Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 8 ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Exactly as the thread title says.
Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
Www.miss-support.org.uk/support/
www.blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
www.petalscharity.org/

www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk.

Link to previous thread:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4732386-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-7-all-welcome?page=1

Hello all, how is everyone?

I haven't been checking the thread lately, I had such a horrible last period and really went off the deep end emotionally about not being pregnant. I think the hormones just made it all worse and I cried all week. Now I'm feeling a lot better. Its such a roller coaster.

Has anyone experienced changes to their cycle after miscarriage? Since having my son in 2021, I consistently ovulate around day 12 or 13, but last month I started testing with OPK on day 9 and didn't catch it, and I had a feeling it was earlier due to cervical mucus. This month I started testing day 9 (today), and got a strong positive, which is really early. I am getting all the other ovulation signs like CM and feeling a bit frisky.

Has anyone else had this happen with cycle changes?

Oh @WolfMother326 , I'm sorry to hear you've been feeling so low recently. Glad you are feeling like you're on the up now - I definitely felt as though my hormones didn't re-regulate themselves until after I'd had a period. Fortunately mine wasn't a bad one, just a little bit heavier than usual, but I didn't feel like I was back on an even keel emotionally until after that. Like you say, it's such a rollercoaster. I hope things start to feel more stable for you now. ❤

Unfortunately I can't help with the question about cycle changes as mine seems to have gone back to something like normal so far - I did read that it can be up to 3 months for everything to get back how it was before though.

So sorry you've been feeling like that @WolfMother326. I felt the same during my first period after, it was horrible as I felt so out of control. I think I'm starting my second one today and I definitely feel quite sad today but not out of control like last time. It really is a rollercoaster.

My cycle is definitely still different to what it was before. My normal cycles were around 30-31 days with ovulation on day 16/17. Since my MMC, the first cycle was 35 days with ovulation at day 19ish and the second (the one I'm currently on) is ending at 28 days and ovulation on day 15. I'm a bit worried my luteal phase is changing as I was spotting yesterday but suppose I'll just need to see what my next cycle does.

Morning everyone, hope you are all doing okay this week.

It's two months today since my surgery - not sure if that's the reason (it may also have been because I'd had a stressful day at work!), but last night I felt really really sad and had a good cry about the miscarriage for the first time in a while. I think it's one of those things that will just hit me again every now and then - less frequently over time, but still painful.

@CluelessInLondon it's two months today since I had my medical management and I definitely still have moments where it hits me that it actually happened. I've also been a bit teary yesterday and today, probably not helped by my period but like you say, it's probably just one of the things that going to be there and every so often pop up and hit us. It's definitely good that it isn't as bad as it was for us both a few weeks ago. I sometimes feel bad about feeling better, almost like it means I don't care or that I'm not still heartbroken about losing them, but I know it's healthy for the grief to change.

How are you finding TTC again? I went a bit mad and have bought both strip and digital OPKs, Proov tests and a variety of pregnancy tests like it helps me have any control over what the outcome will be!

@Bugdem123 There's something very comforting about knowing that there are others on this thread who are on a similar timeline to me post-MC and can empathise with how I'm feeling now, so thank you for the support and reassurance, it's so appreciated. ❤

I'd definitely say I'm finding TTC again different from before - first time round, I was quite relaxed about it, didn't even know if/when it might happen for us and I was just very chill about it either happening or not. The loss really confirmed to me that I'd made the right decision about starting a family (it was one I agonised over for a long time), but it means I'm a lot more determined and I think I'm at risk of being much more disappointed if it doesn't happen quickly. I also think there's a bit of pressure (not from anyone else, just pressure I put on myself!) to get pregnant again because I know I can, and then there's a psychological aspect coming into play of wanting to prove that I can do it, because I failed last time. It's quite a lot to manage in my own head.

Are you back from your holiday now? Hope you had an amazing time!

@CluelessInLondon I totally agree! As much as I hate that any of us have to go through this, I have taken such comfort from yours and others post going through it at the same time and feeling the things I'm feeling or maybe articulating something I haven't even realised I've been struggling with. This thread has been a life saver as as much as my friends and family have been supportive, unless you've been here you really don't quite understand.

Thank you, we had such a great time and got home today. It was definitely needed, I feel much more like myself after it. Currently fighting the jet lag and trying to stay awake until a reasonable hour 😅

@Bugdem123 I'm so pleased you enjoyed your break - there really is nothing like a holiday for a proper reset. I've told my husband that if TTC doesn't work for us in the next couple of months I want to book a last minute ski holiday, and if it does then we need to plan a trip somewhere warm and relaxing for the spring!

Hi all had an ectopic at the weekend but was able to get injection. I was so scared through it all and today I felt was the first day I was feeling myself and able to move around without pain, but it's like all of a sudden my emotions have hit me at once and I'm so emotional and feeling guilty that my husband literally had to do everything fir me the past week (not that he would complain or have any other way).

