missed miscarriage, just sat here waiting.....

[dramaqueen72]

anyone out there relate to this? this is my second missed m/c, tho i had a baby inbetween. the shock of a diasterous scan still hurts like mad i found out yesterday. i now have to wait a week for a rescan, and then choose how i want ot proceed. either a eprc (d&c), or pills to force m/c, or 'sit and wait' with poss return to surgery. absolutely crap awful choices. i feel so numb and like my life is on hold. still havent told hardly anyone but struggling to day to appear 'normal' and jolly.
bloatella if youre out there......i couldnt find your thread so am wittering away on this one.

hey ladies, teatime sounds like your student will like the book! nice of you.
decaff,bella, girl, heres - morning everyone!
deeply depressed over opks never getting darker and now am on last one. - do i buy more? do i assume these dont gt dark on me? do i quite with them? oh gosh they are HORRIBLe in terms of messing up head. also depressed because we havent bd-ed for 36 hrs. and its ABOUT NOW we should be. this week of ttc i have put terrible pressure on me (rather than on dh) stupid i know.
the first time i had a missed m/c i was a total wreck. absolutely devastated. then we had dd and i was a nightmare thro pg, but my lovely midwife helped me be reassured. this missed m/c was more upseting for the thought of what could of been.......the scan showed nothing, a few round cells,no heartbeat ever (where as last time it was def a tiny baby shape whos heart had stopped) and part of me thinks thats why i feel able to 'move on' (if thats the term?) to ttc again. (it hopefully doesnt sound awful when i write that..... i'm not as callous as that may sound but i hope some of you 'get' what i mean.)
buti feel a 'need' to be pg successfully, urgently, but i'm doing my best to be rational
sorry for the novel length grumble. just you know, speaking to people who have been there helps me.

DQ - take a deep breath and take a little pressure of yourself. Try and get some bding in tonight and that way it will be within 48 hours so well within in the "do it every other day" routine. Its terrible when your mind races away with you, I suggest taking 5 mins to just sit quietly on your own, have a little think to yourself and then get on with the ttc tonight with DH. Remember that this ttc really is a rollercoaster so this is just a low bump at the moment but you will bring yourself up again. Come back and rant some more to get it out of your system if it help
Decaf, sorry about your gym frien, its hard isn't it. It does get a bit easier after more time, doesn't go away, just gets more of a dull ache than a raw nerve pain.
Hereshopping, I hope your cycles get back to normal soon.

Glad to hear it gets easier meeting pregnant friends. I should have told her but I didn't want to start crying in the middle of the gymI wil tell her when we meet for coffee. DQ I do feel for you, ttc sounds such hard work when you want it so badly. I'm fortunate enough not to have ever been in that position beforegot pg so easily with DS and with this lost baby too. It might not be so easy next time though (if there is to be another attempt for me). But my friend was in same position as you, really wanting to conceive after her m/c and got pregnant 3 months after her ERPC; I am thinking of her and sending you good vibes!

Hi - wonder if I can join in? Just feel the need to chat and so many of the m/c threads make me cry and I don't need any prompting to do that and you all seem to be going through what I am! Three weeks ago I found out my baby had died at around 16 weeks ... I was 19 weeks. It's been a pretty horrific few weeks with labour, birth and last week our little one's funeral. But that said, each day I find a tiny bit easier than the last. We have a few more milestones - burying his ashes and the follow up consultant appointment to see if they can tell us why - but I am really desperately trying to look forward to the future. On the one hand, I want to slap anyone who tells me we'll go on to have more babies (I want the baby I thought was happily growing bigger and bigger inside of me until 3 weeks ago), and then on the other I am on a kind of get-fit-and-healthy-for-future-babies thing - I feel kind of schizophrenic. I have to be positive for DD's sake (she's 2) and then every now and then in a quiet moment the sadness hits me.
Not sure what the point of my note was now ... maybe just to say hi!

Wishingchair, so very sorry to hear about your loss. I hope you manage to find some help with going forward from this thread.
Let us know when you will be burying his ashes as would to have you in my thoughts that day.
I think everybody going through such a terrible loss feels like multiple personalities half the time as from one minute to the next the mood just changes so dramatically!

Wishingchair, lots of love and hugs to you. I don't presume to know how you feel as I was just 10 weeks when I fond out I'd lost my baby and therefore had an ERPC. But I can relate to the quiet moments thing, and also to wanting not to make another baby but to get back the one i have just lost. I've found mumsnet so helpful and I hope you will too even if it's just having somewhere to put your uncensored thoughts. Nobody's going to shy away from your feelings here and you don't have to pretend to have 'moved on' just because that is what others are more comfortable dealing with.
love to you xxx

And, wishingchair, as soon as I was well enough (I had bad asthma as well as m/c) I got straight to the gym and have been going every 2 days since. I desperately want to be fit too, and part of that is also with the hope of ttc maybe but then the next moment I know I don't want another baby. I want my lost baby...

