Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 7. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Apologies, I didn’t realise the last thread had filled up.

Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
miss-support.org.uk/support/
blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
petalscharity.org/
www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk. I’ve had 5 MCs, and am now sadly at the end of my IVF journey, but want to keep this thread going for everyone else who might find it helpful.

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4559567-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-6-all-welcome?page=1

Hi everyone, could I please join? Found out about a MMC on Monday at my 12 week scan - baby had passed just before 10 weeks. I ended up having a natural miscarriage on Tuesday afternoon...it all feels very surreal and don't really know what I should be doing! I'm sure like many of you I never thought I'd be here, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Lots of love to everyone x

@Bugdem123 hope you're doing ok. It's a hard slog working through the emotions! I've been working from home throughout but had good days and bad days. It's been a good distraction for me but then it's been worse in the mornings and evenings when I'm not busy. You've been through a lot and hopefully it will just get easier to carry with time.

@ThelastRolo20 sorry that you are here and have experienced this. I found out about my MMC about 5 weeks ago and miscarried naturally a few days later. I also had retained tissue which needed surgery two weeks ago so that knocked me back quite a bit! It is the hardest thing I've ever been through but it has got slightly easier with time. I would recommend a lot of self care, rest and taking each day as it comes.

@CluelessInLondon how are you getting on? Hope you're doing ok. I got positive OPK this week so hoping my body is getting back to where it needs to be. It's been difficult seeing the positive OPK and not DTD as it feels like a missed opportunity but feel it's best to do what the consultant advised. I'm having more manageable days now but time feels like it's passing so slowly! Another 4 weeks until we can TTC feels like a lifetime away!!

I’m sorry you are here @ThelastRolo20 but you will find it very supportive.

There’s no advice really, apart from rest and finding what works for you. I came back to work after a week as I needed some distraction but if that isn’t for you, just take some time. ❤️

@13lucy thank you - did you find out about retained tissue due to pregnancy tests or other symptoms? That's my only worry at the moment, just want to move on and get back to TTC!

@Noodles4Me I'm planning on going back next week, I think the distraction will be good. I hope you're doing okay x

@13lucy thank you. I'm sorry you have the same thing - it's as if I've been storing it up all day and it has to burst out at some point. My boss has been really supportive so I'm grateful for that. I also totally get what you mean about seeing the positive OPK and it feeling like a waste. I felt the same way. We've discussed skipping the next cycle too as we'll be on holiday for the TWW and I'm so torn about what to do. We're going to America so I'll be able to stock up on First Response tests at least 😅.

@ThelastRolo20 I'm so sorry you're here and for your loss. I also had a MMC, I found out about mine 5 weeks ago when I was 9 weeks and passed my baby 4 weeks ago tomorrow. The only advice I have (and am probably not very good at following right now) is to just let yourself feel however you need to feel. I've found that trying to distract myself too much just means it comes back even harder later on. I also treated myself as if I was sick for the first week after - lots of naps, nice food, comfort shows, hot water bottles etc and I also got a paint by numbers which I found really helpful. Keep sharing here, it's been shch a good support x

Morning everyone - hope you are all keeping spirits up as best you can in amongst all this miserable weather...it's definitely having an impact on my mood!

@Bugdem123 Sending you a back to work hug - it is really hard to try to just get back to normality and concentrate on other stuff. Good that it looks like your period is on its way though - or not 'good' as such, but reassuring and another step back to normality, physically at least. And you've got your holiday to look forward to, which is really exciting.

@ThelastRolo20 So sorry that you find yourself here and for your loss, it really is an awful thing to go through. There's definitely no "should" be doing anything in this situation, so go easy on yourself and don't put pressure on yourself to feel or behave in a certain way. Work if you want/need to (I worked pretty much throughout as I needed the distraction), let yourself feel however you feel on a given day whether that's sad or happy, and rest when you don't have energy. And we are all here if you need to vent or say things you might not want to say to family or friends. 💕

@13lucy That's great that you've had a positive OPK! I really feel you with the time dragging on though, it feels like forever when you're waiting to hit these milestones. I've had a bit of an up and down week - still no sign of ovulation (thought I was heading to a positive OPK last Saturday then when I tested a few hours later it had dropped again, then rose again a bit on Sunday, then really faint negatives since then - maybe my body was trying and couldn't quite manage it), so I'm now hoping that I just won't ovulate this cycle and that my period will come soon. It's 4 weeks tomorrow since my surgery and I'm just a bit tired and frustrated of waiting for the next sign of physical normality, and not being sure when it's going to come. I've also been feeling the emotions a bit more on and off - it really hit me the other night when I was going to bed that it's now pretty much as though none of it ever happened, yet I feel as though my life has changed really profoundly, and that just made me feel very sad.

@WolfMother326 @Noodles4Me How are you both doing at the moment?

