Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 9 ALL welcome

[Nic2908]

New thread before we all lose eachother xx

@HerbaceousPerennial it really does suck. It’s such a lot of months to be feeling ill with pregnancy, feeling depressed from grief, and to even not feeling myself as I’ve gained weight from the pregnancies so my clothes don’t fit as comfortably now.
And the thought of TTC again fills me with dread! I got obsessive last time & don’t want that to happen again. But the need to be pregnant is just too strong. Yet I’m then worried about even being able to getting pregnant, to then worrying if I do I will miscarry for a 3rd time!

@Sherw00d I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this again, my heart absolutely goes out to you. There's so many of us on this thread with multiple miscarriages. Sending love to you.

Can I ask what the rash looked like? Parovirus is another name for slapped cheek isn't it? It's been going around my son's primary school and I've developed an odd itchy rash down my arms. I've wondered if it's linked but too late now to do anything about it.

I've had a slight meltdown this afternoon. My OH has started a new job yesterday (dreadful timing) and nobody I know has been unlucky enough to have 2 miscarriages so feeling rather alone in this apart from you guys!

@Figtree11 I could have written your last post myself!! What should I wear when I've 'thickened out' with two pregnancies but absolutely don't want to put maternity clothes on. Especially with this sunny weather, all I want is hoodies and leggings but it's too warm.
Also understanding of desperately wanting to be pregnant again coupled with a fear of losing another and getting wrapped up in the TTC stress. Sending hugs x

So sorry to hear more of you have had MC confirmed! I also had mine confirmed today at EPU, I had them turn the screen off during the scan as I couldn’t face seeing again. My partner viewed the sonographer’s screen and got a little teary. Was given my options and everyone was so lovely and compassionate, couldn’t fault them.

I’m swaying towards surgery and my partner said he thinks it’s the kindest approach and possibly least traumatic(?), I just need to way up the risks they outlined. As this was our first pregnancy we so desperately want to try again as soon as possible, I want to make the right choice to ensure there’s minimal future risk to getting pregnant or MC again.

As you all keep saying, this is literally the worst club I’ve ever found myself in! Had a very emotional weekend but since yesterday I’ve been okay, been taking advantage of the nice weather and getting out with my dog as can’t cope with sitting in the house.

I’m sorry you are struggling today @JellyBean123456 it really does help talking to people who have been through similar. I find it therapeutic writing on here.

I put a dress on today when getting ready for work, and had to change as I had a very obvious round stomach! Really trying to eat healthy & exercise so that I feel better in myself and so I can fit into my clothes & feel like me again.
Sending hugs back to you x

So sorry @DogMom62 seeing the screen is horrible isn’t it, I also asked them to turn the screen round. I had surgery last week & it was definitely less traumatic than the medication I took less time. Went to sleep & woke up & it was done. Very minimal pain & just a bit of spotting since.
Whatever you decide will be the right decision for you

@Sherw00d so very sorry to hear that this has happened to you. It sounds very distressing.

like others have said I have felt more detached with the second MMC and I have had occasional bouts of grief here and there. I’m very angry and stressed about work which is probably displaced emotion, I guess. We have likely decided not to pursue TTC any more, we are very grateful for the 10 year old that we have, and so I have treated myself to a few new clothes and other bits. I also put on a few kgs and resent that I have felt dreadful with nausea/fatigue etc for the best part of 2024 and winter 2023 with nothing to show for it. I have done at least my time!.

Sometimes I hear on forums that you don’t get symptoms with a MMC well that hasn’t been my experience at all! In fact I still have some digestive symptoms over a week after the surgery and am just hoping they are due to the anaesthetic (or more likely, the antibiotic tablet) rather than retained products.

Another hand in the bucket for being pissed off at being back to square one, and spending months in the shitty first trimester and never progressing.

Still waiting for my negative test nearly 3 weeks after bleeding started, was faint in the week but it’s taking its time.. pissed off that I’m waiting for the negative when it’s actually the last thing I want to be waiting or hoping for!

Angry at everyone and can’t even look at anyone with a bump.

my surgery has been moved from the morning until 4pm.

I still have horrendous morning sickness and throw up if I can’t eat so nil by mouth all day will be fun!

