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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

missed miscarriage, just sat here waiting.....

500 replies

dramaqueen72 · 13/01/2005 09:37

anyone out there relate to this? this is my second missed m/c, tho i had a baby inbetween. the shock of a diasterous scan still hurts like mad i found out yesterday. i now have to wait a week for a rescan, and then choose how i want ot proceed. either a eprc (d&c), or pills to force m/c, or 'sit and wait' with poss return to surgery. absolutely crap awful choices. i feel so numb and like my life is on hold. still havent told hardly anyone but struggling to day to appear 'normal' and jolly.
bloatella if youre out there......i couldnt find your thread so am wittering away on this one.

OP posts:
girlfromipanema · 27/01/2005 11:28

Hear Hear Bella! I'll second the end of January too.

dramaqueen72 · 27/01/2005 12:20

Girl - hpt= home pregnancy test! youre not stupid, its me, spend so much time online i actually speak in 'message board' lingo!
and double hear hear! i cant wait for jan to stop. feb should mean my first af since the op, and therefore the ttc bit after that. i cant wait ot be 'normal' and past this month you know?
bella, thats how i feel about this thread/board - like mini therapy! couldnt of got thro my 'waiting week' without you all.
hope everyones doing alright today. i feel very 'normal' today. and i like that.

OP posts:
bonkerz · 27/01/2005 18:22

A better day today. Only taken one tablet so far so havent been as spaced out. Have done nothing except pick ds up from school. Had long chat with SIL today who has had a mc and that was good to get things off my chest! Bleeding is slowing down but have acheing in tummy and tops of legs but it is bearable. DS went to play at aa mates house so had abit more time to myself. Am off for a nice bath now (havent had one since the op as was scared about blood etc) Am going to go out tomorrow, need to try and be 'normal'. Thi is going to sound awful but has anyone else experianced constipation after d&C?

dramaqueen72 · 27/01/2005 20:10

yes i did, i think your body kinda 'holds off' for a few days. eat lots of fruit and dont panic, mine was fine after a day or two. you will feel normal i promsie, hang in there

OP posts:
Bella23 · 27/01/2005 20:12

Bonkers - absolutley! I had terrible constipation after ERPC, didn't know what was going on. I was in such bad pain from it that I could hardly breath. I bought some herbal laxative medicine and ended up taking almost the entire bottle in one afternoon as thought it wasn't working. Well i don't think I need to go into details but as you can imagine when it did work it was almost comical!! I think it is maybe to do with hormones or something so don't be alarmed. Glad you are coming through the otherside

bonkerz · 27/01/2005 21:39

Am depressed now. DH and i just had another chat and cant work out why we have had such bad luck. Since marrying in oct 2003 we have had 2 miscarriages, dh has been diagnosed with insulin dependant diabetes, Both of us have had to change jobs, Dh has been held at knife point by a robber, All our holidays have been interrupted by one thing or another and there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel for us. We are trying to tell ourselves that we still have each other and these things are making us stronger BUT how long are we going to be tested like this? Still not had a poo and drank a whole litre of prune juice. Lets hope tomorrow is more positive.

dramaqueen72 · 27/01/2005 23:01

bonkerz, what you have to think, after such terrible times, is now its your turn For the GOOD luck. now things can only get very much better. stay as positive as you can, try and keep looking forward. i too have questioned why my life seems to be making a great soap opera, why i keep getting caught up in the 'drama' and crisis so much...but we cant think like that. its going to be okay, infact this is our year!

OP posts:
Bella23 · 28/01/2005 09:21

I agree with DQ, when everything goes pear shape I just think that everybody goes through periods of grief, you are just getting all of yours over with in one go so that you won't have to go through it in the future. Kind of like getting it out of the way whereas other people have bad times on the horizon without even knowing. You've had yours and are paving the way for great things in the future.
Just remember that nothing ever stays the same, good ir bad so by the law of nature your luck will change and we are all willing that to happen!
Hopefully it will start with a bowel movement!!

girlfromipanema · 28/01/2005 10:07

bonkerz, I know how you feel and it's difficult to believe that things can change but they can change. I'm desperate for certain things to change too and feel powerless to change them. I feel really miserable today and that my life sucks.
I don't think this is just the m/c but I'm sure it depletes us out more than we realise. Thinking of you and sending you a little postive energy from my tiny pile.

