Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 9 ALL welcome

[Nic2908]

New thread before we all lose eachother xx

Currently going through my third missed miscarriage, surgery Friday - the nurse in EPU wanted to make sure I got surgery before I bleed on my own so they can do genetic testing. I'm exhausted by the whole TTC process. It takes me a relatively long time to get pregnant, and I'm most sad about having to start TTC and going back to square 1 yet again. After the physical and emotional recovery I think me and my partner will go for therapy together to discuss options and timeframes etc.

@moosey89 I’m so sorry to hear this. I remember your username and have seen you around. Three is just totally bloody unfair. Sending you and your partner lots of love. Some therapeutic support sounds like it could be helpful xx

I’m so sorry @moosey89 life is just unfair. I know completely what you mean about being back to square one. It is really overwhelming

Hi everyone. Nearing 4 weeks since surgery and some days I feel like I’m ok and other days I feel like I’m just living on autopilot. Much more sensitive to stress than usual. Can’t multitask. Easily irritated. Just overall capacity for everything is reduced but work adaptations not long term enough to do anything about it really. I usually do 4.5 days a week and currently just doing closer to 3 days. Well even that is just too much. I really hope the holiday next week gives me some mental space so I can try and recover a bit. Overall though I just know it will take time.

Can I ask for some advice/shared experiences please?

found out today at almost 10 weeks that baby had no heartbeat. I’d had some spotting Tuesday/Wednesday and I contacted EPAU purely because I’d had a previous MC and I panicked. No pain, very little cramping but was offered a scan today.

I was so shocked to be told that there was no heartbeat. This was doubled checked but I really can’t believe it. I keep thinking they must have made a mistake 🥺

was offered a tablet to kick start things but my head was reeling so much that I just wanted to go home so I opted for things happening naturally.

so far I have no real bleeding or pain. The waiting for things to happen and the thought of carrying my dead baby around is horrible and I just want things to happen.

has anyone got experience of this please? How long did things take to start? Maybe I should have taken the medication 🙁

Hi @CurlyWurly1991, you are right and I think it is all about timing. I opted to go back to work pretty quickly this time round, for me it was better to keep my mind busy and can take it easy if I need to with home working. I think I’ve managed ok but I am definitely more irritable at home. It seems to come from nowhere too, fine one minute and then a rage comes over me.
Do you have the option to reduce your hours slightly? My work although understanding, don’t have a specific policy when it comes to miscarriage so it’s an added complication when figuring out what I’m entitled to etc.

@AFeastForCrows so sorry that this has happened to you. Although you’ve had previous experience, dealing with the shock of it just adds to the mix of emotions.

I’ve had a bit of mixed experience and I think everyone is different. My first was a mmc, I had spotting but no bleeding and had a mva which all went as planned. My second, I had a slightly longer wait from finding out to my mva appointment (10 days) and did end up miscarrying at home. With my most recent, I had a weeks wait from confirmation to the mva and only started to bleed the morning of which was due to the medication I’d taken.

It’s not too late to change your mind, you can always call them up again to ask for medical management. It’s so much to take in when you are in that room, you’ve just been told you’ve miscarried and then asked how you want to manage it. It’s so overwhelming.

@AFeastForCrows so sorry to hear you’re going through this. On both occasions I’ve opted for surgery and have waited 3-8 days before they could fit me in. I haven’t had any spotting or a natural mc in this time but I know that happens for some.

@xxcxdonxx thank you. I do just get this rage out of nowhere. Not characteristic for me. With the first MMC I remember having a day where I just broke down . Maybe I’m going through a similar thing. It’s not really possible for me to reduce my work down much. Like they can take some work off me but due to my job I will still have lots to come back to if I take time off. So it just piles up. I actually have two jobs and am only doing one right now (the other is v flexible). But I need the money so start the second one again in early June. I hope this phase passes in time.

@xxcxdonxx @CurlyWurly1991 thank you for sharing your experiences. The unknown part of it is so hard to deal with and the shock at the time meant I just wanted to get out of that hospital asap. Bleeding still hasn’t started yet but I have some cramping so hoping it all starts naturally soon 🙁

I had a miscarriage last week - I found out that my baby had no heartbeat at almost 21 weeks and went into hospital to have a medically managed miscarriage. Don't know if that's the right terminology. I gave birth to my baby boy on Sunday.

