Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 8 ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Exactly as the thread title says.
Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
Www.miss-support.org.uk/support/
www.blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
www.petalscharity.org/

www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk.

Link to previous thread:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4732386-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-7-all-welcome?page=1

@jellyfish2 thank you so much for your message, I will be 8 weeks 3 days i believe on the day of the mva on Tuesday. I am so sorry to hear you found out about your mmc at 12 weeks, why can the universe be totally cruel 😢.
@nearly8 thank you so much again. My wedding is this friday and we were meant to have family and friends here from wednesday but we deicded thursday would be best if my mva is on tuesday. I think i would be a crumbling mess having to face people then.
I have had a good word with myself and telling myself it's just part of my journey and was pridecided. Ive always been an over thinker and worried about the worst outcome. So for me now I'm like what if if takes me ages to fall pregnant again. How will I cope in these first few weeks etc. Just horrible... also doesn't help that my future MIL stayed with us the other weekend and said she had a hunch we were pregnant and we just laughed it off. Coming back from the honeymoon when we would've announced it and going back to work I also dread.
Rambling on, I just hope Tuesday mva is as OK as it can be and I feel some form of closure.
So grateful to be able to voice my thoughts here.
Thank you xxxx

@Fingerscrossed88 I still have all the same questions too just constantly worrying if I'll be able to get pregnant again and if it'll happen again. From what I've read it's completely normal and I've also read lots of stories about ladies that have gone on to have successful pregnancies afterwards. Its difficult but I'm trying to think positively. For me, I tried to rationalise that maybe the reason for the miscarriage was that the baby just wasn't well enough to survive and that it was better happening at the stage it did than further down the line. I obviously don't even know if there was anything wrong or what caused it but seems to be the most common reason is a chromosomal issue.
It's a lot to take in especially when you have the wedding and you start thinking about announcing the pregnancy etc and it's taken away in an instant. It's so so unfair. I hope your procedure goes ok, feel free to ramble again! It's important to get it out xx

@Fingerscrossed88 yes it is an emotional minefield. Part of you so desperately wants to be pregnant again the other half petrified. And when you eventually catch you literally spend the whole time worrying about every little thing. I have had two unsuccessful pregnancies following losses all back to back and it saddens me that I don't think I'll ever truly enjoy pregnancy again. However not getting pregnant brings its own anxiety and worry too.
I think the main thing right now is getting you to this wedding and you enjoying it. As I said before, you are still marrying the love of your life which is still beautiful and deserves to be enjoyed. I know it will be hard, especially as you had planned your announcement upon return but if there's one thing I have leant through this whole process (and there's many things I have learnt) it's that you can do it. Yes it's hard, sometimes it seems impossible but slowly but surely you come to realise that you're still standing. And you cracked a smile here and there. And you went a while hour without crying. Its a long road and nobody knows just how long but as I've said before all us ladies are here for you too. Again @jellyfish2 is right that rambling on and venting it out is good for you and here we all are supporting each other as only us women can. I will definitely hold a toast to you, your DP and your future family on Friday sweet and I'll be thinking of you and sending my love on Tuesday 💐 💐

@nearly8 I just wanted to say I think you are wonderful, and thank you for showing up to support strangers on the internet.

I've been lurking on the thread a while since my loss, posting occasionally, and you bring a lot of comfort.

@Orlahoping awwww that has made me smile today sweet and for that I am truly grateful. I'm glad that you find comfort here cause heaven knows we could all use some right now. You might be able to tell I'm quite wordy 😂😂 and I always seem to be the friend/ family member people come to to thrash out any worries or troubles. I like to think a problem shared is a problem halved and you and anyone else is welcome to thrash it out with me whenever you like. I may not have the answers but I like to think I can help point in the right direction or at least offer some support. Hope you are doing ok lovely 💐💐

@Fingerscrossed88 hope everything went ok on Tuesday Hun. Thinking of you today sending you all my love and hugs. Congratulations to you and DP. I will be raising a toast later on 💐💐🤗

@Orlahoping @jellyfish2 how are you doing ladies? Hope you are smiling today 💐💐

Thanks for asking @nearly8. At the beginning of the two week wait and trying, and failing, to feel hopeful. But it's sunny here and I am sat in the garden with coffee.

Hope you have bright moments in your day.

Thinking of everyone!

@Orlahoping well I will have hope for you in the times where you have none sweet. You enjoy that sunshine 🤗🤗

Hi all, We found out on Tuesday (8+2) following some bleeding a few days before that baby had stopped growing and heartbeat stopped just after our 6 week scan.
I elected to wait for it to happen naturally given it looked like it was already starting and it had been over 2 weeks since no growth. But… nothing so far.

