Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 9 ALL welcome

[Nic2908]

New thread before we all lose eachother xx

@californiacooper sending you lots of luck for today. I hope you don’t find yourself needing to come back to this thread again x

@californiacooper sorry to hear this and hoping it's not a bad outcome for you. Are you getting pain or cramping? I had a natural miscarriage in between scans and although it wasn't pleasant, it was bearable and my body got me through it. I had worse cramps after my MVA this time round.

Hi guys, update- they said it's currently a PUL as there's a gestation sac but it's irregular and doesn't have the right contents, did a blood test today and repeating it in 48 hours. But I think it's just dragging out what everyone already knows for some reason.
I've got next week off work and really wanted to go on holiday somewhere sunny but it looks like I'll be having surgery instead or staying at home managing it if it starts

@californiacooper really sorry you’re going through this 💔
I know it may seem not important at the moment but if I was you, I’d recall my holidays and take any time needed as sick. You work hard for your holidays and you may need a few weeks off as it is to rest and recover.
take care of yourself, big hugs x

Oh to be employed!!!
I am a dentist, the practice is mine. I've got the time off because one of the nurses is off so I don't have to get an agency nurse if one of the dentists also doesn't work. I don't get holidays or sick pay.
I went to work the day after my surgery in march. I only had patients in the morning so it was manageable. I think I did actually go home after to sleep rather than staying to do admin though so that's something :)
I worked today up until I had to go for my scan and went back after as I only cancelled a bit around lunchtime. I did have a small nap on my chair though and the staff are being kind :)

I’m sorry @californiacooper the waiting must be torturous

i was just trying to be helpful as not everyone knows this about annual leave and sick leave.

I imagine given you’re a dentist with you’re own practice it’s swings and roundabouts..

I’m glad it’s been ok for you so far. I had medical management, both times and it was excruciating. I couldn’t stand up let alone go to work. If anything warranted sick leave for me, it was this.

@H20202 I'm not sure when the swings are really I mainly seem to be working every hour that I'm awake to try and keep things going but that's a different story I guess. And it's really hard when yes, in any other situation I would absolutely love to just not be there. It definitely hurt and I was exhausted but I had no option.
The last one was MMC so was just managing surgery and recovery, I'm a bjt worried about the bleeding with this one. I've packed a spare clothes/pads/wipes/towel etc in my locker in case of an emergency. It's ok at the minute but I work about a 45 min drive from home so fingers crossed eh... 🫥

@CxCxTtc2024 this is supportive thread so let’s not derail with who has it worse.

@H20202 was clearly trying to be kind and supportive and assumed there were swings / upsides as you decided to open your own practice.

Miscarriage is awful for anyone.

@Overthinking888 thank you xx

Hi, just wanted to get something off my chest as I am quite annoyed. I had a telephone appointment with my GP (not my usual) today in regards to my anxiety around getting pregnant again and potentially having a 3rd miscarriage and what support they could offer me. She told me there was nothing they could offer me & that they wouldnt refer me to recurrent miscarriage clinic. It turned into a salty conversation as she said she didn’t like the way I was speaking to her when I asked if she was basically telling me to go away and have a third miscarriage and at this point was not advocating for me which is the answer I replied with. She said she would find out and ring back. Instead of calling back she sent me a message on the GP surgery online site saying shes checked with a ‘collegue’ and all the best in my future pregnancies?? I am really angry & upset as I’ve asked from support from this doctor and she has offered me absolutely NOTHING. No counselling nothing! Its a good job I advocated for myself at EPU on my second miscarriage & have been referred to recurrent miscarriage clinic as if I hadn’t I would be sitting here absolutely heartbroken. I am really upset for all the women this happens to who get told they dont know anything by GP’s and are offered no support. From my research, after 2 miscarriages GP’s should be offering support to patients whether thats running blood tests or offering counselling. I can not believe there are GP’s like this with no compassion or empathy.

So sorry @Pinkieblue24 that sounds awful. Have the EPU got any support they can offer? On my discharge letter there was a phone number to call if I needed to support. I rang it yesterday & left a message and a counsellor called me back today and said I can have 8 sessions. She is a specialised gynaecology counsellor. I too have had 2 MC and the EPU pushed for me to referred to the recurrent MC so my GP sent a referral.

So sorry you had such a bad experience through the GP.

@Figtree11 from what I know i dont think I have a number. I will have a look on the leaflets I received.

The EPU were really nice and referred me on to the recurrent miscarriage clinic. They did say I should hear back in 6 weeks and if i hadnt to give them a call directly so I did. The clinic said they have received my referral and they will send me a letter shortly but looking to give me a telephone appointment in August which isnt too bad. i feel theres lack of support when it comes to womens health/fertility and some health care professionals have no understanding or compassion. Im not going to let this experience get to me.

thank you for allowing the opportunity to always come on here and vent, share and find comfort in this community as MCs are something we all have experienced in some way, shape or form.