This was my first IVF pregnancy - I had only conceived 'naturally' once which ended in a chemical pregnancy. So I couldn't believe the IVF had been successful.

I was pretty much scared throughout the pregnancy - I really only settled into it after the anatomy scan which went normal as far as I know. The only reason I learned that my baby had passed was because the sonographer couldn't get one measurement and I was asked to return the following week. There were no concerns at the anatomy scan so to be told my baby's heart was no longer beating came out of nowhere.

I suppose I just need to hear that I am not alone and that it is actually possible to get through this as it feels insurmountable at the moment.

I know it has only just happened and my grief is raw but despite talking with people in my life I feel like I need another place to speak about what happened.

@xxcxdonxx so sorry for your loss! I hope you are doing okay hun🤍 they said it would take around 6 weeks to be contacted so im hoping im not waiting long. Im preparing myself for never knowing why i keep miscarrying too as I dont want to be too hopeful i will receive answers and then I dont. So crap that i have to down play all my emotions so much and can never truly be happy when it comes to this whole TTC/pregnancy journey.

@Figtree11 im so scared to try but i am thinking ‘if it happens it happens but no pressure’ but my husband sees it as trying. Im not taking my BBT or doing ovulation tests because i jst dont want to know. im still taking my vitamins as usual. I am just trying to not over think or really put alot of my hopes up. It took us 4 tries to get pg first time before miscarrying, and 8 tries before miscarrying for 2nd time. I am a firm believer in what is meant to be will be. I do feel scared if and when I get pregnant again. i am feeling alot of emotions and going back and fourth. I also feel like i want to speak to a councillor as I find it really hard to speak about my feelings so maybe speaking to a professional may help. I don't know, a alot of mixed emotions.

@Loz365 thats great news u have received your appointment for june. How are you feeling? Do let us know your experience, will give us an insight into what to expect. Hoping it all goes well for you🩷

I don’t ever really post here, just a longtime lurker…!

I am so so sorry to hear about everyone’s experiences. Truly my heart goes out to each and every one of you, you really do never know how it feels until it happens to you.

First pregnancy, I had a MMC at 10.5 weeks, no visible embryo, on Easter Sunday. Opted for medical management on 04/04. Assumed it had worked as lost lots and stopped bleeding a couple of weeks later although still testing positive. On 30/04 found out I had to have the MVA which I had on 04/05. I feel so much time has already been wasted and now I’m just waiting for my period again. If I don’t get pregnant quickly, how will I cope?

Keep thinking I’m okay, staying positive, it will happen etc. but keep getting thrown by things. The last straw is that one of my closest friends has just told me she’s pregnant, with twins, due 3 weeks after I was. Has waited until a week after her scan to tell me - and I feel such a fool for sharing my pregnancy and miscarriage with her. I can’t breathe and I absolutely cannot see her.

I know the only way I’ll ever feel happy again is when I have my own baby in my arms. Even being pregnant now fills me with terror and dread. Trying to “stay calm” as my mum suggests doesn’t help. This news has made me physically hurt inside. My husband says not to pin all my hopes on it but how can I not?

I just needed to share.

@LCJar I'm so sorry lovely, MMC are so cruel, I've had two (October last year and Jan). When I got pregnant again in November I only told one friend and when I was going through all the scans to confirm another MMC she was the only person I really spoke to about it.

Lo and behold when I finally start feeling better she tells me she just had a 12 week scan and our due dates were only 5 days apart. I felt a fool for having her as my support, as I wouldn't have done had I known she was pregnant.

The feelings are confusing but I just want to let you know that I know how that feels, it's brutal. Remember that the odds of you conceiving and having a successful pregnancy are in your favour, no reason to suspect right now that that won't happen xx

@ThatAmberSeal i am so very sorry for the loss of your little boy and for what i can only imagine has been a very traumatic experience.
I can really relate to not settling into your pregnancy and it’s so cruel that when you get to a point where you think you should be able to relax, the unexpected happens.

