Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 7. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Apologies, I didn’t realise the last thread had filled up.

Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
miss-support.org.uk/support/
blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
petalscharity.org/
www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk. I’ve had 5 MCs, and am now sadly at the end of my IVF journey, but want to keep this thread going for everyone else who might find it helpful.

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4559567-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-6-all-welcome?page=1

Feretin , b12 & vit d all need to be good 4 conception and pregnancy

Equally - progesterone levels need to be good after ovulation etc...

Also thyroid issues could / can be linked to miscarriage

It may be something that can be easily fixed

I take zinc daily - helps with hormones and cycles

Also started b6 after my miscarriage - b6 helps progesterone & helps reduce miscarriage risk

Hope you get some answers soon

Are you over 35? - if so asked the private appt dude
About taking coq10
Improves egg quality

@worldwidetravel2017 I’m not, I’m 30 but my Mum, Auntie and Grandma all went through their menopause early at around 38 so that has me concerned about egg quality. I believe tests can be done to determine egg quality can’t it? Is that just a blood test?

Thank you for all of your help, I really appreciate it 💕

Morning everyone, hope you are all feeling okay at the start of a new week. Today would have been my dating scan - I thought I was going to feel really emotional today but I'm not too bad so far. I think that's a combination of the fact that I've got a rubbish cold so am just generally feeling a bit sorry for myself, and having had a very emotional couple of days at the back end of last week it's almost out of my system a bit for now. Had a long chat with my husband on Saturday night about how we were both feeling, which was helpful although also a bit upsetting as he said he didn't feel as though he was doing enough to make me feel better - I hate the thought of him feeling bad for not doing enough, when there isn't really much anybody can do right now.

@CRbear Your scrapbook sounds like a lovely idea, and I love the idea of just putting everything in it that you can think of that might be relevant. I'm planning to get a memory box but finding it difficult to decide exactly what to get and what should go in it - that might be the hardest thing about an early loss, there's so little "stuff" to help with remembering.

I'm not really sure where to start, I just lost my first ever pregnancy last night at 10 weeks. I have not had any scans and am not sure if it would have helped to know earlier.
I was just getting prepared to tell family and friends and now all that excitement is replaced with emptyness
And as it's my first in just scared that this is it for all future pregnancies and just wanted somewhere to put it out into the world

@Alc91 So sorry for your loss. I also lost my first pregnancy (MMC in mid September). My follow up scan in EPU ended up being the same day as I was meant to be having my dating scan. It was even harder to deal with as I was told at this scan I had RPOC which I had removed last week with surgery.

Everything feels so up in the air now and everything I was looking forward to has been taken away.

I am also scared for future pregnancies and really want to be pregnant again which feels all consuming at the moment as it feels like I need to rectify the situation, which of course I can't. I'm currently in the 4-6 week wait for my period post surgery which is so frustrating.

I've been told by others who have experienced this that time and allowing yourself to grieve is the only way to heal. Be kind to yourself and remember that the grief can't be fixed, only carried.

@Alc91 So sorry for your loss and that you are here needing support - it really is a horrible thing to go through and must feel very raw right now. Like you, my MC was my first pregnancy and I share your anxieties about what might happen in the future - it feels as though any joy or excitement next time round has been taken away by the fear of it going wrong again. Take lots of time to rest, to grieve and to feel however you need to at any given time - I've found over the last month that my emotions have been very up and down, sometimes feeling absolutely fine and other times I'm a total wreck. Be gentle with yourself, and know that everyone here understands and is here to offer support if you need it. 💐

@13lucy Sorry to hear about your experience too, especially the time it's taken to resolve. I hope you are recovering well after your surgery. I'm in that limbo now too, waiting for my period to return - I'm hoping to get my negative pregnancy test result later this week and then fingers crossed my period will be back a week or so after that, but the waiting to tick off these physical milestones is really hard, and like you say there's no way to fix anything or speed it up. Take care of yourself. ❤

@CluelessInLondon thanks for your message - it's always reassuring to know I'm not alone in how I feel. Sounds like we are on similar timeframes too as I miscarried naturally on 16/9 and then surgery for RPOC on 5/10. I'm almost testing negative now (can barely see it) but have 4-6 weeks to wait until my period. Was planning to TTC straight away the consultant that did the op advised against this. So much waiting!

@Alc91 I am so sorry you are going through this difficult time. Like you, this was also my first pregnancy and I already had anxiety with it, and so I can understand your worries. Rest up and be kind to yourself. I have found my anxiety and emotions all over the place but I have found doing activities and keeping busy has helped, once I felt better physically.

