Missed miscarriage

[Armdjm]

Hello, I am just looking for any advice (preferably from NHS experience) as I know no one who has gone through this to ask.

I am 9 1/2 weeks pregnant, had a private scan yesterday which confirmed heart stopped at 6+4. I had a gut feeling (hence the scan) I can’t explain why as I still have all my symptoms.

I rang my local unit and went today for a scan who again confirmed the same as the private scan but are making us go back in 14 days for a re scan before I can have any medical management.

it just feels cruel and I have so many worries.
Will it happen naturally when it stopped so long ago?
can I end up with an infection with it just left there?
Will the NHS offer surgical management over tablets?

I just feel tortured

thank you to anyone who has read this!

Hi Bellebg,

How are are you doing? Hope all is well with you and 🌈

I had to wait a week but it very obvious it wasn’t viable.

Hi @SophieRules, thanks so much for checking in. Conscious of how everyone is feeling so I’ve tried not to share too much on here but we are doing well thank you 🥰🌈 15 weeks now - have had pretty regular scans and all looking good so far! I’ve had days/weeks where I’m anxious but others where I’ve been way less anxious than I thought I would be which has been so nice. How are you doing? X

@NSC1980 I’m so sorry that you’re going through another loss. I can only imagine how heartbreaking this year is for you. Sending you hugs and hope that you have much brighter days coming.

I ended up waiting a month from first scan showing MMC until procedure. I had two private scans and then had to ‘start again’ with the NHS and have two more scans with the required spacing as they couldn’t accept the private scans. Hope that you are able to speed up the process a little.

We’re here to chat or listen as and when you need over the next couple weeks! X

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry to hear that and that they are making you wait. I think it was 9 days from my scan which showed the baby had not grown for 4 weeks, I had to wait for a week for another scan to confirm and then they arranged the surgical procedure very quickly after that. I was quite pushy for the procedure to happen ASAP and also I knew they only did the surgical procedures once weekly. (I had a TFMR at 14 weeks one year before and didn't want to prolong the heartache and physical symptoms)

Thanks so much @Bellebg. The point I realised this one wasn't progressing was around the due date of the baby miscarried in February (and also my birthday) so it's been a pretty heartbreaking few weeks. I said at the start this time that as long as it wasn't ectopic I could cope with anything – kind of regret saying that now but at least I know (especially after reading the posts on here) that the physical recovery will be a lot easier this time.

Gosh – you had a long wait. All my scans have been NHS so I'm really hoping the next one is definitive and I won't have to wait another two weeks as that would take me up to the 12-week point!

Thank you for your support... just writing about it on here makes me feel so much less alone in this. I'm sorry you've been through this too and I hope you're doing ok x

Thanks @TruthUnwinding for sharing your timeline. The worrying thing for me is that I've had growth each week so if the scan on 1 November still reveals a small amount of growth they might make me wait another two weeks (which would take me to the 12-week point) which just feels unbearable. That's interesting to hear that they only did the surgical procedures once weekly at your EPU – I hope that's not the case here but will try and find out... and will certainly follow you and be as pushy as possible for the procedure to happen ASAP once confirmed – they do seem to be sensitive to the fact that just going into that scanning room is traumatic for me after the drama of the ectopic so I'm hoping they'll take that into account.

I'm sorry that this has happened to you too (especially after a previous TFMR) and I hope wherever you're at in your recovery, you're doing ok x

@Bellebg , I've just realised from the above post that you have your 🌈. Congratulations – so glad you've made it to 15 weeks and everything is looking good. Certainly gives me hope for the future x

This was the same for me, I had to wait a week to see if there was a small amount of growth. I think they are obliged to make us wait, just in case.
As soon as the week was over and it was clear the baby had not grown, I was keen to get sorted.

I am sorry that this is the case, it is the worst feeling. Take care of yourself in the meantime <3

Good morning, sorry I disappeared, the weekend was a struggle to get through with both mine and OHs kids and trying to keep my tears in (my kids knew I was pregnant, he was waiting to tell his).

I did continue to have little smears of pink spontaneously, but not actual bleeding if that makes sense.
I had an MVA under local y’day and although it wasn’t a nice experience and I’d have preferred to not be aware of what was happening, I’m glad I went through with it and didn’t wait for an appt for it to happen under GA, as the soonest was Nov 1st.

I’m not in a great deal of pain today, but emotionally I feel battered. I appreciate all the support here as it’s helped me get through these past few days and feel less alone.