Evening all. Had my appointment with the MH midwife yesterday afternoon and it was really helpful. Lovely lady and just really validating of where I'm at mentally. She said given my repeat losses and 'compounded grief' (think that's what she said) in a short space of time, she thinks I'm doing really well but also that there's complex stuff to work through and she thinks I'd benefit from seeing the clinical psychologist. She's doing me a referral. And if I get pregnant again whilst on the waiting list (which could be a few months) then it would become pregnancy support/processing everything instead of just focusing on working through the grief etc which I'm really grateful for as I think unfortunately any new pregnancy is going to be quite a lot to deal with. In the meantime, she will check in on me too. I feel glad I went. I've realised that whilst I'm functioning well day to day and carrying on etc, the feelings are all right there very close to the surface. If anyone asks how I am or about the losses, I tear up almost immediately. So I'm glad of a chance to work through it a bit more.

Pretty sure I ovulated a few days ago based on symptoms, but didn't use opks or ttc. It's super refreshing being in a tww and not be stressing about symptoms! It feels very relaxing and calm to have the pressure off. So although around ovulation I felt a bit antsy about 'wasting' a cycle, I really do feel it was the right choice.

@CluelessInLondon @Bugdem123 hope you're both ok. Those milestones and anniversaries like 'X number of days/months since..' can definitely be triggering. But, you have to feel the feels I guess and just process whatever comes up.

@Oshea24 so sorry for your loss. I think it's very normal for the emotions to hit once the adrenaline of getting through the physical aspect of the loss has passed. Suddenly you're left with the reality and the loss, and you've not got the distraction of the medical focus etc if that makes any sense?! That was a bit the case for me anyway. Anyway, you are welcome here and please know that you're not alone. 💕

@SnookyPook That's such a great update, thank you for sharing - I've been thinking about you this week and wondering how you were getting on. It sounds like it was a really good thing for you to see someone and talk things through - grief is such a big, complicated thing and to feel it multiple times in a short window has to be really exhausting. I think you're really brave for recognising that you need some extra help to process everything that you've been through. I'm still so hopeful that 2024 will be your year. 🌈

@Oshea24 Welcome and I'm sorry for what you've been through and that you find yourself here. Don't feel guilty or afraid to lean on your husband right now, I'm sure all he wants to do is support you, and it's so important to let your loved ones surround you at such a difficult time. Feel what you need to feel and we are here if you need to vent or ask questions. ❤

@CluelessInLondon aw thank you so much - that's really lovely of you. And yes, exhausting is the word! It's been a lot! I'm hoping for better things for all of us in 2024 🤞🏻💕🌈

@Oshea24 also, meant to say something supportive about your husband but Clueless said it so much better anyway! But yes, let him be your rock. He will have been so worried about you and this is what he can do to help. ❤️

Hi everyone, thought I’d pop back on for a bit of an update and to hopefully hear of other people’s experiences. My miscarriage was 3 weeks ago yesterday. The heavy bleeding and cramps stopped after about 9 days but since then I have had very small amounts of brown discharge. Yesterday my pregnancy test was still positive so rang EPAC who told me to test again Monday and call them back if still positive and they will do a scan. Then, yesterday afternoon I started bleeding again. Brown and pink and with some tissue in it. I am wondering if this is what was left coming away. Did anyone else have the bleeding start again after some time??

@Bcec I've not personally experienced that but it sounds promising that maybe your body has let go of the last bit of pregnancy that was keeping the test positive. Hopefully that will be it now for you. Sorry it's dragged on a bit. Xx

@Bcec It hasn't happened to me personally (I had surgical management) but I have definitely heard of people having retained products pass later after the initial miscarriage - I hope this is what you have experienced so that you can at least draw a line under the miscarriage soon. I really hope you get a negative test soon so that you can start to move on. ❤

Hi all, hope everyone is doing ok?

It's been a difficult day for me as BBT dropped this morning and AF has arrived after first cycle of TTC after the miscarriage. My period has been REALLY light again and my luteal phase is still short (10 days) so I can't help but worry that something is still wrong with me. It's really getting me down and I don't know what to do about it...

@Bcec have you had a scan yet? I did have retained tissue which meant I kept bleeding for quite a while after the miscarriage. However it still remained after the bleeding stopped and so I had an MVA to remove it. Hopefully it resolves itself for you.

@SnookyPook I'm glad you've been getting the support you need. It is a truly awful thing to go through. I've been having counselling and found it helpful to process my thoughts and feelings. I've been putting a lot of pressure on myself when in reality I don't have much control over it.

@Bugdem123 I know the feeling with wanting to control everything and buying everything that goes along with it! I've been temping as well which has been useful but it's definitely made me feel more stressed.

@Oshea24 so sorry for your loss. It is an extremely hard thing to go through, especially in the first few weeks. Lean on the support around you and be kind to yourself.

