Missed miscarriage

[Armdjm]

Hello, I am just looking for any advice (preferably from NHS experience) as I know no one who has gone through this to ask.

I am 9 1/2 weeks pregnant, had a private scan yesterday which confirmed heart stopped at 6+4. I had a gut feeling (hence the scan) I can’t explain why as I still have all my symptoms.

I rang my local unit and went today for a scan who again confirmed the same as the private scan but are making us go back in 14 days for a re scan before I can have any medical management.

it just feels cruel and I have so many worries.
Will it happen naturally when it stopped so long ago?
can I end up with an infection with it just left there?
Will the NHS offer surgical management over tablets?

I just feel tortured

thank you to anyone who has read this!

Aw, that is very inspiring!

So glad it’s going so well for people.

I’m feeling a lot of feelings at the moment. Three friends have told me in the last month that they are pregnant (one very thoughtfully as she knew about MMC, two who I hadn’t told. Those ones both told me how they had been very worried they were having miscarriages because they’d had some mild bleeding but happily it was all ok for them). I am really happy for all of them (one of the pregnancies was after a long period of infertility and they’re all wonderful women in loving relationships) but I am also pretty bitter about it all and every time it feels a bit like being kicked in the stomach?

I know it’s natural to be sad right now but I’m just so bored of being sad now.

I really mean it about being happy for the people on here though - it’s giving me hope for the future and I love hearing these stories!

@GreenForestsAndWhiteSnow I'm the same as you. I'm genuinely over the moon for everyone on here who goes on to have a successful pregnancy. Like you, it gives me hope for the future cause we've all been through the same thing.

But I'm also sad. I'm sad for myself and the baby I lost and the plans I had. I should have been six months now but I'm back TTC. I've had so many pregnancy announcements recently as well. It's hard.

Good morning all, I’m also glad it’s going so well for people. @GreenForestsAndWhiteSnow @SureLook I completely understand the feelings you’re both experiencing, I was due this month and had a mmc in Oct. Those feelings of sadness at your own loss are still very much valid and it’s something I villainised myself for a long time for. You can still be happy for someone else, but sad for yourself and your own loss.

I would like to say a huge thank you to all the wonderful women on here, without their support, I probably would’ve sunk into a deep depression, but it was comforting to know there were others who got how I was feeling when I felt so lonely. Slowly, but surely I managed to stop being so obsessed with MN and came away for a while.

I am now expecting again, very nervous, but due in Oct, bittersweet as the date is very close to when I lost the other one. It’s very hopeful to read that others have given on to have a healthy pregnancy after a loss.

I am so sorry for your losses and although it doesn’t take away the pain you've been or currently going through, I truly hope all of you trying again, succeed in having your healthy babies xx

@CrazyIsLife thanks for your lovely words. That's exactly it, I'm delighted for everyone else but sad for myself. I think it's cause I'm not pregnant again since the MMC, despite trying. There's a worry in my head that something is now wrong and I'm going to struggle to conceive. At the moment it feels like being pregnant is the only thing that's going to make me feel better.

I'm absolutely delighted to hear you're expecting again. It really does give me so much hope. Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy x

I just wanted to echo the above comments, it is totally normal to feel this way. The Worst Girl Gang Ever podcast has been a lifesaver for me for this reason, I really recommend listening to it. I have even recorded my own with them, talking about my experiences which was really cathartic. If you want to listen send me a DM :)

My MMC happened July 2024, and I had a TFMR in July 2023. I am also feeling really exhausted that I've been trying for this long and haven't got a baby yet, whilst others have had full pregnancies. But trying to keep hopeful <3 it's sooo hard though. I totally get it. Sending love!

@TruthUnwinding I must have a listen to that podcast. A lot of people on here have recommended it. Sorry to hear about all you've been through. Sending so much love ❤️

Also feeling very in my feelings recently 😅 SIL is pregnant. I really want to be happy for her. She shocked me a bit because she was adamant she wasn’t having more after my niece was born prematurely. Obviously she is entitled to change her mind but it really was like being winded because she talked about not having more alllll the time 😂 she handed me a beautiful little scan photo from her 9 week scan and I tried my best to put on a brave face thinking my 9 week scan confirmed no heartbeat for both of my MMC..
DHs family don’t know about our 3 losses so obviously she’s just being normal and excited. DH didn’t want to tell them but I regret it now.

