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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Missed miscarriage

885 replies

Armdjm · 28/06/2024 18:44

Hello, I am just looking for any advice (preferably from NHS experience) as I know no one who has gone through this to ask.

I am 9 1/2 weeks pregnant, had a private scan yesterday which confirmed heart stopped at 6+4. I had a gut feeling (hence the scan) I can’t explain why as I still have all my symptoms.

I rang my local unit and went today for a scan who again confirmed the same as the private scan but are making us go back in 14 days for a re scan before I can have any medical management.

it just feels cruel and I have so many worries.
Will it happen naturally when it stopped so long ago?
can I end up with an infection with it just left there?
Will the NHS offer surgical management over tablets?

I just feel tortured

thank you to anyone who has read this!

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PurpleOrchids12345 · 14/12/2024 23:11

@TruthUnwinding thank you! I had the results of the second blood test today which confirms Hcg levels are not increasing (excluding another pregnancy) so all good to go ahead on Tuesday. I cannot wait for this to be over! Are you 8dpo now? How are you feeling?

TruthUnwinding · 15/12/2024 07:12

PurpleOrchids12345 · 14/12/2024 23:11

@TruthUnwinding thank you! I had the results of the second blood test today which confirms Hcg levels are not increasing (excluding another pregnancy) so all good to go ahead on Tuesday. I cannot wait for this to be over! Are you 8dpo now? How are you feeling?

Ah I'm sorry, I remember that tiny tiny bit of hope I had between scans/tests to ensure the baby hadn't grown. I hope you are feeling okay, and that you get treated quickly. I pushed to get the surgery ASAP after that was confirmed. Can you plan in something nice afterwards ? My husband and I went on a little overnight holiday to a town nearby about 2 weeks after and it was really nice. Something to look forward to!

I think I might be 9DO now - Clue says I likely ovulated on 6 Dec. I have been feeling nauseous for the past 4 days and have started feeling dizzy yesterday, which I've never had before. Felt like I was drunk and nearly fell over 4 times. Gonna wait until Friday or Saturday to test, I don't wanna play the pregnancy line spotting test again! I know myself and I'll get obsessed... If AF comes before then, so be it. Its going to be a fun week haha.

Armdjm · 15/12/2024 11:39

@TruthUnwinding keeping everything crossed for yous! I’m terrible for testing early and playing the ‘is that line real’ game. I’ve been lucky in my 3 pregnancies to have got positive digital at 8, 9 and 10 dpo because I don’t believe it until I see the words!

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TruthUnwinding · 15/12/2024 11:49

Armdjm · 15/12/2024 11:39

@TruthUnwinding keeping everything crossed for yous! I’m terrible for testing early and playing the ‘is that line real’ game. I’ve been lucky in my 3 pregnancies to have got positive digital at 8, 9 and 10 dpo because I don’t believe it until I see the words!

in the MMC pregnancy I tested a bit early and got a bfn, then waited a few days until my period was a day late and got a bfp. So I’m not sure it would be conclusive if I were to test early. However I am abstaining for mental health reasons and I am driving myself mad, so perhaps it’s pointless abstinence! Would love to join you in the pregnancy club 😌

Armdjm · 15/12/2024 11:58

@TruthUnwinding I always said I would try and wait until my period was late after my MMC because the thought of a chemical really worried me but I’m too much of a control freak 😅 I know I really hope you do!

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InvisibleDragon · 16/12/2024 10:40

Sadly I'm sort of back on this thread. Had a positive pregnancy test a few weeks ago and was really hopeful that I would be one of the lucky ones who just get pregnant again and it's all plain sailing. Unfortunately I then miscarried naturally at about 5.5 weeks.

Feeling really emotionally all over the place. On the one hand, it's good that my period returned, that my body was able to get pregnant again and that maybe it did what was needed for a non-viable pregnancy this time. And that I didn't need weeks of medical management and crazy amount of bleeding this time.

On the other hand, it's heartbreaking to have been so hopeful for a few weeks and then have that snatched away. And to have so much uncertainty about what it means for future fertility and children.

My son was conceived so easily and the pregnancy was so straightforward that I had no clue when we decided to try for a second that I would be entering this miserable nightmare of grief and worry. I know I'm 36 and time isn't on my side and it just adds to my stress.

And I just feel so bitter and resentful every time I see a family with siblings at the moment. I know I'm lucky to have my sweet boy, but it isn't the life I wanted and it hurts so much.

