Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 7. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Apologies, I didn’t realise the last thread had filled up.

Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
miss-support.org.uk/support/
blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
petalscharity.org/
www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk. I’ve had 5 MCs, and am now sadly at the end of my IVF journey, but want to keep this thread going for everyone else who might find it helpful.

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4559567-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-6-all-welcome?page=1

@CluelessInLondon @CrazyMILonthecase thank you. Worried as my tests haven't really shown great progression (although I know technically they're not designed to do that but still) - I think combined with earlier losses I just daren't really hope too much. However I have seen some posts from others saying they had similar looking tests and concerns at this gestation and progressed fine. It's just so uncertain isn't it.

I will update you next week but conscious I don't want to put too much about it all on this thread as it isn't really the space for that. 💕

@SnookyPook Definitely step away from the tests!

Maybe we need a "hope after miscarriage" thread or something like that, where people can post their positive experiences - that way people have the choice of whether or not they want to read them, and if they don't they can stick to the support thread. I know for some people seeing stories of healthy pregnancies post-MC really helps and reassures, and for others it doesn't as it can add to the sense of loss. And that might change over time too - what serves as a painful reminder to someone who has just lost their baby might be a great source of comfort and hope a month down the line.

@Khanga27 good luck with trying this month. Sending baby dust your way x
@Gemandi2 im so sorry for your loss. 4 MCs in two years is a lot, both physically and emotionally. Totally get the ticking timebomb when it comes to age, it’s so bloody annoying! I’m nearing 40 and like you panic time is not on my side. I previously went to the recurrent miscarriage clinic - I already had children so they didn’t test my husband as they said any issues would be with me (lovely!!! 🙄) they ran a series of blood tests - blood count, thyroid, blood clotting ones etc. I was also booked in for a hysteroscopy. My appointment took about 4 months to come through following a GP referral. Hopefully yours will be quicker 🤞🏻x

@SnookyPook totally get that you don’t want to talk too much about it, it’s so tricky but I wish you so much luck and will have everything crossed for you. I think @CluelessInLondon summed it up perfectly! X

@CluelessInLondon that's a great idea, I think the new thread will be a positive place to post and agree different people have different triggers.
@SnookyPook totally stay away from tests where u can, I understand your nervousness tho 🤞
@CrazyMILonthecase thankyou for the info - they said the same to me re the problem being with me as otherwise I wouldn't be getting pregnant in first place (nice) hope your wait is almost over for the scans tho 🤞

@Khanga27 hope you are feeling a bit stronger and good luck to you 🤞

@Gemandi2 "problem?" That's a horrific thing to have been said to you. I'm so sorry!
Wondering if you and partner have had genetic screening? (Or anyone else here?).

I'm in a different situation, fertility clinic, and screening was done to assess recessive/prominent genes for various potential medical conditions. When I mc the clinic did genetic pathology to determine cause. I found it all quite helpful. In my case it was just a fluke, Turner Syndrome. There is nothing wrong with you.
It makes me so angry that when we are at our most vulnerable people we rely on, doctors and even friends/family etc, thoughtlessly or otherwise, make statements that add to our trauma.

@CrazyMILonthecase @Gemandi2 I haven’t made it as far as seeing a RM clinic yet (on 2 MC so far) but I’m pretty shocked they would not only speak to you like that but treat your cases so dismissively! Yes your partners may have had children before, but things can change - dietary deficiencies, age-related degradation of sperm, etc. Why wouldn’t they check? It makes me so mad how women are made solely responsible for fertility issues. And even if you’ve conceived with your partner recently, and sadly lost the pregnancy, if MC are due to genetic issues that could be egg OR sperm? How maddening. I really hope you do both find answers and get your rainbows. I also hope the NHS survives long enough to stop being so sexiest…!

@Gemandi2 I am also 43 and was effectively told the MC was to be expected at my age. That’s before we’ve even got the test results back!

