Missed miscarriage

[Armdjm]

Hello, I am just looking for any advice (preferably from NHS experience) as I know no one who has gone through this to ask.

I am 9 1/2 weeks pregnant, had a private scan yesterday which confirmed heart stopped at 6+4. I had a gut feeling (hence the scan) I can’t explain why as I still have all my symptoms.

I rang my local unit and went today for a scan who again confirmed the same as the private scan but are making us go back in 14 days for a re scan before I can have any medical management.

it just feels cruel and I have so many worries.
Will it happen naturally when it stopped so long ago?
can I end up with an infection with it just left there?
Will the NHS offer surgical management over tablets?

I just feel tortured

thank you to anyone who has read this!

@KT199 glad you managed to get a scan and reassuring that it’s not attached so will come away with your next period and you don’t need anymore intervention!

@SureLook milestones are so difficult, I found my 12 week date really hard as I was only 1 week post op so it felt so raw. I actually had a job interview on my due date a few weeks ago for a job I really wanted and when I got that date for it I got really upset but hoped it would bring me some luck and i got the job so im taking it as some good luck as the change in hours is going to be life changing for our family life, no more nightshifts and working Christmas days!

@Armdjm I should have been 12 weeks two days after my op so similar to you. It's hard to line your head up with it all again. That's amazing that you got the job, congratulations. Someone was looking over you x

@SureLook very difficult it being so close! It definitely does get easier with time but it doesn’t make it any less sad!
I know that’s what I thought as well!

@KT199 glad to hear this is almost resolved for you. I also have a squinter on my tests now (only have early detection ones) so a few days and hopefully it will be negative!

@SureLook I also should have been 12 weeks this week. Trying not to dwell but it’s hard. It’s my birthday this week so have a few things planned which is somewhat keeping me going though I did have a little cry in the dentists as my last appointment I was pregnant and so I had to tell them because they wanted to xray and well this time I wasn’t.. she was really nice about it 😅

@Armdjm congratulations on the job! Amazing news. Glad you’ll be leaving behind the unsocial hours. I’m fortunate that I only do them on an on call rotation so only 4ish times a month but they suck and I don’t have kids yet 😅 must be a relief for you.

@Confusedmermaid1 oh definitely spoil yourself this week with your birthday. I also told my eyebrow lady last week that I was no longer pregnant. She was lovely to me too. She struggled to conceive her second so she understood.

I've managed to refrain from testing every day. I've tested twice since my procedure. The first one was lighter but most definitely still there and appeared instantly. The next one was very very faint and I had to wait the full five minutes to see it. I've another week to be fully negative.

@SureLook yes, we was told to wait for my period before trying again and we’d discussed not as they explained it was for dating purposes alone. But since I have a tiny bit left I wouldn’t wanna take a risk as it could effect things and tbh being pregnant for our wedding feels like it just wasn’t meant to be now, so I’ll enjoy the champagne toast and maybe have a few wines too. The extra anxiety I would have about MC with being abroad too if I was so lucky as to fall on straight away just isn’t worth the stress and it would take away from our special day so I’m at peace now with waiting until April.. who knows fertile week may even fall over the wedding 🤣🤣.

@Confusedmermaid1 So glad to hear your tests are getting lighter!! Fingers crossed you will be over this ordeal shortly and able to heal mentally.

@Armdjm thank you so much, I hope your pregnancy is still going well 🫶 gives me hope that there’s still light to come after all of this!

@KT199 same as us. Advised to wait one period purely for dating reasons. In my discharge notes it said there's no scientific research to indicate whether waiting or not made any difference. I also read online they just use the date of your procedure/loss as the first day of your LMP.

Totally get you not wanting to try while there's still some RP. I'd be the same. I think you're right to just enjoy your wedding now without any extra stress x

@KT199 thank you so much, all is going well. 15+2 and just found out today we’re having another little girl. Feels very surreal after the MMC to be at this stage but feeling extremely grateful!

@Confusedmermaid1 we do at the minute 6 weeks of days and 4 weeks of nights on rotation (days being 13 hour shifts including weekends) and I’m just so ready to work normal hours!

Delighted for you @Armdjm that's such lovely news to hear!

Did my third test this morning since the D&C on the 4th of February. It's completely negative now. Now to await AF! I've ordered ovulation and pregnancy strip tests on Amazon. They should be hear on Monday. How long were you all waiting for AF? And for those of you who got pregnant again, how long did it take? I feel like if I don't try again soon I'll talk myself out of it! The thoughts of going through this again is awful.

So pleased to hear you’ve got your negative @SureLook. Such a conflicting feeling but hopefully feels like a step in the best direction for you.