TruthUnwinding · 16/12/2024 14:15

InvisibleDragon · 16/12/2024 10:40

Sadly I'm sort of back on this thread. Had a positive pregnancy test a few weeks ago and was really hopeful that I would be one of the lucky ones who just get pregnant again and it's all plain sailing. Unfortunately I then miscarried naturally at about 5.5 weeks.

Feeling really emotionally all over the place. On the one hand, it's good that my period returned, that my body was able to get pregnant again and that maybe it did what was needed for a non-viable pregnancy this time. And that I didn't need weeks of medical management and crazy amount of bleeding this time.

On the other hand, it's heartbreaking to have been so hopeful for a few weeks and then have that snatched away. And to have so much uncertainty about what it means for future fertility and children.

My son was conceived so easily and the pregnancy was so straightforward that I had no clue when we decided to try for a second that I would be entering this miserable nightmare of grief and worry. I know I'm 36 and time isn't on my side and it just adds to my stress.

And I just feel so bitter and resentful every time I see a family with siblings at the moment. I know I'm lucky to have my sweet boy, but it isn't the life I wanted and it hurts so much.

I'm so sorry to hear this. I can't begin to imagine how you must feel. I can understand that you would feel like you have been on an emotional rollercoaster. Is there anything nice that you can do for yourself? It sounds like a difficult few weeks.

In time, I hope you can also get some medical support, perhaps from a miscarriage/fertility clinic? I'm 36 too , and have found the fertility clinic to be useful so far. It could just be a medicine or supplement that you need to help support the pregnancy. (This is what I am hoping is the case for me).

Armdjm · 16/12/2024 14:16

@InvisibleDragon I am so so sorry this has happened to you again.
I understand your thinking on the positive side that it happened naturally this time and you didn’t need any intervention but still just as heartbreaking I’m sure.
Would this miscarriage allow you to have any testing or it looked into? I know my gp was very dismissive of my MMC as it was my first (I hadn’t gone for help she just brought it up at an appointment) and I hadn’t realised 3 was the magic number to get any sort of help. She almost made out that every woman has at least 1 with no compassion which to be honest made me think she clearly had never had one!

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PurpleOrchids12345 · 16/12/2024 18:39

@InvisibleDragon im so sorry that this is happening to you :( every miscarriage is heartbreaking and it’s really not fair that some of us have to have multiple losses. 36 is still relatively young and it’s reassuring that you are able to fall pregnant easily. Are your pregnancy tests now negative? How are you and your partner feeling?

PurpleOrchids12345 · 17/12/2024 12:29

Hello ladies, I’ve just had my GA procedure and am glad it all gone ok. The surgeon said there was quite a lot of tissue but it’s all removed now. So glad to be on the other side of it. Did you guys start trying straight away or did you wait? It’s been almost three months since the start of all this so I’m so keen to TTC but appreciate I should wait.

InvisibleDragon · 17/12/2024 15:10

@TruthUnwinding and @Armdjm I think 3 is the magic number for NHS support here too although I have made a GP appointment to discuss in the new year. I also emailed Tommy's and they sent me a list of investigations that can be done by the GP. I'm visiting my husband's home country over Christmas and it's much easier and cheaper to just order blood tests there, so we're going to try and get some investigations done while we're there.

@PurpleOrchids12345 I haven't done a pregnancy test yet - waiting for 2 weeks post miscarriage as this is what our EPU recommended. Had some more bleeding today though, so maybe not yet.

I honestly feel so unhappy. I thought because it wasn't as physically gruelling as the first one that I would feel ok sooner, but actually the emotional impact of it being another miscarriage is really tough too.

My husband is on board with trying again when I'm ready. He also bought me some of the expensive prenatal vitamins, which is sweet. I think he's more optimistic than me that there will be an obvious answer from the testing, whereas I just see more uncertainty and worry.

Sorry for all the negativity, I just hate everything about this so much at the moment.

InvisibleDragon · 17/12/2024 15:10

@PurpleOrchids12345 I'm glad your procedure went well - that must be a big relief!

TruthUnwinding · 17/12/2024 15:20

PurpleOrchids12345 · 17/12/2024 12:29

Hello ladies, I’ve just had my GA procedure and am glad it all gone ok. The surgeon said there was quite a lot of tissue but it’s all removed now. So glad to be on the other side of it. Did you guys start trying straight away or did you wait? It’s been almost three months since the start of all this so I’m so keen to TTC but appreciate I should wait.

Glad to hear that you are on the other side of it. How are you feeling? I felt a bit wobbly (physically and emotionally) afterwards.