@ThelastRolo20 I found out about retained tissue at a follow up scan (I had it booked in already as they wanted to confirm the MMC, although we already knew it was a MMC because the dates didn't work out, so I had actually passed most of it naturally by then). I had another scan a week after this to wait to see if the retained tissue would pass naturally as I was still bleeding at the time (it didn't) so I opted for surgery as I wanted to get it sorted and be able to move on. I was still testing faintly positive on a pregnancy test which can be a sign of retained tissue if you test positive for a while, although it can take a few weeks for HCG to leave your body after a miscarriage anyway! I wouldn't worry too much unless your body tells you otherwise. Hopefully you can TTC again soon!

@Bugdem123 I totally understand that feeling of it hitting you when you stop and your thoughts catch up with you. I think it's good to take the pressure off TTC, although it's become my obsession even though I can't do anything about it another month! I've never wished time away so much, which is really sad as in reality we don't have any control over this and need to let nature do it's thing. I

@CluelessInLondon that must be very frustrating with the OPKs but I hope things settle for you soon! It is stressful not being in control of your body, especially when you want to TTC again. I feel similar with the emotions and how much this has changed me - sometimes I feel ok about it and that it will all work out, and other times I can't make sense of what's happened. I am overthinking everything at the moment. I worry about it being my first pregnancy and I worry about not being able to conceive again. I am trying not to blame myself for 'putting off' having children - I'm early 30's but my husband is a few years older and has been ready for a while now and I feel a huge time pressure. It was all too good to be true when I got pregnant. I just can't believe what's happened really and how others can have a family without experiencing this at all. It feels very unfair, although I know others have had it way worse than me and I am grateful in that sense.

Totally agree I was surprised it was said so matter of factly, I guess time will tell as we have numerous tests. Me and my DH already have 2 children so I am hoping even if a problem is identified it's not unrectifiable 🤞
There is a train of thought it could be my immunity but it's a theory just discussed as a possibility rather than a factual diagnosis.
If that turns out to be the reason apparently it can be managed by medication.
So I'm just counting down to my first period and the blood tests and then they have me booked in for the clinic and scans which with any luck will all occur by end of November

@Gemandi2 so sorry about the terminology they use, it's all so clinical, blunt, and sometimes just unnecessary!

Hope the next stage for you goes smoothly x

Hi ladies, just been trying to catch up on the flurry of updates.
@CrazyMILonthecase @Gemandi2 it was interesting to see the feedback you have had, that having previous children or getting pregnant means that any fertility issues fall to you. I would be in the same boat then too as we have two dc. It’s maddening!
I’m on the waitlist for the recurrent miscarriage clinic but honestly I don’t even hold out much hope in getting any answers from them.
My EPU called me today asking me to take another pregnancy test, it’s positive but faint. I’ve to take another one next week and then go from there to determine if I need to go back in for any further scans etc. It’s just over two weeks since I passed the pregnancy so I guess it’s still early days.

@Gemandi2 @xxcxdonxx Yep it does seem to fall to the woman when you’ve had precious children 🤷‍♀️ To be fair to my gynaecologist, she said it very nicely but the message was still the same 😆 apparently men’s sperm doesn’t change dramatically and the fact I was falling pregnant meant his swimmers were doing their job! I’ll admit I felt a bit irritated when I told my husband as I felt like there was something wrong with me rather than a shared failure if that makes sense!? All my tests / scans came back normal and I was told it was very much a matter of eggs getting a bit dodgy with age. My gynaecologist asked me whether that made me feel better or not - she said some people like to find a reason so they have something to work with whereas others prefer no issues and the hope that one month it will just work. I think I fall in the latter category! X

@ThelastRolo20 i agree the terminology can be very blunt. I’ve encountered some fantastic nurses / doctors over the years but I’ve also come across a few who lacked total empathy with the whole thing!

@CrazyMILonthecase I’m 38 so I wonder if that’s the case with me too and my
old eggs 🤕
Back to Dr Google to find out how to improve eggs quality!

