Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 8 ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Exactly as the thread title says.
Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
Www.miss-support.org.uk/support/
www.blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
www.petalscharity.org/

www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk.

Link to previous thread:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4732386-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-7-all-welcome?page=1

Yeah would call them tomorrow hopefully its periods

Back to work today after a week of annual leave when I had a miscarriage and then a week of compassionate leave. Greeted by a colleague with "hope you had a fab time off!"

She doesn't know anything and means very well but yeah, it was anything but fab, my time off this time probably rates quite low in all the time I've ever had off.

Thanks for listening to my rant 😂

@CadoAvo urghhhh - hope you managed it as well as you could. I’m dreading work I’ve lost all enthusiasm for my day job - I don’t care about any of it 😔 I’m back next week but still not passed my MC. Bleeding started up again today but seems to be trailing off again; loosing the will to live with it x

I've been lurking for a little while but feel I need to vent my thoughts to others that understand.

I've got PCOS, been TTC for over 3 years and have been using letrozole to induce ovulation through NHS fertility clinic. Had an early miscarriage in July 2022 which ended without any intervention needed within a couple of weeks. Fast forward to now and I had a missed miscarriage confirmed 3 weeks ago, had a scan at 6+4 weeks that was all good and we saw a heartbeat, then started getting cramps and bleeding and was scanned again at 8 weeks but was only measuring 6+5 with no heartbeat.
The cramps and bleeding carried on for nearly 2 weeks. It finally seems to be settling but my pregnancy tests are still positive 😔
Contacted EPU this morning and been waiting for a callback since 9am. Haven't been able to concentrate properly on anything as I just wait for the phone to ring. Need to take the dog out but can't because i don't get phone signal across the fields.
I think I could get my head round another miscarriage but this whole 3 week long process that still hasn't finished is just torture. It's like a constant reminder every time I go to the toilet and having to make more hospital appointments, cancelling plans so I can attend scans, I'm so done with it all.
I'm suppose to be going on holiday on Thursday and I can just see EPU saying they can't see me before then and it dragging even more. And to top it off, my hello fresh order hasn't been delivered today so we've got no dinner. Not really sure what I'm after 😅 just to vent I think but ergh this is all so rubbish...

@Loz365 I’m so sorry for your loss and how long it’s all be dragging on for. The best we can hope for at this point is a quick resolution and I’m too in the same frustrating boat.

I was told EPAU would follow up with me the day after my scan & bad news - they never did. Every time the bleeding starts I think, this is it finally - and then it stops and I’m back to the drawing board.
we too got a heartbeat at 6+1 and found out at 8+2 it had stopped growing pretty much straight after that and no heartbeat.
I felt ok with expectant management as I thought it was resolving itself but I’m pissed off with the lack of care from the hospital and baby has now been in there for 3 weeks…

we had a shower leak the other day and I swear, it nearly tipped me over the edge. Living on my last nerve at the minute.

you’re not alone and sending you a big hug xx

@H20202 thank you for your reply and I'm so sorry you're going through a similar experience.
Yea I thought it would all be over quickly like it was the first time. I just want to move on from it now. All this unknown and uncertainty is so draining.
I have no reserve to deal with anything at the moment, sometimes I think I'm fine then I suddenly find myself crying.
Do you have any follow up arranged?

@Loz365 your exactly like me. I had surgical management exactly three weeks ago. I was 12 weeks but baby had stopped growing at 8+4. My pregnancy test this morning was positive, I was told take a test after three weeks, if it’s still positive you need to ring us. So I ring up and all I get told is this often happens ring again in a week if you are still positive. Like what’s the effing point in being told to test after three. It’s so cruel not to mention pointless and now I am right back to square one emotionally. As if what we have bee. Through isn’t enough, they need to effing torture us on top of it??!! I’m supposed to be back at work on Monday, but as a ward manager I am also expected to mentally have my shit together so that I can take on and deal with other peoples shit. I don’t even know what to do for the best.

@Loz365 totally understand how you feel. I had a miscarriage during the second week of February, thought it was all over after a week or so then kept having gushes of blood every few days. Called EPU. Who said this is normal, nothing to worry about. Fast forward a couple of weeks and I’m having emergdncy surgical management because of the loss of blood and incomplete miscarriage. I’m sure this is rare but I wish I was firmer with EPU. It took another 4 weeks after that to get a negative pregnancy test ( end of March) so the whole process for me of 6 weeks felt an eternity.

@Sarahha as someone who works in the nhs take your concerns to the following places. Go practice manager, pals service at the hospital and then onto cqc just for good measure. Be brutally honest and factual in your complaint. If you can put dates times phone calls in do it. Start from the most recent and go backwards and when you can’t remember anymore just say that in your complaints letter. Have you been seen by the recurrent miscarriage clinic at all?? Your gp can do this I believe. Or give EPAU another call and don’t be nice give them what for. Please please put that letter into pals because it will go above the people who are not ringing back it will go to their matron and directorate managers. You can get through this and you can give your son a sibling. But don’t you dare roll over and go down without a fight. You are not beaten in this and you will get to hold your baby. You are a women and if they have to hear you roar then so bloody be it!!!! You got this!!

@Livefreely wow that sounds scary. And such a long process for you, I'm glad it's finally over though.

@lNic2908 it's awful isn't it!? EPU didn't call me back today so now I've got to try again tomorrow. Nothing feels straightforward, you get over one hurdle and something else is thrown down in front of you. I'm normally quite a positive person but I'm finding it so draining at the minute.
I work for the NHS too, clinical role, and I think having to put on a front with patients is hard at the best of times but right now I'm struggling. I've actually got 2 weeks off which I'm so thankful for, I just wish I didn't have all this uncertainty hanging over me.

