Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 7. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Apologies, I didn’t realise the last thread had filled up.

Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
miss-support.org.uk/support/
blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
petalscharity.org/
www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk. I’ve had 5 MCs, and am now sadly at the end of my IVF journey, but want to keep this thread going for everyone else who might find it helpful.

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4559567-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-6-all-welcome?page=1

If anyone is able to take a good week or two off work I recommend it. I wasn't sleeping (up all night reading this thread from inception) and posting my feelings and experience here (February). Sometimes I'd take a bath in middle of night and have a cry. So, work would've been out of the question.
The week after my procedure (d&c) I pushed myself to go out, take walks, do errands and take dc to the park and other outings. It helped me not to have a schedule or any expectations of me. Just some thoughts.

@CrazyMILonthecase I know what you mean about it not seeming real, I feel very detached from it all now as if it never happened which is ok for getting on with normal life but not sure it's a healthy way of processing things. I feel like I should have and wanted to, be sad and grieve for longer but life got in the way and now it's too late to go back to that feeling.

Hope everyone's ok today

@MindatWork I'm doing okay at the moment, thank you. Yesterday was the first day since the surgery where my emotions felt a bit more under control, I was able to concentrate more and feel a bit more mentally "normal" which felt like a relief. I went for a walk at lunchtime - was good to get out of the house although when I got back I found it seemed to have aggravated a bit of bleeding, nothing very significant but I felt a bit uncomfortable and crampy for the rest of the afternoon so I guess it gives me an idea of how much physical activity I'm up to at the moment. Abandoned the plan to get back into the office this week - I'm lucky that I can WFH and my manager has been really supportive, so I get the distraction of work but know that I can take breaks if I need to. Not quite ready for cramming myself onto the tube yet though! Glad to hear that you are doing a bit better and I hope the time away from work helps you - it's all a gradual process, you just have to feel however you feel at the time, and hopefully you know this is a safe space where you can share/rant/vent if you need to. ❤

@CrazyMILonthecase Hope you are feeling okay today. I'm obviously not at the stage of trying again yet, but it must be easy to end up putting more pressure on yourself to 'succeed' with a positive test after miscarriage - like, you know you got pregnant once so you should just be able to do it again! Maybe your body just needs a bit of time - we're encouraged to listen to our bodies during pregnancy and we should do the same when not pregnant as well.

@Bugdem123 How are you doing at the moment?

Hope everyone is feeling okay and can take a bit of time for self-care over the weekend.

@EdithGrantham Yep, it feels like it’s almost too difficult to go back and grieve - I need to keep moving forward but there’s a part of me that’s still in disbelief it happened yet again and I feel like I haven’t fully processed all my feelings around it.
@CluelessInLondon hit the nail on the head! I’ve “succeeded” twice this year so far in getting a positive test (although obviously didn’t work out 🙄) so why is it not happening at all this month!? I’m definitely irrationally questioning what’s going on in there even though I know the chances of it working each month are lower than the chances of it happening and it takes time. I’ve had MCs before so not sure why I can’t just relax a little 🫣 Maybe because I’m getting older every sodding day and I feel like someone’s banging a big fat clock next to me!
hope everyone has something lovely planned for the weekend ❤️

Hello everyone. Obviously don’t want to be here but I am. I had surgery on Wed to remove the 11+4 pregnancy. They left me for two days in agony having contractions thinking I’d give birth - I knew I wouldn’t but was ignored. Finally got the surgery and physically was much better.

I’m old, just turned 43. Was kind of my last chance. I do have a toddler. I should be grateful and I am but feel gutted. I want to feel normal again. Anyway, back to work Monday to stop me dwelling. No idea what will happen now. Scared to do anything.

Hope everyone else is recovering as much as you can x

@Noodles4Me So sorry for your loss, and sorry to hear that you had to go through unnecessary pain before your surgery. Hopefully the procedure went okay and you are recovering now. Take it easy when you go back to work - I've been really surprised by how much more tired I get when I try to do normal activities since my surgery last week. And you never know, it may happen for you again, if you want it to - for now though, it's okay to just feel the way you do and give yourself the chance to process things.