I've had a tiny bit of spotting this week and a few cramps but nothing substantial. This morning I had more substantial craps but they’ve gone again and not a hint of bleeding. Just feeling queasy and I’ve got that coming on feeling but no progress.

I had a MC last year which turned out to be ectopic/herotopic ( so I know what to expect) but starting to get really frustrated that I’m just walking around with a passed baby and nature doesn’t seem to be taking course.

i have another week off work next week (hosp signed me off for 2weeks).
so currently deciding if I should go in for medication today, Monday or book in for surgery Thurs. worried that as they only do surgery on Thursday I may not feel well enough for work the following Monday 😔

any advice, support much appreciated x

@Orlahoping I am 8 DPO. Trying not to be too hopeful as I’m sure it’s unlikely that we will conceive this soon after the miscarriage but it is impossible not to feel consumed by it. Said we wouldn’t actively try until I’d had a period post the miscarriage but then I ended up tracking ovulation and felt like I couldn’t not try. Have cramping so am sure period is on its way and I know I will be devastated when it does. Am still really struggling and can’t stop crying/getting emotional. Can tell my other half doesn’t know what to do with me. I’m yet to go back to work as just don’t feel like I would cope, I manage a lot of other people and just don’t think I could put a face on it all. Also found out a close friend is pregnant and due the same time I would have been. All just feels so hard 💔

@H20202 so so sorry you are going through this and sending you lots of love.
I wouldn’t want to offer advice as such as it’s such a personal decision but can share my experience. I’ve had 2 MMC’s. Both picked up unexpectedly on scans. Most recent was 4.5 weeks ago at 10 week scan after having a healthy scan with heartbeat at 8 weeks. 10 week scan showed baby had stopped growing very shortly after.
With both miscarriages I elected to have surgery. The first due to it ending up being a very drawn out process where I was sent home to let things happen naturally, had lots of bleeding and discomfort but still required intervention as I hadn’t passed everything. I chose surgery on this occasion as I just needed it to be over and I was scared medical management wouldn’t work and would prolong the process. So that I could have the same day I had it under local and if I’m honest would not recommend as it was very uncomfortable.
most recent time I elected for surgery as i could cope with the idea of passing our baby at home and felt it would be too distressing. Also my partner was struggling with time off work and again it felt preferential to get things over with whilst he was around. I was concerned about potential for scarring with surgery so consulted a friend who is an obs and gynae registrar. Her advice was that this is very unlikely as they are now very careful with type of procedure and risks are low. I requested to have the procedure done under GA but with ultrasound guidance so that they could be extra careful.
Is there a possibility you could take additional time from work if you need to reduce pressure on the situation?
it really is a personal decision. Sorry if that was too much info but mainly sorry you are going through this. You aren’t alone, sending love x

@H20202 awww I'm so sorry for your loss sweet. It is awful the waiting isn't it. To give you my experience I have had three losses in the last 13 months (losses in the space of 10). With the first the first thing I knew was the bleeding started. Once it was confirmed in EPU the MC happened within days. Same with the second except I didn't bother with EPU. Once the bleeding started I pretty much knew what I was in for. With my most recent loss I had really severe cramping one night (25/01) but no spotting or bleeding. Was very confused especially given what had happened the first two times but got slightly hopeful it was nothing to worry about. 31/01 floodgates opened and that was my third loss. So I suppose you could be like me and the bleeding will come in a few days? Maybe not? I'm an advocate for letting things happen in their own time by also realise how harrowing and frustrating it is. Sending you lots of love and hugs 🤗 🤗 💐 💐

@ByLivelyDreamer I relate so much to everything you have said! My first period post MMC hit me so hard, as I just wanted to be one of the lucky ones. Like you I couldn't envisage losing a chance.

Take your time going back to work if you can. I ended up quitting my job because the pressure of managing clients and people was too much. Still need to get through 2 more months as was on a 3 month notice!

I also relate on the other people being pregnant thing :(. It's so painful and I feel like a dick when I can't be happy.

Remember your hormones are still levelling out so crying might be more expected (not that that makes it better!).