Oh @Overthinking888 thats so crap! Yeah I struggle with fasting at the best of times but during pregnancy it is totally grim.

I’ve just received a photo from an old friend of his heavily pregnant wife by way of announcement…. Of course I’m happy for them just also very sad for us.

That’s really tough, I’m sorry. Two of my friends have had babies this week (they don’t know about my situation).

I can deal with all of this if there was some sort of guarantee that this will be worth it and work out!

I’ve been pregnant all year and nothing to show for it!

@HerbaceousPerennial Thank you and I'm so sorry you're going through this too. I also had a scan at 7 weeks and saw a heartbeat and a baby with no issues - it feels all the worse having seen that tangible proof that at one point they were okay, doesn't it? I'm definitely cycling between numbness and sudden intense grief. I started crocheting a baby blanket when I found out I was pregnant as a way of feeling close to the baby because I was struggling to be optimistic after my last MMC. I finished the blanket this evening (I wanted to finish it while my baby was still inside me) and as soon as I snipped the last threat I collapsed into floods of tears. This was meant to be the blanket I wrapped the baby in, but that will never happen now. Pregnant for 8.5 of the last 10 months with no fully grown baby to show for it is absolutely awful, I'm so sorry. I was cross enough at 6 months! I was meant to finish up at work for my first miscarried baby at the end of April and I've found myself being incredibly grumpy about being at work since then!

@Figtree11 I'm so sorry you're in the middle of this too. It feels like such a slap in the face when you find out at 12 weeks: just as you start to feel a bit safer after a previous loss. I'm definitely feeling much lower tonight, knowing that this time tomorrow my baby will no longer be inside me. Last time I felt better after the surgery (a sense of closure, I suppose), and I'm hoping the same will happen this time. Feel free to message me if you want to chat - it's always good to have people to vent to who truly get it.

@JellyBean123456 Thank you, and I'm really sorry you're here too! It's so sad to see that so many of us have had several miscarriages, but it definitely makes me feel a bit less alone.

It is indeed slapped cheek. The rash was a bright red, blotchy rash on my face, upper arms and lower legs. There was a bit on my upper legs, lower arms and stomach too, but it was less severe. I have a few photos and I'm happy to share them via a message if you like? It may not be parvovirus, but the rash matches up with the photos online and I had cold-like symptoms a few days before, plus my husband works in a nursery. For what it's worth, most pregnant women who get it don't actually pass it on to their babies.

That's bad timing with your partner starting a new job! Isn't it strange how life just goes on even while you're dealing with such a huge personal loss? It feels like everything else should pause for a bit, but it doesn't.

@DogMom62 I'm so sorry for your loss. There really is nothing quite like the devastation of having a loss confirmed during a scan. I'm happy to share my experience of surgical management in a message if you'd like. I had to have two surgeries for my MMC last October and am having another surgery for my current MMC tomorrow. I had retained products after my first surgery which wasn't ideal, but I found the surgeries far less traumatic than I expected and felt very well cared for. I didn't hesitate to choose that option again this time. I also had no trouble conceiving again (I conceived the first month trying after my period came back).

@CurlyWurly1991 I'm so sorry you've been through this more than once as well. I'm cycling through numbness and sudden bursts of emotion, which are also largely directed as anger at work! I've been very cross with my manager this week (mainly because he had me working until 8pm on the evening of the day the problems were found at my 12 week scan) but it's not really about my job.

Congratulations on your 10 year old. We're also in two minds as to whether we'd give it one more try. We have an incredible 6 year old daughter who is the light of our lives, and we don't want to end up directing too much of our attention to TTC when she's perfect and right here with us. As a bare minimum we'll give it a few months to reassess, during which I'll be working on my own health because the last 6 months have really taken their toll on me.

I also had lots of symptoms after my first MMC - and after the first surgery, though admittedly I did have retained products which required a second op. This time I still feel just as pregnant as before: sore boobs, back pain, nausea, food aversions... it really messes with your head.

@Sherw00d I am so sorry you are back here. There aren't words really. I hope your surgery goes well today and will be thinking of you ❤️ do you know how long the genetic testing will take?

