Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 7. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Apologies, I didn’t realise the last thread had filled up.

Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
miss-support.org.uk/support/
blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
petalscharity.org/
www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk. I’ve had 5 MCs, and am now sadly at the end of my IVF journey, but want to keep this thread going for everyone else who might find it helpful.

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4559567-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-6-all-welcome?page=1

@Bugdem123 I hope you are doing okay, milestones can be so tough. I'm glad you are having some good days

I don't really know how I am at the moment to be honest. I had a great weekend away on a walking holiday, but since getting back my emotions have been a bit everywhere and my anxiety has been sky high. I had a panic attack yesterday when I dropped and broke something I got in home bargains ages ago! Think my nerves are just everywhere, but I have been having good moments too.

I'm majorly grazing at food for comfort and I know the pounds are sneaking on which is getting me down a bit. I'm not overweight according to BMI, but I'm quite short so any weight gain really shows on me and I've struggled in the past with food so I think I just really need to be aware of looking after my mental health at the moment.

I have been finding it really difficult to articulate myself properly and how I have been feeling to anyone that asks like family and friends. It's not that I'm bottling it up, it's more that things have just felt a bit surreal and I just can't really connect my feelings properly to know how I am (which in itself probably doesn't really make sense). We fell pregnant quicker than expected, for our hopes to be snatched away just as quickly. I want to be pregnant, but am also scared by it in case the same happens again. I don't think time will help that, I think I would feel that regardless of waiting or not waiting because I have not experienced a successful pregnancy yet, and my MMC and what followed with medical and surgical management is my only experience.

It's still very early days I know. Its 9 and a half weeks since we first found out it was a suspected MMC, nearly 4 weeks since surgical management and has now been 2 weeks since my negative pregnancy test, and the hospital were really good to scan me even after that to be sure.

Sorry I'm rambling. I just wanted my thoughts somewhere as everything is just spinning around my head tonight

@Khanga27 sending you a big hug. It's so important to get these kind of thoughts out somewhere so you're not alone with them just going round and round your head. It absolutely is a surreal time and it can be really hard to know quite how you're feeling.

I think one of the toughest aspects of MC is that it robs you of the joy and excitement in future pregnancies. But we will all get through and find a way to carry on when that time comes I'm sure.

Keep being gentle with yourself and trust that bit by bit, day by day, the pain does evolve into something more manageable. 💕

Morning everyone, hope you are all getting through the week okay.

@Bugdem123 Glad you are having some better days in amongst the difficult ones. My scan date is coming up next Monday so I sympathise - I think it's going to be a tough one for me too, knowing that this was the time I was meant to be telling everyone. That's good news re: ovulation though, even if it's not yet time to try again it's all milestones on the road back to some degree of normality. And if the physical recovery is going well then it's one less thing to have to expend energy worrying about. ❤

@Khanga27 Sending a hug and a hand-hold to you. If you're struggling with your emotions have you tried accessing any counselling, just to have the opportunity to talk it through with someone without feeling like you need to be able to explain your feelings properly? Some of my friends who lost a baby last year at 17 weeks had counselling through Petals and said they were amazing, and I think there was a recommendation further up this thread for the Tommy's helpline. The Miscarriage Association also has telephone and online support - all things to consider if you haven't already to help you manage your emotional and mental health. 💐I can empathise with your feelings about a future pregnancy - I'm simultaneously really hoping it happens quickly when we start trying again, whilst also knowing that if I get pregnant again the anxiety is going to be huge. I think if and when you get there, it's really important to just be honest about your worries - with the people who are supporting you and also with the midwife and team looking after you, so you can get as much support and reassurance as possible.

I'm back in the office today for the first time since my miscarriage - had a couple of 'moments' on the commute in where it all felt a bit overwhelming and all I could think was "last time I did this journey, everything was better". Overall though, it all feels like steps back into a routine and some normality. I've also planned a few fun things for the next few weeks so that I've got some stuff to look forward to and make sure I don't just spend my free time dwelling on what might have been.

