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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

missed miscarriage, just sat here waiting.....

500 replies

dramaqueen72 · 13/01/2005 09:37

anyone out there relate to this? this is my second missed m/c, tho i had a baby inbetween. the shock of a diasterous scan still hurts like mad i found out yesterday. i now have to wait a week for a rescan, and then choose how i want ot proceed. either a eprc (d&c), or pills to force m/c, or 'sit and wait' with poss return to surgery. absolutely crap awful choices. i feel so numb and like my life is on hold. still havent told hardly anyone but struggling to day to appear 'normal' and jolly.
bloatella if youre out there......i couldnt find your thread so am wittering away on this one.

OP posts:
Original poster
dramaqueen72 · 15/03/2005 00:01

oh there you are GIRL! i missed you!!! i'm so so very sorry its not done with yet for you, i hope you dont have to have the op, but if you do, i promise its not scary or awful. its very quick, and you recover fast. let us all know wont you? (((((((hugs)))))) for even having to do the scan part again. I've really missed hearing from you.
er......piranhafish, is that YOU george?? cause saying you like flapjack is NO help, we have all said that alot lately! if its not george then bigger clue please. (wont you dh just find you further down anyhow? i sometimes -just sometimes!- feel if our dhs did read this they'd get a fabulous insight in their wives.....)

OP posts:
george32 · 15/03/2005 08:51

Hi all, DQ, yes was me changing name but then decided I was being really silly. As you quite rightly say, it he did happen to read it, this is could be a really good insight into my head. Felt terrible for hiding (when there is nothing to hide) & changed back immediately..........I've lost the ability to make a decision & stick to it now!!

You sound a bit brighter again Bonkerz. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you so let us know how you get on.

Girl, I'm so sorry it's still going on. I do hope that you don't have to go through the op after all this time. Hope the scan goes OK and isn't too traumatic. {{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}

girlfromip · 15/03/2005 10:11

thnx for messages! I have felt too stuck in limbo even to post here lately but I will post what happens of course DQ. I'm dreading an op because I'm such a hospiphobe (I'm sure most people are really) but at least I'll know what's next, by tomorrow. So many people here have had the op without too much trouble haven't they?
george, I have to say, piranhafish is a fab name but DQ often smokes out namechanging - she has an instinct for it doesn't she?!
Hope everyone's well.

george32 · 15/03/2005 11:12

Hi girl, I hope you don't have to have the op but it is OK if you do. Whatever they say tomorrow, at least you will be moving forwards again rather than the terrible limbo.

DP calls me his little piranha fish. Not entirely sure why!!
The eating continues today with a big bag of Twiglets for brekkie. Really must go shopping today - no wonder my teeth are falling out!

Bonkerz · 16/03/2005 12:50

hi girl, how did it go? been thinking about you.

girlfromip · 16/03/2005 23:12

bonkerz, thanks for your message, and all of the ancient and recent sisterhood! Well they said I don't need an op but to expect to be back to normal by the end of the week.
Feel relieved but also totally wiped out. I just want to feel like I could move on somehow!! Felt really weepy tonight full of fears for the future, can't imagine a healthy pg now, feel so blighted by this experience, but it's late and I'm tired, I'll feel better tomorrow I'm sure,
hugs to all and thinking of you too.

Arabica · 17/03/2005 02:53

Glad you don't need an op although if you had to have one, I'd have been telling you it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it might be!

Bella23 · 17/03/2005 09:10

GFP - great news that you don't have to have the op. I hope that this means you have found a little closure. Keep with us, the crying and sadness still comes, but there are bigger gaps between them

girlfromip · 17/03/2005 09:58

big thanks bella and arabica. I just thought I'd moved on and am so surprised to be feeling back to square one again, had a terrible night last night but feel better today, lovely weather helps doesn't it? hope you're having better days too and everyone else too.

george32 · 17/03/2005 10:49

I'm glad you don't need to have the op Girl and that it looks like you can start to move forwards soon.
Pleased that today is brighter for you. Take each day as it comes and don't be too hard on yourself if you have a down day - it will pass and things will be better again.
{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Arabica · 17/03/2005 11:27

I woke up and realised I was a bit better, even if I am still having real problems getting to sleep, still having weepy times, and still overeating. Why? Because the bleeding (first ERPC, then period straightaway) has finally stopped. I feel like my body's stopped crying.

bundle · 17/03/2005 11:48

good for you arabica, and the sun is shining

Arabica · 17/03/2005 14:01

yes it is but I am at home working--just finished one deadline and have another for tomorrow...

george32 · 17/03/2005 22:12

Hi Arabica, sounds like you are taking a (tentative) step forwards today with AF/ bleeding stopping . Plus sunshine always helps even if you can't be in it all day.
I'm being really nosey, but what work do you do? You are often working towards deadlines, and from home, so quite intrieged.

Girl, how are you today. Hope your day continued to be brighter.

