Missed miscarriage

[Armdjm]

Hello, I am just looking for any advice (preferably from NHS experience) as I know no one who has gone through this to ask.

I am 9 1/2 weeks pregnant, had a private scan yesterday which confirmed heart stopped at 6+4. I had a gut feeling (hence the scan) I can’t explain why as I still have all my symptoms.

I rang my local unit and went today for a scan who again confirmed the same as the private scan but are making us go back in 14 days for a re scan before I can have any medical management.

it just feels cruel and I have so many worries.
Will it happen naturally when it stopped so long ago?
can I end up with an infection with it just left there?
Will the NHS offer surgical management over tablets?

I just feel tortured

thank you to anyone who has read this!

Thank you all. Just had a scan at EPU and I’m measuring exactly 6w2d which is what I should be. First time ever that I’ve been measuring on time which feels like a really good sign though I’m still cautious of getting carried away. Trying to keep the hope that this is it 🤞🏼

I had one on Tuesday. I burst out crying when they turned the screen and said there’s your baby. Measuring 6w 6days so a day out according to my predictions. Fingers crossed for us all ❤️❤️

@Sunshine8537 I also sobbed 😂 fingers crossed for both of us! So nice to have some positive news ❤️

@Sunshine8537 @Confusedmermaid1 this is such wonderful news for you both. I also sobbed at my first scan this time with just utter relief. It’s a wonderful feeling

Awh so lovely to hear I’m so glad you’ve had positive and reassuring scans, I really hope it continues this way for the two of you! @Confusedmermaid1 @Sunshine8537

I’m 11wks now and had an extra scan this week as the MMC anxiety got me as I was hospitalised with hyperemersis and when I had the MMC my sickness was so bad and the bean wasn’t even growing. But thankfully even after my worst sickness this time all is okay and measuring 2 days ahead at 11w2d. I cried at this scan aswell and have done in others too, it’s really overwhelming. My 12w scan with NHS is next week and feel abit more hopeful now that we will make it!

@Sunshine8537 & @Confusedmermaid1 that is so lovely to hear! I'm so glad everything is going well ❤️

@KT199 I'm so glad everything is going well for you too. It's just cruel that you had such bad sickness on your MMC baby.

I'm having a bit of a stressful day today. I had some spotting in my knickers this morning. Pinkish colour. It faded as the day went on and it was only there when I wiped. It's gone now. But I am filled with anxiety and dread. I had similar spotting at 7 weeks on my MMC baby (which is when it passed) but it lasted longer. Anxiety is at an all time high. But there's nothing I can do. What will be will be!

@SureLook its such a worry isn’t it, even when you tell yourself its totally normal for some people. I spotted for about 4 days around 4 weeks and I was convinced it was bad news.

Will you be able to have a scan when you’re 6 weeks (if you’re not already, maths is not my strong point 😅) if that would help ease the worry a bit? Though the relief has already worn off for me it did help 🙈
Fingers crossed for you x

Hey @SureLook so sorry you’ve experienced some spotting. I would definitely reach out to your GP / EPU and ask for an early scan. It’s such a worrying time after what we’ve been through and I really sympathise. Lots of ladies do spot and even bleed heavily and it’s something like a SCH over anything putting baby in danger.

I must admit I didn’t find much comfort in scans, they reassured me for a day or two and then it was back to worrying and thinking things may have changed. But I think that one certainly would be useful in your situation to confirm your spotting was nothing serious.

I’ve got my fingers crossed for you and please let us know how you get on! ❤️

@Confusedmermaid1 that's exactly it! If someone else was telling me they had spotting I'd be saying it's perfectly normal. My logical brain knows that but logic has left the building 😂
I'll be six weeks on Monday. I've a scan booked for the 11th of June, I'll be 7+2 then.