Hi ladies, trying to keep up with the messages ❤️ I’m sorry for those feeling low - it really is a shit journey to be on.
@SnookyPook due date month is tough and I totally get what you mean about Christmas - I thought I’d be 6/7 months pregnant by then. Now I keep thinking I’ve only got two cycles left to try and fall pregnant by the end of the year 😫
@Bugdem123 sorry to hear yesterday was a tough day for you. I hope you feel more positive today x
@CRbear I’m back trying too and it’s tough isn’t it? You feel like you’ve “wasted time” waiting for everything to kick back in but then I find myself feeling guilty for trying to fall pregnant again as if I haven’t honoured the baby we lost. Arrghhhhh!! Im sorry you have PCOS, it must be difficult if your cycles / ovulation are irregular. Really hope ovulation appears soon and you can get down to business 😉
@gtx1797h I was also told at my scan that my lining was thicker although I then googled it (of course! 🙄) and it didn’t seem that thick. Did the nurse tell you what thickness it is? Anyway, I was told that it would reduce once I had my period and everything kicked in as it should bang on 4 weeks after I miscarried so it didn’t seem to cause any issues. That said I ovulated a few days earlier last month (2nd cycle since MC) - I’m usually day 15-17 and it was day 13 which threw me! Hoping that was just a blip and this month things go back to normal. I’m also 39 so I understand your worry about feeling like you need to crack on🤞🏻

Morning everyone, just in need of a bit of a feelings dump after a difficult evening yesterday...

Met up with some friends for the first attempt at socialising since the MC - they know what has happened, they have had a loss previously themselves and have been super supportive over the last couple of weeks. The thing that made it really difficult was that they are expecting a baby - obviously it's the biggest thing going on in their lives right now so of course lots of the discussion over dinner was about that. I would hate for them to feel like they can't talk about it in front of me, but it's so hard when it's a constant reminder of what I don't have anymore. When I got home I just got into bed and cried until I finally got to sleep. I don't begrudge my friends anything after everything they have been through, but it's a reminder that I just want back what I had and can't have that.

I also took my first pregnancy test since the miscarriage this morning and got a faint positive, which is frustrating - it's not a big issue as it's only been 2 weeks and EGU said to test on 3 weeks, but I decided to do it early as the physical recovery has been so quick and I was just really hoping that it would be negative.

Sorry for all the negativity, think I am feeling extra grumpy because I'm a bit under the weather and didn't sleep too well last night - I haven't got much planned for this weekend so hoping to get lots of rest! Hope you all have some nice things to look forward to this weekend.

@CluelessInLondon sending you a massive hug. You've had a big couple of days with going back to work and also socialising again (and with a friend who is expecting no less!) I also found those things hard. It's a weird reminder that life is just carrying on and carrying you further away from the baby you've lost, while also pulling you closer to the day that you should have been meeting them and now won't be etc. It's hard and it's perfectly normal to feel sad. Also, I do actually think it was a bit insensitive of your friends when your loss is so raw. I know they're excited, and you've been really sweet about that, but actually, it's ok to expect your friends to be thoughtful to your needs as well. So, I guess just reassuring you that you're not a b*tch for having been upset by it, and it's ok if you're a bit cross/annoyed/saddened by the fact they made that particular topic so prominent through the evening. 💕

I think I also tested after two weeks just to check and was also still faintly positive. I did another a week later which was negative 👍🏻

Hugs to everyone. Hope it's an ok day today ❤️

@CluelessInLondon sorry you had to sit through that. I think it was insensitive too. They don’t have to not mention pregnancy but to keep going on. Bless you for not losing it. ❤️

I’m just getting impatient now. Day 8 after my D&C. Still very red blood, sometimes thick. How long will this go on? Anyone know? Got some tests to see if they become negative soon.

Was meant to be my dating scan today 😞

@Noodles4Me sending you a massive hug my lovely. ❤️😔❤️

@Noodles4Me Big hug on your scan day, mine was meant to be on Monday so I am really not looking forward to the day coming around. I was told there could be bleeding for up to two weeks after my surgery, although I was lucky that mine stopped very quickly - maybe a call to EPU if it's no lighter in a few days' time? I feel your pain with the impatience, I just want some reassurance that my body is getting back to doing what it's meant to do.

@SnookyPook Thanks for the hug and reassurance. ❤

To be fair to my friends, I don't think they were being insensitive - I was asking them how they were doing as I know how much they've been through to get to where they are, and they were asking after me as well and wanted to know how I was recovering and everything. It's just rubbish timing that they've got a healthy pregnancy progressing right when I don't - and it makes me feel sad too as I was just a few weeks behind my friend and I had been looking forward to having a friend who was going through the same things around the same time to be able to share the experiences and stresses. I really don't want to end up in a position where I feel like I can't spend time with a friend who's pregnant so I'm trying really hard not to let things like that trigger me - I think last night was just a bit overwhelming because of the combination of her being pregnant and it being the first time I've actually been out socially since the miscarriage. It's weird how routine stuff like that suddenly feels like a lot to cope with!

Hi Everyone 💕

Been reading through everyone’s stories and thought I would say Hello.

