Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 8 ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Exactly as the thread title says.
Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
Www.miss-support.org.uk/support/
www.blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
www.petalscharity.org/

www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk.

Link to previous thread:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4732386-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-7-all-welcome?page=1

So sorry @Bey . When you get past “placenta” stage then yes, you have contractions. No one explains the different stages of miscarriage based on gestation because…well, I don’t know. We should though.

It’s horrific and you have agonising contractions with no pain relief because - ‘not birth’

I’ve been there so I get you. Please take time and just process. It’s a rough ride but you can do it xx

I had no idea, I feel stupid and naive for not knowing. I'd had bleeding, been to A & E who did an external exam who told me my cervix was closed so classed as a threatened miscarriage and a high chance the baby could be ok but without a scan they didn't know and I couldn't have a scan for days, so we managed to book a private scan the next day who confirmed no heartbeat. So I knew I was miscarrying, googling it all the information said I'd experience cramps like period. Nothing nowhere and no one mentioned it would be like labour. I felt like I was experiencing labour pains alone with my toddler who I cosleep with whilst breastfeeding and trying to settle him. It was such a horrible experience, that I wish I'd been more prepared for.

im so sorry for your loss too 💐

@Sunbird24 Thank you for checking in on everyone, it's so kind of you. I was really worried about how I would feel in the lead up to Christmas, but in reality I've been so busy that I haven't had time to dwell on anything. I suspect I may find New Year tougher, feeling that I'm not going into 2024 in the way I expected to be. We are planning a low key NYE though, so there will be time and space to reflect, which feels important.

@Bey I'm so sorry for your loss, for the painful experience you had and that you didn't feel well supported by the medical staff you dealt with. Do consider, when you're ready, if you want to give feedback via your hospital's PALS team - it is the best way to let them know that you're not happy and that they need to do better for women in your position. I understand what you're saying about wishing you'd known more about miscarriage - I know a lot of people who have had miscarriages but I absolutely wasn't prepared for how gut-wrenchingly hard it would be (unlike you, I had surgical management so I didn't have the physical pain aspect of it but I wasn't at all prepared for how hard it would be to let go of something so physically small that had only existed for a few weeks). Be gentle with yourself, look after yourself as best you can and surround yourself with the support you feel you need while you navigate this new reality.

Wishing everyone posting on/reading this thread the happiest Christmas that you can have - whatever you're doing and however you feel you can approach the festive season, I hope it's a restful time and the new year brings you hope. ❤

Thank you and I am so sorry for your loss too 💐

Hi everyone, I’m so sorry to read about your losses. Miscarriage is such a sad thing to go through. I had a MMC with twins at10 weeks in 2019, I’ve had a baby since but I think I’m having another miscarriage. I had a scan on Thursday due to spotting, baby looked fine and I was 6 weeks but the sac is small and makes miscarriage very likely. I’ve had spotting since Thursday which is a bit heavier today. I’m feeling really scared about actually going through a miscarriage, how much it will hurt particularly. I had surgery for my MMC so didn’t experience it in the same way. I’m hoping to get another scan tmw as the wait is so hard. Anyone had medical management and how was that? I don’t expect to be offered surgery for only 6 weeks…

@warmbutteredtoast so sorry to see you here lovely (was with you on the Due August 2024 thread). I didn't have medical management for my losses but I did lose my MMC naturally whilst awaiting surgery. Was 11+4 but the pregnancy had stopped at 7+5. The loss for that one felt like the early stages of labour - mild-ish contractions - for me it was manageable with normal painkillers and a hot water bottle. The bleeding was like an intense period. I mostly just sat on the toilet for it as when I wasn't on it I did flood a couple of pads. Two intense days like that and then it was pretty much done. My more recent loss was at 7wks but I think it had never developed properly. When the bleeding started it was just like a normal period.

I really hope that you're not in limbo for too long, it's a horrible place to be. And I really hope there's a miracle and this pregnancy turns out to be alright for you. 💕 Sending a big hug. X

@SnookyPook Thank you so much for your reply, so depressing to be on this thread but really appreciate you sharing, and that’s a relief to hear it wasn’t too painful for you at 7 weeks. Thank you, I’m hoping for a miracle too 🙏 Just want it to happen if it’s gonna happen though, the waiting is the worse

After my previous post, I just realised I never updated this thread...

