Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 9 ALL welcome

[Nic2908]

New thread before we all lose eachother xx

@MarchAprilDecember so sorry you're going through this too. When I was pregnant with my now 2 year old I experienced this. He was an empty sac at 5 weeks and I was bleeding. Went back at 7 weeks and there he was with a heartbeat! So it can happen.
But I've also experienced the opposite and had a miscarriage.

My midwife told me to test after my bleeding had stopped with the miscarriage. But hcg can remain in your system for a few weeks so it may be positive even if you've miscarried. Mine took about 10 days after the bleeding had stopped to go negative.

Hopefully you will have the same experience as me with my little boy. Sending love

Hello Ladies,

Firstly I’m so sorry for everyone’s losses, it’s so awful that we have to go through this.

This was my first pregnancy, I’m 26, and I found out Friday evening at a private scan that baby was only measuring at 6 + 6 (I was supposed to be 9 weeks) and had no heartbeat. It was the most awful experience, the bedside manner was none existent and they lost the condom inside me from the internal scan!!

All I was told was it’s likely an MMC and to call my Doctor and then I was sent home. Being Bank Holiday weekend I have no medical professional to speak to, can’t contact my Doctor, Midwife or local EPU. I’ve sat and cried for the last 2 days, I know I can cope with the emotional side and grieve with my partner and family but I am beyond petrified of my options for miscarriage! I’ve read some awful stories online about medical management and the risks of infertility for D&C. I’m so torn and so upset, I haven’t had a speck of bleeding/spotting or any cramping. This is a first time experience for my partner and I, we’re both clueless and I’m so scared of it happening naturally between now and seeing someone.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you Ladies.

@DogMom62 I’m so sorry to hear this. With my first MC it was diagnosed at a private place & it has fully put me off going private again. I found them so unhelpful, and then had to wait 4 days til I could get to the EPU. What an awful experience you had there!

It’s so much easier said than done, but try not to worry too much about your options. I’ve had both medical & surgical management, and the EPU gave me lots of info on both so you can make an informed choice. If you do decide on surgical, please know that the doctors carry out the surgery so so often, and when they went through the risks, the odds of any issues are really small.

I really hope you get seen soon this week from the EPU. If you’ve had no spotting etc, then I don’t think you need to worry yet about it happening naturally between now & being seen. It really is a dark time going through a MC, keep talking & reach out as I have found it helpful talking to others about how I am feeling

@Figtree11 Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I know a lot of people who have had MC but only one friend of mine has been open about her experience with MMC so I’m struggling to connect with people who have been through the same. I’m hoping to get that side of support through this forum, I’m an open book myself so will share my experience throughout if it will help just one other person.

If you don’t mind me asking, how did you find medical management vs surgery? Don’t feel obliged to answer if it’s too sensitive x

@DogMom62 i too didn’t know many people who have experienced the same, but after connecting with people on here it’s really helped. I’ve also been open with people in real life, and have found by sharing what I’ve gone through, so many more people have gone through similar.

With medical, I had already started spotting, and I guess in a way I was a lucky one as I passed the pregnancy in one day. But the pain was horrific. The EPU didn’t quite make it clear how bad the pain is. Plus side was that I was at home, didn’t bleed too badly, and it was done by late afternoon after taking the tablets at 8am.

Surgical, only downside really was that I was waiting in hospital all day, and it got cancelled & so had to go back the next day. But the procedure was really straight forward & I was put to sleep so didn’t know what was going on. I’ve had hardly any bleeding since & not much pain bar the odd cramping.
I think if I’m unfortunate for it to happen a third time, I’d opt for surgical again

@JellyBean123456 how are you doing today?

@MarchAprilDecember I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My last MMC was an anembryonic pregnancy i.e. when they looked the sac etc were there and measuring 9 weeks, but no baby, and I think my body struggled to recognise that something had gone wrong. As a result I did have on/off bleeding until my medical management at 13 weeks so it can happen without progressing.

@DogMom62 I’m sorry for your loss. My last MMC I had medical management. It was very painful but for me personally it wasn’t anywhere near as bad as I was expecting - I think there is a wide range of experiences and I was expecting it to be horrendous, which it can be. There was a lot of blood, but that lasted a fairly short amount of time so I wasn’t worried, although I was scared. I actually felt really elated afterwards, sad but sort of powerful and proud. The downside for me really was that I had retained product which dragged my miscarriage out for weeks. That was hard, but in some ways having to go back regularly to the hospital was a comfort, because I didn’t feel emotionally over the miscarriage and seeing the nurses regularly sort of validated that feeling for me - it actually wasn’t over. I know that sounds weird but it helped me process things. Having said all that, I was considering surgical for this miscarriage as I felt it would give me closure faster and I think there are a lot of benefits, but I miscarried naturally whilst waiting, I’ll find out tomorrow if it’s complete or not. It’s a really personal choice as to which feels right for you

@Figtree11 it’s interesting what you say about the private scans - I’ve had two, one with my son (which was obviously fine) and one for this pregnancy. Although baby was fine at that point with a strong heartbeat, I feel a bit sceptical about the scan now. She got us out really fast and our video with the heartbeat was so short that I wonder if she did actually spot something concerning and didn’t want to say. It’s left me a bit paranoid to be honest, I’m probably overthinking it, but the only people I really trust to scan me are my EPU, even though they’ve only ever given me bad news. I feel safe with them and like they’ll be honest and take care of me no matter what. How has your experience with the EPU been?