I’m not sure if anyone else has experienced this, but I’m constantly reading about mc&mmc since I found out about mine. I don’t speak to my mum so I don’t really have anyone to ask about any of these questions buzzing around in my head.

My OH thinks it’s going to scare me and make me even more anxious to read about some of the experiences of others, especially if they don’t end very well.
I feel some sort of comfort and hope knowing that there’s been plenty of sadness, but also lots of happiness too.

In the last five days I’ve learnt more about mc/mmc than I have in my whole life, it isn’t a nice thing to go through and although I’d read things about it, didn’t want to go too deep whilst pregnant through fear of ‘jinxing’ things even though I know logically that’s not how it works, my anxiety brain tells me otherwise.

It’s sad to hear some of you have been or are being made the wait for another scan to confirm, it’s hard enough to have that news then to be made to wait to have any sort of closure is beyond cruel.

I guess I should feel ‘lucky’ (something I definitely feel far from right now) that I had a scan Thurs and had procedure following Tues.
I’m still struggling with the fact that this time last week, I was oblivious to all this heartache to come and was happily counting down the days until my midwife appt and scan.

It really has helped being able to hear your experiences and relate in a time where I feel so alone surrounded by people, yet speaking to a load of strangers online feels easier and comforting 💖

Thanks for your sensitivity, also lovely to hear from you to give hope

@NSC1980 i am so sorry you’re going through this.

I had surgery under general anaesthetic. So my timeline was I had a private scan 27th June, found out there, rang EPU went there 28th for a scan, they made me wait a week (originally 2 but i questioned it and they changed it to a week) re scan 5th July and I had my surgery 8th! I could have had it the next morning but because my re scan was late in the day 5th they already had people in the next morning from scans earlier that day.

the wait is awful I’m so sorry especially when you know deep down things aren’t okay!

@CrazyIsLife I’m glad your procedure went as it could and that you’re not in too much pain!
I lived on Google and this forum reading different people’s experiences and it does make you feel less alone to see that actually a lot of people go through it especially when you don’t know people in real life that have.
I think like you say especially being able to live through it in real time with other people going through it or who have recently gone through it. It’s just a nice safe space to ask questions.
I really hope your recovery isn’t too bad, I found the emotional recovery hard, the drop in hormones doesn’t help, so be kind to yourself and rest up! I took a big chunk of time off work mostly just due to the nature of my job as I knew I couldn’t give me all to look after other (ITU nurse) when I really just felt like I needed to be looked after and I’m glad I took the time off.

@Bellebg so glad all is going well, it is lovely of you to be sensitive but it does give us all who are wanting to try again a lovely bit of hope!

Hi all,
just had another scan after Tuesday bad news one, still no heartbeat but there's growth 2-3 days... 😳 Dr agreed that 6w4d there should be a heartbeat...
She will refer me to the hospital as by the time they arrange another scan and either surgery or medical will take time and then they will review and will be clear.
I know from your experience now it is common to have some growth even if non-viable....it is just so tough to hear
My sensitivity in breasts decreased, they are full but different, also have cramps from time to time (or maybe now I am imagining).

Thank you @Armdjm. And thank you for setting up this thread. I wish I'd found something similar when I had the ectopic as it really helps to chat to others who have been through the same thing.

Quite naively, I assumed miscarriages were mostly like the one I had earlier this year – bleeding and cramping at 5 weeks and all over very quickly. I had no idea about 'missed' miscarriages – about the wait between scans, the limbo, the horrible feeling of carrying something that isn't growing/developing as it should.

Thank you for giving your timeline. I'm glad you questioned the two weeks and they changed it to a week. I've been putting off calling but going to ring this morning and ask to bring mine forward to the Tuesday/Wednesday next week – that might give me more change of having surgery within a day or two rather than a scan on a Friday and waiting the weekend.

I know the surgery/recovery will be a lot different to what I went through earlier this year which will help with the mental recovery too but I'm dreading the huge drop in hormones/emotions that I know will hit hard.

I hope you're doing as ok as can be – and I'm so sorry this happened to you too.

I am so sorry you are going through this. FWIW I don't think reading about others' experiences will scare you, I think it's good to be informed and there are already some happy stories in this thread. (One lady has already gotten pregnant again after an MMC in Summer and is nearing 12 weeks!)

I think its good to have the support and to know that there are lots of us out here that have had experienced something similar.

