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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Original poster

Missed miscarriage

885 replies

Armdjm · 28/06/2024 18:44

Hello, I am just looking for any advice (preferably from NHS experience) as I know no one who has gone through this to ask.

I am 9 1/2 weeks pregnant, had a private scan yesterday which confirmed heart stopped at 6+4. I had a gut feeling (hence the scan) I can’t explain why as I still have all my symptoms.

I rang my local unit and went today for a scan who again confirmed the same as the private scan but are making us go back in 14 days for a re scan before I can have any medical management.

it just feels cruel and I have so many worries.
Will it happen naturally when it stopped so long ago?
can I end up with an infection with it just left there?
Will the NHS offer surgical management over tablets?

I just feel tortured

thank you to anyone who has read this!

OP posts:
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7
InvisibleDragon · 20/12/2024 11:24

I'm sorry @Mamui , that sounds like a horrendous experience. Definitely take as much time as you need to recover. I hope you have some time to relax and do low-key nice things over the Christmas period too!

Fletchasketch · 20/12/2024 11:39

Mamui · 20/12/2024 07:10

We had calculated i was around 12 weeks based on my dates. I was told I had had a MMC on Tuesday and I had a MVA to remove what was left yesterday morning.

I knew something was wrong as I had started spotting and bleeding 8 days before which for any lady who is wondering it seemed to start out like a period (brown, then dark red, light pink, brown with bits/tissues in, 2 days of fresh period red, then a strange caramel brown color not typical of a period) the cruel thing is I phoned my hospital and spoke to a midwife but she said it was normal and my baby was doing some "spring cleaning" before getting settled and cosy in there.

I continued to kick up a fuss and that's when they booked me an early reassurance scan at the EPU. At my scan I was told that the baby was measuring way behind and was measuring at 7weeks+4, and that they could only see a collapsed sac with something blurry inside (basically nothing that should typically be seen at that time).

The shock and sadness that you feel stops you from being able to think, listen to, or process anything, after my scan the bleeding had stopped and so I called the next day for someone to explain my options again as I felt it wasn't going to come out on its own.

I decided to go with an MVA as the procedure is the fastest in terms of health recovery, and they said I wouldnt need to go back there again after it was done. Once I knew my baby had died I just wanted to get everything removed and back to normal as quickly as possible. I don't know if this is typical for the NHS but at my hospital they only book MVAS for Tuesdays and Thursdays so I took a Thursday slot.

I don't know if I was particularly unlucky but I can safely say it was the worse experience of my life. I was the first appointment of the day, they ask you to get there an hour early as you need to have pain killers and the drug dissolved in your cheeks that opens up the cervix. My doctor doing the procedure was late to start at 9am and my procedure didn't start til 10:20 and the drug kicks in quickly so I had 1 hour 20 of heavy, gushing bleeding which was horrific as I bled through every pad and all of my clothes again and again as everything is obviously doing what it's supposed to do because of the drug. During the MVA the nurse was very nice to me and you get gas and air, I'm unsure if I had a bad reaction to the local anaesthetic, the gas and air or the mixture of the two but ive never experienced what I did in that room. I completely hallucinated and it was like everyone was repeating what they were saying again and again, I felt like I was in a version of hell and felt I'd been stuck in that room for days. The procedure went on for almost an hour but was supposed to take only 15 minutes, the man doing my procedure was a trainee and he had another doctor with him I don't know if this is why it took longer but I was completely out of it but not in a good way as I hallucinated so much and felt everything. Afterwards it took me a while to get back to normal and I felt horrendous shaking, cold and sick.

Now I want to say despite my experience I was extremely well cared for by all of the staff and they explained I felt like I had been there for days due to the gas and air, and despite my mind making me feel what I did I had seemed calm during the procedure and everything went well with no complications. The mind is such a powerful thing and I still believe I was stuck in that room for days.

