missed miscarriage, just sat here waiting.....

[dramaqueen72]

anyone out there relate to this? this is my second missed m/c, tho i had a baby inbetween. the shock of a diasterous scan still hurts like mad i found out yesterday. i now have to wait a week for a rescan, and then choose how i want ot proceed. either a eprc (d&c), or pills to force m/c, or 'sit and wait' with poss return to surgery. absolutely crap awful choices. i feel so numb and like my life is on hold. still havent told hardly anyone but struggling to day to appear 'normal' and jolly.
bloatella if youre out there......i couldnt find your thread so am wittering away on this one.

Spacecadet, I'm so sorry for your sad news. I hope that you find some comfort on this thread. It has really helped me as I've made my journey past m/c.
I found it re-assuring to read that many people have or are experiencing the same emotions as you are, especially as this can be very hard for people to understand in R/L.
Be very kind to yourself over the next few days & weeks. Even though it may not feel like it now, in time, the days will feel better. Don't be afraid to cry and be sad.
{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}} to you
Bonkerz, glad to see you. I've been guzzling the alcohol a bit too. It certainly doesn't make you a bad person but don't have too much now will you!! How do you feel about putting TTC on hold? Are you OK with that for the time being. Must be difficult to know what to do at the moment.
{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}} to you too

Arabica, i had past the 12 week stage and had a scan or 2 so i suppose you get a touch complacent, serves me right really, think thats why its more painful for dh as it wasslightly more real, also the children had enthused over my scan pic and when we told the children about my misscarriage, ds2 said, so is the baby not in your tummy anymore? which broke my heart, my 13 year dd is devastated but ds1 aged 11 hasnt really said anything.dd2 is just 7.5 months so obviously is oblivious, trouble is it was quite obvious i was preg as i had a bump and quite a few people knew.Bubble99 I read your birth story with tears rolling down my cheeks, you put your trust in the medical staff and they let you and your babies down, I hope that you are getting the support you need, I had a stillbirth 15 years ago and sadly received no support.My dd1 nearly died in the birth canal because I was left pushing for 3 hours when my baby had infact not presently correctly and had her head flexed upwards, this had been spotted on a scan the previousweek when I was 40 weeks preg yet I was left to go into labour naturally, as a result I suffered a deep transverse arrest and dd's neck was almost broken, som how they got her out with forceps. Being only 18 at the time i never questioned how things were handled but found out at a later stage that such babies that engage with their face instead of their heads should be delivered by cs, thankfully I had a happy outcome and dd is now13 but it could have ended differently because of what I feel was medical incompetence.I cant imagine what you are going through and my heart goes out to you and your family. I wont be trying again as this baby was a surprise.

Forgot to say as that was a bit of an essay! but i have a friend who had premature twins and sadly one died, they were identical twin girls and she said the worse thing was coming home with her surviving baby and people saying, oh at least you still have one baby, she said she used to say, so if one of your children died that would be ok then would it if you still had a surviving child.

spacecadet I cant believe there is another sad story from the august thread!!!!! im so so sorry- there are so many of us who fell off that thread - it was so unlucky. thinking of you and im sure everyone else will be - in various aliases now over on ttc for the cautious thread - ive forgotten who everyone else was
girl, george, bonkerz, good to hear from you. I cant handle the stress of ttc yet so am still lurking here
love to all

spacecadet, I'm so so sorry for your loss (((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))) thinking of you and hope you find some of the support you want here. Thinking of you.
Hello yellowbear and bubble.
Good to hear from you hereshoping, and all the best to george, bonkerz, teatime, dq, bella and all.
I'm very low today just can't seem to pick myself up, feel really lonely myself and no one's around to play with ds, just feel so sorry for myself and then resent myself for it! Hugs to all.

Sorry to hear you're feeling low gfromi, I am also feeling depressed--can't seem to shake it and cannot imagine ever regaining my sense of humour. The miscarriage has brought to the surface a whole heap of other distressing personal issues, and I'm locked into a binge-eating cycle which is making me even more miserable. Doesn't help that the weather today is as grey and flat as I feel.

Arabica & Girl, I'm so sorry that you are both feeling so low today.
I know I was up and down like anything up until last week and spending days crying and not being able to pick myself out of the blackness. I don't know if it helps for me to say it at all, but it will pass with time and hopefully tomorrow will be a brighter day for you both. Take it easy on yourselves today and try to make some time for something nice (a nice hot bath, time to read a book, book a weekend away??)

Arabica, have you found some time to get to the gym again yet? (I seem to remember you mentioning that you go although please forgive me if my memory is rubbish). I've had similar problems to you with food and was sliding down the slope again post m/c until I got back in the gym. I don't know if anything like that would help you, but it always seems to allow me to re-gain control on my eating.