@CluelessInLondon hope you're doing ok in the TWW

@13lucy I haven’t. I retested Monday as they said and it appeared negative but after a couple minutes was still positive though incredibly faint. I planned to test again today but last night I was unwell and have tested positive for Covid, as if I needed anything else to deal with!! So I’ve been poorly and wouldn’t be able to go to the hospital anyway. I’m going to leave it until next week now, when I’m feeling better, and test again then will call if it’s not resolved. I’m still bleeding so assume it’s still ongoing.

@Bcec sorry to hear this, it must be so frustrating for you especially when its one thing after another. It's probably a good sign that you're still bleeding as there's a chance it will pass on its own. Hope you start to feel better soon.

@13lucy thank you, I hope so too! I’ll keep you updated. Just want to get back into some sort of routine now!

@13lucy Sorry to hear that AF arrived and that you're feeling down about what's going on with your periods - I think you said previously that you had quite irregular cycles before your MC? Do you think you would be able to get any help from your GP? I know it's so variable whether GPs really offer much support with this stuff - some people seem to have amazing experiences and others get really fobbed off.

@Bcec I'm sorry that you're still bleeding and that you're poorly with Covid as well. Fingers crossed for you that this resolves over the next few days and you get that negative test soon.

TWW is over for me now, I started with spotting yesterday which turned into full flow overnight. It's hit me much harder than I expected - I tried quite hard not to get my hopes up that I would be one of the women lucky enough to get pregnant again on the first go after a loss, but it's hard not to get your hopes up, and it feels doubly difficult because with Christmas coming up it was my last opportunity to be pregnant by then. I'm really not looking forward to going through all of the Christmas festivities with the "what if?" of miscarriage hanging over me - I should have been 20 weeks pregnant this week and everything this Christmas would have been in the context of it being the last one with just me and my husband, and instead it all feels a bit empty and sad. I'm hoping that this first unsuccessful cycle is the worst one and if it doesn't happen next time I won't be so upset, but right now it feels like I've started grieving the loss all over again.

@13lucy the best thing I did was get an apple watch that does the temp for you! Definitely makes it easier as I was getting a bit obsessive about waking up at the right time etc. My period has also been really light since the MC. I wouldn't have said I had heavy periods before tbh but these are extra light. The doctor said after the first one it was fine but I think if it continues for another cycle, I might go back as like you, I'm worried something is wrong. I don't think I was prepared for all the extra worries you have after a MC - I was already full of worries before hand haha.

I have also sent a complaint, or feedback I suppose, into the EPU and ward I was treated on. It's taken me a while but I hope that maybe if enough of us complain about the same thing it might inspire some change at the hospital I was treated at. I can see on Care Opinions that a few other women have complained about the same thing so maybe they'll improve it for other women.

@Bugdem123 It's interesting you've also had lighter periods since your MC - mine have got heavier! In a way I probably find that more reassuring than if they had got lighter, but I think I was just expecting them to go back exactly as they were before.

I also had cause to complain to the hospital about my care - not at the EGU, they were amazing, but the midwifery service where I had my booking appointment which took place after my bleeding had started. I have to say, the trust dealt with my complaint really well, they sent me a really detailed letter apologising and explaining what went wrong and how they're using the experience to help with retraining staff on the correct processes to follow, and the lead midwife called me afterwards as well to follow up on it. It was a really good response, I just hope that they act on it and other women have a better experience than I did (and if I end up under their care again that I feel more listened to and looked after).

@CluelessInLondon I actually said to my husband last week that I'd feel better if they were heavier as now I'm worrying something is wrong with my hormone balance or that my lining won't be thick enough. The list of worries never seems to end 😅.

That's good you got such a good response from them. The midwife has already emailed back and booked a phone call for Monday afternoon so I'll see what happens. I think a few of the things that I experienced (the lack of compassion, the lack of appropriate info, the poor communication) could be quite easily rectified. There other issues (the delay in being able to access management options - 12 days for surgical, and 8 for medical; the colocation of the wards with the maternity units; and then being expected to pass the baby in a shared ward with 3 other women and a communal toilet) seem a little harder to fix immediately but I'm hopeful if people keep complaining it'll change.

Hello all, sorry I've been so absent. I really appreciated everyone's nice messages when I said I struggled emotionally last period. It's been a really busy month and I haven't had time to focus on ttc, which has been good for me.

I realised today I was 12 dpo and took a test. It wasn't my first morning urine as I forgot (my 2 y o needed my attention straightaway). The test seemed to go wonky, like the control line looks weird, but it looks positive? Trying not to get my hopes up, but a false positive is less common than a false negative right? Might pick up a different brand of test today.

@WolfMother326 It's good that you've had some distractions, TTC can be so all-consuming - I'm working on having more distractions so I don't obsess as much and in the hope that it will be less disappointing if it doesn't work. Your test definitely looks positive! I would definitely do another one tomorrow with FMU though, just in case it's a faulty one. Fingers crossed for you!