After I continued to heavy bleed but later on in the evening it turned lighter to pink blood and this morning much of the same as if it's stopping already.

They say you can go back to work after 48 hours but please just take the weeks sick note, you will absolutely need time to come to terms with this.

Just wanted to say how sorry I am. A miscarriage is awful at any time, but your experience sounds particularly traumatic. I hope you're being well looked after now and wishing you a much happier 2025 x

PurpleOrchids12345 · 20/12/2024 21:33

@Mamui so sorry to hear what you’ve been through. I hope you are feeling ok.

Original poster
Armdjm · 20/12/2024 22:06

@Mamui i am so sorry this has happened to you. We are a very supportive bunch if you ever need people to talk to!

OP posts:
Original poster
Armdjm · 21/12/2024 11:03

I just wanted to give a little update while also trying to be sensitive to what others are going through but I know people have asked..

went for a scan this morning and our little baby was there measuring 8 weeks today so a couple days ahead what I thought with a very strong heartbeat. Was very surreal being back in the same scan room we found out we had our MMC

OP posts:
CJHR18 · 21/12/2024 11:05

@Armdjm congratulations. Over the moon for you xx

InvisibleDragon · 21/12/2024 11:22

That's lovely news @Armdjm I'm really happy for you. You give us all hope too!

TruthUnwinding · 21/12/2024 13:03

Mamui · 20/12/2024 07:10

We had calculated i was around 12 weeks based on my dates. I was told I had had a MMC on Tuesday and I had a MVA to remove what was left yesterday morning.

I knew something was wrong as I had started spotting and bleeding 8 days before which for any lady who is wondering it seemed to start out like a period (brown, then dark red, light pink, brown with bits/tissues in, 2 days of fresh period red, then a strange caramel brown color not typical of a period) the cruel thing is I phoned my hospital and spoke to a midwife but she said it was normal and my baby was doing some "spring cleaning" before getting settled and cosy in there.

I continued to kick up a fuss and that's when they booked me an early reassurance scan at the EPU. At my scan I was told that the baby was measuring way behind and was measuring at 7weeks+4, and that they could only see a collapsed sac with something blurry inside (basically nothing that should typically be seen at that time).

The shock and sadness that you feel stops you from being able to think, listen to, or process anything, after my scan the bleeding had stopped and so I called the next day for someone to explain my options again as I felt it wasn't going to come out on its own.

I decided to go with an MVA as the procedure is the fastest in terms of health recovery, and they said I wouldnt need to go back there again after it was done. Once I knew my baby had died I just wanted to get everything removed and back to normal as quickly as possible. I don't know if this is typical for the NHS but at my hospital they only book MVAS for Tuesdays and Thursdays so I took a Thursday slot.

I don't know if I was particularly unlucky but I can safely say it was the worse experience of my life. I was the first appointment of the day, they ask you to get there an hour early as you need to have pain killers and the drug dissolved in your cheeks that opens up the cervix. My doctor doing the procedure was late to start at 9am and my procedure didn't start til 10:20 and the drug kicks in quickly so I had 1 hour 20 of heavy, gushing bleeding which was horrific as I bled through every pad and all of my clothes again and again as everything is obviously doing what it's supposed to do because of the drug. During the MVA the nurse was very nice to me and you get gas and air, I'm unsure if I had a bad reaction to the local anaesthetic, the gas and air or the mixture of the two but ive never experienced what I did in that room. I completely hallucinated and it was like everyone was repeating what they were saying again and again, I felt like I was in a version of hell and felt I'd been stuck in that room for days. The procedure went on for almost an hour but was supposed to take only 15 minutes, the man doing my procedure was a trainee and he had another doctor with him I don't know if this is why it took longer but I was completely out of it but not in a good way as I hallucinated so much and felt everything. Afterwards it took me a while to get back to normal and I felt horrendous shaking, cold and sick.