Hi all

So sorry that we are going through this.

I had a confirmed MMC today. This was my first pregnancy with my miracle baby after 2+ years TTC. I was under my local fertility unit, but the treatment wasn't working. I miracously fell pregnant naturally and I told my OH the day we got the keys for our first home.

We had a scan 5 days ago and everything was perfect. Saw our little baby for the first time and a nice strong heart beat. Went for a routine 8 week scan with the fertility clinic yesterday and the consultant couldn't see a heartbeat.

Went back to the EPU today and had everything confirmed. Just can't believe I have went from being on cloud 9 five little days ago, to my whole world crashing around me.

I was too upset to make a decision on treatment, so they have given me a week to decide.

Honestly my heart feels so sad and I don't know if I will ever get over this.

I feel guilty as I've lied to my mam about the outcome of the scan. She's just went on holiday and we've had a tough couple of years, so I really didn't want to spoil her holiday. She would want to come home and there's not much really she can too.

I have the full backing of my OH and his family, but I'm so close to my mam. I literally cried like a baby for my mam ❤️💔

@Pinkieblue24 that’s good that you should phone appt in August. I’ve had an appt through for mine & it’s not til November!

I agree about women’s health - I can get private health insurance through work & my manager said nothing to do with women’s health such as fertility or menopause is covered by private health.

I hope that maybe the EPU is able to signpost you for counselling. I have heard back so quickly from mine. My last MC was almost 2 months ago but have been struggling recently & wanted to try and prepare myself a bit more mentally if it were to happen a third time

@CJHR18 im so sorry you find yourself here. It is absolutely heartbreaking. Being in the scan room & being told bad news is forever ingrained in my mind. Please keep reaching out & talking as I find it does help. And if you need any practical advice either.
There’s nothing I can say that will make you feel better, but know you aren’t alone xx

@Pinkieblue24 my gp was also terrible. When I first contacted them as I was bleeding and in pain at 5+w they told me to Google the number for my hospital. it was ectopic and they couldn’t even give me the number or advice I needed to present at A&E!

after the ectopic I asked for support with my fertility as previous to this we hadn’t had a pregnancy and it had been 18m and I was 37.

he was honestly awful, told me because I’d been pregnant recently I wouldn’t be eligible for any fertility support / despite it being a life threatening one off non viable pregnancy!!

I had to explicitly state I wanted the referral regardless and if they rejected it fine, I also had to explicitly state I wanted inital blood tests. He finally gave in and when I went for my appointment 6 months later the hospital said I was definitely eligible and they could tell from the drs referral they were being difficult and obstructive!

im sorry you’re going through this, it’s just the last thing you need to have to fight for help and support when you’ve already been through so much. GPs have no clue about fertility - the blood testing they did wasn’t even specific to where I was in my cycle so it was all pointless in the end and had to be redone by the hospital.

I know you may not be up to it but I’d escalate, complain and cite the NICE guidelines and any local eligibility and demand your referral xx

@Figtree11 do share how your counselling sessions go as I would love to know if they are helping. I find it really difficult to share my feelings with family/friends and easier when its a stranger. Hopefully you are able to find some comfort/support. I am also trying to find ways of coping and prepare mentally if it was to happen a third time. Do you find the thought of getting pregnant is anxiety inducing? It brings me to tears as I feel like i will just worry and be petrified the whole pregnancy & daren’t breathe incase something goes wrong!

@CJHR18 im so sorry for your loss. It is truly a devastating & heartbreaking time and no one deserves to go through it.

i also had a MMC last month (2nd MC) & then waited a around 9 days before everything passed naturally. The wait made me angry at my body for that duration as it still thought & felt pregnant but baby had passed. I didnt opt for medical intervention for personal reasons however it may have been an option if at some point i felt it was dragging on or taking too long. I really can relate to your feelings and it is truly an emotionally draining time.

please dont feel guilty for not sharing with ur mum. It is a very selfless and considerate thing to do despite the pain you are feeling. Please do reach out to family for support in this difficult time although it is a very lonely time please know there are loads of us on here who have or have had similar experiences. Sending you lots of love and hugs through this difficult time🩷

@CJHR18 I’m so so so sorry, this is truly heartbreaking. Don’t feel guilty about not telling your mum, it came from a place of real selflessness. I hope you can get lots of support and what you need from your OH until your mum is back.
i had a scan at 6 weeks after ectopic last year and everything in right place with strong heartbeat, 2 weeks later I was told baby had no heartbeat and no growth since that 6 week scan so must have been that day or a few later. It’s honestly soul destroying. sending you big hugs xxx

Thank you so much everyone. I am really greatful for your kindness 🤍

@H20202 im so sorry to hear your experience. I cannot comprehend the lack of empathy and compassion some health professionals have when it comes to womens health/fertility. Im unsure if its lack of knowledge/training or if they just can not be bothered. I am sorry your GP was being obstructive and EPU couldnt even give you a contact number. The whole point of approaching them is for support. This particular doctor was just awful & when I asked what support she could offer she said ‘nothing until you’ve had 3 MC’s’ and when i challenged her on it she continued to tell me i can only be referred once I’ve had 3 in a patronising tone. How messed up is that?