Bella23 · 28/01/2005 10:46

Bonkerz and GFP - sending you hugs today as you are both feeling low.
Have a good cry as I always find that you feel slightly relieved afterwards. I know you probably feel like this is all you are doing at the moment but remember it is all part of the grieving process - its long, its dull - but it will get better I promise.

bonkerz · 28/01/2005 11:29

had a bowel movement! Was horrid and thought i was going to faint!!! Feel ok today, not good and not bad. Have been out and got some yummy seets and chocolate and arranged to go out tonight with dh and kids for dinner, we have to tell the kids about the baby! Should have had my 12 week scan today which is hard. Am off to bed now to sleep till 3pm hopefully!

anxiousia · 28/01/2005 11:36

thanks bella , good you feel better too bonkerz.

girlfromipanema · 28/01/2005 11:38

I mean thanks bella

Bella23 · 28/01/2005 11:41

You see Bonkerz - said things would look've a movement - ya ha!!

hereshoping · 28/01/2005 12:24

Hi all
couldnt get out of bed last night to post - felt awful - cramps, heavy bleeding and really hormonal, anxious and tearful. Also pup ate one of the chickens which didnt help! Felt that everything I do at present goes wrong
A little better today - am actively telling peole Im not great instead of using the 'Im fine' which I usually do .Finding hats helping
Only a few more miserable Jan days to go then roll on Feb, first AFs and ttc! Bought some prenatal vitamins today - dont usually bother with all that but want to do something positive
Hugs to all who are felling low - shall we formally start a new thread in Feb - I know some are posting on this and ttc thread but I for one will need you lot to get me through the next months of waiting for AF, ttc and then horrible anxious weeks of next pg ( hopefully if it happens)

dramaqueen72 · 28/01/2005 13:00

oh ladies i hope you are feeling better today. bella you hit the nail on the head - its very DULL feeling so low, and willing time by to get to nicer times. i really want to make it hurry up...and am getting frustrated with still being in the 'recovery' period. want past this, want to shut my eyes and wake up to feb, after first af and with fun ttc ahead of me instead of looooon dreary days 'waiting'.hmmmmmm, okay so thats prob not the cheery conversation you all needed right?
hershoping, gosh, sorry about the chicken.... but maybe you can help me i'm trying to organise keeping chickens from this summer. (it will prob be the final thing that convinces my inlaws i'm totally 'hippy' arty weird and hey, thats one of the reasons to do it in my book!!) the only thing that stopped me last summer was the price of chicken houses!! lordy.... anyhow i guess thats for a chicken keeping thread right?
i think youre VERY right telling people youre NOt so fine. in a brief therapy talk i had recently, i was told to try and be more consistant - that my outside should reflect more of my inside, that I was nearly killing myself keeping up some false 'perfect' outside when i felt crap. how right they were. people are generally very nice when they hear youre not great. i hope you keep finding that.
i am still taking my folic acid, and have whacked up my B vits and now vit C, in an effort to be super healthy inside too. and help feel better.
bonkerz sorry you have a tough conversation coming up with your kids. it broke my childrens heart when it first happened to us, so this time we carefully not told them. (they thought my surgery was just a 'stomach thing' i had to have done, nothing to worry about, and have asked no questions so far) i hope it goes okay tonight.
listen, just everyone tell me where to post and when...i get very confused posting in two/three places about the same thing, but dont want to miss anyone! i feel so positive somedays that here doesnt always feel the right place to post (with the heading as it is) but i too have crappy low i dont know.......
Girl please dont feel bad, life will make it up to you, somehow, one day. keep your chin up.