Now I want to say despite my experience I was extremely well cared for by all of the staff and they explained I felt like I had been there for days due to the gas and air, and despite my mind making me feel what I did I had seemed calm during the procedure and everything went well with no complications. The mind is such a powerful thing and I still believe I was stuck in that room for days.

After I continued to heavy bleed but later on in the evening it turned lighter to pink blood and this morning much of the same as if it's stopping already.

They say you can go back to work after 48 hours but please just take the weeks sick note, you will absolutely need time to come to terms with this.

Gosh I'm so sorry to hear about your horrible experience, the hallucination aspects sounds so difficult. I hope you are recovering well, take care of yourself and I hope you can have some nice christmas treats now it is all over.

TruthUnwinding · 21/12/2024 13:05

Armdjm · 21/12/2024 11:03

I just wanted to give a little update while also trying to be sensitive to what others are going through but I know people have asked..

went for a scan this morning and our little baby was there measuring 8 weeks today so a couple days ahead what I thought with a very strong heartbeat. Was very surreal being back in the same scan room we found out we had our MMC

Congratulations! What a lovely Christmas present. I hope you can have a nice cosy festive season knowing that baby is growing well. You are being very sensitive to us, and giving us hope. Thank you for the update x

PurpleOrchids12345 · 21/12/2024 13:28

@Armdjm congratulations! 😍

Mamui · 21/12/2024 14:52

@Armdjm so so so happy for you. Please don't feel bad for sharing, thank you for giving hope for us all <3 I wish nothing but the best for you and your growing baby xxx

Mamui · 21/12/2024 14:59

Thank you all for your responses and for being so kind it is really helping me <3

2 days post MVA and my bleeding stopped last night. Still feel a tad sore deep inside and get the occasional shooting pain but it doesn't last for long. Xx

Original poster
Armdjm · 23/12/2024 17:07

Thank you everyone for your kind words. It still doesn’t feel real. I think I’m still stuck in what happened last time but hoping each scan gets a bit less terrifying from here!

OP posts:
TruthUnwinding · 29/12/2024 17:30

Armdjm · 23/12/2024 17:07

Thank you everyone for your kind words. It still doesn’t feel real. I think I’m still stuck in what happened last time but hoping each scan gets a bit less terrifying from here!

How is it going now? :)

Original poster
Armdjm · 29/12/2024 17:33

@TruthUnwinding starting to feel a bit more real now as I’m over 9 weeks and most of work know as we are inundated with flu patients at the minute so being careful. Trying to resist the temptation to have another scan between now and our nhs one. Sickness has settled down a bit and is now only when I’m really really tired. Thank you for asking!

how are you getting on?

OP posts:
TruthUnwinding · 29/12/2024 17:35

Armdjm · 29/12/2024 17:33

@TruthUnwinding starting to feel a bit more real now as I’m over 9 weeks and most of work know as we are inundated with flu patients at the minute so being careful. Trying to resist the temptation to have another scan between now and our nhs one. Sickness has settled down a bit and is now only when I’m really really tired. Thank you for asking!

how are you getting on?

Oh yes, gosh. I hope you manage to swerve the flu. I think you should have a scan if it makes you feel better :) you have been through a lot with the last pregnancy!

I'm ok, enjoying the christmas break and trying not to think too much about conceiving as it was a bit of a mindfk last month haha. Just enjoying the festive break and time off work.

Original poster
Armdjm · 30/12/2024 11:28

@TruthUnwinding I know, I’ve caved and booked another one for this weekend.

I know it really takes over your mind doesn’t it! I’m glad you’ve enjoyed the Christmas break!

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LovingFawn · 31/12/2024 07:15

Hi ladies! First time posting. Don’t feel able to share elsewhere at the moment, but really want to find people who understand.

Blessed with two older DDs (8 & 10) from a previous relationship, but found out early Dec that my husband and I were expecting (his first). A very welcome surprise!