Hi all. Hi Wishingchair, so sorry to have to welcome you here but I hope you get lots of support from this thread.

Haven't had chance to read through properly yet but just noticed a comment from DQ about having a "need" to get p/g again which just summed up how I'm feeling. I'm really obsessed with getting p/g and it is starting to control my life, almost like everything is on hold until it happens again.

Not sure whether I should back away from the whole conception thing for a while to balance myself. Might just be one of those days I guess.

Sorry for having a moan, as I said on the other thread, I promise not to come back til I'm a bit more positive. xxx

Thanks everyone. I'm not sure the sense of loss is any less just cos the m/c happened earlier on, as even if you've only known you were pg for a couple of weeks, you have still built up a whole set of future memories and to have them taken away is so hard. On the one hand I think what was worse is that I was obviously pg so everyone knew and I therefore have to explain what happened (although thankfully my friends and family have done most of that for me), and at the time I thought it was so unbelievably cruel that I had to go in and actually deliver my baby. But now I am so glad I did go through that as I think it helped me validate his life and say goodbye (without sounding too much like Dr Phil).

Don't know about you but I find it more upsetting if people don't mention it and I know it's cos they're uncomfortable or don't want to upset me, but it's such a huge thing that happened and it's just weird if they don't acknowledge it. Hey ho!

Am making sure that I'm indulging in retail therapy, going on nice hols and having lots of lovely wine and vodka (this is obviously before I get 100% behind my ttc health kick!)

so sorry wishingchair to hear of your loss.

I havent posted for a while as havent felt up to it. When i started the other thread i had every intention of moving on but im afraid to say that the happy news on the other thread hit me hard and although i didnt really want to come back to this thread ive not wanted to start yet another thread. Like all of you have said, this thread feels safe.

Had a bit of a messy moment on mothers day when i read to much into things. DH bought me 4 pressies in total and i automatically said 'one from each of my children'. when dh asked me to explain i told him one form ds , one from dsd and one from each of my babies. That then started me off crying. How unfair, i should have either been 40 weeks with our 1st baby or 20 wks with our second and instead i had neither babies. (am now crying again).

I, like the rest of you feel that i need to be pregnant, unfortunatley im not 100% certain dh feels the same. I have resigned myself, as i said before , that i will have to lose a 3rd baby before any tests or reasons can be given for my losses and therefore want to get pregnant so i can move on (does that make sense). I sure that as long as i prepare myself to lose the baby i can cope emotionally with another pregnancy but im not sure DH could cope. This now leaves me in limbo. Do i ttc and then say it was an accident to dh or do i wait till dh is ready and then still risk losing our 3rd baby and not being prepared for it? Dh and i have spoken about contraception but have both decided not to bother which leaves me to believe that dh doesnt mind but little things he says confuse me and im not sure i want to talk to him about it as i fear i may not like what he has to say. Next weekend should be my fertile time and i dont know what to do!

Im sorry this is such a long post but its all been building up and i cant figure out what to do. BTW i clicked on Due in August thread again the other night and hated myslef for it when i read about bumps growing. THAT SHOULD BE ME!

Bonkerz - huge hugs.
Please, please let me start by saying "Stay away from the August Thread". Sorry has to say that as I myself had to keep being told to stay away from it as it is just too upsetting.
I really feel for you on the mixed feelings of ttc again. I know it is hard but people do have more than one m/c and then go on to have a successful pregnancy so I would try not to dwell on the worst case scenario. I know this is hard not to but I think you have to keep the hope up otherwise its hard to keep going.
I think at this point you have to do whatever is best to get you through this awful time. I think we all relate to the "need" to be pregnant. If your fertile weekend is coming up maybe you could organise to do something together (get a babysitter etc). You could go for a meal, a few glasses of wine and come home and have some romantic time together. That way the emphasis is on being together rather than purely ttc.
Hang in there honey, try to keep the negative thoughts out.
I hope some of this helps, its hard sometimes to get accross what you want when you have to write it down xx

everything you say bella makes perfect sence but unfortunately im unable to be rational at present. I really feel numb about ttc and just think getting the 3rd mc over with would be best for me now because i am numb. I know that i should positively and things could be fine with my next pregnancy but i thought that with my 2nd pregnancy and it hurt so much when i had mc. If i stay detached then it wont hurt next time , right?

Have a girly night out on the town saturday night and am going to get very drunk so may even miss fertile time altogether.

I will not be going near that other thread again as it seriously mucks me up but part of me feels that i should read the thread so that i remember my baby, which is stupid cos i think about my babies all the time.

Ok am gonna shut up now cos im blabbing and cant think straight at all.

((BIG SMILE ON FACE AND PREPARES HERSELF FOR RL AGAIN)) I think its just getting to me that people think im over losing my babies when some days its just so hard. (am now crying again so am gonna go.