Hope everyone has a better week this week x

Thanks @Bellebg , hope all is well with you too?

I've got a blood test to check hormones, glucose etc tomorrow. Back to tracking ovulation and hoping that this is the month I get back to normal 🤞 hope everyone else is doing ok x

Hey everyone, hope you’re all doing okay?

@Armdjm Thanks for your msg, it went as well as could be, I’m six days post op, the last few days have been very emotional and I’ve sobbed uncontrollably, like a baby. I’m aware it’s probably the drop in hormones which I expected, but also wasn’t sure what to expect as such. I’m hopeful that today, even though I’m exhausted from the crying, eyes swollen and head throbbing, I feel slightly better so could be a turning point.

The kids are on half term so although I can’t relax too much, I love spending the holidays with them so looking forward to the distraction and keeping busy, it’s the quiet moments that are hard for me.
Im glad you took some time off for yourself to properly recover and reset especially with you usually looking after others.
Yes I’ve spent hours scrolling through threads and relating to so many of them, it’s definitely helped me and answered lots of questions I had.
How are you doing now?

@TruthUnwinding
Yes I agree, it’s been a lifeline for me, I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alone and lost and I’ve had quite a lot of trauma through my life.
It’s given me hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel and day by day things will get/feel better.
I hope your journey is looking up?
I appreciate your words of encouragement and I’m sorry you’ve also gone through this.

Hoping everyone else is feeling okay this week and there’s some more positive outcomes soon !!

I've moved my scan forwards by two days to tomorrow and am feeling much more positive this week. Still waking up to mild cramping every day so my main worry is that there will have been some small growth again and they'll make me wait yet another week to confirm miscarriage (and then I'll have to wait for surgery) but I'll deal with that if it happens and am already planning some nice things in November to look forward to. I know once it happens I'll get the huge crash in hormones and all the emotions will come flooding through again so going to make the most of the good days and try to keep the hope that it'll all work out next time.

Sending love to everyone on here. Reading about everyone else's experiences has helped so much.

Just an update from me, booked for surgery on Thursday, no growth anymore or blood flow. Dr said term on the edge of official cut off for medical, so he said surgical better as we still might do it at the end. Feeling really numb 😔

@WildFinch hope that your blood tests went well today and you find the results helpful. 🤞🏼 your cycle gets back to normal this month too!

@NSC1980 good luck for your scan tomorrow. Pleased to hear you were able to have it sooner. I hope that you’ll be able to start moving forward. I’m sure all your positivity will help you. Will be thinking of you!

@TT82 so sorry that you’ve had this news and are having to go through with the surgery this week. I can imagine it’s a hard feeling to come to terms with. Look after yourself and hope that you will have brighter days when you’re out the other side and not stuck in limbo x

I'm so sorry to hear that this is yet another trauma to add to your list. I'm really glad that you are having a nice time with your kids. There is definitely light at the end of the tunnel. I'm sure they can find out the reason.

I have no living kids and have had 4 losses, but just found out via a hormone test about outlying hormones. So that has made me feel positive that I can address those issues and conceive successfully one day.

A bit of a rant disguised as a question...

How long did everyone take to get a period again? I'm 5 weeks after my second dose of medication and have a negative pregnancy test but no period yet. I know it's still within the expected timeframe, but it's 2 months now since finding out the pregnancy hadn't developed properly and I really want to be back to normal (and trying again)!

To add insult to injury, my hair is falling out and my boobs made milk (5 months after weaning) when my 2yo touched them the other day. My body seems to be in post-partum mode and it just feels so cruel.

Have also had totally ridiculous mood/hormone swings this week - felt really emotional and alienated because I got my son's toy car stuck in a space behind the wall and then again because I'm working on a new team/building and it's a bit weird. Please can all this weird just stop now?

Rant away @InvisibleDragon sometimes we all need a vent. Sounds like you've been thorough a lot.
Most people I've read on here get their periods back within the 6-8 weeks it seems. I'm at the other end of the spectrum I've finally had what I hope was a period starting 17 October, after surgery for MMC on 23 July. Saw my GP who referred me for an ultrasound which detected cystic/overgrowth of endometrium most likely due to hormonal imbalance. Blood tests have come back normal for my hormones now so I'm really hoping I'm out the otherside of the miscarriage. I totally understand your desire to get back to normal and try again, I'm the same.

It's good you've had the negative pregnancy test and sounds like your hormones are still regulating so hopefully your period will be along soon 🤞