I started TTC in August (a month after my MMC in July) and then had another chemical pregnancy. After that I had a break and got some tests with the fertility clinic. I started TTC again in early Dec and now I'm on the two week wait. I feel really rough, like I'm pregnant, and hoping it's not yet another chemical pregnancy. Having a week from hell TBH!

TruthUnwinding · 17/12/2024 15:26

InvisibleDragon · 17/12/2024 15:10

@TruthUnwinding and @Armdjm I think 3 is the magic number for NHS support here too although I have made a GP appointment to discuss in the new year. I also emailed Tommy's and they sent me a list of investigations that can be done by the GP. I'm visiting my husband's home country over Christmas and it's much easier and cheaper to just order blood tests there, so we're going to try and get some investigations done while we're there.

@PurpleOrchids12345 I haven't done a pregnancy test yet - waiting for 2 weeks post miscarriage as this is what our EPU recommended. Had some more bleeding today though, so maybe not yet.

I honestly feel so unhappy. I thought because it wasn't as physically gruelling as the first one that I would feel ok sooner, but actually the emotional impact of it being another miscarriage is really tough too.

My husband is on board with trying again when I'm ready. He also bought me some of the expensive prenatal vitamins, which is sweet. I think he's more optimistic than me that there will be an obvious answer from the testing, whereas I just see more uncertainty and worry.

Sorry for all the negativity, I just hate everything about this so much at the moment.

Oh mate, it's totally understandable. You have been through a lot! Its important to allow yourself to feel those feelings. Losing a baby is so, so hard and hardly talked about in society. I'm sure all of us in this group have felt something like this, at some point throughout our journey.

Have you got any emotional support like counselling? I have, until recently, had a pregnancy loss counsellor (my first loss out of 4 was extremely traumatic) and she has helped me through a lot of this.

I also recommend resources like 'The Worst Girl Gang Ever' podcast. https://theworstgirlgangever.co.uk/ It certainly helped me feel less alone, and gives me the confidence to ask for better treatment from the NHS. I know they are stretched but we shouldn't bear the brunt of it. With this in mind, getting treatment outside of the UK does sound like a good idea. Sending all my best wishes <3

The Foundation - The Worst Girl Gang Ever

https://theworstgirlgangever.co.uk

Armdjm · 17/12/2024 15:47

@PurpleOrchids12345 glad to hear it went well I’ve been thinking of you. I started ‘trying’ after I’d tested negative but didn’t track anything or put any pressure on it happening so didn’t really do much trying! After 3 periods I decided to try properly again with OPKs

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Bellebg · 17/12/2024 16:05

Just catching up on here.

@InvisibleDragon I am so sorry that you are going through this again. Can only imagine how hard it is after another positive pregnancy test and having that hope. We're all here to listen if it's helpful to keep sharing how you're feeling. Really hoping that you have brighter days coming when the time is right.

@PurpleOrchids12345 glad to hear that your procedure went well and all the tissue has been removed. Hope the recovery is smooth and you can now enjoy Christmas as much as possible! We started ttc again after my first period. Waited until after that only as I knew I would lose my mind wondering if a positive test was 'real' or not if it was before then.

Hope everyone is doing ok x

@

Armdjm · 17/12/2024 16:15

@InvisibleDragon I’m so sorry and don’t ever apologise for being ‘negative’ we all ended up on here because of a horrible negative experience.
Thats good that you can access some testing easier from where your husband is from I would definitely utilise that you may as well!

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PurpleOrchids12345 · 17/12/2024 16:40

Hi @TruthUnwinding thanks for sharing! The waiting game can be agony! Fingers crossed for you. So keep us posted.
@InvisibleDragon your husband sounds like a sweetie being so supportive. I may have mentioned this book already- it starts with the egg- it’s really quite eye opening.
@Armdjm how are you getting on?
@Bellebg thank you for sharing. And yes, I can enjoy Christmas properly now! Ironically the nurse who checked me in said my pregnancy test was negative (first time in almost three months) so I’m cautiously optimistic that I can truly put this missed miscarriage behind me. Where are you in your journey now?

Armdjm · 17/12/2024 16:45

@PurpleOrchids12345 thank you for checking in. I’m feeling rough but taking it as a good sign, just very sickly and exhausted. Have a scan booked this weekend!

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Bellebg · 17/12/2024 17:25

@PurpleOrchids12345 I am now 23 weeks so feeling lucky x

@Armdjm will be thinking of you this weekend. Feeling rough definitely sounds like a good sign!