Arh Bonkerz, poor you. Its so hard and I think there is no solution other than just trying to get through it as best you can.
I hope I didn't come accross as being all "you should do this" etc. I just really want to help you through this.
Hugs xx

Bonkerz, big big hug...
I find it incredibly hard to stay away from the Due in Sept thread too, even though it always upsets me to look at it. I'm glad I am not the only one.
I personally hate it when people tell me they can see in my face how sad I am. It makes me want to cry and I hate crying in private let alone in public.

Hi all
glad this thread is active again
wishingchair - welcome if thata the right thing to say - sorry to see you here in such sad circumstances. we all are pretty traumatised by recent mcs and I for one have found this a great support, quietly logging on in low moments
bonkerz - poor you Im in the same place - my first mc baby was due last week and I should be coming up for a 20 wk scan with the 2nd. dont feel I could cope with anxiety of another pg yet so not bding with regularity
nearly had a trip to A&E tonite - took kids to beach with dogs after school as it was sunny - but ds2 lifted a huge piece of driftwood and nearly broke ds1's nose. there was blood everywhere..
has anyone looked at the badmothersclub website - it made me chuckle

Hi everyone ... just a question ... I ordered a book yesterday called Planning for a Healthy Baby cos I just feel like if we are to try again then I want to give this pregnancy the very best chance possible as I just can't imagine going through all of this again (my heart goes out to you bonkerz and hereshoping and everyone else who's had 2 or more) ... but do you think you could get just a bit obsessed by it all??! You know ... never having a cup of tea or using bleach etc etc?
I have absolutely no idea how I could be calm during pg again ...

Wishingchair - its very hard not to get a little obsessed by it all as wanting and having a baby is such a strong desire that after a m/c you feel more determined to try and make things perfect for the next time. I think as long as you keep a sense of reality about it then there is no harm in trying your very best to get all conditions right. To be honest its different for different people, I would say I am a little obsessed with ttc again but am just trying to keep a sense of humour about it.

i think anything you can do -in moderation- to help the next pg along is a good thing. i use bleach but not alot, i drink tea but swap it sometimes for just hot water with lemon, that kinda thing....
let us know what the book says about time spent on line!!!LOL
no seriously, tell us any 'wow' statments you read, i'd love to know.
my next pg may have to survive on a diet of choclate, folic acid and absolute terror....... didnt do my dd2 anyharm!

Good morning to everyone. I hope everyone is OK today. It seems to be a tough time for everyone at the moment so sending {{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}} to all.
Was having a shocker myself this morning, feeling very sorry for myself & couldn't stop crying, called in to work to say I was struggling and wouldn't be in til much later, then to top it off, just as was eating a Bounty to cheer myself up, half of one of my back teeth cracked and fell off!!!!
Really bizarre. Shows what a crappy day I was having as, after having a brief trauma over why my teeth are breaking off, this has actually made me smile as it has shaken me out of my misery!
Dentist appointment later to discover the mysteries of my broken tooth. I bet it's not in any of the books as a way to overcome the grief following m/c and I certainly don't recommend it to the rest of you!!

Well I read something yesterday which said that for 3 months before ttc both you and partner should: stop smoking, significantly reduce/stop drinking, eat only 'whole' foods (wholegrain, wholewheat etc), only organic fruit and veg, don't eat tuna, avoid foods with artifical additives etc, drink filtered water, get tested for std/parasitic infections, avoid toxic substances, general detox stuff (body brushing etc) and of course take the pregnancy supplements. This should help build healthy eggs and sperm and give your body a spring clean. Hmmm ... will give it a try I think. Plus gives a fantastic excuse to get out of decorating our house. And to be honest, gives me something positive to focus on.
Need to find right time to suggest to dh that half a bottle of red wine every night isn't maybe the best thing ...

george32 ... the dream people say if you dream your teeth fall out then it symbolises the start of a new phase in your life. Maybe you're going one step further and experiencing it for real! I'd take it as a good omen xxx

DQ - bless! Sometimes you just have to see the comedy value in a situation don't you!
Wishingchair - sounds like a good healthy plan, thing is I can always manage about a week of such abstinence and then it all goes down the drain with a takeout and some wine!

LOL Wishingchair xx

Wishingchair, DH and I already naturally do most of the stuff on that list (I think the bodybrushing & testing for STIs was about the only thing we didn't do) and we still had a f miscarriage!

Hmmm good point Decaf ... especially when I think I conceived dd on a particularly drunken holiday in Miami and then I think I survived on curry and aero bars during my pregnancy (ok plus fruit and veg but still) and she was a very healthy almost 10lb baby. Guess you just never know really.

DH is being really weird at the moment - very quiet and a bit snappy but he doesn't want to talk about it. It's strange cos we did nothing but talk about it to begin with, it's almost like he feels he should have pulled himself together by now (it is only 3 weeks) and should be strong. Anyone else find this?