Sending everyone lots of love heading towards the weekend - remember to do something lovely for yourself, even if it's just something really small. 🌻

Morning everyone ❤️
How’s everyone doing?
@SnookyPook how are you feeling? How many weeks are you now? It’s such a nerve wracking time after a loss so I hope you’re not finding it too difficult x
@xxcxdonxx im sorry to hear about your run of losses. I’ve had two in a row this year (last one in August) and it really takes its toll. No advice, just a big handhold x
@ThelastRolo20 welcome to the group. I hope you find the support you need here - it’s really comforting to know so many of us are going through the same thing. It must have been a shock attending your scan
to find out you’d had a MMC, I’m so sorry. Just take each day as it comes x

im in the dreaded TWW again - second time trying since my last MC. I’m not hopeful at all, I want to be but I feel like I just know it hasn’t worked ☹️ I find although the trying gives me hope because I’m “back in the game” (if you get what I mean!) I also find it sad and frustrating because it just reminds me of what I’ve lost 😞 And I wonder whether it will ever happen again. Sorry to be a downer guys!! X

@CluelessInLondon urgh i get what you mean about the weather! 🙄 Sorry to hear you’re still waiting for your period. Mine have ranged from 4-5 weeks after my MCs so don’t lose hope, it could be just around the corner! 🤞🏻

@CrazyMILonthecase Thanks for the positivity! ❤Tomorrow is the earliest I would expect it as it'll be 4 weeks since my surgery - I had pretty regular cycles before I was pregnant, although not many of them as I wasn't off the pill for very long (shortest was 28 days, longest 32 so always had a pretty good idea of when my period was going to show up). Haven't had any of my usual pre-period symptoms yet, I usually have some mild cramps and I tend to get quite a lot of spots in the few days beforehand, but it also kind of feels at the moment as though what happened before is totally irrelevant because I've had pretty much no idea what my body has been doing for the last few weeks! Really not where a control freak like me wants to be!

Sorry to hear that you are feeling a bit down at the moment - going to send you back some positive vibes for your TWW, you're in it until you're out so never assume it hasn't happened for you! I also think it's really important to remember that you can't influence it now, so try to relax and do some things that are fun/distracting for the next couple of weeks. This stuff is almost too easy to obsess over.

@CrazyMILonthecase ah that's sweet of you to ask, thank you. I'm only 5+2... It's going extremely slowly tbh! I've been convinced for the last week that I was losing it and having another CP etc (but now passed that milestone which was only 4+5). I've just had a blood test this morning for HCG - they did one last Weds (I was in for something else and they agreed as I'd just had my positive test that morning) - so that should show if it's looking ok so far. If I can make it to 6 weeks (next Tuesday) my Women's Health Unit at the local hospital have agreed to an early scan too (they're the ones who dealt with my MMC in April)... So tbh it still feels extremely tentative and I'm in limbo. Trying to take each moment as it comes and just trust that, for now, I am pregnant.

Sending lots of love to you all. Hope everyone is doing as ok as can be. 💕

Hi @CluelessInLondon I’m not too bad, thank you for asking. I’m working hard on my mindset and trusting the universe/nature. I haven’t knowingly had a period yet, but the bleeding after the D&C that went on and on could’ve been a period. My cycles are a mystery so who knows?

I’m not tracking with OPKs. We are having sex every other day with no expectations and if I don’t get a period in the next few weeks I’ll test. If negative I’m going for a private hysteroscopy to check no scarring or damage.

After that we shall see …that’s all I can do and just letting it all happen is what I’m focusing on.

All my best vibes to you @SnookyPook x

@Noodles4Me I think that's a great mindset - all of the tracking and recording stuff can end up just dominating your whole life and I think it can get a bit unhealthy if you're not careful.

@SnookyPook Fingers crossed for a positive outcome from your blood test and that you can have a first look at your little bean next week. ❤

@CluelessInLondon it’s definitely difficult to know what’s going on in there after a MC. I think you also lose some trust in your body when it happens which can also make you feel a bit unsure about everything. I normally have a 27-29 day cycle and last month it was about 24/25 days which threw me! Seems to be getting back to normal this month though 🤞🏻 fingers crossed yours is just around the corner and when it comes you’ll feel like everything is getting back to normal 🤗 thanks for your kind words re the TWW. I think I’m about 8dpo now and I was ok for the first 6 days or so but since yesterday I just can’t seem to forget about it - keep wondering whether I should test over the next few days or not waste my money and just wait for my period to come. You’re right, I need to focus on other things but I find the second week of the wait soooooo tough xx
@SnookyPook oh no I’m sorry to hear you’ve been worried about having another chemical. What made you think that? I’m glad you’re having bloods done, hopefully that will offer you some reassurance and you’ll get to see a little bean next week ❤️ x
@Noodles4Me good luck! It’s a great approach to take to ditch all the tracking and with sex every other day you’ve pretty much covered yourself anyway! I’m impressed you can go every other day - I am relieved when I’ve ovulated and can take a break 😆 x