I also had bloods taken in feb (before I got pregnant and miscarried for the second time) and everything was fine except I had low vitamin D which I have been taking vitamins for since. I advocated for blood testing from my original doctor at the time and the blood testing were also not specific to my cycle when I questioned it they didnt have the answers. They did give me an internal ultrasound examination & said everything looks fine and healthy so no chance I could have PCOS or anything like that.

The point of speaking to the GP today was my concerns in getting pregnant again before I have my appointment with the miscarriage clinic (currently on waiting list as I advocated and demanded to be referred by EPU as this is the reason I dont rely on one person and feared my GP wouldnt help - low and behold I was right) and what support the GP could offer i.e. medication- progesterone, scans, check up, referral to get me in sooner with MC clinic? I like to ask everything as if you dont ask you dont get right?

at this point, me and my husband have started trying again, we are waiting for our appointment with the miscarriage clinic and if we get pregnant again I will probably call EPU/MC clinic and ask what support they can offer. Really hoping once I am with the MC clinic they wont let me down & support me through future pregnancies as I dont know how I will cope if i was to have a 3rd MC or more.

How was your blood testing with the hospital and what has your journey been like? Are you receiving any support? X

@Overthinking888 that was not my intention at all. I am upset that anyone would even think that. My apologies, it's been a very emotional week and perhaps I came across wrong. I haven't got anyone really to share my stress and concerns with (as at work I have to put on a brave face and pretend everything is okay). I'm now sitting in the toilet bleeding and crying and read this so I'm sorry if I made anyone feel bad.
I'm sorry we're all going through this. It really is shit

I haven't had time to read everyone else's posts yet as I normally look on MN in the evening so apologies if my last message was also insensitive and not addressing peoples situations.
Feel thoroughly awful

@californiacooper so sorry to hear this. It's awful when it drags on. Look after yourself x

@Pinkieblue24 that sounds terrible! I had a similar conversation but my GP was empathetic about not being able to do much (could only run more standard blood tests). I find it so strange that in the EU/US they class recurrent miscarriage as two, but here it's three. That's great your EPU have referred you - mine said there's nothing they can do until 3 miscarriages and any referral needs to go via GP. Was there a particular reason they referred you?

@Figtree11 sounds like your EPU is set up well with mental health support. I've had to chase my GP for referral for specialist support and think they can only refer me 6 weeks after the loss!

@CJHR18 so sorry for your loss. Very similar happened to me for my second miscarriage. Was fine at 7 weeks with good heartbeat but stopped at 8 weeks. Just makes no sense at all and is so cruel. Your mum will be there to suppprt you when you feel you can tell her. I didn't tell my family for almost a year but as soon as I did they understood and supported me.

@CJHR18 I'm so sorry for your loss. Very similar to my first pregnancy, we were TTC for around 2.5 years, had a good scan at around 8 weeks, then when I went for another scan at 11 weeks there was no heartbeat and baby had died around 9 weeks. It is utterly devastating, especially after having waited to long to get pregnant. Sending you the biggest hugs xxx

@Pinkieblue24 - def worth looking up what the criteria is for support in your area. Some are 2, others are 3. Also if you’re over 35 that makes a difference. My area is 3 losses but as I was over 35 and had 2, they let me access the clinic. I do think practitioner discretion also comes into it. The hospital were great once I got into them..
also the women’s hospital let me refer to them myself - without my gp as I was under their EPAU.

if you haven’t already, try reading it starts with the egg - so much helpful info on diet, food, emilinating toxins To help with egg quality! I wish I’d read it last year after my first loss.

I’m doing my bloods this week and my partners done his sample last week… getting nowhere fast but at least the ball is rolling… part of me still thinking ‘maybe it’s bad luck’ and it’ll be ok next time - the other half thinks it’s going to be a long journey and a continued fight and struggle for a baby.

my initial gp bloods were fine but getting them redone so they can check hormones on day 2 and 12.
I’m also having a hycosy procedure to look at my tubes due to the ectopic last year.

its all very early stages but im happy with what the clinic are offering so far and glad to be under them and not alone with it all.

what’s your next steps.. waiting for your telephone consult?

we’re also continuing TTC as tbh it’s taken so long for my last pregnancy I don’t think I’d be fortunate enough to get pregnant immediately so I’m just keeping going. Whilst the nurse said we’d rather you didn’t so we can see your test results first, she said I appreciate you don’t feel you have time to waste so crack on. If I did get pregnant they said they’d just get me in asap to check my results and make a plan anyway.

hope you’re doing ok? It’s such a stressful process and so hard to see people getting pregnant with no issues or worries. X