Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 8 ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Exactly as the thread title says.
Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
Www.miss-support.org.uk/support/
www.blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
www.petalscharity.org/

www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk.

Link to previous thread:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4732386-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-7-all-welcome?page=1

@CluelessInLondon thanks for the reply, I've been wondering how you are? Staying busy is so helpful. I had a friend in town for 2 weeks so time flew by!

I will get another test and try again tomorrow. Fingers crossed.

@CluelessInLondon sorry to hear that AF arrived, it's so frustrating and really brings up the emotions again. I'm trying to see it as the start of a new cycle and a new opportunity but it's difficult. It's hit my husband harder and I feel so responsible and guilty for what I'm putting him through, even though I know it's not my fault. He's so desperate for a family and I'm the one who didn't feel ready and now this has happened. It's really messed with my mind that we try to avoid pregnancy for so long and then when you actually want to be pregnant, it doesn't happen! I hope you're doing ok and I'm sure our time will come.

@WolfMother326 that looks promising, fingers crossed for you!

@Bugdem123 I totally know what you mean with all the worries! You just want the reassurance of your body going back to normal. The past couple of days I've actually almost forgot to take my temperature, but I know the worry will set in again around ovulation again! That's handy that you can do it all from your watch. I did get my hopes up as my heart rate/HRV on my watch had been up for a while and the same happened when I was pregnant, but then AF arrived.

Sounds like you had a terrible experience and I do hope services around women's health improve. My care was pretty good, but I was still being sent reminders for my booking appointment after the miscarriage, which was really triggering. I also found the EPU waiting area really difficult and especially seeing a couple with their scan photos whilst I was waiting for a follow up scan - that's really scarred me.

I did end up having more of a 'flow' this time so I'm feeling less concerned about the lighter periods now, although still strange that my luteal phase is so much shorter (10-11 days). I'll see how the next one is and if it's still not back to normal then I'll speak to my GP.

@WolfMother326 I've been mostly okay but this week has been tough - my period showing up earlier this week hit me really hard as I was so hoping that I'd be pregnant again quickly after the miscarriage and it's hard not to get your hopes up when you read about people who catch on the first cycle afterwards!

@13lucy Sounds like your situation is similar to mine - my husband has known for years that he wanted to have kids and I was very much on the fence and spent a long time trying to decide whether it was the right thing or not. Covid didn't help either as I found all the lockdown stuff really hard and wasn't in the right head space to make a major life choice so ended up making the decision 2 years later than I originally would have liked, which means I now feel really up against it because of my age. The only positive, if I can call it that, from the loss is that it's made me really certain that it was the right decision and really determined to try again. Really hope it happens again for both of us soon. ❤

@CluelessInLondon yes very similar! I also feel fortunate to know what I want now but just frustrated with myself that I didn't know this sooner. My husband is a couple of years older so I'm glad he got me round to the idea when he did, as I just didn't feel any time pressure at the time! Covid was a huge life event to live through and felt like we lost a couple of years, so it's understandable not to have been ready and it's important to feel ready both mentally and physically before trying. Did it take you long to conceive last time?

Hi all, so I've had two days of negative digital clearblues after getting a wonky positive on a sainsbury test. I think the first test was faulty? I've still not started my period but its not due for 2 days. I'm 14 dpo and 24 days into my cycle (I have short cycles), thinking I'm out this month. The false positive was pretty upsetting! But trying to remember there's always next month.

@CluelessInLondon I'm sorry you've been having such a rough time but so good that you know what you want. I really hope it happens for you. I really think it will. I know the waiting is so hard as it took me over a year to conceive the first time around at 37. I feel similarly to you, even though I know I'm very lucky to have a child already. I wonder all the time if we should have started trying again when he was a year old instead of two years but I wasnt ready mentally. Now I'm almost 40 (in 4 months) and I think we'll only try 6 more months as I don't want to be trying forever, maybe better for me to be happy with what we have.

Hope you are all getting on okay. I'm having a bit of a hard night. My best friend had her baby girl last night and I'm beyond delighted for her but it's just reminding me of what I've lost. We were supposed to have our mat leave together, I was supposed to make her daughter a wee friend. It could all have been so different. I normally really fiercely fight against thinking like that but can't seem to shake it tonight. My other friends are going to see her in the hospital tomorrow but I just don't think I can go back there which is also making me feel so guilty and like such a terrible friend that I can't just be happy.