PurpleOrchids12345 · 17/12/2024 17:49

@Bellebg 23 weeks!!! How amazing :) I hope you are feeling ok.
@Armdjm good luck for this week end! Will be thinking of you and please do update us if you would like x

TruthUnwinding · 18/12/2024 07:48

Bellebg · 17/12/2024 17:25

@PurpleOrchids12345 I am now 23 weeks so feeling lucky x

@Armdjm will be thinking of you this weekend. Feeling rough definitely sounds like a good sign!

Congrats to you both, you are both giving me hope ❤️

unfortunately my period just came but it does mean I can have further investigations (including a HSG ) so perhaps it’s a positive thing. Apparently HSGs can make you more fertile so I might be luckier next month 🤷‍♀️

and I’m gonna have some mulled wine and stinky cheese over Christmas! Silver linings and everything.

Armdjm · 19/12/2024 10:04

@PurpleOrchids12345 how is your recovery going?

@TruthUnwinding sorry to hear about your period coming but yes enjoy all the Brie and wine over Christmas!!

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PurpleOrchids12345 · 19/12/2024 20:40

Hi @Armdjm im feeling physically ok but quite emotional. I weirdly had hardly any bleeding on Tuesday or Wednesday, but it feels like AF has arrived today. how are you feeling?

@TruthUnwinding sorry to hear your period has arrived! On to next month! Are you tracking your ovulation?

Mamui · 20/12/2024 07:10

We had calculated i was around 12 weeks based on my dates. I was told I had had a MMC on Tuesday and I had a MVA to remove what was left yesterday morning.

I knew something was wrong as I had started spotting and bleeding 8 days before which for any lady who is wondering it seemed to start out like a period (brown, then dark red, light pink, brown with bits/tissues in, 2 days of fresh period red, then a strange caramel brown color not typical of a period) the cruel thing is I phoned my hospital and spoke to a midwife but she said it was normal and my baby was doing some "spring cleaning" before getting settled and cosy in there.

I continued to kick up a fuss and that's when they booked me an early reassurance scan at the EPU. At my scan I was told that the baby was measuring way behind and was measuring at 7weeks+4, and that they could only see a collapsed sac with something blurry inside (basically nothing that should typically be seen at that time).

The shock and sadness that you feel stops you from being able to think, listen to, or process anything, after my scan the bleeding had stopped and so I called the next day for someone to explain my options again as I felt it wasn't going to come out on its own.

I decided to go with an MVA as the procedure is the fastest in terms of health recovery, and they said I wouldnt need to go back there again after it was done. Once I knew my baby had died I just wanted to get everything removed and back to normal as quickly as possible. I don't know if this is typical for the NHS but at my hospital they only book MVAS for Tuesdays and Thursdays so I took a Thursday slot.

I don't know if I was particularly unlucky but I can safely say it was the worse experience of my life. I was the first appointment of the day, they ask you to get there an hour early as you need to have pain killers and the drug dissolved in your cheeks that opens up the cervix. My doctor doing the procedure was late to start at 9am and my procedure didn't start til 10:20 and the drug kicks in quickly so I had 1 hour 20 of heavy, gushing bleeding which was horrific as I bled through every pad and all of my clothes again and again as everything is obviously doing what it's supposed to do because of the drug. During the MVA the nurse was very nice to me and you get gas and air, I'm unsure if I had a bad reaction to the local anaesthetic, the gas and air or the mixture of the two but ive never experienced what I did in that room. I completely hallucinated and it was like everyone was repeating what they were saying again and again, I felt like I was in a version of hell and felt I'd been stuck in that room for days. The procedure went on for almost an hour but was supposed to take only 15 minutes, the man doing my procedure was a trainee and he had another doctor with him I don't know if this is why it took longer but I was completely out of it but not in a good way as I hallucinated so much and felt everything. Afterwards it took me a while to get back to normal and I felt horrendous shaking, cold and sick.

Now I want to say despite my experience I was extremely well cared for by all of the staff and they explained I felt like I had been there for days due to the gas and air, and despite my mind making me feel what I did I had seemed calm during the procedure and everything went well with no complications. The mind is such a powerful thing and I still believe I was stuck in that room for days.

After I continued to heavy bleed but later on in the evening it turned lighter to pink blood and this morning much of the same as if it's stopping already.

They say you can go back to work after 48 hours but please just take the weeks sick note, you will absolutely need time to come to terms with this.