Sorry everyone, this weekend has been hectic. Thank you for the kind words. I'm really struggling in this limo. Each day feels like an eternity and I don't know how im going to make it to Friday. It's just awful.

@Overthinking888 I'm so sorry for your loss. I am hoping to have surgery on Friday. I think it varies a lot in terms of things starting naturally. It's about 3 weeks since our embryo stopped growing I think, and I don't have any signs of bleeding starting yet.

@Nicole90134 how are you doing?

@CurlyWurly1991 I agree. I think this is protocols gone mad. I appreciate in some scenarios there will be ambiguity and therefore a need to be cautious, but in mine there is none. I have composed a letter to the trust to highlight what I feel is a real failure in care due to their policy.

@HerbaceousPerennial I'm so glad your son is doing well. How are you? If things start naturally I will have a similar issue to @Overthinking888 in that I am unlikely to have someone at home in the daytime. Will need to have a think about this and how to manage surgery on Fri assuming that goes ahead. Thank you for highlighting.

@JellyBean123456 I am so sorry you're going through this again. Devastated for you and it must be incredibly hard looking after your toddler at the same time. I hope you have managed to rest and have some quiet time.

@MarchAprilDecember I don't have any experience of your situation but just to say huge sympathy and I am sorry you're going through this.

@DogMom62 I don't have any advice as this is my first time going through this too, but I am so sorry. I am also in limbo waiting for a scan next week and it is awful. Each day feels like forever and I am really really struggling. I hope you can be seen soon.

@HerbaceousPerennial not great news I'm afraid. Started miscarrying this morning. I won't go into detail in case it's too sensitive or a trigger for anyone but I'm not holding out any hope for this pregnancy any more. We're totally devastated to experience two miscarriages in a row like this and not be having our Christmas baby.

@DogMom62 I'm so very sorry to hear of your experience. I also won't go to a private clinic now after something similar with my last miscarriage. I found out late on a Saturday afternoon in a private scan and she ushered us out onto the street still crying and hadn't even put my two year olds coat back on. Are you able to call the gynae ward at your hospital? Mine was able to book me an appointment with epau for first thing Monday morning when I called them on a Sunday. Hospitals can differ with these things but might be worth a try?

@SErunner thank you for your kind message. I did get some rest yesterday but unfortunately I'm now miscarrying. I'm so sorry to hear you have to wait for another scan, my heart goes out to you as I experienced the exact same with my last miscarriage in February. The nhs just won't accept private scans. I hope they're able to give you the treatment option you prefer on Friday and you can at least have the physical aspect of this over x

It was more the bedside manner I didn’t like about the private place. When I booked online I clicked that I had some bleeding. But when I arrived she was congratulating me on being pregnant which I didn’t want to hear.
And during the scan she was taking ages, and asked me where my nearest hospital was. So I had to say to her, it’s bad news isn’t it. Then she sighed & said yes. She kept the big screen on so we could see her typing about no heartbeat etc.

And in my area you have to get a referral to EPU by the GP, but she was trying to get me to ring up myself, and it was just a mess & traumatic.

I agree I definitely feel safe at the EPU. And it just cuts out having to have more scans that show bad news. And with my latest MC, I had spotting at 7wks & went straight to EPU, where there was a heartbeat & they gave me progesterone. If I’d have gone private I would have seen the heartbeat & then just gone on my way.

I’ve found the EPU really great. Every person has been so kind. And they have seen me each time the day after I have seen my GP to get a referral

@HerbaceousPerennial I'm the same, I'll only go to the EPU moving onwards. @Figtree11 you may now be able to self refer now you've had more than one? My epu said next time I'm pregnant I can have early scans with them, I'll just call up 😊 so worth checking! Hope you're both doing okay xx

That’s interesting, thank you! I know they said they would give early reassurance scans, and having to spend an age to get through to the GP just to get them to make an appointment is a right pain!

I’ve had a bit of an up & down day today. So I’m on the Tui website now looking at holidays to cheer myself up 😂 I hope you are ok too x

@JellyBean123456 I’m so sorry, it is devastating. Please don’t worry about saying whatever you need to to get you through, that’s what we’re here for. Your private scan sounds absolutely awful, I’m sorry you had to go through that. Hope you’re taking good care of yourself.

@Figtree11 @ThelastRolo20 my EPU you can self refer thank goodness, they generally see you the same day but weekends are a bit trickier. But they’re always on the end of the phone and they’re always fantastic. I can’t imagine trying to get through a GP first, seems like a very unnecessary step and extra stress. They don’t do reassurance scans though, although I’m going to ask at my appointment to make sure. I’ll cross that bridge if/when I get to it though I think!