@Bugdem123 sending you the most massive hug 💕 I'm sure your friend understands. What you're feeling is very natural and not selfish at all. Be gentle with yourself. Your loss is still raw and this is a difficult reminder - none of which detracts from you being delighted for your friend. When the moment is right, you will meet little one, and it will be bittersweet. One of my bfs had a baby a month and a half after my MMC. She invited me round to her house when I felt ready, and after a bit of chit chat, she offered me a cuddle with little one... I held her little baby in my arms and cried, and she held me as I did. True friends will share your pain, and will be there for your healing 💕

@Bugdem123 That is really tough and I really feel for you - I can see why you would feel like you're not being a good enough friend to her, but it's totally understandable that you don't feel able to go and see her in the hospital. Assuming that she knows about what you've been through, I'm sure she will ultimately understand why that would stir up a lot of painful memories for you, and she will be happy for you to take your time and come to see her and her little one when you are ready. Sending you a big hug this morning. ❤

@CluelessInLondon @SnookyPook thanks both 🩷 she knows about what happened and I know she won't expect me there. I think it's just the reminder that if this hadn't happened things would have been so different.

Hi everyone,
I hope you’re all doing okay? Since I last posted I had a week of heavy bleeding and clotting followed by more brown spotting which hasn’t stopped. I thought it was my period coming back as my pregnancy tests were negative but I called for some advice about the bleeding this morning and they asked me to come in. A scan showed there was still a portion of tissue left behind. The sonographer was shocked that I’d been allowed to just go home to let the miscarriage happen naturally with no follow up. I have to go in on Wednesday to have the tissue removed under a general anaesthetic. I am anxious but so relieved that this will finally be over in a few days. It’s been 5.5 weeks now and I am so fed up.
i can totally sympathise @Bugdem123 as I bumped into someone I know in the ward today with her baby, who was born yesterday, so it’s been a really tough day all round.

@Bcec that sounds so tough, you poor thing. How are you feeling about going into hospital? I hope it's a straightforward procedure and they manage to get everything out and you can start to heal 🩷 It's just really shit all round isn't it?

@Bcec I'm so sorry to hear that, it must be really difficult to find out that everything isn't resolved so many weeks on. I hope the procedure goes well tomorrow - I had surgical management of my MC so if you have any questions beforehand please shout and I'll try to help.

Hi all - hope you're all doing ok.

@Bugdem123 @SnookyPook I've had a similar situation recently as my friend has just had her baby and I've just been so distant from her since, which isn't me. She doesn't know my situation as I found it too hard to tell her and didn't want to overshadow her news when she told me. But I don't think I can face it until I'm pregnant again, which of course I have no control over. I feel like a bad friend and it's really bothering me.

@Bcec sorry to hear that it's still ongoing for you. I think I mentioned before but I ended up having retained tissue (with MVA under local to remove) and it was like mental torture not being able to move on and with all the waiting in between. The surgery resets your cycle, so I counted the day of surgery as CD1. I'm glad that you're getting it sorted and I really hope it goes ok today - let us know how you get on.

I've had a difficult couple of days as I'm already on CD15 with second cycle of TTC and no sign of positive OPK. I'm getting so frustrated with my irregular cycles and I've completely lost the trust in my own body. I'm sure it will happen later on in my cycle, but I'm afraid it won't and I'll have to wait another month all over again. Has anyone else had problems with irregular cycles after miscarriage? Mine weren't regular beforehand so might just be how it is for me!

@Bugdem123 @13lucy @CluelessInLondon thank you for your well wishes. I am feeling a bit anxious about it but also relieved to know that the end is in sight. I thought that after this amount of time it would all be over and have also been struggling with not being able to move on as my body was still all over the place, so I will be really glad when it’s all over tomorrow. Just keeping my fingers crossed that it all goes to plan! 🤞🏻

I’m back at home now following my surgery yesterday and going to enjoy a few days of much needed rest. I went in at 7.30am and was home by 1pm, doctors said everything went well. Apart from feeling a bit groggy from the anaesthetic and a sore throat from the tube, I’ve had minimal bleeding and/or pain, so generally doing ok. So hope this is the end of it now and I can finally start to move forward, this has felt like the longest 6 weeks of my life! Think we’re going to wait for my first period and then start to think about trying again. Hope everyone else is doing well? Xx

@Bcec I'm glad to hear everything went okay and I really hope this is it sorted for you and you can move on. ❤

@Bcec I'm a bit up and down but doing ok thanks. Glad it went well and hope you recover quickly!