My losses have always been very early so not to compare and I know we all experience it differently but you are absolutely not alone in this. This is such a safe space to offload or whatever you need.
I hope you have some great support around you and sending you lots of love xx

@LCJar I'm so sorry for your loss - I had surgical management today for my third MMC, this one was particularly cruel as I had bad morning sickness, throwing up even this morning before I went to the hospital.

I'm not going to lie - I find the first 3-4 cycles after a loss absolutely brutal emotionally. Allow yourself to grieve, cry, scream, yell, sit in silence - whatever you need to do. Time does help, but I've found the pain of the losses never fully goes away, you just find ways to be happy again little by little until the happy times outweigh the sad xx

@ThatAmberSeal I am so very sorry for your loss which has come so late and must have been a very shocking and traumatic experience. It is a process that takes time and what I have learnt is that you need to treat yourself with so much care and kindness because the grief / rage can be very potent and surprise you out of nowhere. It is a process and can take some time. I am so very sorry for what you have suffered it is so unbelievably unfair xxx

Thank you @xxcxdonxx &@CurlyWurly1991 for your kind replies.
I feel like everything has been taken from me. It hurts every minute of every day right now.

@ThatAmberSeal I am so so sorry for your loss - I can only imagine how much it must hurt and how empty you must feel right now. Sending you the biggest hugs I can muster. Be kind to yourself and take all the time you need to get your breath back. It will get easier, a tiny bit at a time, but allow yourself time and space to grieve. Remember as well grief isn't linear - one day you might feel fine and the next one you could be in a pit of despair and that's ok too. Lean on your loved ones for support, you don't have to be alone even though you might feel very alone right now. And the boards here are always there for you too. Xx

@ThatAmberSeal I am so sorry for your loss. That sounds utterly devastating.

@LCJar i am so sorry for your loss. I totally understand the feeling I won’t be happy until I have a baby

@Pinkieblue24 im also not doing ovulation tracking etc, it is hard to not get obsessive over it. I really want to get pregnant again, but don’t know if I can cope with going into a scan room for a third time to be told there’s no heartbeat

Hope everyone is as well as can be this bank holiday weekend

@ThatAmberSeal im so sorry for your loss. Last year I lost my beautiful girl at 16 weeks. We also had to deliver our baby. The pain is like nothing you will have ever felt before. Especially in the coming weeks. Please feel free to private message me, if you have any questions. I have lots of things I found really helped me at the time. Sending you so much love.

Thank you @moosey89 @Figtree11 and @Nic2908. @Nic2908 I've dropped you a pm - thank you for the offer it means a lot.

Hi all, wondering if anyone who's had genetic testing done on the baby after mc have had it show mosaic tetrasomy? My pregnancy was also a partial molar so don't know whether it's because of that or another genetic issue and they suggested we both get genetic testing so feeling like we may never have a baby at this moment

@NphysT I’m afraid not, we didn’t get/weren’t eligible for any testing. Have they told you what this means - is it just a random genetic event or is there more to it?

I wondered if anyone else has had a weird cycle the one after MMC or surgery. I had a period about 2 weeks after surgery, and have then spotted a little every day since. Not enough for a pad only sometimes a pantyliner. I was a mid cycle and luteal phase spotter before the pregnancies but not every day of a cycle. Coming up to 3 weeks of it now, and think I ovulated despite it (not doing any testing though as no longer TTC).

Hope everyone is getting on OK (or as well as possible considering their circumstances).

@CurlyWurly1991 I did have a weird cycle after my first MC. It took 8 weeks to get a period, then 6 weeks for the next.

I’m not doing great at the moment. Had a call this week saying the testing from my ERPC 4 weeks ago has shown it’s a partial molar pregnancy. Not allowed to TTC until a specialist place in Sheffield gets in touch to ensure my HCG levels fall. Feeling in limbo waiting to hear from them, and worried it won’t be straight forward & I’ll be the unlucky percentage who has to have treatment. Also gutted by how long it could be until I can TTC again

@Figtree11 I'm so sorry that's such shitty news. I'm so scared the same will come from my testing - how long after your ERPC did they call you to tell you?

I really hope your HCG goes down fast and you get the all clear to try again soon. The waiting is absolute torture, worst part of the whole process not being able to do anything about how long all the difference steps take.