OP posts:
girlfromipanema · 28/01/2005 13:04

absolutely hereshoping - I will be looking for all my great mns in the next few months, I really appreciate the support here, and feel like it will be important in the coming months. I ttc last time 'alone' without a board like this and it was lonely work!
Sorry you've been in pain,it is heavy physically isn't it? Do you have some good painkillers?
Hope all are well and speak soon,

hereshoping · 28/01/2005 13:06

dq -chicken keeping great but high losses between foxes, our dog and neighbours dog... have to teach children they are not pets and to treat them as farm animals
try ayside poultry arks - they are in lake district but deliver - have website
bonkers - I told my children last time but when I lost it I said Id made a mistake - I thought I was having a baby but when I had a scan it showed I wasnt - they seemed to accept this and it made it a bit kinder than taking away a brother or sister
this time like dq I hid it and have told them ive had an op for a stomach thing and im poorly and they are trying to be nice
good luck tonight bonkers

george32 · 28/01/2005 13:58

I've not posted before but I'm another refuge from due in August. After finding a tiny amount of bleeding on Wed, a scan yesterday confirmed that I have a missed m/c (should have been 10+5). Huge shock as even tho we were worried we didn't really believe anything would be wrong. Seeing that empty black hole on the scan was quite horrific but the doctor & nurse were fantastic and I'm booked in for a ERPC on Mon pm. Everyones messages have been a great help in re-assuring me that I'm not on my own in going through this and there is light at the end of the tunnel. The worst part at the moment seems to be the fact that my body still thinks I'm pregnant with painful boobs and horrid taste in my mouth - a mean trick to be playing. My thoughts go out to anyone else who is going through this currently. Good to read that people do come through this and make it back onto TTC - hope I join you there soon.

Bella23 · 28/01/2005 14:09

George, so sorry to hear you going through this.
Bl**dy hell that August thread has been so unlucky!!
I really hope that you have your family around you to help you through this horrible time. I really found that talking to people on here really helped as you don't feel so isolated.
I found the ERPC fine, no pain at all and recovered quickly so please don't be worried.
Lots of thoughts with you over the next few days and make sure you are kind to yourself...HUGS
You will get through this - I am just so sorry it has happened.

bonkerz · 28/01/2005 15:33

well i feel like im back to square one again now. Ds hadnt mentioned the baby at all for a week so we hoped that tonight wouldnt be too bad for him but his teacher has just come out of school and said in a loud voice across the playground 'WE HEAR CONGRATULATIONS ARE IN ORDER' I quickly shook my head and burst into tears which mortified his teacher and she came straight over and said ds had been telling her about his brother or sister all day. I told her that i lost the baby and had surgery tuesday and we were telling him tonight. Now im terrified of the reaction we are going to get. We didnt tell the kids with the first baby and when we got past 7 weeks and saw a heratbeat we thought it was ok to tell them about this one now we wish we hadnt! thought i was storng enough to deal with this but i dont think i am!

Bella23 · 28/01/2005 15:45

Bonkerz - How horrible - poor you!
As I don't have any children I won't offer any words of wisdom on how to tell your DS.
I hope it doesn't go too terribly - all I can offer is HUGS

bonkerz · 28/01/2005 15:48

thankyou. Think i will let dh lead the way and just be there for the hugs and stuff. Have decided to take them to the pub for a special tes so it will soften the blow.

Just another question. I have been advised to refrain from intercourse for 6 weeks after D&C but bleeding has stopped so do you think its safe? Also have noticed that soem of you have already started TTC but i was advised 6 months wait. Do you think i was given duff information or shoulf i hold out till august? Not ready to ttc yet but just wondered if anyone else had been told same? This is my 2nd mc in a row and after 1st one was told could try straight away!

Bella23 · 28/01/2005 15:53

Bonkerz re the advice after the ERPC. I was told to wait until 2 weeks to have sex and had a leaflet also telling me that. I think the important thing is if you have stopped bleeding which you have so you should be ok by now.
As for waiting to TTC well maybe they are suggesting waiting a bit longer then normal because you have had 2 in a row and therefore emotionally and physically you must feel drained.
Again I think it is only advice though as everyone is different. You must start again when you want to not when someone tells you to.
Hope this helps

george32 · 28/01/2005 16:06

Thanks for your support Bella. Do you know how long after the ERPC the feelings of being pregnant go away? Did you feel better emotionally after the op? I seem to be too calm at the mo - worried I'm going to crash big style.

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