Sending love and hope 💞

@H20202 I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. It's just an awful thing to experience. I had a MMC and elected for surgery under GA as I was terrified of passing baby at home as i already have a toddler and also didn't want to do it in hospital and be away from him. Mine was a Thursday and I was physically fine after a couple of days but I felt so exhausted, probably mainly all the emotions as I just kept crying on and off and I didn't want to see anyone for a few days either.
I was given a two week line by the consultant but I could've taken longer if I wanted as my work were very understanding. Is there a reason you'd be unable to go to work? I definitely wouldn't go in on the Monday if you opt for surgery. I can only go on my experience but I was very fragile for a few weeks, even when I did return almost 3 weeks later. The surgery was completely fine and I was pleasantly surprised with how I felt. I didn't bleed much either. Hope you're ok 🩷

@nearly8 I'm doing ok thanks, currently ovulating but not dtd as we both agreed to give myself another period in hope my cycle is back to normal. So difficult resisting when I know I'm ovulating 🤣 but it's for the best as I won't then think could I be pregnant and stressed myself out - will start that next month! Got a few plans in next couple of weeks to look forward to too so hopeful it'll go in quickly.
How are you? X

Still waiting for it to pass so I think I’ll go in for meds Monday and hope that sorts it. I’ll return to work the following week and if I have to take more time off for surgery in the following weeks so be it 😢 nearly 3 weeks now since baby passed, so upsetting to just be waiting knowing x

Shamelessly placemarking before I loose this thread. Will be back to say hello soon xx

@jellyfish2 that sounds like a good plan. Being in a strong place mentally should really help in the coming months Hun. Especially when you're negotiating the emotional minefield of TTC and then pregnancy. Each time I've had my period I've dragged myself from the pit of despair by telling myself at least I've got another month to prepare my body and mind. I'm trying to shake off the 2 stone I've put on since last year. Been working out more and adjusting my diet slightly to offset it but it's really pissed me off as I had gone from 13st to 12st before all this started and was really proud of myself and now I'm 14st which is even bigger than where I started from last time. Luckily I'm a hoarder of clothes so have clothes big enough to fit from previous pregnancy but it's been getting me down. I hope you enjoy your plans over the coming weeks. Please keep me updated on your journey, I'll always be here for celebrations and to offer a hand to hold 🤗💐

Period started yesterday afternoon. Absolutely devastated. Had hoped that I would be one of the lucky ones and get pregnant straight after the miscarriage but not to be. First period post miscarriage feels particularly sad too 😔

Hi Guys,

I hope it’s ok if I join, i recognise some of the handles from other threads. I am 37, last March I found out at a private 16 week scan that my little girls heart had already stopped beating. I delivered and buried her and she is very much a part of our lives. We decided on a basic pm which was inconclusive, the only thing it found was that in the cord there was two vessels instead of the usual three and so there could have been an issue with blood flow but that babies can go to full term and be fine with this.

we took a year out the recover and and this year fell pregnant again. I was under the rainbow clinic scanned at 8 weeks to find a heartbeat and started on Aspirin only to be told at the 12 week scan (again March this year) that baby had passed away around 8+4. I had a d+c two weeks ago and the fetus has been sent for some genetic screening but that can take about 12 weeks.

Due to my age I have been accepted by the recurrent miscarriage clinic but they can’t start anything until the first day of my second period. So I’m currently reading it starts with an egg and arming myself with information to take to gp and vitamins to buy ☺️ it’s never ending is it. I can’t wait to get to know you all. I’m going to go back now and try to read.

Hi all,

i don't know if its a valid question to ask here but i had a missed miscarriage (baby stopped growing few weeks after)
i had surgery done 2nd April. Bleeding stopped on 8th April as it was coffee grounds brown sort if and then ended by white sticky cervical mucus so i thought ut stopped. Me being stupid and desperate to try for baby again had sex with husband on 10th 11th and 12th but on 13th i had this bleeding bright red but not heavy bleeding(not like period) very light. today i checked it its turning brown and spots on pad. Is it period? Or still from miscarriage?

sorry for too much detail and errors

Its a bit more than spots now but its fresh blood

@Nic2908 sorry to hear of your losses, and hope you get some good news soon! I am also reading it starts with an egg but i got quite overwhelmed with all the supplements! Have you decided to take any from there?

@Faz19 sorry to hear of your loss and understandable that you didnt want to wait! I didnt have surgery so can't comment but did they say how long before you could have sex? I thought if you stopped bleeding it was ok....

Hi @FullMoon1917 they said have sex after one cycle of periods because if you get pregnant then its easy to measure the date
they said something like that
i thought it wouldnt harm as bleeding stopped.
but wed Thursday friday was okay but on Saturday bleeding started and this time its fresh blood i was wondering if its periods

@Faz19 i think some of the waiting (though i can't remember how long) is for risk of infection, same with baths and tampons but like I said I didn't have surgery so am not sure. It sounds like you waited long enought but maybe call your EPU to check?