I’m currently going through my third loss since coming off contraception in June.

First was a suspected ectopic managed through expectant management and resolved naturally, didn’t even realise I was pregnant until I started bleeding. Second was a chemical at 4w3d, went into that one with hope thinking maybe the first time was just bad luck…and the third loss is my current one at 5w1d, was supposed to be skipping September to take a break and trying again in October but an alcohol fuelled night around ovulation day ruined those plans.

I’ve been pregnant in July August and September… just can’t seem to get over that 5 week mark. Ive been to the EPU for all 3 and managed to get my GP to refer me to Tommys in Coventry after the 2nd but my appointment isn’t until January. I had bloods taken through my GP yesterday but I feel like I need to take control into my own hands so I’ve booked a private consultation for next week at the circle health group in Sheffield (Mr Bolarinde Ola) if anyone has any experience with them I’d be grateful to hear how it went. It’s a bit of a mine field choosing the right consultant, feel like you just have to take a stab in the dark, hand over your money and hope for the best. I live in Yorkshire and all the best recommendations seem to be down south.

Part of me thinks I should just hold out for the results from my blood tests or hang on until my referral in January but I don’t think I can wait that long. By this point dr Google has me convinced I have everything wrong with me from a blood clotting disorder, a thyroid problem or an auto immune disorder. I just need some answers.

Its really sad when you get to this point in your TTC journey when you see a positive test and feel instant dread. When I tell people I get the usual “try to be positive” but it’s very hard. Last time I was very emotional. This time I just feel numb and feel like giving up trying at all.

Hi @Bay9 , welcome to this group which it's rubbish to have to be in but very supportive and reassuring once you're here. I'm really sorry to hear about your repeated losses. ❤

@Bay9 so sorry to hear about your losses. It really is so hard. This is my 4th loss in 2 years and it's so exhausting.
I have been to circle health in Sheffield I've been treated by Mr. Metwally but I didn't like his attitude or approach and have been treated by Niki Baxter but she specialises more in perimenopause than fertility. I've never seen the consultant you are seeing but fingers crossed for you 🤞
I'm currently waiting for my GA, D&C scheduled for Tuesday and I'm dreading it, I've been bleeding a little bit every day for past week but nothing worth noting. I was 8 weeks when I found out we no longer had a heartbeat, at 6+2 we saw the heartbeat so it was heartbreaking.
All my other miscarriages have occurred spontaneously so this is unusual for me but I'm sure I'll get through it and be fine.
For all you ladies I wish you all the luck and hugs to get through what is clearly an emotional rollercoaster ❤️

So sorry to read this
I had an early miscarriage last month

I paid boots 65 gbp
For a thyroid function test

( was advise from Tommys baby charity - miscarriage support tool)

That private thyroid function test came back fine

Having an NHS thyroid function test next week as drs offered to do it ...

Have you had your feretin - vit d and b12 checked ? - those 3 are all important in conception and pregnancy...

Are you taking b6 ? Helps prevent against miscarriage & helps progesterone

Are u taking daily vit d ?
( vit d deficiency & miscarriage link)

Have you had a ' day 21 ' progesterone test 3 or 4 days after ovulation ?

Have u had a transvaginal scan to check structual , fibroids, ovaries etc ?

@CrazyMILonthecase thank you- you too!

@CluelessInLondon god that sounds hard. So difficult with pregnant friends. Especially when they’re understanding so you can’t be mad at them! My closest friend and I were a week apart in our pregnancies - her second- my first. And now she’s going to have hers and I’m not going to have mind. I’m genuinely happy for her and I don’t begrudge her but it’s so hard. She’s not sharing as much as as she normally would with me so I feel a bit shut out. But then if she did share I’d likely struggle with that too. No win. With you on wanting that negative test too. If it helps it was only 2 days from “whisper” to proper negative for me. So hopefully you’ve had your negative now.

@Noodles4Me sorry to hear you’re still bleeding. Mine was 7 days from start to finish but spontaneous so don’t know if there’s a difference with a D&C. I do remember just needing the bleeding to stop. Every time I saw it was a reminder. Hope it stops for you soon

@Bay9 What an absolute trauma you’ve been through. I can’t even imagine. I would absolutely be the same and take every opportunity I could to understand why it was happening. if you learn useful stuff all the better to take to your appointment in January with you! Have you been prescribed progesterone? It only helps in 5% of cases but you should definitely be given it after 3 losses- worth a try? Sorry if you already know all this! brilliant post from @worldwidetravel2017 with suggestions.