@13lucy I'm sorry you've had such a difficult experience. I had a MMC suspected by a private scan 29th July and confirmed by NHS 8th August. I had medical management 11th August and after a scan on 5th September confirmed RPOC, I had further medical management on 7th September which did nothing so finally had surgical management on 8th September. Got my negative pregnancy test 12 days later, and my period started yesterday. My consultant had surprisingly said that we just needed to wait for a negative pregnancy test before trying again, and we had been in two minds about trying before a period came just because I felt nervous age wise (mid-30s), but to be honest I am glad I waited for a period to feel like my body has processed and recognised what has happened after clinging on for so long. Hopefully your body will settle too and you get your negative test soon!

Last Wednesday was so hard emotionally with everything whirring in my head. However I felt like I had a good weekend and while I have major bloat, nausea and cramps from my period starting, emotionally I am feeling more positive about things. I've been contacted by Cradle (hospital works closely with them and contacted them to arrange counselling) and it is probably something I need to really deal with things properly rather than yoyo like I had been doing.

@13lucy @Khanga27 @CluelessInLondon
Thank you for all your kind words and I am so sorry for your losses as well. I suffer from anxiety (even without any pregnancy complications) and just knowing that people who I have never met can be so caring towards me reminds me to be kinder to myself.

@Khanga27 wow that's a long journey you've been on to get to this point but really good you are feeling a bit better emotionally. Just all the waiting and uncertainty about the future is unbearable and the hormones just go crazy.

I feel like I want the next 4 weeks to disappear which is really unhealthy. I got pregnant from my first ovulation after 3 months of amenorrhea so I'm really worried I'll lose my periods due to stress again.

Was this your first pregnancy?

@13lucy Yeah I know what you mean, it's odd wishing time.away but you just want to move forward too! Yeah this was first pregnancy, we fell pregnamt first month of trying but I'm.just so scared that we might just have the same thing happen again and again.

@Khanga27 sorry that you've had to endure the same thing, it feels so cruel being the first time and makes the future feel so uncertain. I do know someone who had a miscarriage first time round and then two healthy kids and heard similar stories, so I live in hope.

Hi everyone. Hi to the new people, sorry you are here. ❤️

Im so fed up. Two weeks since D&C and still bleeding. I know I ‘should’ phone EPU but also cannot be bothered as it will just be the usual - “give it time” - the one thing I don’t have at my age. 😢

I want to move straight to donor eggs, I’m just hoping I can get my DH on board. He wasn’t keen until he saw the trauma I’ve been through.

Sorry to be a downer, hope everyone else is feeling a bit more positive xx

@Noodles4Me I'm sorry to hear that things aren't getting any better, that must be so frustrating. I don't think there's much I can say that's of use, other than sending a big hug. 💐

Thank you @CluelessInLondon . ❤️ It’s all part of the shitty process - I wish I could just feel normal. I’ll get there, like we all will.

Hey everyone, I've been a bit MIA. I hope you're all as okay as can be.

@Noodles4Me that sounds so rough, I'm sorry you're going through that. I totally get not wanting to phone them. I hope it stops soon.

@Alc91 I'm so sorry for your loss. It was my first pregnancy too and I was so anxious something would go wrong too. I'm also really worried about how I'll cope in any future pregnancies now this has happened. It's scary to think about!

Last week was really horrendous, I think I had to let myself really feel it and it really wasn't nice. I'm feeling a bit more stable this week. I'm still feeling sad, almost like I'm physically heavy, but I think I've got a choice now between being totally consumed by the grief or trying to move forward with it knowing I'll still have good and bad days and I'm trying really hard to do the latter.
I'm going back to work next week. I'm really lucky as my work have been so supportive. I was initially hesitant to go back as it feels like then it's all really over. I also just want to hideaway in my house forever but I'm being brave and going back on a phased return for a week before back to normal working hours the following week.

I'm pretty sure I've ovulated as I had a positive OPK last week and my BBT is up. I'm using my Apple Watch to track it and that's a game changer as you don't even need to think about. We're going to skip the next cycle as it will be just before we're going on holiday and I don't want to potentially ruin it with worrying about the TWW. Part of me is like "should we just try just in case that's the egg that works" and part of me is glad to have another month of breathing space as I really don't enjoy TTC at all - the combo of an obsessive personality and no patience don't really make for a fun time 😅.