@HerbaceousPerennial I think anger is a perfectly rational emotion to be feeling. It's all just so bloody unfair and I feel so cross that we have to go through all this shit when it all happens so easily for others. I know jealousy isn't a nice trait, but in this scenario, I can't help it!

@JellyBean123456 that is tough timing with your OHs new job. I hope it's going okay. I've put on weight through this so can empathise with the 'thickening out' frustrations. That and the sickness and the tiredness was all such wasted energy. So frustrating.

@DogMom62 I am sorry yours have been confirmed too. I have opted for surgery and am booked in for Friday. I understand there is no difference in outcomes/risks with any of the procedures so it really is your choice. I would have opted for medical management but with all the delays to getting management started I want whatever's quickest, which seems to be surgery. I'm glad you had a nice walk. We have dogs too. They have been my salvation through the last 7 years of this, I don't know what I'd have done without them ❤️

@H20202 why are there always so many bumps around at times like this?! I swear they multiply on purpose. I feel the same. I try to turn away and ignore them 😥 does the time for a negative test vary a lot? My symptoms have pretty much all gone now so my hormones must be dropping.

@Overthinking888 im sorry your surgery has been moved. That's so frustrating and a long day to wait. Is it today?

@CurlyWurly1991 I'm sorry you've reached that decision but hope you can in time make peace with it. Great plan to treat yourself. Could you afford a nice holiday with DD at some point? I am thinking we might look at that later in the year. Time away sounds really good right now. Pregnancy announcements are so hard aren't they. Most of our friends are having second children at the moment so we seem to have a lot of them. It's really rough.

I managed to have quite a nice day in the sun yesterday, pottering in the garden and taking the dogs out. Pre op appt today and scan then surgery first thing tomorrow. I wrote a letter to the hospital to complain about their protocol to not accept any private scans and the lead consultant called me yesterday. I asked her to call me back next week but am glad they have responded. I wasn't complaining about anyone in particular, just how unfair it is to have a rigidly applied protocol with no exceptions. Will be interesting to see what they say.

Re the TTC conversations, I'm also not sure what to do. We had our daughter via IVF, did 3 rounds last year for a second which all failed, and this was my first natural conception in over 6 years. Totally unexpected and has really thrown me. We'd decided to stop IVF before this and I was adjusting to DD being an only - I'd made good progress with that and had started to almost feel happy with the decision. Then this happened and frankly it's totally screwed up my thinking. Going on contraception seems bonkers after all we've been through but equally I don't how much more of my life I want to give over to TTC. Will see how I feel over the next few weeks I think.

@SErunner I’m glad you had a day in the sun yesterday and your dogs provide some comfort through it all. You have had such a long and hard journey, it really is totally unfair. It must have been very confusing to have the natural conception unexpectedly after being on your way to closing the chapter on having a second child. I think it can just feel like it comes from
nowhere sometimes.

@Sherw00d aw 6 is such a lovely age ❤️ I find myself now wanting to cling on to DD’s childhood years which are rapidly passing with the onset of the tween years. Our journey to TTC was probably influenced by feeling the loss of her younger years as it really does pass so very quickly. for years I had firmly decided we weren’t having another (mainly for work/financial/housing reasons) then a switch seemed to flip a year ago (aka hormones) and it all became all consuming. It does feel like a fork in the road and I feel like I walked down that new path with hope and excitement and now it’s a dead end and we’re retracing our steps back to another path.

In my anger I find myself turning it inward and feeling fury at myself for losing two babies. Humans have this tendency to rationalise what is just simply unfair and bad luck by placing blame - I hear this from others when they ask me ‘but why two miscarriages, what’s the cause, will the nhs investigate?’ and another part of me knows from previous experience with other losses of loved ones, that life can simply be unfair at times. Bodies are unpredictable and it is nothing we did or didn’t do. Some things are outside of our control.

Hello, just want to ask a question sorry for the TMI but I’ve done another test and it is now negative no faint line. I’m not bleeding but when I wipe first thing in the morning there is a very small amount of brown discharge (I wouldn’t call it blood) do I have to wait for this to stop before I can TTC again?