Hard day here. I’ve got covid and tomorrow I should have been 12 weeks. I don’t feel I can talk to anyone about it for various reasons. I’m just really, really sad. No sign of ovulation post MC either (and no surprise with covid- sure it will be delayed even more by that!). I just want my baby.

I made a scrap book sort of thing in the week which I feel really helped if anyone’s interested in that sort of thing. I put everything to do with the pregnancy in it. The tests, the scan appt cards. Even the advice about viable pregnancies from EPAU haha. The scan pic. I went through all my photos from positive test day to miscarriage day and printed those that made me remember something. Even weird things like a jar of Mayo I’d sent a pic to my husband of because I wanted pasta salad with THAT Mayo. I dried a single petal from a flower from every bouquet I was given. I really scraped the barrel on what to put in- but it was cathartic and a way to honour and remember a baby I never got to hold.

We cried at James blunts new song about miscarriage this evening
Beautiful song but bought up a lot of emotion / grief

@CRbear oh your scrap book sounds beautiful. So special to have a place for those memories. I was given a little box by my EPAU and put a few bits and bobs in that. I like having a place where I have it all together and I can look through to remember it all.

@worldwidetravel2017 oh I don't think I've heard that. Will hunt it out next time I need a weep!

@CluelessInLondon aw I get you - it doesn't sound like they were particularly heartless then after all. It's like you say, it's just really hard to be confronted with anything Baby or pregnancy related but sometimes I think it's a plaster we just have to rip off. A good friend of mine (but lives far away) excitedly announced her pregnancy 3 weeks after my loss. And to top it all, her due date is the exact same as mine was. I am genuinely thrilled for her but it's been hard at times. Especially when we went to visit her and her bump was popping and I couldn't stop thinking that that's where I should have been too. As @CRbear said, sometimes there's no win!

@Bay9 welcome to the group but so sorry to hear of your losses. That must be really hard to take after all the excitement of coming off the pill and all the anticipation. Not that it'll be reassuring right now given your losses, but it sounds like you've conceived every month you've tried? I have heard something about super-fertile couples having to endure more losses because eggs that wouldn't normally implant for most people do. The fact that your losses have all been so early might point to that..? Hopefully it does mean that it is just matter of time until the right one implants, but also great to pursue some tests in the meantime to check hormone levels etc are all what they should be. I hope you get some answers soon and that your rainbow baby appears before too long. 💕

@Gemandi2 thank you! Hopefully this doctor isn’t abrupt or rude, I’m not sure I could handle that right now. EPU called to tell me my HCG levels had dropped again and honestly she told me the news as though she was simply confirming my nail appointment, rather than…I’m really sorry it’s bad news, it was just “right okay, so your levels have dropped, I’ll get you back in for another appointment on Saturday”. I couldn’t answer the phone to her the next time she called, I had to get my partner to do it.

@worldwidetravel2017

these are the tests the GP has sent me for…

B12 Folate Ferritin
Bone Profile
Coagulation Screen
FBC
GFR (EPI) [auto add]
Haemolysis check (needed in lab)
H6A1c
Liver Function Tests
Thyroid Function Test (TSH)
Urea and Electrolytes

I won’t have any results back until next week, I have an appointment in January at Tommys but I've booked in a private consultation next week, I need some answers now, I feel like I’m going insane. I’m on the boarder line of just giving up all together, it’s so consuming.

@CRbear they won’t prescribe progesterone until they have confirmed a pregnancy in the right place due to my previous ectopic, but I don’t seem to get far enough along for a scan 😔

You wana ask4 vit d
( often isnt included in full blood count)

Have you ever had a transvaginal scan ?

Ever been considered 4 potential pcos or endo ?

Hertility health do goos hormone and fertility checks - best 150 gbp i spent... very detailed -

Maybe ask the private guy about prolactin levels

Has your hubby / partner had sperm checked?

Were you taking coq10 to improve egg quality?

@worldwidetravel2017
I had a transvaginal scan a few years ago due to bleeding in between periods but they found nothing aside from a retroverted womb. I’ve never had any tests for endo or PCOS. To be honest the last 3 months have just been a bit of a whirl wind one after another, barely having time to process one before the next came along. We hadn’t had any testing done until I went for my bloods on Thursday. I’m hoping the private consultant will send me for some more in depth tests and scans. Naturally I’ll have to pay for it but I can’t wait for my referral to come through and then have to wait for treatment. The only thing I was taking was folic acid, vitamin D and low dose aspirin.

@worldwidetravel2017 I also had a transvaginal scan to confirm ectopic and she said the lining of my womb was thin, but I had been bleeding for a while, and that there was a small cyst on one of my ovaries.