Missed miscarriage

[Armdjm]

Hello, I am just looking for any advice (preferably from NHS experience) as I know no one who has gone through this to ask.

I am 9 1/2 weeks pregnant, had a private scan yesterday which confirmed heart stopped at 6+4. I had a gut feeling (hence the scan) I can’t explain why as I still have all my symptoms.

I rang my local unit and went today for a scan who again confirmed the same as the private scan but are making us go back in 14 days for a re scan before I can have any medical management.

it just feels cruel and I have so many worries.
Will it happen naturally when it stopped so long ago?
can I end up with an infection with it just left there?
Will the NHS offer surgical management over tablets?

I just feel tortured

thank you to anyone who has read this!

@KT199 I don't understand why they don't scan at the time of the procedure or immediately afterwards. Would save all this heartache! Hopefully this plan sorts it all out x

@KT199 oh I’m so sorry! You’re right it feels like such torture to be dragged on even longer. What did they advise to do?

@SureLook I also wondered this and questioned it since they go into the procedure blind. Was told it’s just policy. But I know that it depends geographically as to whether they scan you or not as another lady I speak to had one straight after hers.

@Armdjm I have taken the medication this evening to see if it can be expelled that way, if that doesn’t work I have been booked in for a second MVA on Friday.

@KT199 bless you I’m so sorry this is happening. I know my trust scan you during and after the MVA under local anaesthetic but don’t scan you at all during the one under general anaesthetic which is what swayed me to just want the one awake but unfortunately it was another weeks wait where as under general they do it as an emergency so only waited 2 days but I found it crazy that it was the same procedure but only by ultrasound when awake. the nurses I asked about treatment said that was why they always recommended it awake as it’s ultrasound guided

Mine don’t do it for either, but because I was so emotional today they agreed I don’t have to wait the 3 weeks to check this time it will be 7 days for a re-scan to confirm. I did ask if they would do it straight after the procedure as I can’t believe they could let me walk out of there for a second time without knowing but they wouldn’t agree to that, so I’ll take the 7 days as it seemed the best I could get. But if I hadn’t of been upset and almost begging they was trying to push the 3 weeks and home test again.

@@KT199 i don’t understand why every hospital doesn’t just have the same process for it since it’s the same procedure it makes no sense! I’m glad you’ve managed to push for a shorter time after to be scanned. It’s awful how being upset is what gets you places in these situations. I’m just so sorry this is happening to you it’s just like adding insult to injury isn’t it!

Had my scan this morning. Everything was confirmed and had bloods taken. I'm booked in for the surgery on Tuesday. I feel slightly better that there's a plan in place. But it was so so sad seeing the baby again. It was even smaller than the last time. My partner found it very upsetting.

@SureLook aw i am so sorry, it’s a really hard scan I know they asked if we wanted to look or not but we did because I knew it would be the last time but it’s hard

So sorry to hear @SureLook. Will be thinking of you. Make sure you and your partner take care of each other.

I would say the only positive thing that’s come out of this horrendous experience for me is I feel more connected and in love with my OH than ever, he has been amazing and supported me the entire way through. He has found it really hard too and we’ve really been able to be there for each other.

Thanks for your kind words @Armdjm & @KT199. Yeah, we had a look too and we're glad we did. Yeah, I feel we're really looking out for each other too.

It would seem nature has taken its course. I passed one clot and had some bleeding a few hours after the scan. Then last night I started cramping and knew it was happening. Lots of bleeding and passing several clots, I just sat on the toilet. No idea if it's over now or if it's all out. I'm going to ring the EPAU this morning and discuss it with them.

@SureLook I’m so sorry, I had medical management the first time and even though I knew it was coming it was still really difficult so I can’t imagine having it happen when you’re not expecting it. Please look after yourself. I hope EPU can provide some reassurance for you x

Thanks @Confusedmermaid1 it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. But, again, I'm not sure if its over. I got through to the EPAU but only spoke to the receptionist. She transferred me to the emergency department. The midwife there said I should have been put through to a midwife in the EPAU cause I probably need to come in for another scan to check if it's all passed or not. She's gonna follow it up for me and call me back.

Got a call back from the midwife. They said to still come in as planned on Tuesday morning. They'll scan me first to see if anything remains. If there's something still there, they'll go ahead with the surgery as planned. If there's nothing there then I can go home. I'm glad I'm getting a scan to have everything double checked, gives me peace of mind.