Hello.
im new to this so hopefully posting this in the right place. I had a miscarriage just over 2 months ago however, I am still in pain and experiencing tenderness and a dull ache that intensifies at night, in my lower abdomen. I have had scans to check my ovaries etc and they are all fine so doctors really aren’t sure why I’m experiencing this pain and aren’t supporting me anymore. It hurts when I stretch, cough or laugh and it hurts to touch. I lost my pregnancy at just over 6 weeks. Has anyone else experienced this? I’m really worried and struggling to get better

@EmJ97 hello and so sorry you're going through this. It's not something that I experienced but it sounds awful. Two months after your loss you shouldn't still be experiencing physical effects of the loss and tbh I'm angry and surprised on your behalf that they don't seem to care. What you've described would suggest to me a possible pocket of infection? Or I guess maybe related to surgery if you had a d&c? In any case, it shouldn't be ignored.

Is it your GP being dismissive or EPU? I would go back to hospital I think and keep making noise until they take it seriously. Even go to A&E if needed and if the pain is bad ever and hopefully they would refer you on to gynae etc.

So very sorry you're having to deal with this on top of your grief. I know when I had my MMC earlier in the year, I couldn't really process the emotional side of it until the physical side was sorted so this must be agony. Sending you an enormous hug and I really hope that someone takes you seriously soon. 💕

@EmJ97 I'm sorry for your loss, and for the physical pain and discomfort you're still experiencing - I haven't got my own experience of this as was fortunate to have a quick physical recovery from my MC, but I can imagine it's really worrying for you. Please keep pushing to get help - insist on an appointment with the GP and insist that they refer you to a local gynaecology service if they're not able to give any help/advice in primary care. Or if you had treatment at EPU/EGU, keep contacting them to say that you still need help as things aren't getting better.

If you have the means or you have medical insurance, you could also look at going private for this - given the state of NHS waiting lists at the moment that may not be a bad idea, if it's an option for you.

Finally, if you are still being fobbed off (and frankly even if you do now get help, it shouldn't have taken this long) - complain, complain, complain to the services that are letting you down. It sounds like a weird thing to say as I'm an NHS manager, but I'm a big advocate of people complaining to the NHS when they don't get the treatment they need and deserve - it's the only way to surface the problems and for services to do better.

I really hope you can persevere and get some help - let us know how you get on.

Just dropping in, thinking of you all as Christmas can be especially tough 💐

Hello I had a miscarriage last week, I was 10 weeks +3 and honestly I'm heartbroken. We wanted to give our toddler a sibling close in age and were excited to be almost at the point we could announce our news. I just received my appointment through for my 12 week scan.

we want to try again but I can't help but feel so sad that our baby would have been born in July and even if we are lucky enough to get pregnant and stay pregnant it's not going to be the end of the year into the following year.

I'm so upset, my husband just seems to be focusing on trying again. I've only told a couple of people and I'm finding it hard pretending I'm ok when I'm not to people who don't know. It's hard to avoid people at this time of year too.

The miscarriage it's self I found traumatic and I wasn't at all prepared for how it was, I also feel the way I was treat by medical professionals wasn't great. So I feel I'm struggling and keep thinking of parts of what happened and feeling shocked and upset about that too.

Thank you for reading

So sorry for your loss @Bey. This is a safe place to let the feelings out, everyone here has been through it too and knows what you’re going through. 💐

I'm so sorry for your loss @Bey. I had a MC in September and really relate to things you're saying about thinking about how long it'll be until you conceive/til the baby is born. I found that realisation really difficult, and tbh still do!

I also found my miscarriage traumatic and a lot of the nhs staff I dealt with really unempathetic. I don't think they tell you how bad it can really be and it was a surprise to me. I'm sorry you had the same experience.

I wish I had some advice or comfort to give you. I'm a few months on and have been taken aback by the extent of my grief. I do have good days now, or at least some good parts of days. If you can, try and book some time away together, that really helped us.

This thread was a lifesaver for me at the beginning so keep sharing. I hope you manage to get through this Christmas and that 2024 is a better year ❤️‍🩹

Thank you, sorry for your loss too. I found the way I was treat by nhs staff has added to the trauma. The Dr who gave me a scan was so awful, uncaring and matter of a fact.

I wish I had known more about miscarriages before it happened, as I really wasn't prepared for how painful it was, everything I read online said the pain would be like period pains but mine were like contractions / labour pain and went on for around 4 hours, that was a shock and I really wasn't prepared for it.

I think we will try and book some time away thank you. It's such a shock and such a huge change in a short amount of time, to literally be pregnant 1 day and then not the next but with no baby my brain can't comprehend. I keep thinking I can't have a drink or I can't drink too much coffee etc because I'm pregnant then realising no I'm not now.

to make it harder I have a friend who is also pregnant and due the exact same day as I was. We were so excited to be on maternity leave together etc.