It’s been tough for that reason and that we were misinformed about the wait times for our recurrent miscarriage appointment after they had already forgotten to put my referral in so that won’t be for months yet.. so frustrating thinking they might have the answer but I can’t access it yet.

@Confusedmermaid1 the announcements are very hard! That was part of my reasoning of telling people casue they'll be a bit more sensitive with you when announcing. Hopefully anyway 😂 that's ridiculous with the clinic. They should really backdate the referral to when it was meant to be handed in. That's not your fault. I'd ring and request that. I work in a clinical setting and if a referral is misplaced it's backdated every time x

@SureLook I’m hoping so! I did call one of the secretaries about two weeks ago but I haven’t heard back yet. Going to chase this week. I also work in healthcare (though not patient facing) so I do understand the pressures but I can’t help but feel I’m falling through the cracks at the moment..

@Confusedmermaid1 yeah I get that they're under pressure, short staffed etc. But still, your referral should be backdated. It's just feels unfair that you have to chase it on top of everything else!

Can you self refer to Tommy's? I've heard of other people doing this.

I'm with a NHS fertility clinic who are taking FOREVER and two months delayed , but I've also been speaking to Rachel Sheriff at The Fertility Suite who is helping to push things along. I'm on a lot of different supplements, in addition to cyclogest progesterone (which she helped me get) and low dose aspirin. She's also got me a microbiome test. She looks at your history and then makes a tailored plan based on that. I also had acupuncture yesterday which at the very least will just relax me!

Thank you @TruthUnwinding for some helpful suggestions
I have a hertility kit which I got before I was pregnant last and haven’t had a chance to use yet due to having to wait post MC and bank holidays
I’ve been thinking about speaking to Tommy’s anyway just because I’ve been struggling more than usual so I wondered what other support I could get so that seems like a good first stop.

Hi all. I just wanted to post my own positive update. Got my BFP this morning after my MMC in January. This was cycle 3. It's still super early days, I'm only 3+5. But, for now, I'm pregnant so I'm trying to enjoy it! Thanks to everyone on this thread for all the support x

Congratulations! I’m currently 5w 5days. Around the time stopped growing last time so very anxious. I got my 3+ on test yesterday though which is positive. Best of luck

@Sunshine8537 thank you! Aww, I understand. I can feel the anxiety coming in waves. Mine stopped growing at seven weeks. Fingers crossed for us all 🤞🏻

Awww @SureLook I am so pleased for you, tenantive congratulations. I am currently 9+3 and had a scan this morning which showed everything fine, normal and progressing as you would expect. Trust me the anxiety is a WILD ride so take each day as it comes but feel free to reach out on this thread if you need some support.

Thanks so much @KT199 I'm so glad to hear everything is progressing well for you x

@SureLook @Sunshine8537 @KT199 Ee congratulations! It’s so lovely to hear of all these positives and a wonderful reassuring scan!

@Armdjm thanks so much ❤️

Also, just wanted to add this. I noticed during OPK testing that the expiry date on the pack was the 21st of August. Which was my MMC baby's due date. It made me feel like it was good luck and that someone was looking over me ❤️✨️

@SureLook congrats! I also had MMC in Jan and I am now 4w5d 🤞🏼

Absolutely terrified but trying to feel positive. Called the recurrent miscarriage doctor’s secretary and was booked in for a scan on 29th with EPU. I was kinda hoping to speak to the doctor about the results of my tests but it doesn’t seem like my appointment will be escalated.

@Confusedmermaid1 amazing, congratulations! That's great that you have a scan booked already. Maybe the test results will be available by the 29th 🤞🏻

Gentle congratulations @Confusedmermaid1 - that's lovely news! Fingerd crossed everything goes well at your scan!

@Confusedmermaid1 thats such lovely news! Wishing you a lovely upcoming scan!