Morning all
It's 1 week since I had my surgery for my MMC. I'm still struggling as we saw a healthy heartbeat 2 weeks before we found out about the MMC so it makes it feel so much harder. However, today I feel a little stronger and able to cope with the world. I've also requested referral to recurrent miscarriage clinic as this will be my 4th miscarriage in 2 years so fingers crossed the tests they can do may give some answers 🤞
if anyone has any prior experience or any tips or pointers what to ask or try and get checked and tested would be appreciated.
@ThelastRolo20 so sorry your here and sorry for your loss it's heartbreaking and I feel for you sending big hugs
@SnookyPook thanks so much for what u posted the bookcase certainly resonates and the poem is so true and was lovely to see. Keeping everything crossed for you, please keep us updated as I'm rooting for you 🤗

Thankyou to all you ladies just for being here and sharing it all helps.

@Gemandi2 we had the same, saw a healthy heartbeat at 8 weeks so was complete shocked at the 12 week scan, blooming awful, felt like I was living a nightmare.

Are you still bleeding? I'm just desperate for this to be over and I can move on. The last three days have lasted a lifetime

@ThelastRolo20 totally understand what you mean. Just feels utterly heartbreaking and hard to process.
I had started bleeding the Friday before my surgery last Tuesday, had a check in EPU on the Monday but the bleeding was not even the true start of the miscarriage. So had the surgery anyway. After the surgery my bleeding wasn't too heavy and by Sunday my bleeding had pretty much finished.
I still have a few pains and cramps but EPU say that's normal.
Now I'm just on countdown for my next period so the recurrent miscarriage clinic can start their investigations - I'm not getting any younger as I'm 43 and conscious time and eggs will be running out!

@ThelastRolo20 I am so sorry you're here and for your loss. I found out about my MMC at a private 8 week scan so never saw a heartbeat, so I cannot even imagine what you are feeling. It was nearly 3 months ago that we found out, and while it's still hard now (after 2 lots of medical management and ultimately surgical management nearly 6 weeks ago due to retained product), I found just trying my best to keep busy and occupied with walks and seeing people really helped me. Just make sure you also get enough rest though as well and be kind to yourself.

@Gemandi2 I'm pleased the surgery worked for you and the bleeding didn't last too long. I was booked in for today but ended up passing everything naturally on Tuesday. Not sure if it will make for a longer process but it feels more like a normal period so I'm hoping no more than 10 days or so.

Hopefully the recurrent miscarriages can be looked into, I'm so sorry - going through this once was awful so I can't imagine it happening again. Are you TTC your first? I'm 34 so although a bit younger I do understand the time pressure element! Xx

I'm really fortunate as I already have 2 children, so I am very aware how lucky I already am.
Me and my hubby decided we would like more children but realise we waited a little longer than we should have.
I realised when I was 38/39 I wanted at least one more, our family didn't feel complete, it took my hubby a little longer but we started trying towards the end of 2020, however with each MC it seems less likely to happen so we just have to keep our hopes up and I keep researching what else I can do which may result in success 🤞

I hope everyone is doing as OK as can be.

I had my first period since my surgical management last week (ended last thursday), and have been tracking ovulation since, getting my peak (static smily) on clear blue on Tuesday morning (my cycles were typically 25 days before pregnancy and i think this is probably in keeping to ovulate around day 11 of cycle). I actually have been feeling sick and crampy on-off since yesterday, which im guessing is just from ovulation but I've also found it a little triggering from when I was pregnant while at the same time feeling (probably false) hope about things, so I'm really trying not to get my hopes up that things would actually happen that fast, and having a word with myself that I would have no way of knowing this soon anyway so just need to forget about it.

I am still having my good moments and bad moments. On Sunday my DP and I lit a candle though didn't share on social media. We instead decided to just talk about how we were feeling and how we were doing, and it really helped.

@Khanga27 thanks love, sounds like you've had a tough journey also. I hope you're okay mentally as well as physically. What's next for you or are you just going to take a break?

@ThelastRolo20 my previous MC was spontaneous similar to yours and I think my bleeding was 12-13 days in total so a little longer, but like you it was like a normal period once I had passed the pregnancy. With any luck you won't have too much longer 🤞
Take one day at a time, like you I previously went back to work after a week or two which can help to take your mind off things and help you feel a bit more normal. Although would have some days where my head wasn't in it and my emotions were all over the place, so don't give yourself a hard time no matter how your day goes x

@ThelastRolo20 thank you - I am getting there. So our consultant suggested we could try as soon as i had negative pregnancy test before period, but decided to wait for a period before trying again which I've had now so trying again. I'm 35 so if I'd been younger then maybe I would have waited longer but I also feel in myself ready too. Going to try not to get too worked up about it each month though (though probably easier said than done)..

@Khanga27 we're the same age so I understand. We'll start trying as soon as the miscarriage is over - fingers crossed for you this month x