{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}} to all. xx

arabica ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))) me too, weather, m/c, other issues, muchos empathos.... did your day improve at all? I hope it did. I keep being thrown by dealing with other people's responses to what happened to me, like a friend with a new born baby who has just found out about me and is in loads of paroxysms about that she didn't know etc etc. I feel like saying - this really isn't about you at all!
I had a trip out with a friend and her dd and that lifted my spirits which sank again on getting home.
george, thanks for your thoughts, I was so happy when I saw you and arabica had left messages! I really really appreciate it when people answer, it makes a real difference and makes me feel less lonely with this strange sorrowfulness that seems to be in my bones at the moment. This Miscarriage assoc. sent me some bumph that was good in that it really underlines how some women suddenly get hit by the blues months after the loss.
Thinking of you and sending hugs.

i like that expression 'sorrowfulness in my bones' girl. im like that too. unfortunately 2 mcs has really put a heavy strain on me and dh -loads of other issues that need addressing thou dh firmly believes getting pg again will 'reboot my head'- his expression
love to all
off to ttc thread now to try to make myself feel like i want to

Thanks for the hugs and good wishes. George, I do love going to the gym and it does help, albeit only temporarily. Haven't been able to get there for a week because DS was ill, then DH was ill, then had to finish some work. I think the sorrowfulness is deep in my bones too. Not something on the surface that can easily be shaken off, but something that's dug in for a while.
I found out I'd miscarried exactly four weeks ago today and although I am very sad I feel strong enough to try and feel what I am feeling instead of stuffing my face with chocolate to try and squash all my emotions down. So, back to Slimming World for some support. I'd nearly got to my target weight when I found out I was pg. I know from experience that feeling more in control about my weight makes me feel less depressed in general.

I know that feeling Arabica, it is nice when everything is under control, especially eating. I tried Slimming World once but I'm not good with fussing about food, it almost makes me worse as I have to consider everything I eat. The last time I lost weight was by cutting out sugar & sweeteners completely. I lost weight without really thinking about it, although you do have to check pre-packaged food (esp cereal - I think it's Shredded Wheat or nothing!).
I think I saw this morning, that you are off the New Forest over Easter. Hope you have a lovely time. We hired some bikes last time we went and had a great time. I think it will do you the world of good to get away. I know I felt better for going down to Cornwall.
Girl, I hope you are OK. Nice to see you poke your head round the door of the other thread. I think everyone there goes through ups & downs so don't be afraid to stay for a bit longer, even if it is just on your more positive days.
Bonkerz, Spacecadet & Bubble {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} to you. Hope you are doing OK and the days are getting easier for you all.
Happy thoughts to all xx

Spacecadet: I am so sorry. there are no words that will help your heart heal more quickly.
I have had 3 'late' miscarriages and I know what you mean about becoming complacent. Feel free to air your feelings on this thread as everyone here is so lovely and supportive. Give yourself time to grieve and recover. Your DH is grieving as well (in a masculine way); it is very hard for our partners to watch us suffer when there is nothing they can say/do to help especially when they are also feeling the loss. Try to spend some quiet time with him. Give your children an extra cuddle and remember to be patient with yourself. Feelings are bound to be all over the map for a while.
Arabica: I am sorry to hear that you are still feeling so low. Please don't be hard on yourself. You have every reason to be devastated. Try to take it one day (or even one hour) at a time. You will make it through, honestly. It is perfectly reasonable for you to doubt me at this moment but your heart will start to heal. There will always be a scar but that is better than a gaping wound. Take time to feel sad now because you NEED to feel that.
Hereshoping: I want to Re-boot my head too. Actually I just want to hit rewind on lifes video and undo whatever caused my last miscarriage. I really wanted to hold those babies and prove to myself that I could handle twins.
Hugs to all of you.

Hi everyone, hope you had a good Easter. We had a break in the New Forest which was lovely although not long enough!
I'm a bit confused about where I am with my cycle. After the ERPC I bled for about 2 weeks, then a few days later I started a period, then 5 days after it had stopped, more bleeding for a couple of days. Has this happened to anyone else?