Hi to all the newcomers, I'm so sorry you're here. This is a shitty club to be a part of. Sounds weird but seeing everyone sharing the same things I'm thinking and feeling about trying again, their grief, etc makes simultaneously so sad we all feel like this and so relieved that what I'm feeling is normal. Love to you all ❤️

Sending lots of love to everyone and here to spread a bit of hope. I was very active on here earlier in the year and a bit less so recently. I had a MMC mid-April (11+4 scan found that baby had stopped developing at 7+5). I was right where lots of you guys are now. And I had another cry the other day - it still hits me hard sometimes. I also had a CP last month which sort of compounded things, and I've been struggling knowing that my original due date is coming up at the end of this month.

...I've just this morning had another BFP and obviously after the year I've had, I don't want to make any assumptions about how it will go... but also, I am managing to feel excited and hopeful despite it all. So I guess I wanted to offer some hope and reassurance that it is possible to move through your grief enough to get to this point. I'm sending you all so much love. 💕

@SnookyPook Cautious congratulations and excitement for you, that is amazing and I so hope that this little bean sticks for you. 💕

@Bugdem123 That's really good news that you're ovulating again, I think there's definitely some reassurance in feeling like your body is resetting and getting back to normal. And your plan to wait until you've had your holiday to try again sounds like a great one - relax and enjoy your break with the pressure off. No idea if there's any science behind it, but I've heard lots of people say that they conceived once they were able to chill out a bit. Although my pregnancy didn't last, it was conceived on holiday so maybe there is something to it!

I've been doing OPKs for a week or so just to try and get a sense of what's going on, with no sign of ovulation yet - it's a bit weird as I was getting negatives with much stronger lines early last week and since the end of last week they have been really faint, but I'm hoping that they might just have been messed up by still having HCG in my system. I'm resisting the temptation to take another pregnancy test until Friday this week, 3 weeks after my surgery, as I know I'll get mega-frustrated if I take it sooner and it's still a faint positive. It feels as though time has just been moving at half-speed since I had the surgery - anybody else feel like things really drag during that time waiting for periods etc. to come back?

@SnookyPook Congratulations ❤️ that's really lovely news after everything you've been through. I'm also so glad you're managing to feel excited and hopeful - that gives me hope I'll feel the same! Come on wee bean, you can do it.

@CluelessInLondon there is definitely something comforting about your body getting back to normal. I had a few false starts with the OPKs last week where they started to get darker and then got lighter again for a few days, almost as if it was trying but not quite managing. Hopefully you get the positive soon. And totally agree on time, I can't believe it was only 3 weeks ago - it feels like about 6 months ago, it's so weird!

Just popping in to see how everyone is doing? This is Baby Loss Awareness Week, and on the 15th there’ll be an International Wave of Light in memory of all the little ones we never got to meet or didn’t get to keep, so if you’re feeling up to it, you can light a candle at 7pm for an hour alongside millions of others around the world who are also in our gang - the wave travels around the world as each country lights their candles when it’s 7pm there.

The picture is just something I saw that helps explain about grief in a way that makes sense to me, hope it helps someone 💐

Hi guys - and welcome to the new joiners. Not a thread you ever wanted to join but oh such a lifeline during difficult moments! Not that I would ever wish this on anyone but there’s so much comfort in knowing you’re not alone and others understand how you’re feeling.
@SnookyPook congratulations! That’s just amazing news. I know it will be a matter of taking it day by day but this is a whole new pregnancy with its own new chapter - and hopefully a very sticky one at that! I’ll keep everything crossed for you. You’ve given me hope too - I’m now in the dreaded TWW and sooooo hoping I’ll get my BFP.
@Sunbird24 Thank you for flagging that up. The idea that candles would be lit across the world for all our little lost ones seems so lovely ❤️

@CluelessInLondon oh my god time draaaags when you’re waiting for everything to get back to normal - and it continues to drag during the whole TTC. The longest two weeks known to man 😅 Really hope you get your negative test this Friday 🤞🏻

@Noodles4Me Don’t you just hate the whole “wait and see”…NO I want everything to be fine NOW 😅 I hope the bleeding clears up soon, it’s a constant daily reminder of what you’ve been through. I hope your husband gets on board with donor eggs ❤️

Hello all, can I join? I see some familiar names here from other threads.

Today is 3 weeks since I had a surgical management of miscarriage at 9 weeks following light bleeding for 10 days. Feeling a lot better but also still sad, it comes in waves. It was my first loss, 2nd pregnancy. I have a 2 yo, I'm 39.

The EPU told me to take a pregnancy test today which I thought would feel upsetting but actually I think I was just ready for it to be clear and put it behind me. I actually had a tiny faint line, couldn't tell if it was an evaporation line. I wonder if I should get a digital test? Would a pregnancy test have a tiny line if I'm close to ovulation? I haven't had a period yet.

Hope everyone is doing ok.