@Sarahha I'm so sorry you've had such a traumatic time. All the delays are just so unfair. We've been told I can be referred to the recurrent miscarriage clinic but I've heard the wait is 9 months 😔 I'm probably not in the right frame of mind to be super positive but just know that you're not on your own 💐

Little update from me in case it's helpful for others. Finally got hold of someone on EPU, they said as I don't have any pain or fresh bleeding they think everything has passed and it's just the hormones lagging behind. They want me to do another test next week (4 weeks post missed miscarriage) and if still positive then they will scan me.
Glad I have some clarity and really hoping it's negative by next week 🤞🤞🤞

I’ve been in this thread for a while now but I don’t often comment. I’ve had a MMC 3 chemicals and a scar ectopic. Last month I had my third chemical and now my period is almost a week late (currently on cycle day 37) and this hasn’t happened to me with the other 2 chemicals, just wondering if anyone else has experienced this?

@Loz365 do keep on top of it, I had similar after one of my surgeries but got busy with work and completely forgot to test again as I had no symptoms, then one day I suddenly realised I was over 6 weeks on and my period hadn’t appeared! Turned out I had a retained bit - we tried the medical option which didn’t work so they had to go back in surgically to get it.

@Sunbird24 thank you, I will make sure I check at the weekend, I don't want this dragged out any longer than it needs to be 😩

Hi everyone. I’m so sorry that we find ourselves in this group.

I’m joining after a very recent miscarriage. I had some very light spotting around 6 weeks so went to the EPU. They said I looked more like 5 weeks and that my sac was an irregular shape, so it didn’t look good.

I went back for a scan yesterday (should have been 7+4) and sadly confirmed there had been no growth since 5 weeks.

Luckily the EPU had prepared us and we had a D&C already scheduled for yesterday afternoon, so it’s all over with already.

I have an incredibly supportive partner who is with me every step of the way, but it’s still a lonely place (as I’m sure you’ll all know) without knowing anyone who has also been through this.

Anyway, glad to be among people who have gone through this horrible experience. I’m particularly nervous about trying again (we don’t want to wait too long) and how it’ll feel when I hopefully become pregnant again.

Hope you’re all okay 💜

@purplecolouroffunk I'm so sorry you've had to go through this too. It was good you managed to get the surgery so quickly, it's a lot to go through though and your emotions will probably be all over the place for a few weeks. I'm terrified of being pregnant because of all the anxiety I know I'll feel but really desperate to be pregnant! Waiting until next month to start TTC after my MMC in February.

@jellyfish2 I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this too. I’m sending you love 💜

Today I feel fine physically but I’m really all over the place emotionally. Spent most of the morning feeling a bit empty/numb and crying, feeling so overwhelmed at the road ahead. I go from feeling a bit of hope, to feeling totally hopeless.

I’m so worried about the anxiety that will come with a new pregnancy too. I think it’s probably best for me to wait until after my first period but I’m so desperate to try again too. I really miss being pregnant and don’t really want to waste any time considering I’m 35.

My best friend is also 16 weeks pregnant and I was so excited to be just 8 weeks behind her. I haven’t seen her yet but I’m worried about how I’ll feel when I do.

@purplecolouroffunk everything you say is exactly how I felt and still feel to an extent. The empty feeling is awful and that was the word I used when family/friends text asking how I was. I just felt so numb and just like I was existing in that moment but couldn't concentrate on anything. I actually had a cry earlier today listening to the Taylor swift song bigger than the whole sky, it just describes the feelings so much and will forever remind me of my little one that I lost.
You will get through it and it does get better I promise. All the ladies on these threads are so supportive too. I've found reading everyone's stories really reassuring they I'm not alone and I like reading about those that are pregnant following similar losses. It brings a lot of hope. I have a family member who is pregnant and i was so excited to tell her I was pregnant as we would've spent a lot of our mat leave together and I knew she would be so excited at the news and I felt disappointed or something, I'm not sure how to describe it, but just that I was so looking forward to sharing the news and ended up having to tell her my baby died. Did you tell anyone? I told a couple of close family members and I felt guilty because they were so excited and that I'd let them down. The emotions are absolutely wild. It's the toughest thing I've gone through but definitely just go with all the emotions you feel. 🩷

@Fingerscrossed88 I hope you are enjoying your honeymoon and that your wedding went well
@jellyfish2 @AFeastForCrows @Orlahoping @CadoAvo I hope you ladies are also doing well. Thinking of you all 💐💐

@jellyfish2 how are you doing today?

I couldn't resonate more with what you said. I absolutely feel like I’m almost living hour by hour at the moment, just trying not to think too much into the future or the past or it all becomes too much. I find it hard to concentrate too.

Reading about successful pregnancies after miscarriage is really keeping me going too. I’m so desperate to start again but almost feel guilty about that or something. Like I should be leaving time.

God I’m in exactly the same situation with my friend. I hadn’t had the chance to tell her before this all happened cause wanted to do it in person but I was SO excited cause we’d be going through it together. I’m seeing her next week, so now instead of giving the exciting news I’ll have to give the really sad news. I completely understand your disappointment - I feel it too. It felt like such a lovely opportunity to do something like this together.

We told my parents and my partner’s parents not long after we found out as we’re all quite close. I feel awful for disappointing them too. I’m an only child and my mum and dad were so so excited when we told them. Now it just feels like the shine has completely been taken off that whole experience and for the future too. I think we’ll tell them when I’m pregnant again, but will be much more cautious about it.

The emotions are insane. I genuinely can’t tell how I’m going to be feeling from one hour to the next. Yesterday morning I almost couldn’t get out of bed I felt so awful and couldn’t stop crying. And today I feel…fine?! But I know it won’t last.