I had a missed miscarriage a few weeks ago and it was an awful experience from start to finish but I have realised it is so important to trust your gut!!!

it all started with tiny bit of pink discharge which I was told by my midwife it is common and nothing to worry about. The next day this turned brown and I called the midwife team, again told it’s brown and old blood do not worry. The next day this brown discharge got heavier and when I wiped there was fresh blood on the toilet paper I went to A and E straight away. A and E kept me sat there for hours in an empty waiting room I was so low in my heart I knew this wasn’t right. When I finally got in the staff just did a few obs and palmed me off back home saying bleeding can happen and if I wait for a scan I could be there all night. I decided there and then to go home and pay for a private scan the next day. As if I was having a threatened miscarriage sat in a hospital waiting room all night was not going to be in my best interests.

the next day I attended the private scan. It cost around £75 but was worth every penny. My fiancé was still very positive and I think he thought everything was still going to be fine. The scanning place was full of baby pictures and cuddly toys and couples coming out full of joy, I sat in the waiting room so deflated I 95% knew what was coming but we still had that bit of hope.
we got called in and the lady brought up our baby on the screen. My partner got all emotional looking at our baby for the first time. I knew something wasn’t right the baby was so still. This was confirmed when the lady doing the scan said I’m sorry there is no heartbeat. I burst into tears and I said I already knew. With this we sat helpless in the room whilst the lady called the hospital to let staff know. They booked us in for a couple of days time. We felt so helpless and just went off home, me still looking very obviously pregnant with a bump knowing our baby had died inside me. I was so confused and scared of what was to come but most of all we felt so alone in it all. We managed to get some photos of our baby what I will treasure for the rest of my life.

that night I went to bed and woke up in the middle of the night to blood pouring down my pjs to my feet. I woke my partner up and we ran to the bathroom where I passed the baby. We felt so helpless, it was one of those moments we will never forget. Such sadness and emptiness. I will say one thing the pain was not too bad in all of this and luckily the stomach cramps were fairly mild.
i passed the baby we put the baby to one side and didn’t know what we were supposed to do. I rang nhs 111 and the advisor told me to go to a walk in centre right away. I refused, I had really had enough by this point, I wanted to be in my own home not sat on a hospital chair pouring blood everywhere, I would not have been able to sit there in the condition I was in. They then sent an ambulance who arrived in minutes and were lovely. They checked that I had passed the baby and wrapped it up in a little blanket. ( I was 10 weeks pregnant) so the baby was very tiny but still there as plain as day still in the sac.
the ambulance staff gave me the all clear and I stayed at home. Since then I haven’t heard a word from anyone. No midwife, no doctor. No advice on what to expect going forward.
a day after the miscarriage I passed a huge clot, my partner thinks this was the placenta but I am not sure. Since then I have just bled like a period.

I went out and got some lovely flowers and we buried our baby in the garden as I didn’t want the baby just being flushed away or taken away by the ambulance.
The whole experience was absolutely heartbreaking from start to finish. What I find really hard are all our plans for the year and our future with our baby are suddenly gone and we are left with a huge hole in our lives.

I am glad I told friends and family I was pregnant early on as they have been a huge support. But as for medical professionals, no support. Me and my partner have felt so alone in all of this. It’s like nobody cares but we are left devastated picking up the pieces.

always trust your gut. I’m sorry for anyone going through this. it really is a lonely, awful experience to have to go through. I am left with so my questions but the thought of trying again for a baby right now is terrifying and I don’t know if I would ever be able to put myself in that position again due to the fear of this repeating itself.

Hi @Lauzloo22 I'm so sorry to hear you're going through all of this. It really is horrible and can feel very isolating. I know people who have been through miscarriages but not an MMC. I have found great support in this thread.

I too had a slight bit of pink when I wiped but only lasted a few hours and then I felt off the next day. I think as women we have gut feelings about these things. It is a very strange feeling continuing on knowing that your baby has passed and is still inside you. I found that very hard to get my head around.

Grieving for what could have been is very difficult. I was due on the 21st of August and I know that will be a very sad time. I am also apprehensive about trying again but I also don't want this to stop me from trying to grow my family or give my LO a sibling. Please reach out if you're feeling lonely or sad x

Just a little update. I went in for my appointment for my D&C yesterday and they scanned me first. They said there was still some remaining tissue so it would be better to do the procedure since I was alreasy there and prepped. I was put asleep and it was all very easy. Minimal cramping and bleeding so far. They also rescanned me after the procedure and they said everything appears to be gone, which gave me great peace of mind. I feel like I can start to move on now. Hope everyone is doing ok!

