal with what we hear! I will keep everything crossed for you that all goes well, this thread is in desperate need of some good news!

[hereshoping]

dramaqueen im over from aug 2005 thread too -exactly like you 2nd missed m/c - having d/c in a week my choice to wait as going on holiday
its absolutely shit isnt it
been seen by consultant and told its my age but also promised can go to epu next time = if there is a next time
much love and sympathy to you and blotella
will check in next week

[dramaqueen72]

hereshoping i'm so sorry, i thought girl and i were the 'statistics' from the aug thread and you would be okay. i'm really sorry. thanks for reassuring me over 2nd d&c. i am ridiculously nervous i know but all the same..... i have to wait a week for this rescan, tell me as a dr is it worth the stress? should i insist on surgery now? i dont know if my sac was empty? i was told there was a sac but no heartbeat, so i assume so. it was measuring 6wks not 9 as should of been. almost wish 'natural' m/c would start now, altho i know they are v distressing too. is it you thats going skiing? well where ever you are going i hope you have a good time and get away from all this. i could do with a break after my d&c i think. today i susppose the shock has worn away and is replaced by more sadness. i have no idea how to get to next wed -i know i keep saying that too, but i dont- and if anyone else says 'could it be a mistake? what if its still growing' i might have to resort to thumping them... something really cruel about missed m/c and all this hanging about.
i too dont know if there will be a next time. i certainly cant do a third time like this, and i do already have a houseful, (3 children) so maybe should stop and count blessings. dont know.
anyhow hereshoping, sorry you had to join us.

[Spacecadet]

Dramaqueen, hate to pry, but is definate that you have misscarried and not just conceived very late? The only reason I ask is because in dec of 2004, I went to epu with heavy bleeding thinking I was 7 weeks gone, they scanned me and said, thetre was nothing there apart from an empty sac, this looked more like 4 or 5 weeks, I insisted that I couldnt be that far back, so they checked my hcg levels and they were too high for 4 or 5 weeks of preg. They kept me in over night to monitor me thinking it might be ectopic, then the next day the doctor said that without a doubt, it was either a blighted ovum or a molar preg, they sent me home and said they would rescan in 10 days but without a doubt it was one of these 2 options. I have lst 3 babies in tottal so I thought this is happening again and accepted what they told me. they checked my hcg levels 2 days later and they hadnt doubled as they should have done, so the answer was obvious. They told me they were convinced it was a mole and I was given leaflets on charing cross hospital and told to bring an overnight bag when I came for my scan. we had to break the news to my mum and dhs dad who we had told and spent the week grieving for our lost baby.Even worse I had to prepare for the fact it might be cancer as molar pregs can be cancerous. On the day me and dh went for the scan virtually in tears, I lay down preparing for the worse, I had been here before and she said, there it is, 6 weeks and 6 days, you must have conceived right at the end of your cycle, the relief was fantastic, but we couldnt then relax till 20 weeks and now my suspected mole, is a healthy 6 month old, I hope in my heart that they are wrong for you too, dont lose faith yet, if they are not wrong, I am sending hugs as I have been in your situation.

[dramaqueen72]

spacecadet, i really think its a very very slim chance, the only way this could even been a chance is if i suddenly o'ed late -as in really late- in my cycle. but then i think i took the pg test before that........oh i cant think straight. anyhow, its happened before and i'm accepting its happened again. it would be a nice surprise but dont think it actually happens in real life very often at all. heartbreakingly my body still thinks its pg -stupid body- and i feel dizzy and sick alot. but i think thats fading now too. i'm so glad your story had a happy ending that time, gives me reason to hang on for the second scan. thanks for that. nice to know sometimes they get it wrong. i dont think they have for me, but its still nice to read a happy ending.

[romilly]

just to say dramaqueen - that i feel for you - and hereshoping, bella, and anyone else who's been thru this nightmare. fisil - u made me laugh, my first mc was over xmas and new yr - and having to bullshit about the holidays to everyone at work got very old very quickly! same can be said for myself over the past few weeks..

talking of age - how old are you hereshoping if you dont mind my asking (its just you said they blamed your age?)

[Spacecadet]

Dm, I will hope that they are wrong but if not, I have also lost babies and no amount of kind words can make up for your lost baby, I truly hope that you and everyone else who had posted on this thread gets another chance whaen the time is right.

