My feed

to access all these features

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

missed miscarriage, just sat here waiting.....

500 replies

dramaqueen72 · 13/01/2005 09:37

anyone out there relate to this? this is my second missed m/c, tho i had a baby inbetween. the shock of a diasterous scan still hurts like mad i found out yesterday. i now have to wait a week for a rescan, and then choose how i want ot proceed. either a eprc (d&c), or pills to force m/c, or 'sit and wait' with poss return to surgery. absolutely crap awful choices. i feel so numb and like my life is on hold. still havent told hardly anyone but struggling to day to appear 'normal' and jolly.
bloatella if youre out there......i couldnt find your thread so am wittering away on this one.

OP posts:
girlfromip · 12/04/2005 13:34

wishingchair, just want to echo what bella and littleweed have said. I think every bereavement is unique and my mc has made me feel fragile about my loved ones and that they could be somehow snatched from me by a sort of cruel fate. I wouldn't be surprised if that's common for anyone suffering a loss.
I feel as if it's taking me for ever to get over my mc emotionally and physically so you have my empathy completely.
Thinking of you and ((((((((hugs))))))))))) to anyone struggling with this.

george32 · 12/04/2005 13:44

Littleweed, no wonder you are feeling so low with the op only last week. I'm so sorry you have gone through this for a second time.
It is good that the doctor has referred you to the consultant as I don't think they do normally until you have experienced at least 3 m/cs. I do hope it brings you some support.
I spent the first few weeks in a daze, crying, not sleeping, and finding each day so hard. It will get easier as time goes by.
Wishingchair, you poor thing. I think Bella is right in what she says and you are not nuts in being scared. I had the same thoughts as you in early p/g. I think a lot of people are terrified about something going wrong but at the same time thinking it couldn't happen to me.
If it makes you feel any better I have greeted every solitary magpie with "Good Morning Mr Magpie" for about the last 20 years. DP thinks I'm nuts!!

Girl, thanks for your message. Keep springing to whichever thread you feel more comfortable on. You are just in the dreaded limbo between threads at the moment. It will pass in time and esp when your cycle returns to some kind of normal & then you can enjoy going as barmy as the rest of us!

wishingchair · 12/04/2005 13:51

Oh thank you so much you 3. You've made me cry but thank you. You're all so right. I feel like I am coping brilliantly about 80% of the time and then all of a sudden I get a blip and it throws me completely. I do find the sheer ferocity you love your children a bit overwhelming at times - I remember when she was born I wished I could put the 3 of us in a bubble and allow dh to have a bubble-extension to go to work. I know life's not like that and if you don't take the risk of loving then you miss so much. When I think like that I can think about ttc again, but then I think how could I cope with going through it again if it all went wrong. Especially when you read the tragic news on the other threads on here ... imagine if the next time it was even later. This is so hard. Thanks to you all ... it means so much especially when I know you're dealing with this stuff as well. xxx

littleweed · 12/04/2005 14:03

wishing chair _ i think you need chocolate & you need it NOW.
The first thing i saw when i opened teh curtains after doing my 7Am preg test last month was 2 magpies....... now i just want to shoot teh whole bloddy lot of tehm!

littleweed · 12/04/2005 14:05

george adn girl - thanks for your meesages too - meant to say that just now but my brain is all over teh place adn it's taking me forver to remember what I'm doing.

nickiey · 12/04/2005 19:14

Hey there dramaqueen, I went into Hospital on Thursday for an early pregnancy reassurance scarn and was told that although my dates made me 8 weeks there was only a sac of about 4 weeks old present, I was given your chioces and bloodtests just to confirm. I was "lucky" and went onto miscarry naturally this weekend - thinking of you.

george32 · 13/04/2005 10:09

Nickiey so sorry to hear of your m/c. I hope that you are being kind to yourself and taking things very easy.

Littleweed, whatever you do, don't shoot a pair of magpies as they are supposed to be a good sign (2 are for joy). Its one on it's own you have to worry about (1 for sorrow)........somone told me that when I was a child and I've been chatting to them ever since - nuts!!!
Hope your day is OK.

Wishingchair, I hope you are having a good day too today. It will get easier and the periods of sadness will get fewer, it just takes time. I was told that there is no reason why I shouldn't have a healthy, happy p/g next time around and I imagine that you are exactly the same.

Girl, I hope you are following DQs saga on the other thread. It is nail biting stuff!! How is today going for you?

Hi Arabica, hope you being quiet means that you are getting on OK and working hard.

{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}} to all

girlfromip · 13/04/2005 10:12

nickiey, I was so sad to read what happened to you, it is such a lonely experience. This thread has been a huge support for me since my mc in Jan and maybe it will be a help to you too. How are you feeling today?
Hope everyone is well, I'm feeling cautiously positive today, maybe cheered by the thought of our comrades starting to get pg again on the ttc thread - although that does seem like an unimaginable world to me at the moment.
Hope you're well Arabica, think of you often. How are you Wishingchair (such a great name)? Littleweed? and George and Bella. I'll look for you on the other thread too.

girlfromip · 13/04/2005 10:16

Morning george! Our posts must have crossed. I have been dipping into www.ttc but to be honest I can't bear the suspense. I want it to be the right news for dq too much to look - I might have to find out from you here! Pouring with rain here but keeping chin up. Hope you have a good day!