@Noodles4Me im so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you had a really difficult time in the run up to your surgery. I’m glad things are better since your op, at least physically. Like @CluelessInLondon said, do take it easy. Distraction definitely helps but be careful not to overdo it and to give yourself the time and space to process it all x

@Noodles4Me so sorry to have to welcome you here. It's a shit group to have to be a part of but a wonderful one to be part of once you're here. Don't be hard on yourself. That 'should be grateful' I have a toddler is one that I experience too. And I am so so grateful that I have him. But secondary infertility is its own brand of sadness, and equally legitimate. In any case, it never helps to compare. Your pain is your pain and it is valid as such.

Due date month here for me... I feel like some of the people around me no longer understand why this still weighs on me.. like I should be well over it by now. But I'm not. I'm a lot better, and I've accepted it... but I am still sad. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. As some of you know all too well, it's that ticking clock aspect too.. I'll be 38 in December. After a CP last cycle, I'm just finding it hard. I'm hoping that maybe once I get past the 'would-have-been' due date, maybe I'll feel a bit different ..?! I don't know. It's just things that catch you unawares. There is a new thread on the conception forum about 'want to be pregnant by Christmas' and I suddenly felt really sad because I thought I should have been celebrating with my 2 month old baby. I'm not as depressed as I sound but it really is all on my mind a lot and I don't know if that is normal any more or if I'm taking it harder than lots of other people?! On the other hand, the CP barely registered... 🤷🏼‍♀️

I hope everyone else is ok. Sorry for the maudlin post! 💕

Hey everyone, sorry I've been MIA for a few days. My husband and I went to a cottage for a few days and it was so nice to be away and out the house.

I'm still very up and down. We were supposed to be on holiday right now and having our 12 weeks scan on Wednesday and I'm finding it hard not to compare what could have been with what is. Yesterday wasn't a good day but I'm more hopeful for today.

Physically I'm feeling back to normal, all my bleeding and tiredness has stopped. We've spoken about trying again but decided we're going to wait until we're back from our holiday in November. That should give my cycle time to regulate and it's really taken the pressure off. I'm simultaneously desperate to try again and absolutely terrified of the idea.

I hope you're all doing okay and sorry you're now part of this club @Noodles4Me

Thank you everyone. I’m sorry you’re all going through this too.

It’s weird, but when I was sat in the EPAU finally getting my surgery signed off and I was surrounded by other miscarrying women, it sort of made me feel better because I wasn’t the only one having the worst day ever. I know that sounds strange 😥

@SnookyPook Sending you a big hug for this month - it seems completely natural to me that you should feel the loss more acutely at the moment when this month was a big milestone that you were looking forward to. Will you do something to mark the due date when it comes around? I know that helped some of my friends who suffered a loss last year - on the day their baby had been due, they went out for a walk somewhere lovely and it gave them a lift at a difficult time, as well as giving them a change of scene and time to reflect.

@Bugdem123 Nice to hear from you and glad you enjoyed your trip away. I think your plan to wait a couple of months before trying again sounds really sensible - you can just relax and enjoy your holiday with the pressure off, which is exactly what you deserve to be able to do.

I tried to have a normal-ish day yesterday, I did a light session in the gym and then went into London shopping in the afternoon - couldn't believe how tired I felt afterwards! Definitely learning what my physical limits are at the moment and how much I can push them. Even though I'm pretty much back to normal after the surgery, I think the physiological effects of grief are still there and that's what's causing the tiredness when I try to do more "normal stuff". Still trying to follow my husband's instruction not to put too much pressure on myself to rush back to everything as it was before.

Miscarriage is common sadly & should be talked about more

One day @ a time

@Noodles4Me Your words make me sad:
I’m old, just turned 43. Was kind of my last chance. I do have a toddler. I should be grateful

Of course you're grateful. You are allowed to be devastated, angry, bereft and any and all emotions you feel. Being sad for your loss doesn't have any bearing on what you may already have.

It's not a crime and there is no shame to want to have a child at any age or in any circumstance.
Sending you love and strength. 💖

Hi everyone. Thought I'd check in as I've been reading your posts but not given an update myself for a while. My first AF since miscarrying came yesterday, right on queue 4 weeks later. I'm half glad it's back and on time so my body can start regulating itself again and half sad as the 4 months of pregnancy now seem like a distant dream. There's still a lot of waiting for bloods to check my iron levels/the results of the PM/making a plan with the doctor before we can start trying again, not that I'm ready right now. Just in a weird place of trying to move forward but still having the 'what ifs' and wondering what could have been. All I see around me is babies and pregnant women and it's so hard!