@KT199 I'm in Ireland and the EPAU don't offer early reassurance scans unless you've had two losses. I'll see how I get on over the weekend. It's stopped since yesterday evening and there's been nothing since. I did have a very stressful busy day in work (physical job, on my feet, lots of movement) which I normally never let get to me but yesterday it did! If I'm still concerned I think I'll get my bloods done to check my HCG levels. My friend who had IVF twice said the clinic always recommended bloods rather than a scan as its a more accurate measurement. Thanks for the support girls ❤️

Thank you to everyone who has shared their stories here. I’ve found it comforting over the past few days to know I’m not alone - like a lot of you I had never heard of MMC before getting pregnant.

I had some light spotting last Tuesday night at 10 weeks 3 days and went for an emergency scan where I was told there was no heartbeat and baby measuring between at 6 weeks. Don’t need to tell you on here how devastating it was to hear. I’ve been sent home to wait a week for a second scan to confirm, but I got the strong impression this was a formality as the dr and nurses kept saying how sorry they were.
I have the 2nd scan on Tuesday and from reading other people’s experiences am going to push for whatever is the quickest option as I’m finding this waiting so painful. I’ve had no spotting since Tuesday and no other symptoms apart from upset stomach. I’m not sure if this is hormonal or just the upset of the whole thing.

To add to the worry, they found a large polyp during the exam. This is freaking me out as I previously had 2 abnormal smears and colposcopies with a polyp removed at each. I’m terrified that it’s a sign of a problem. My last smear was HPV free but where I am (Ireland) it seems they don’t monitor cell changes once there is no HPV detected.

sorry for the essay and thanks to anyone who takes the time to read.

Hi ladies, I last posted back in January after our missed miscarriage and my subsequent surgical management. I “ostriched” shortly after (like others here, was so delighted and hopeful to hear other people’s baby news but also really struggled with it) and so haven’t been back since BUT we are now expecting again and I thought of you all first.

It is still very early days and I don’t dare feel hopeful or excited. Sending love to all x

@sparklerr so sorry to read that you’re going through this too. It really is the most heartbreakingly devastating thing to experience. I opted for surgical management back in January as, like you, I just couldn’t fathom waiting any longer and wanted to start recovery and grieving. Will be thinking of you come Tuesday.

Very much hope the polyp is nothing serious - have they given a plan of action for it? I’ve also had abnormal smears & colposcopies in the past but haven’t experienced polyps. I hope you have lots of support x

@sparklerr I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. It is just awful. I'm also in Ireland and it seems waiting a week to confirm is standard policy and protocol. I had zero symptoms but deep down I did know something was wrong. Like you, I couldn't bear the thought of waiting to see what happened. I also felt I'd need to be confined to the house just in case. I opted for surgical management. The recovery was fine physically.
Did they say anything about the polyp?
Again, I'm sorry you're going through this x

@LovingFawn I'm delighted to hear you're expecting again. Congratulations ❤️

@LovingFawnglad to hear your good news. I can imagine it must be so hard to let yourself get excited but hopefully as time goes on it will feel more real.

@SureLookthat sounds like me, even though I feel fine I don’t want to leave the house in case something happens. I took last week and next week off work and hope that I don’t have to get surgery later than that as I don’t want to take more than 2 weeks if possible. Does this seem like a normal amount of leave from others experience?

They didn’t seem too concerned about the polyp but said they won’t do anything about it while I’m pregnant, right after saying there was no heartbeat 😅 I’m hoping to be offered a d&c, that way it could all be sorted out while I’m asleep. Just nervous of something happening in the mean time!

@sparklerr So sorry this has happened. It took me four days to go through the treatment for my MMC and then I had another two weeks off after that (which is what the gynae team recommende).

I honestly felt physically well enough to go back the day after the operation but emotionally I needed the two weeks and even then found going back to work much harder than I expected. (Worth bearing in mind it will vary a lot depending on your job - I work in the hospital where I had all my treatment which I think made it harder than going back to an office might have been).

Look after yourself. I did emotionally need the extra two weeks I took off - I’d felt like a fraud initially then tried to go shopping and physically couldn’t get out of the car. The hormone swings were wild. Maybe see how you feel after the surgery and then decide?