I had my MVA on 8th May and my period didn’t return until 6th July. From chatting to others on here I know that I was definitely on the longer side. I wish I’d known it could take that long as I was so worried something was wrong! We fell pregnant that first month (now 31 weeks) which I feel very lucky about. We had done on the cycle which we miscarried too and again I know a whole range of lengths so I don’t think the miscarriage impacted our timing (positive or negative).

Really hope your period returns and you feel much better and ttc again goes as well as it can. Will be thinking of you!

Thanks for your reply @Bellebg and congratulations on your pregnancy. Great news! We were very lucky in that we conceived on our first month trying in both pregnancies, one resulted in my two year old. So I'm hoping it will happen again quickly but who knows!

@SureLook so my timeline was D&C 8th July, period 19th August and I tested positive 20th November for this pregnancy!

Thanks @Armdjm and congratulations to you too! It's great to hear positive stories. I have this overwhelming desire to be pregnant at the moment. Wish I could fast forward time 😂

@SureLook I was exactly the same! And although I was very lucky and it only took a couple months, the months I tested negative and got a period I was just filled with anger over the fact I should still be pregnant and not in a 2 week wait. It really messes with your emotions!

@Armdjm yeah, I keep having flashes of moments where I think I should still be pregnant. I don't want it to consume me so I'm hoping it happens quickly. But I'm also trying to prepare myself in case it takes longer.

Hey ladies,

How are you all doing?

I am desperate for my period to arrive now 🥴 My first MVA was 7th Jan and EVAC was 31st Jan. I think the hospital said my cycle would “reset” again on the 31st. I’ve been trying to ‘track’ for ovulation this week, but no positive LH yet and no temp spike. I did get the flashing smiley on clear blue yesterday and typical cycles pre MMC my postive LH would normally appear 2 mornings after (so tomorrow). I’m hoping I will ovulate soon so AF can show up and can get back into my cycle regulating!

@KT199 i tracked my ovulation after my surgery and I got a positive LH 8th August and my surgery was 8th July so took a month to ovulate! I was so desperate for my period to come back. I found tracking my LH helped because I knew until I got a positive it probably wasn’t going to come back so it took my mind off each day just waiting

I'm only two weeks since my D&C and I'm already starting to get impatient for AF to arrive. It feels like such a long process!

@SureLook me too.. 4 weeks out and I’ve been struggling with it this week. I feel like I need it to come so that this chapter is closed. Though I don’t think we’re going to TTC until after my RMC appointment (which also hasn’t come through yet, they said 6 weeks so I assumed I would have had a date by now). Realistically I know it could still be a little while but I’m anxious for both to come!

All the waiting is frustrating.. This whole thing is an absolute mind f*ck!

Thanks @Armdjm for the info! Hope all is still well with you and baby.

Hey @SureLook and @Confusedmermaid1 I completely relate, especially to the draining aspect of none stop waiting. I think the MMC has really set my body in to fight / flight mode, I’m the most anxious I’ve ever been about all novel things. Then adding the stresses of waiting for the period to know this ordeal is over is horrendous. It’s made slightly worse as my ultrasound showed a small bit of RPOC so I’m nervous to experience my first period and I’m living in fear of it occurring on my wedding day (4th April). I’m trying to track ovulation to feel in control, but in all honesty I think it’s causing me more stress with every day I see a negative opk.

@KT199 thank you, all is still okay!

I felt like I couldn’t close the chapter until my first period came. The first part was getting the test negative then it was the period. I totally feel you on feeling like it’s just the most long drawn out process ever which really messes with your mind!

@KT199 i really hope you have some resolution well in advance of your wedding! Wedding planning is stressful enough without everything else (well I found it stressful 😂)

I’ve debated signing up to better help or similar to talk about it but at the same time I don’t want to talk about it. I’m hoping the anxiety will ease after the period and if not I’ll consider it more. Reluctant to see my GP because they wanted to put me on anti-anxiety meds before because I was having headaches all the time saying it was stress related (long before wedding planning and TTC so I wasn’t feeling stressed back then 😂)

@Confusedmermaid1 Oh tell me about it!! 😂 I’ve been on such a downer with this entire thing with the RPOC leading to a second procedure and STILL having some left, I feel like it will be just my luck at the moment that it will happen.

I think most GP’s jump straight to meds, which I don’t think is fair as they aren’t for everyone. I had a similar conversation a few years ago, and when I declined they said there wasn’t much else they could offer but a 12 month long waitlist for counselling. I’ve spoken a lot to my OH and family (both mum and sister have experienced MC) and that has helped but nothing is really shifting the lingering anxiety. Do you have a good support network to lean on?

@Armdjm I am so glad to hear!! Yes the torture that makes this even more cruel is definitely how dragged out it all is. Before experiencing MC I had no idea about this side of it.

@Confusedmermaid1 yes, I think a bit of closure will come from AF arriving. It's been like one really long cycle. What's an RMC appointment?