Experienced some very light bleeding (no pain) at 6 weeks and, though I can’t really explain why, I knew I’d lost them. Early scan yesterday at what should have been 8 weeks and, sure enough, only measuring 5 weeks and no HB. Now have to wait 2 weeks for another scan to see if there’s any growth/change but, in my mind, it’s hopeless - the dates do NOT add up to 5 weeks anyway you look at them.

Such a complex mix of emotions. I know it was such early days, but I feel utterly devastated.

How do you leave the house knowing you could miscarry at any time? I just want to hide away until it’s all over. Lots of love to you all at what can be the toughest time of year.

Original poster
Armdjm · 31/12/2024 10:25

@LovingFawn I am so so sorry this is happening to you and your husband. The same thing happened to me where they wanted to wait 2 weeks between scans but I rang back my EPU and asked for a medical opinion because I said 2 weeks was too long and it was really effecting my mental health (I didn’t leave the house because I was so scared it would happen while I was out with my toddler) and they changed it to 1 week between scans! So may be worth an ask, I think 1 week is hard enough let alone waiting 2!

OP posts:
TruthUnwinding · 31/12/2024 10:27

Armdjm · 31/12/2024 10:25

@LovingFawn I am so so sorry this is happening to you and your husband. The same thing happened to me where they wanted to wait 2 weeks between scans but I rang back my EPU and asked for a medical opinion because I said 2 weeks was too long and it was really effecting my mental health (I didn’t leave the house because I was so scared it would happen while I was out with my toddler) and they changed it to 1 week between scans! So may be worth an ask, I think 1 week is hard enough let alone waiting 2!

Yes I agree with this, I was asked to wait 1 week as well. I just ensured to stay close to home, and when I did go out I was with my husband and friends. I had lots of big trips that week and just cancelled them to be safe. Hope the next few weeks go as well as they can do, it is a really difficult time.

LovingFawn · 31/12/2024 11:13

Armdjm · 31/12/2024 10:25

@LovingFawn I am so so sorry this is happening to you and your husband. The same thing happened to me where they wanted to wait 2 weeks between scans but I rang back my EPU and asked for a medical opinion because I said 2 weeks was too long and it was really effecting my mental health (I didn’t leave the house because I was so scared it would happen while I was out with my toddler) and they changed it to 1 week between scans! So may be worth an ask, I think 1 week is hard enough let alone waiting 2!

Thank you so much for your message and for creating this wonderfully supportive thread. I’m so sorry for all you’ve been through. I didn’t push for an earlier scan because, I suppose, there’s a tiny part of me still hoping the 5 weeks might be right (even though I know that’s impossible 😔) but I also don’t want to hide away at home for the next 2 weeks. I’ll give them a call.

LovingFawn · 31/12/2024 11:22

@TruthUnwinding thank you for sharing your experience and for your well wishes. So sorry to read you’ve been through the same - it really is so difficult. Very thankful my husband is off work for another week.

Original poster
Armdjm · 31/12/2024 13:21

@LovingFawn aw I think it is very different if you have some hope! I was 10 1/2 weeks when my scan said I was 6+3 with no heartbeat and I had already had a scan 2 weeks previous to that that showed 6+3 with a heartbeat so I knew. I mean if it gives you any hope for getting out and about my baby had stopped developing about 3 1/2 weeks before my surgery and I never started bleeding in that time even a little bit!

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LovingFawn · 31/12/2024 14:46

@Armdjm so sorry to hear that. So incredibly heartbreaking to have heard the heartbeat and then not. If I’m honest with myself I know there’s no hope really (& sonographer already said as much) - 1st day of last period was 02/11 and positive test 08/12. There’s just no way. Sure I’ll reach a point of acceptance in a few days. Thank you for sharing - that really does help. 🙏

Original poster
Armdjm · 31/12/2024 14:57

@LovingFawn its so hard to accept even when you’re told though isn’t it! It’s not something anyone wants to accept. Have your hospital given you options for management? I know some trusts give different options

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