@SErunner I’m doing ok thanks, bleeding is fairly light now so I’m keeping everything crossed things are coming to an end with no retained products. Feel like I’m coping a little better than last time but still early days. I hope your surgery goes ahead on Friday and this week isn’t too difficult. Are you planning on taking it off or working to keep yourself distracted? How are you feeling?

That’s awful!

I do think they can see (sometimes) things that predict miscarriage. I don’t live in the UK and I had scans at 6,7 and 8 weeks. At the 7 week scan, there was a heartbeat but my OB pretty much said this won’t work out - come back next week.

Given I’m still having sickness and no bleeding, at home I’d be merrily thinking all was well.

I wish there was like an 8 week scan or something with the NHS I think being prepared minimised the shock and upset for me.

Agreed, 12wks is way too long to wait. My 12wk scan was actually at 11+4, so if it was between 12-14wks like some usually are, I’d still be going about my business for the next couple of weeks thinking I’m still pregnant, as my body wasn’t showing any signs that anything was wrong

Thanks so much. I was hoping that I’d go back on Wednesday and see a baby but I can’t imagine it with all the bleeding! And I just don’t feel pregnant. I think I ovulated today?! Had Pains in my right side so took an ovulation test and it was positive. Also bucked up the courage and did a pregnancy test which was very faint (4 days after bleeding has stopped). I just hope I don’t have to go through any more bleeding if it’s hasn’t all come away. So sorry you went on to have a miscarriage after your little boy. It is the hardest thing X

I think this is why I went for an early private scan- the wait is just too long!

@MarchAprilDecember do you have a scan on Wednesday? Mine is Thursday. I've also been bleeding so much I can't imagine seeing a baby at the scan. It's so hard isn't it, being in limbo in between scans.
This morning I thought I was miscarrying but as of late afternoon/evening it's all calmed down to just spotting. I'm trying to take each day at a time but like you I'm prepared for the worst. Sending love

Very sorry to hear about others having poor experiences at private scans.
We found out about our first MMC at a private place and it was very traumatic … the sonographer didn’t handle it well and we didn’t know where to go next etc. That was between Xmas and NY and it took an age to be referred to the EPU by the GP over bank holidays etc.
With the recent, subsequent pregnancy I vowed no private scans but by 9 weeks was getting nervy. I almost booked an expensive one after chatting with the MW at my booking appt and she said only consider one with a consultant at a private hospital who also works for nhs.
In any case I was lucky to get the referral to EPU, only got it because I was having severe one sided pain that I knew was PGP but my midwife encouraged me to say was accompanied by spotting (it wasn’t!) but that got me an EPU scan where I just happened to find the baby had stopped developing a few days prior.
I still would avoid private scans if I’m ever pregnant again (highly unlikely as we are closing this chapter now).
Of course many women think they’re great and they can be unless something is wrong. In which case you need a medical facility not this sort of entertainment centre which is geared towards cute pictures and gender reveals rather than medical care and support when you are at your most vulnerable.

@CurlyWurly1991 the last paragraph you wrote about private places really hits the nail on the head for me

Yes on Wednesday. I stopped bleeding on Wednesday just gone but had a positive ovulation test and a faintest faint pregnancy test as of last night. I am so torn whether to try again. It would be a 5 year age gap between my youngest and a baby. Am I being selfish by wanting another ? I just loved pregnancy.

Good luck with your scan on Thursday. I have seen some hopeful stories on here but each case is just so individual! The wait is the worst part but every morning I think “only 3 more sleeps till I know.” I think the possibility of being in this emotional pain again is what puts me off trying again.

Of course you're not selfish for wanting another baby! I have two older children from my previous marriage, they're 9 and 13. The relationship they have with my 2 year old is just wonderful. Our longing for another baby is so the youngest has a sibling his own age.
I think the longing for another child is the same whether you want a second or a tenth child. It's a very personal thing how large or small we want our families to be.

With the scan, I'm feeling very fed up about waiting so long. They said I'll get progesterone at 6 weeks but then booked me in for 7 weeks and I've started bleeding in the meantime. I lost nothing overnight and now it's very light/spotting. But at times it can be heavy. Really don't know if I'm still pregnant or not x

That last reply was for @MarchAprilDecember

@MarchAprilDecember definitely not selfish. I too love pregnancy - not the crap nauseous bits but the whole growing a baby bit, all that possibility and hope - and I think one of the many bits I struggle with after miscarriage is feeling like I’ve been chucked out of this gang that I desperately love being a part of. That probably is selfish of me! But I think that’s ok. I’m also coming round to the idea that there’s no such thing as the right age gap and trying to adjust my outlook on that. Having said that, DH and I have been discussing how long we will keep trying for - not ready to give up yet but some other considerations starting to come into play, not least my age unfortunately.

@JellyBean123456 your comment about longing got me thinking, I think it’s very well put. Thank you. I’m really hoping things work out for you and roll on Thursday.

I had my scan today - confirmed that the miscarriage is complete which I’m pleased about as my last one was very lengthy and difficult. Fingers crossed I can get back to TTC soon.