[dramaqueen72]

well i have driven myself mad today trying to figure out if i could be as early as they measured and not going to have a m/c but a successful pg. despite me clinging slightly madly to the last what if, i really dont think there can be a way. i hate myself for grasping at straws, but spent day on internet researching u/s with no heartbeat at 6wks, (its apparently perfectly normal to miss it at that stage, esp if your uterus is tipped like mine) (who knows tho) i dont know why i do it to myself. just hate waiting around for 'something' to happen. hate life for going on as normal too.
faked it thro ds birthday, was abit grouchy but fairly convincing i think.
my mother upset me today she said on the phone 'oh you sound better!' and i was furious -i am not better actually.
obviously i'm being slightly hyper sensitive, i know. but if i cant be now when can i be.

[ChicPea]

Dramaqueen, sorry to read this is happening to you? Can you have a private scan if you don't want to wait?

[ChicPea]

Delete first ? from last post.

[romilly]

dqueen - hope u r ok. btw, my mother said the exact same thing to me (after i'd had an erpc) and i couldnt get her off the phone fast enough - i was so annoyed i had to be stoical even with family. thats why this site is so cool - u dont have to pretend. i really hope everything gets better for you.

[dramaqueen72]

romilly, thankyou for support. i'm sure it will get better, just seems a long way away right now. this weeks wait, until the 2nd scan, is the longest week of my life. it seems black at the end and black at the start...i need something to focus on, but like i said on the other m/c thread, dh says we cannot afford a break right now, fair enough. just feel bleak and like i am in another world from everyone else.
still clinging to stupid hope that maybe its got a heartbeat next week and it was just too small to see it last time. i do know thats a very remote slim chance, a ridiculous chance at that, but until its removed i cant help but think about it. and even thinking about it means by next wed i will be crushed all over again. why do i do it to myself?
chickpea, cant organise private scan any earlier, as they need a week to 10days to see if its grown. so i cant rush it thro. tho wouold be easier on me if it was all done by now. its a very loooooong week indeed

[ChicPea]

Very very best of luck Dramaqueen. All fingers crossed for you.

[Spacecadet]

I know how awful it is waiting for the second scan DM, it's like a form of torture, you must be tied up in knots, I wish I could say something helpful, what day is your scan?

[dramaqueen72]

wednesday 9.30am.
long time til wed.

[romilly]

hang in there dqueen - we're all thinking of u

[kid]

I'll be thinking of you too. Sorry to hear the dreadful time you are having. I have no experience myself so can't begin to imagine what you are going through

[Morgan]

Hi dramaqueen - i had a missed miscarriage last week at 7 weeks - nothing there - after bad pain at five weeks. I felt a lot better as soon as i knew what was happening as the waiting in between was bad. I also feel fine physically now and just wanted to say that it gets better - i'd been ttc no 2 for 2.5 years and am on clomid so it was a huge blow but am trying v hard to be positive. I did feel like getting away from everything but have felt better for telling some people. My mil knew at five weeks as she had to take me to the hospital when i had pain and it has helped to tell people and everyone is so nice! so hang in there and remember everyone here is here for you too!

[dramaqueen72]

morgan, gosh youre a brave soul. i wish you well and lots of positive hpts very very soon. you must think my whinging is abit pathetic, seeing how i already have children. but i it does hurt just as much, 2nd, 3rd, -whatever- child along.
i hope we all feel better soon, and tho there is no easy way to 'move on' i hope we all reach a place soon where we can look forward and be happier. right now i simply cannot look past wednesday's scan. i already owe alot to people here and on the other m/c thread, i seriously would have imploded if i couldnt of come here and said exactly how i feel. i do try and keep dh upto date on how i am/how i feel, but i have ot remember hes going thro this too. so far i havent found a person i can tell all this too in the same way i do here. oh aside from my penpal in america, but shes not in 'real life' either!
if everyone can just send me miracle thoughts for wednesday please.....or even just 'not be too bad or awful please' thoughts.

[hester]

Oh dramaqueen, I'll be thinking of you now and Wednesday. Big hugs.

[Spacecadet]

Tthankyou for posting on my other thread Dm I will be thinking of you on Weds.

[dramaqueen72]

thanks, all the thoughts will hopefully help me thro. i am almost looking forward to being on the other side of it now, if you see what i mean. everytime i feel good about something or laugh out loud, stark reality comes back and reminds me whats happening and who i am. then i am low again. i know its an awful thing to happen to us all but i am glad we all can come here and compare/rant/listen.

[girlfromipanema]

dramaqn, with you all day today in spirit, wish I could do more to make it fly by!

[romilly]

ditto - take care of yourself dramaqueen