Bonkerz · 13/04/2005 10:25

HI all, ive been away for a while and must confess i havent caught up on the thread as yet.
Been a bit strange for me the past few weeks. I am thinking about my babies less but when i do it seems to hurt more. Whilst on holiday i met my nephews new baby who had the same due date as my first miscarried baby. That was really hard and my emotions were all over the shop. I was happy for my nephew but really upset that the baby wasnt mine. I think i coped quite well but did break down after they had left, My dh , who had sat so quiet whilst the baby was there told me he was too scared to look at the baby incase he broke down too. This was a big thing for my dh to tell me and was the first time he has really showed me it still affects him like that.
Last week i also plucked up the courage to mention to dh that i REALLY want to try again for another baby, this was met with anger from dh who told me he wasnt ready and couldnt go thourgh another mc jsut yet. The conversation ended abruptly and left me feeling like s**t.
Last night my dh and i chatted again and he has now said that we should ttc again! Ok ive rambled enough. Will post again when ive caught up with the thread!

Bella23 · 13/04/2005 10:30

Just popped in to see how everyone is.
Bonkerz - that's great news on the ttc thread. Come and join us on the ttc thread, we are all very cautious and know exactly what you will be going through.
GFP - yes the suspense for DQ is nailbiting!!
WishingChair - how are you feeling?

wishingchair · 13/04/2005 16:35

Hi everyone ... I'm feeling a bit better thanks. Was upset this morning but that was cos DD is having a hard time settling back into nursery after our hols so I had to leave her sobbing. Was this close to taking her home but it would only make it even harder next week. I don't know, I am feeling better but it's weird to begin with, I was surprised at how I didn't have a problem with all my pg friends but now I'm a bit more wary. I'll see them tomorrow and they're all so lovely I'm sure I'll be fine.

Girl - I agree! All these ttc-ers is making me think there is light at the end of the tunnel. And Bonkerz - that's great news. I'm so glad you and dh are on the same page and maybe moving forward with ttc. And nickiey - I'm so sorry for you - anything but lucky - thinking of you.

Glad you like the name - I am a closet Enid Blyton fan. If I could, I would have lived next to the Faraway Tree, spent my school life at Malory Towers and used my wishingchair to take me wherever I wanted to go!

girlfromip · 14/04/2005 09:41

Hope everyone is well today! I've been on the www.ttc thread and am so happy for DQ, it's such good news.
I hope everyone is well, thinking of you Arabica, george et al. Was your dd ok going to nursery today Wishingchair? My ds has just started new nursery and has been fine for 2 days but today is getting all negative about it.... it can be a slow process can't it?
All the best for a good day

Arabica · 14/04/2005 18:47

Hi everyone, yes, I am feeling a little bit better. Maybe it's the Starflower, but I feel more like me as I normally am, and not awash with grief anymore. I still have my moments, of course. But this week I'm getting excited by the idea of returning to studying in Sept. Was training to be a counsellor before got pg with DS. Didn't like my course much and never returned. The course I really want to do is having an open day on Saturday.
I'm really not sure I want to ever ttc again...

Spacecadet · 16/04/2005 13:29

hi everyone, i am in shock as just 4 weeks since my m/c i have had a period!!! it was only light but I got the migraine, the lot, it also brought on amild menieres attack, friday just gone I would have been going for my 20 week scan..feel so empty
I do feel quite depressed at the mo, wake up and think, oh no another bloody day to get through, am having massive panick attacks etc, someone has suggested that ginkgo biloba iseful anyone any experience of it, suppose to be good for anxiety, cognitive processes etc.

girlfromip · 16/04/2005 21:11

spacecadet - (((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))) and empathy. All I can say is most people on this thread seemed to feel extremely low following their mcs me included. Some people feel better quicker than others but I'm still slowly recovering I think I've just finished my 2nd period since my mc in Jan! It has been really really slow for me to start feeling happier.
Re the panic attacks - what do you think would help you most? A friend of mine found her panic attacks decreased after she saw a counsellor a few times. But not everyone feels that that's appropriate. I'm here if you want to talk for what that's worth - have you rung the miscarriage assoc helpline? I rang them a few weeks ago in floods of tears and the woman who answered was really good and just said how long it can take to recover and not be too surprised by the strength of my feelings. Thinking of you and hope you're having an ok day.