@Overthinking888 I really feel for you, morning sickness is bad enough at the best of times, and this is one of the most shit times. Maybe ask them for a decent anti-emetic to take beforehand, sickness and anaesthesia don’t mix so they might give you something on that basis alone.

@CurlyWurly1991 @SErunner @Sherw00d it’s really interesting for me to read about the discussions you’re having re TTC, although we will be trying again I am trying to plan for a life where we don’t get our longed-for second child and process what that might look like. For my own mental health I need to be open to that I think - it’s starting to feel like a real possibility. Thank you for being so open. I do know how lucky I am to have my son, I feel like all this has made me treasure him all the more

@CurlyWurly1991 you’re so right about life not being fair. I do feel other people’s reactions aren’t always helpful - like you folk are asking what tests I’ll be having, what are the doctors doing… it’s possibly related to my PCOS but at the end of the day it might just be bad luck. There isn’t necessarily a fixable problem unfortunately

@Sherw00d your blanket sounds amazing, I wish I could do something like that! A close friend of mine is having her baby tomorrow, my first miscarriage our due dates were three weeks apart, so I empathise completely. I’m feeling so sad she will have her baby and I’m having my second miscarriage. It is hard. For me I actually took some weird comfort in having my baby with me for a bit before I miscarried, said goodbye and felt glad I was hopeful and happy about the second pregnancy. We did everything we could. Sending a big hand hold.

@Figtree11 I was too nervous to buy any maternity clothes anyway so I had already bought a couple of floaty dresses which are covering my pot belly quite well! I’ve been comfort eating too which isn’t helping things but I tell myself I don’t care and I’ll sort it soon. DH is kindly telling me I look beautiful so I’m trying to just believe him. Our bodies have been through a lot, they’ll recover. Hope you are doing ok today.

@Nicole90134 I’m not sure! Brown is old blood at least. I think I’m going to leave things for a fortnight, my bleeding has more or less stopped but I’m a bit paranoid about infection. Hopefully someone else will know!

Thanks that’s what I’m worried about too. They did give me some antibiotics just incase which I have taken. I’ll give it some more time, I’m tracking ovulation and haven’t ovulated yet anyway x

@HerbaceousPerennial same here, I didn’t buy any new/maternity clothes in case I jinxed it. Fat lot of good that did me!
I feel like my pot belly is a reminder of what I no longer have.

I’m doing alright thanks - trying hard to keep the thoughts at bay, and just try push them out as soon as they come in.

A colleague at work is due her baby soon, the same week my first would have been due. I could feel myself getting the rage today when she was moaning about wanting pregnancy to be over now, and how her back hurts etc. I know I’m being irrational but I can’t help it

@Sherw00d thank you for your kind message. I really thought when I went to the scan, that even though I was nervous, that it would be ok. I really hope you are doing as well as can be today & that surgery went ok x

@Figtree11 I was the same about my most recent scan. So very nervous but I believed it would all be ok as I still had symptoms etc. I started crying when I got on the bed… When the sonographer put her hand on my arm and said she was sorry it was like something snapped inside me. I just thought I am totally done with this now, it’s an ending.
My friend that has just let me know they are expecting has his wife due in August… my first miscarried baby was due on the 26th. Don’t think I’ll ever forget those due dates.

@CurlyWurly1991

I’m sorry that you experienced the same. I sometimes replay being in there in my head without even meaning to & have to try hard to push it away.
It is so so hard hearing about other peoples pregnancies. It must have been so difficult hearing that today. I heard about another one at work last week, and another today. And yet I’m there with this inner turmoil that only a few people know about

For anyone that had surgery, how long did your bleeding/spotting last? It’s a week since mine, and I’ve been spotting since. Some days hardly any, today a little bit more. Only been using a liner & not a pad as there’s not enough for a pad.
Dreading when 3wks is up & I do a test, as it took me 5wks to get a negative test last time

@Figtree11
I spotted / bled for at least 2 weeks last surgery with a little break in the middle. This time I just spotted lightly for about 12h and haven’t had really anything since. I think it can vary a lot.
I feel like my period is coming soon though, it would seem very soon as it’s about 10 days since surgery but I did feel like I felt and saw signs of ovulation quite soon after surgery.