@Lauzloo22 I’m so sorry for your loss and the experience you had. It is really hard to come to terms with the loss, make sure to take good care of yourself!

@SureLook I am glad your procedure went well and you got the all clear!! I had mine on Friday and it wasn’t as bad as I thought, although it was very scary being wheeled to theatre and put to sleep but I felt fine once I came around. I’m so glad they scanned you afterwards, that’s good piece of mind. They didn’t after mine and cancelled the scan I was meant to have today which actually upset me so I have to test in 3 weeks time again which is making me so anxious😩😩 but the surgeon confirmed he saw pregnancy tissue and since it was for retained products there wasn’t much so really hoping this is the end of it! Keep us updated on how you’re doing. Both times I’ve had a heavy bleed a good few days after the surgery (7 days MVA, 4 days EVAC) which lasted a few hours, just giving you a heads up incase you experience the same as I think it is very normal but I certainly wasn’t expected it the first time around as I’d had next to no bleeding at all.

@KT199 I wasn't scared at all until there was a bit of a lull while they were looking for a tourniquet. I was just lying there looking up at the lights and I thought, oh, this isn't very nice! But they were so lovely to me and one of the nurses held my hand which I didn't think I needed but was actually lovely.

Glad yours is behind you now too. Did they say why they've cancelled the scan? Are they going to rebook it? That's very frustrating!

I tested today, just to have a baseline. It was still most definitely positive but lighter than my last positive test in the early weeks. Going to try not test every day!

Oh, thanks for the heads up. I've very little bleeding at the moment, even less than what my period would normally be. I passed some tissue myself before the surgery so hopefully there's not much more!

@SureLook I’m glad you didn’t find it too hard and the nurses were supportive that definitely makes a big difference.

Well.. the words used were “we need to give it to someone who needs it more” so 🫤 but no plans to rebook it no. I just think they are spread very thinly and work under the assumption that the procedure should be successful. Not that that helps my mental health but.. fingers crossed it will be fine.

Aw, it’s such a strange conflicting feeling seeing the tests start to lighten isn’t it 🥺. Definitely have to listen to my head more than my heart in the those moments.

Fingers crossed it stays that way for you!! I hope you have a quick recovery and plenty of support surrounding you 💖

@KT199 jesus what a choice of words to use. That is brutal! The scan would give you the peace of mind but I'm sure everything is fine! Same to you, keep us updated x

Hey ladies!!

@SureLook I hope your doing okay and your recovery is going as expected.

I managed to get EPU to repeat scan me today. My test was negative which they did as they use the 25 MIU but my sensitive ones still have a line, a faint one albeit. The scan showed I still have a tiny piece of RP (less than 1mm) but it’s no longer vascular or attached to my lining. Therefore, they have said my next period I will pass it most likely with a few clots as they could see some and this is now the end of any intervention in their eyes. Feeling hopeful I can move on now and I’ve read a lot of threads whereby ladies have had this situation too and it does resolve its self. They’re happy the tissue isn’t making my body produce HCG anymore with their test being negative also.

Hi @KT199 I'm not doing too badly thanks. Was a bit low for a few days last week. I think it was cause I should have been 12 weeks on Thursday. I suppose milestones will be hard!

I'm glad you got scanned and you have a bit of closure now. When I thought of miscarriage before, I thought of the loss itself and how anxious it must feel to be pregnant again. I never thought of the in between part where you're waiting to test negative and not knowing if everything is gone. It really is a very tough time. Do you feel a bit relieved now?

@SureLook I’m glad the recovery is going okay. That is completely normal, I had a similar feeling as my 12 weeks passed too. And there was a few “announcements” I saw that week too that felt a little difficult to see. I think it’s important to just feel whatever you feel and express all that however you feel.

I couldn’t agree more, I feel almost naive that I thought I’d walk out of the hospital after my MVA the first time and that was it no more worries, until it came to trying again. But nevermind, it’s a journey and we will come out the other side in the near future. My next wait/worry is now for AF! I’m not sure TTC and pregnancy will ever feel easy once we revisit that but, know it’s necessary if we do want a baby. I’m eager to try again after our wedding but that’s not until late March / early April so hoping for a few months of down time.

@KT199 yes, the word naive has definitely come to mind. I suppose it's something I hoped/assumed I'd never experience so I didn't give it much thought. Were you advised to have a period before trying again? We're keen to try again soon but I know my anxiety will be through the roof. I'll be paying through the nose for private scans!