Spacecadet · 16/04/2005 22:03

thanks girl, today my husband suggested we went to a local manor house which has barns converted into gift shops, it has a lovely play area for the children and free roaming farm animals, i hasvent been out much since my mc or my diagnosis of meneieres so I hoped it would do good, wrong, every women there seemed to be preg, i couldnt wait to get home, i just kept thinking, that should be me, i know i have 4 children and dd2 is only 9 months, but i want my baby too, i wanted to be celebrating in aug...... I bought some geranium oil which is supposedt o be good for anxious and nervous feelings, it has a calming effect, im burning it in an oil burner at the mo and dh is complaining about the smell! i dont feel ready to ring anyone but i may consider starting cbt again, which i was having before i became preg.

wishingchair · 18/04/2005 09:13

Oh spacecadet ... I know what you're going through and having other children doesn't make it any better. It's 2 months now since my m/c and I should be 28 weeks today and planning my maternity leave. Instead I'm going shopping tomorrow for new work clothes (might as well make myself feel a bit better about being here). Bit waffly this ... think what I'm trying to say is I think there are going to be key moments when it is always going to be hard ... date of m/c, due date, memories of when you told everyone you were pg, memories of being told you'd lost your baby, etc. I can't ever see those getting easier, but day to day life is getting easier. But then the other morning for no reason at all, I started to cry. DD was looking at me strangely so I asked her for a cuddle because I was feeling a bit sad, so she came over and rubbed my back. Made me better and worse at the same time! Love her so much.

She cried again when we got to nursery and had to be taken from me, but I stood outside listening and she only cried for a couple of minutes. She's been going for over a year so I know she likes it, just has trouble settling in. She'll just get back into it then we're off on hol again last 2 weeks of May. That'll be hard as it was our last holiday just the 3 of us before the baby arrived.

We're burying his ashes in a couple of weeks at our local church - not sure how I feel about it. I'm hoping it will be comforting to know he's sort of at peace but I'm not sure.

Anyway, sorry for the brain dump you've all got here! Hope you're doing OK. xxx

girlfromip · 18/04/2005 10:22

spacecadet and wishingchair - thinking of you - feel very low today myself, hard to think of anything positive to say! I guess it takes a long time to get over and we all need to do whatever it takes to feel supported. Seeing your messages does help.
I'm feeling hypersensitive about ds at the moment and everything he goes through - (he's resisting his new nursery wishingchair and it takes massive effort of negotitions to get him dressed and out the door) I think I'm just displacing my own sadness about the mc but what can you do? Just feel really raw at the moment.
Hugs to all and hope the day is going well for you.

Diddle · 18/04/2005 11:07

Hi Girls, can i join you?

I m/c the first week of April '05 at 9wks and the last day of Jan '05 at 7 wks. wondering if we will ever get to the 12 weeks let alone 40 wks. At first i felt like giving up but now i want to try again as soon as i can. i'm waiting for AF then we are trying.
Its only been 2 wks since the 2nd m/c and i feel ok, i'm not thinking about it, keeping busy, which i think might be doing me more harm than good. i dream about babies and having kids every night. its always in the back of my mind. Reading all your messages makes me so upset.
Why is life so s**t. Has anyone here had 2 and gone on to have a successful pregnancy? i don't know if i can go through losing another.

wishingchair · 18/04/2005 12:54

Hi Diddle - firstly I'm sorry you're having to go through this ... it is sh*t isn't it. As for having m/c and then successful pg ... I had a DD then m/c, not yet ttc again. But I know people who had 2 children then 3 m/c then another baby. I know someone who had 5 m/c then twins. I don't think there is any rhyme or reason but certainly no reason why you won't have a successful pg in the future. They will do lots of tests if you m/c again. Not that that helps you but just wanted to say the future isn't bleak. Hugs

Spacecadet · 18/04/2005 13:09

wishing chair and girl hugs to you both, im dreading my basy's due date as it was my birthday and I wish I could just cancel it this year. Diddle, I have had 3 misscarriages and one stillbirth to date, but also have 4 healthy children, my misscarriages were not all one after the other though. I had a stillbirth in 1990, followed by dd in 1991(happy healthy, stroppy 13 year old!!) then misscarriage in 1992, ds in 1994 (just turned 11), then ds2 in 2001, followed by dd2 in july last year, then misscarriage in march this year, my own mother actually said to me today, " I dont know why youre upset, its a blessing in disguise, the baby wasnt planned" hence I slammed phone down. there is hope diddle, you need to finish grieving for this lost baby first though, hugs to you.

Spacecadet · 18/04/2005 13:10

forgot to mention, misscarriage in 200, stupid me...

Diddle · 18/04/2005 17:17

thanks wishing chair and spacecadet, you have been through so much. I think i would have slammed the phone down too if anyone had said that to me, especially my mom. Thats horrible. Keep smiling. are you trying again now?

Spacecadet · 18/04/2005 18:22

no we wont be trying again diddle, much as I would like to, I was diagnosed with menieres disease shortly after losing baby so dont think I could cope with being preg and this illness which only manifested itself in november of last year and isalready quite severe, not fair on the baby either, my existing children are being burdoned enough by this..sorry for the ramble!

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.