Thanks cadmum, im keeping busy doing stupid things!! I fee like I have had a double bereavement as I am now grieving the loss of my old self as it were as I was diagnosed with menieres desease last week, never rains eh? i would have 18 weeks and 2 days today, tomorrow is the 2 week aniversary of my misscarriage, i still wake up most mornings and just for a moment, forget that im not preg..and put my hand on my "bump" then i remember.

can I join inplease? I wish I didn't have too. I had a mc in October. finally got pregnant gain adn found out today that although I'm 8 weeks teh foetus only measured 5 weeks and there was no heartbeat. i now ahve to wait a week for a rescan but I think the result is a foregone conclusion. i feel absolutely devastated as I'm 40 later this month and would ahev been able to tell evryone on my birthday........ & now I feel that after 2 mc in a row my eggs are onviuolsy past their use by date. no one in teh real world (apart from DH) knows about this 7 i really feel as if I've been punched in teh stomach.
thank you for reading adn coping with my crappy spelling.

littleweed, so sorry{{hugs}}} im sure your eggs are not passed their sell by date, neither are you, there is still hope.feel free to say how you feel on here, everyone is very kind.

by theway are you sure that you havent got your dates wrong??

thanks SC. am positive about date of last period so a mix up unlikely. also DH was away for teh last month. ironically spent al last night throwing up - my first and last bout of sickness! am going to try & get to Dr and see if there are nay tests they can do to see how crap my eggs are.
so sorry to read your story. God life can be so ccrual at times can't it.

Just a quickie before I go away for 2 weeks and battery of laptop gives up to say I'm still here with you all even if I haven't been communicating much (more busy-ness than anything really) Another of my students is pregnant and so I have two to feel motherly over (but also jealous of!) and she had a miscarriage last year (both have no children yet) so it was good to be able to chat with real emapthy (Although she doesn't know about me).

Spacecadet - shocked at your news - we were all so happy once on that August thread weren't we? HUGS My mum has Menieres and was devasted for a while but now lives with is on medication and seems fine. Hope you can come to terms with it eventually.

Love to all

hi littleweed, know how you feel. 41 and just had a miscariage few days ago. Can't help thinking it was silly of me for wanting in the first place as I am too old....

Teatime, I think our aug thread was doomed, I hope it doesnt see anymore tragedy, I am still very upset at my diagnosis and cant come to termswith it yet, especially while still greiving for my baby, Iasm on meds, but still having 1 attack a week and chronically dizzy inbetween, quite incapacitating, hope you are going away somewher nice!! if so, enjoy

Back again but this will be the last time from this location! I can imagine it must be terrible Spacecadet - my mum is usually very stoical in the face of pain / upset but it was clear that the dizzy spells made her feel so awful she must have felt like she was dying - she talked about them with such dread. I moved in to live there for a couple of years and she got better and better and now hasn't had one for a long time. It might be stress related? She found the Meniere's society a great source of comfort.

I'm glad they started a new thread for the August group - I hope all the remaining due in August have nothing but joy (we took up the quota of sorrow).

Madness - you weren't too old - I had my FIRST at 42 - it's just that the random finger of fate points more at us as we get older. It doesn't mean you can't go on to have a baby. Lots of much younger women have miscarriages so don't blame your age more than you need to.

Well folks - in the midst of chaos as the last items leave the house - it's had a good run (where ds was conceived and started life) but it's time for the wooden walls to give way to brick!! the builder has promised that by the time we get back from holiday (to Cwmcarn in S. Wales - 5 days of the holiday I'll be at a conference in Cardiff, hence the choice of location) we'll see the new house rising from the ground - that would be miraculous!!! (so I'm not holding my breath!)

Love to all

Yes teatime my gp said stress is a big factor in menieres and reckons that losing the baby may have triggered all the attacks, enjoy wales , madness you are just dammned unlucky, but it is perfectly feasible that you could still have ababy, please dont give up, look at madonna and goldie hawn.

Hi everyone - been away on holiday so not been around for a while. Hope all are OK. Spacecadet, madness and littleweed - I'm so sorry for your loss ... I hope each day is getting a little easier and this thread is giving you a place to talk.

It is now 6 weeks since my mc and we had the follow up with the consultant yesterday who told us all the tests came back negative so it was either due to 'bad luck', a virus I may not even have known I had, or a chromosomal defect but unlikely as the scan didn't show anything. This was the news we wanted as anything else could have meant problems for me and future pgs. I feel like a weight has been lifted and hope I can start to move on a bit.

Still get so sad though - getting my first period was devastating, and seeing my body in a bikini on holiday with pregnancy weight still there was awful. And anyone else finding all this talk about abortion hard to handle - people who know nothing about it debating whether a baby at 24 weeks is a real baby or not. At 16 weeks my baby was perfectly formed ... yes he was a real baby, and I feel so sad he died and I couldn't do anything to help him.

Hospital have been amazing though - the consultant said they'd give me a scan at 6 weeks, 12, 16 (around the time this baby died), 20, 28, 34 etc if I got pregnant again. Now we just need to scatter our baby's ashes and maybe in a few months, might consider ttc again.

Anyway, sorry for this long one. Take care xxx

Just popped in to say hi.
Wishing chair - so pleased to hear that you are feeling a lot better. I too was on the August thread, there really are so many of us. Its been 3 months since my m/c and I feel so much more positive. We are ttc again but getting so disappointed when not successful.
Hang in there ladies, wishing you all heartfelt good lukc for the future