Bonkerz, you've gone awfully quiet again! Hope you are OK.
xx

Arabica · 18/03/2005 00:50

I'm a journalist, I mainly write about health topics. I've written articles on plenty of common ailments but never about miscarriage.

girlfromip · 18/03/2005 10:34

thnx, george very up and down. I had a good afternoon and ok p.m. yesterday but now feel really down again, I think it just takes a long time to get over doesn't it? I feel like crying all the time but a little irrationally like you do with pmt but much worse somehow. I feel as if I'm fantasically fragile and totally pathetic and then that sense goes away completely for awhile then comes back with a vengeance. strange time, but think the whole process is starting to end and earlier times were false dawns! It helps loads to check in here and I appreciate your thoughts. hope you slept better last night arabica .

george32 · 18/03/2005 11:21

It does take a long time doesn't it Girl.
I am just trying to really take advantage of the better days and hibernate on the down days. As you say, it is like PMT but a hundred times worse. I think getting out into the fresh air & sunshine helps too.
I guess the hormones will even themselves out over time. (I hope so anyway!)

Have you written anything about how to stop comfort eating Arabica? Need some tips before I end up the size of a house!!

Arabica · 18/03/2005 12:44

This is the depressing answer so far as I understand it. Unfortunately (having been a comfort eater since age 8 and with bulimia in my mental illness cv) I think there's bugger all you can do about comfort eating if food is your drug of choice. I'm eating to numb out the horrible feelings (grief, misery, whatever); but the eating brings on feelings of self-hatred which are still somehow more acceptable than the bottomless pit of despair I fear I'll fall into if I stop the eating behaviour. Sorry if this makes you feel worse. Therapy helps.

girlfromip · 19/03/2005 19:14

hello anyone who might be here, and hugs to arabica and george hope you're having an ok w/end.
I'm having a very odd one! spent the day in a beautiful park with ds and veered from extremely tearful to absolutely happy, so strange.
Relate to what you say about comfort eating Arabica, I think I have many complex behaviours which suppress all those difficult emotions. Hugs of empathy and hope everyone is well.

Bonkerz · 19/03/2005 19:18

hi all sorry havent posted , just to let you know im finding comfort in alcohol! dont worry i am not getting drunk every night but have been out 3 night this week, including tonight!! hope you are all ok. had a chat with dh the other night and he really doesnt want to ttc yet. Have had alot of alcohol so hope im not pregnant but dont feel likr it. Im not a bad person, just trying to move on i spose!

Spacecadet · 19/03/2005 19:30

could i very sadly join your thread, im an ex august thread refugee who misscarried at 16 weeks on weds, im still in shock and prob shouldnt be posting yet but i need to talk, even if no one listens, my dh keeps avoiding me and the kids tiptoe round me all the time.

Bonkerz · 19/03/2005 19:35

I am so sorry what has happened to you sc. This thread is great support! (unfortunatel i have had a few drinks and am not my normal self)

bubble99 · 19/03/2005 20:22

Hi Spacecadet

Here is a good place to talk and we'll all listen. So sorry to hear about Eve, my heart goes out to you. I imagine you're in a lot of pain. It's almost physical isn't it? I'm not going to offer any platitudes because they won't help you right now but I and everyone else is here for you. I'll be joining this thread in August when I've stopped BF. We always wanted to have 4 children and as we were so cruelly robbed of Bo we feel we owe it to Elijah to give him the close in age sibling he should have had.
Keep posting Spacecadet, it helps and I think it's easier to "talk" here than in RL to begin with.

Love to you and yours

Bubble XXXX

yellowbear · 19/03/2005 20:31

Hi Spacecadet,

Please feel free to talk. I wish I had found this site last year (I m/c in June & November)I desparatley needed to talk things through with someone but dp just clammed up. It may not make you feel better but there are lots of people around who will listen & offer any advice thary can.

lots of love

yellowbear

Arabica · 20/03/2005 00:00

Hello yellowbear and Bubble, love and hugs to you...
Spacecadet, I was on the September thread and I definitely found it helped to post here and I hope you do too. I don't know if you've been in touch with the Miscarriage Association? They have some leaflets you can download, incl one for partners; a helpline and some support groups. How does it make you feel that your DH is walking on eggshells around you? I think mine's worried I might be dwelling on my loss too much. He was initially very supportive but now I can tell he hardly thinks of the miscarriage. He's not cold, just honest that because I lost the baby so early on (I was 9 wks 6 days when I found out, had ERPC 4 weeks ago) it wasn't really real to him yet. Very real to me, though...
Much love to you and strength for the coming weeks. Lots of people I have spoken to in RL seem to have made the decision to try for another pregnancy as soon as possible and sometimes there is an assumption that you'll do this. It makes me a bit angry because I still feel that getting excited over the prospect of another baby would be in some way a denial of the one I lost.
Love and hugs to you too Bubble
Written an essay! Personally I enjoy reading v long posts but apologies to anyone reading this who doesn't...