Trigger warning for anyone feeling delicate - pregnancy news

So, after my last MC end of Oct and decision not to track/TTC until the new year, I had a big surprise on 30th Nov. Apparently I ovulated later than usual, and a few days after I got the mega spot. AF never showed and I took a test the day of my work Christmas Do just in case but thoroughly expecting a BFN. Except it wasn't. Was in complete shock. Had done everything wrong that cycle. Only DTD twice CD17 and 19 (usually ovulate around day 14 which was when I had The Spot), had drunk some alcohol, had very hot baths etc... had an early scan last week and almost fainted from nerves going in.. but they found a heartbeat. I'm now 8wks. Very much not feeling out of the woods yet but trying to keep calm. Really hoping this is our rainbow baby.

Apologies - hope it was ok to update on here. Thinking of you all and hope the festive season isn't proving too tough. Hopefully many more rainbow babies on their way in 2024 🙏🏼🌈💕

Hello everyone, I hope you're all having a good end to the year. I haven't been posting much because I was struggling with my loss and not being pregnant for the holidays. I've been doing some counselling which has helped a lot.

@SnookyPook congratulations! That is such lovely news. How have you been feeling?

I also got a big surprise this morning and a positive test, having thought I was definitely out this month. I took a test on Christmas but I guess it was too early. Now that I know I'm pregnant again, 3 months after my loss, I'm trying not to spiral into anxiety that it will happen again. My family is about to leave to visit my parents in the US for 3 weeks in January, I guess it will make the time go quickly, but it makes me worry that I won't be near my GP and the EPU if I need them.

Congratulations @SnookyPook and @WolfMother326 it's really good to hear of some positive experiences after miscarriage. Wishing you both so much luck with your pregnancy's.

@WolfMother326 Congratulations, that's lovely news and what a nice thing to end the year with. I hope this is a sticky bean for you.❤

@warmbutteredtoast How are you? Did you manage to get another scan?

I've had a really rough end to the year - Christmas and especially New Year really brought all of the grief crashing back over me again. I thought I would be entering 2024 looking forward to the arrival of a baby in April, and instead it just feels like I have nothing to show for any of it - sometimes I can't even quite believe that I was pregnant at all. I'm really trying to approach the new year with optimism, but I'm finding that hard to do when I still feel so totally heartbroken.

Thank you @Bey and @CluelessInLondon - I'm working to just feel grateful and see what happens, it feels so fraught after what just happened in the end of summer.

@CluelessInLondon I'm so sorry to hear you've struggled. I was feeling that way too all through the holidays, so miserable just missing the feeling of knowing I was pregnant and mourning the loss again.

One thing that's really helped me is that I self referred to Health in Mind which is an NHS service, I'm not sure if it's called something else outside Sussex, or how long the waiting list is elsewhere, but after about 2 months I started seeing a specialist counsellor who deals with baby loss and early years for mothers. It has been so so helpful having a confidential space to talk about the feelings. Maybe worth looking into?

@WolfMother326 congratulations 🎉 I understand the anxiety but I hope the trip provides some distraction for you ❤️

@CluelessInLondon I'm so sorry, it's still hard coming into this year, I was also due in April with the one I lost and I'm always thinking "I should be so far along, I should have a bump, I should be feeling kicks". I can't make it better for you, but you aren't alone and I hope that helps in some small measure ❤️

@CluelessInLondon not for the first time, I could have written what you have word for word. I sometimes wonder if it even happened at all. I can't quite understand how I could have been pregnant for such a small amount of time and still be so heartbroken - i haven't been pregnant longer than I was now and some days it feels even more painful than it did at the start.

Like @ThelastRolo20 said, I know there's nothing that I can say that helps but I hope there's some comfort in knowing you're not alone in how you feel.

@WolfMother326 @SnookyPook congratulations to you both and I wish you all the best with your pregnancies!