@xxcxdonxx 😆 oh no not Dr Google! Everyone told me to take ubiquinol to improve egg quality which I started and two months later had a MC followed by another a month later. So I’m not quite sold on that particular supplement just yet…! I was slightly low on Vit D so I’ve been taking that since the start of the year x

It's crazy isn't it what we put ourselves through!
I've got pregnacare vitamins which have COQ 10 and all the various vitamins, but I've been told to buy COQ 10 independent tho and I'd heard of the ubiquious (may have misspelt that)!
Apparently they both help with egg health and quality so I don't mind giving it a go
Are you still taking @CrazyMILonthecase or have u decided to ditch them?

Hi all, mind if I join please? Just had my 2nd mc confirmed today at 5+5, after one in feb at 9+5. Still feeling very numb atm but no doubt it will hit me properly soon. Sorry that all have you have been through the same crap situation, hoping it helps to know there’s a load of people out there feeling the same thing xx

Hello all! Currently going through my 4th MC in the last year! 1st one I had to get a DNC for, the next 2 were just chemical and this one was an early MC. Had a scan on Monday at the EPU on Monday and there wasn’t even a sack. My HCG levels were only 40. She told me to call again on Monday if my tests are still positive and as of today they are still positive! So hoping by Monday they won’t be! I’ll have been bleeding for 2 weeks on Sunday. The day before yesterday the blood pretty much completely stopped but then yesterday and today it’s super heavy again! I didn’t bleed this much with the CPs and I don’t remember how long I bled for after the DNC. I know you’re supposed to super ovulate after an MC but my LH tests are all high bc of the HCG still in my system!

@CrazyMILonthecase I know, it’s the worst but can’t help myself!! @Gemandi2 it really is, I find all the vitamins all a bit overwhelming on what to do for best.
I’ve read so many things about people’s cycles being a bit messed up and I can’t add any more complexities at the moment 🤪
I’ve had my bloods taken earlier this week so that should hopefully be a good place to start on anything else that is needed

@PADonk so sorry to hear of your loss. I felt the same after mine, just not really knowing that to do with myself at times. I was completely oblivious to how many go through this before I had my own so having places like this to share experiences has definitely helped.

@Jess1997 i’m so sorry you have had such a terrible experience. I hope that your bleeding eases up for your, it feels a bit like a constant reminder of what has happened and it takes it toll physically.

hello all, and hi to@CluelessInLondon, thanks for checking in. How are you? I haven't been following the thread closely.

I guess that I did have my period, it felt like a totally normal one, maybe a little worse cramps but it was fine. My husband and I have decided to try again starting with this cycle, and just see what happens without any expectation, just try to relax. I'll be testing for ovulation early next week, hoping its all normal.

Our families know that I had a miscarriage so we've decided to just say we're waiting a while to try, I can't handle my mum asking how it's going etc, we got so lucky last time (or so it seemed) falling pregnant on our 2nd month, when with our first child it took nearly a year. I feel a bit nervous but also hopeful.

@xxcxdonxx thanks very much, sorry for yours too ❤️

@Jess1997 fingers crossed it’s all clear by Monday - it’s an added cruelty how long they drag on for

@WolfMother326 can totally relate there - my family know we miscarried in feb but we won’t tell them about any future pregnancies until we get in safe-ish (lol) territory as just don’t need the added pressure of constant check ins etc, it’s bad enough knowing they’re dying to ask why it’s taking so long

@Gemandi2 nope I’ve stopped taking them. I’m sticking with vit D and B vitamins but not adding anything else to it. I think I’m going to ask for a blood test to see if anything’s changed since my last one.
@PADonk so sorry to hear you’ve just suffered a second loss. It’s a range of emotions and I find I feel different day to day. Just take each day as it comes x
@Jess1997 gosh 4 in a year is a lot to take you poor thing. Really hope the bleeding slows down soon. Have you spoken to your GP about a referral to the recurrent miscarriage clinic? Once you’ve had 3 in a row you can be seen by them. X
@xxcxdonxx going online can actually drive you mad with information overload 🤪 So many stories and different approaches! @WolfMother326 good luck with the TTC! I also think I’ll keep any future pregnancy quiet for a while…maybe 40 weeks if I can get away with it 😀