@LovingFawn so pleased for you! Fingers crossed it’s all ok this time xx

@sparklerr I was off for nearly a month in the end. I went in on a Wednesday for the second scan to confirm and surgery was booked for the following Tuesday. I definitely needed the time off. I was happy enough going back into work then, I felt ready. As @GreenForestsAndWhiteSnow the physical recovery was absolutely fine. It's the emotional and mental side of things that you'll need time for.

I requested a D&C after they offered me all three options and they were fine with that. After my scan on the Wednesday I passed some myself at home the next day. I was paranoid about every little twinge but when these cramps started I knew it was coming. I just sat on the toilet in the ensuite while my toddler (she was sick) and DP were in bed watching the iPad. It was all very peaceful and calm in the end. It wasn't as distressing as I thought it would. I rang EPAU the next day and they said to still come in anyway. I went in the following Tuesday and they scanned me and said there was still some there so it was better to go ahead with the OP.

@sparklerr so sorry your going through this. I had 4 weeks off similar to others, but it was over Christmas so almost 2 weeks was booked already. Physically I felt fine but I just mentally needed that time to accept and move on. Returning to work was quite difficult though after 4 weeks as a lot of people had messaged me in that period asking if I was okay and so on.. I did tell a few close work friends but it made me feel quite emotional when I went back that I’d told them and that first “return to work” meeting with my boss was incredibly difficult and I cried an awful lot and had to go compose myself outside.

@sparklerr I’m sorry you’re going through this, it’s awful.
I’ve had two MMC and had medical management for the first one and surgical for the second. They gave me the medical management the same day as the MMC was confirmed so that was the quickest option but physically it took me so long to feel myself again. I struggled with breathlessness and dizziness for weeks after, I expect due to low iron. I had 30 days off work in the end.
Recovery from surgical management felt much quicker but I still had 3 weeks off after the op (technically 4 but the last week was already booked as leave).

Look after yourself and take all the time you need/are able to.

@LovingFawn tentative congratulations. I sympathise, I’m still struggling with wanting to feel positive about this pregnancy but also not get too excited.. it’s a rollercoaster 😅

Thanks so much everyone for your replies. It sounds like most people do need more than 2 weeks. At least work are very sympathetic and telling me to take as much as I need. I’m a teacher. I don’t think being around kids would be upsetting but I’m concerned about toilet access, and the ‘always on’ aspect of the job. It’s not always possible to take a quiet moment, although that can be a good distraction too!
@SureLookits good to hear of an experience of things starting at home and not being too traumatic. From reading through other stories on here I think I’d choose surgical management if it’s offered. I’m very nervous of anything starting while waiting for the appointment so it’s good to hear your experience wasn’t as bad as you feared.

It really helps to hear people’s experience of medical vs surgical management. Thanks all for sharing so openly, it makes it a lot easier to make a decision. I’ll have to wait until Tuesday anyway to see what the scan shows and what they offer. It’s been the slowest week ever but hopefully there won’t be too much more waiting!

@sparklerr definitely take as much time as you need. As supportive as DP was, and obviously he was going through it too, I really needed time alone to just be.

I bought maternity pads to have on standby just in case. I wore them the few times I did go out and about. They gave me some reassurance in case it did happen.

Let us know what they say on Tuesday. Be so kind to yourself and absolutely treat yourself to anything you bloody want ❤️

I am a teacher also. My school were very supportive. I don’t know if I’ve already mentioned it but I took 6 weeks in the end because I was still getting a positive 3 weeks post. I didn’t want to go back and then have to be off again for further intervention.

Quick update. Had the confirmation scan today and chose surgical management. The hospital were able to fit me in first thing tomorrow. Nervous about the anaesthetic but looking forward to this stage being finished.

@sparklerr I'm sorry that it was all confirmed but I'm glad they're able to fit you in so quickly. It was very quick for me. I was brought down to theatre at 8:30am and was back up on the ward by 9:45am. Had some tea and toast and discharged around lunchtime. Home to tea, chocolate and Netflix on the couch.