I was also due in April and have had two failed attempts TTC since the miscarriage. We DTD all across the way through my fertile window so just seems crazy that it hasn't worked. Still hitting me really hard and I feel like there's something wrong with me. I feel like I wouldn't feel so broken if I knew I could get pregnant again.

Hi @CluelessInLondon So sorry you’re finding it hard. I perhaps know a little of what you’re going through, I lost my twins in January a few years ago and I still get sad thinking about them/how old they’d be etc. like another poster said, maybe some counselling would help a little?

Thank you for checking in with me, that’s very sweet of you. I had another scan on Thursday expecting no heartbeat but baby was still alive. The sac was tiny though, only just holding the baby so it’s really not looking good. I have another scan Thursday and expecting the worst but praying for a miracle. The wait is awful

Thank you everyone for the kind words and support - I can't even describe how much of a lifeline this thread is, just being able to dump all that negativity into a post and receive so much kindness back.

@13lucy I completely understand how you feel - I know on a rational level that it shouldn't be about "proving" that you can get pregnant and have a successful pregnancy, but I think it's human nature to want that reassurance that your body is doing what it should. My last two cycles we have DTD a lot more than we did in the one where I got pregnant so it is really hard to reconcile that assumption that it should just "work" with the totally random nature of conception.

@warmbutteredtoast Keeping fingers crossed for you that things develop and you get some positive news on Thursday. ❤

@CluelessInLondon I think the fact it was the first pregnancy makes it feel more of an impossibility. I feel like I need to get pregnant again to know that it's possible which just puts more pressure on! I also feel like the excitement of starting a family and going through a pregnancy is gone. It really doesn't make any sense as my friend conceived first time without even trying and had an uneventful pregnancy. I feel like a bad friend at the moment as I can't bring myself to talk to her, probably because I'm too jealous right now!

@warmbutteredtoast sorry to hear that you're going through this. I miscarried naturally at 9 weeks but measuring 6. It wasn't painful but there was more blood than I expected. 111 were brilliant and kept monitoring me as everywhere was closed when it happened and I didn't want to go to hospital. It's horrible being in limbo and scary when you don't know the outcome. I just tried to keep myself occupied between scans as much as I could! I really hope it's positive news for you on Thursday.

@warmbutteredtoast Just popping in as I’ve seen your updates. I really hope your next scan brings positive news xx

Thank you everyone for your kind words.

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this @warmbutteredtoast - I really hope the next scan is more positive.

Could I get a bit of advice? I think I am 4+3 today but not exactly sure. When I miscarried in September, the technician at the hospital told me I should say I've had bleeding when next pregnant and ask for progesterone to be prescribed. I'm not sure if I should do this though. I have no idea why I miscarried and the progesterone seems like its own big ordeal. Also, going back to the EPU doesn't sound fun after what I just went through. But at the same time, I don't want to miscarry again. What would you do?

@WolfMother326 Thank you so much for your kind wishes. More bleeding by today so dont know what to think.

I had a similar question with this pregnancy as I’d previously miscarried. GP wouldn’t prescribe progesterone and EPU wouldn’t give me any until they have scanned me to check it was in the right place, and they don’t like scanning before 6 weeks. I ended up having a scan at just gone 6 weeks due to spotting and they gave me progesterone. I think if you’ve had a miscarriage before and are bleeding in your new pregnancy you qualify

thanks @warmbutteredtoast - I really appreciate your reply.

I am not bleeding, that's the thing. I was in last miscarried pregnancy. The technician just said I should lie basically to get the progesterone...

@WolfMother326 Oh I see! Yes you could do, they may well want to scan you before they give it to you to check it's not ectopic. But progesterone won't harm it can only help

Thanks @warmbutteredtoast - that's really helpful. Maybe I'll just do it. I think I'll wait til tomorrow to call as I know i'll need to be at least over 5 weeks.

@WolfMother326 If it was me, I probably wouldn't - but that's because I don't think I would feel comfortable saying I had symptoms that I didn't actually have! If the EPU is happy to do some additional scans because of the previous loss, that would be enough for me if I wasn't experiencing any worrying symptoms - but understandable if you feel you might need more than that.