Sorry not to reply to each of you, but I hope you're all managing to find some way through and have some things to smile about every day. Everyone's experiences are relative so no matter our situation, its all as real and important as the next person's.

@CluelessInLondon thank you 💕 I'm not quite sure yet but I have booked the day off work. I'm lucky to live right by the Peak District so lots of beautiful and peaceful scenery on my doorstep. A walk could be a lovely idea. X

Thank you @Mumtobabyhavoc . I’m just so acutely aware that I don’t really have any time if I want to try again with my own eggs. I hate that I have to get on with it if we do…ugh.

I’ve come back to work this week. I’m WFH so it’s not too bad. It’s good to occasionally think of something else.

Hope everyone else can have an okay day xx

Hello, I was hoping someone on this thread might be able to help me with a question about getting back into cycles after an mmc.

sadly I was told I had an mmc on 20th August, and went on to have medical management. I ended up with a small amount of RPOC which I then had removed 12 days ago. I had very minimal bleeding after the surgery (1-2 days if of very light bleeding)

I still have the faintest squinter of a line on a pregnancy test, but I’ve started noticing I’m bleeding again. Yesterday I had some brown blood and today I’ve noticed flecks of redder fresher looking blood.

does anyone know what this can be? It feels too soon to be a period from what I have read?

this last 6 weeks has been so hard and this is making it even worse, feel like I have no idea what is happening with my body. Would really appreciate any advice or thoughts on this xxx

Noodles, it's such an intensely personal journey, isn't it? 💖

Hey all so after my miscarriage which I had a d and c for on 4th September I am due on yesterday but no AF
the test are STILL showing feint positive
when I went back to the EPU last week the registrar said she said I should should wait to TTC until after another check up as my lining looked thickened
would you be worried by this and the period not yet returning?
I am actively TTC what could happen if you conceive with a thick lining?
im 39 and don’t want to ideally wait which I told her
Also how long to the test take to show negative after miscarriage
I have posted this elsewhere and will delete as this area seems more appropriate

Hcg can stay in your system 1 - 9 weeks after

( my levels lowered fast - well we dunno how much they ever went up by anyway but yeah )

Nightmare!

Hi everyone. Just been catching up. Sorry to those who’ve joined the club but welcome to a very supportive space.

it’s three weeks tomorrow since I started bleeding. I can’t believe how far I have come in that time emotionally. Me then would never have believed I could feel so much more normal just 3 weeks later. Hang in there if you’re struggling.

That said we have decided to get straight back to trying and wow that has floored me mentally. I’m so down about all the waiting. I have PCOS so being back in the “when will I ovulate” waiting game is just awful. Day 20 today so should everything be “average” I’d have expected to ovulate by tomorrow (most get their period 4-5 weeks after miscarriage I believe) but realistically I know that would be an incredibly good cycle for me at the best of times never mind after a miscarriage. Despite logical me knowing this I am still so sad there’s no sign of impending ovulating. I just keep randomly crying when I think it feels so unfair that I am back here. It took us so long to conceive in the first place and now here I am again. I just can’t believe it.

@gtx1797h Hi I am so sorry you are going through this. My d&c was on 8th September though I'd had medical management prior to this for MMC and my d&c was for retained product. I was told not to try to conceive until a negative test due to risk of retained product and infection. Did your scan confirm there was nothing retained?

I was also told that it would take up to 6 weeks for period to come due to hormones in system still taking time to reduce and for your body to recognise that etc. I've been advised ovulation tests aren't great to use after a miscarriage as your hormones can be all over - I guess that's why they say it's so difficult to date a pregnancy if you conceive before your first period after a miscarriage

Are you being monitored with scans/blood test for hcg?

Hey everyone, hope you're all doing okay. I'm still very up and down. I had a good day yesterday as I think I might have ovulated and I'm not sure why but it made me feel really hopeful. Today has been hard as it was supposed to be my 12 week scan and I'm struggling with the reality of how life is compared to how it could have been. I really just want all this to go away. Hopefully tomorrow will be another good day.

@Bugdem123 sending a big hug - those milestones are really tough. Great that you were able to feel positive about ovulation though. It really is a weird time isn't it.