Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 7. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Apologies, I didn’t realise the last thread had filled up.

Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
miss-support.org.uk/support/
blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
petalscharity.org/
www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk. I’ve had 5 MCs, and am now sadly at the end of my IVF journey, but want to keep this thread going for everyone else who might find it helpful.

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4559567-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-6-all-welcome?page=1

@Olivia199 oh how scary - glad your dd is ok now! Also, so sorry to hear of your turmoil around IVF/finances. I do think it is particularly cruel for people to go through the IVF process and then lose the pregnancy - I can't quite imagine how tough that is to get your head around. Sending big hugs.

@Bugdem123 I relate all too well to those conflicting emotions you describe. Sending you a big hug and also a hand hold for tomorrow. Hope it all goes as well as it can.

@Khanga27 happy for you that you have your negative after all this time. I know that once I'd accepted the loss, I just wanted the physical part over with so I could try and start moving forwards again. It's horrible but necessary. Hope you're doing ok.

@CluelessInLondon it's surreal isn't it how the healing sort of happens despite ourselves. Glad you're feeling ok-ish. It's definitely something I've got better at living with as time has passed, although there are still moments where a tidal wave of grief just wells up and covers everything all over again.

I've felt a bit bleurgh the last couple of days. Nothing specific to put a finger on, just struggling a bit. 🤷🏼‍♀️🙃

@SnookyPook I know what you mean about feeling bleurgh... maybe it's the weather but it seems like my grief has developed into a very flat feeling, along with some terrible anxiety. After all the blood loss I'm now anaemic, which has also led to developing thrush, and I've had two panic attacks... just one thing after another. Trying to look forward and focus on all the great things I have in life but some days are so much harder than others.

Hope you're feeling a little better today.

Hi all thanks so much for the well wishes and support. I have a bit of what may be a silly question. I've had some pain on-off today front left what I'm guessing is pelvic area? (Front of vagina - sorry if I've got wrong part). Could this be ovulation pain? Can ovulation be painful first time after a miscarriage?

When I had a scan just before my surgical management they said I had 2 small hemorrhagic cysts on one ovary and 1 on the other one. They said this was normal and come and go as part of menstrual cycle with fluctuating hormones and they weren't concerned... could this be the pain?

Hope all has gone well for you @Bugdem123.

@SnookyPook - I can also relate to the blergh feeling. Hope you're doing okay today.

I did my test today, three weeks post surgical management. It's bloody positive. I could cry! Hoping it's just a case of things taking their time to settle. I'm back to work tomorrow.

@Khanga27 - Sorry lovely, I missed your message there. I imagine it could be the cysts causing some discomfort. Are you feeling any better now?

@Olivia199 hi thanks for reply, its okay today but I've booked a GP appointment for today - thought in case an infection like a UTI probably best to get checked. I had rang the ward I was on for surgical management last night (they said I was to call for any symptoms for advice), but the person who answered said there was no doctor on call or more senior nurse to ask at night time so to come to a&e, which felt a bit extreme to me (and I am so sick of hospitals now).

Really hoped the negative pregnancy test would be the end. I'm so exhausted!

@Olivia199 Also I'm so sorry you're still going through things, I hope you get your negative test soon with things settling, and I hope work goes okay x

@Khanga27 - Sorry to hear the ward weren't exactly helpful. Glad you've got the GP today and hope they can offer a little more.

Yeah I'm feeling a bit frustrated with it. Was hoping for a fresh start on returning to work. I've called EPU who have asked me to test Wednesday next week and then they'll call me. If still positive then they'll ask me to go for a blood test. Still, onwards and upwards!!

@Olivia199 thanks for checking in. I'm okay! I found taking the first medication really traumatic. I know logically this isn't true but I feel like I've chosen to get rid of the baby? I know that doesn't make any sense. I found the doctor and nurses really clinical, it feels like im just going in for a medical procedure like getting an ingrown toenail removed or something. Only the doctor said they were sorry for our loss but then kept calling the baby "products of conception" and "tissue" until I had to ask her to stop. Like I know scientifically that's what it is, but to me it's my baby. Would it be so hard to call it that? Or to ask what you'd prefer at the start? I just feel like there's no compassion or empathy at all. I got upset when I took the tablet and the midwife didn't even acknowledge it at all, she just turned her back to us and kept doing paperwork. It feels like I'm the weird one for being upset.

@Khanga27 sorry you didn't get a more helpful response from the ward, I hope your GP is maybe a bit more reassuring!

@SnookyPook I hope you're feeling a bit better today. I found your words so comforting the other day and I wish I had some of my own to share with you but instead I'll just let you know I'm thinking of you.

@Olivia199 also meant to say I'm sorry about the positive test. That must be so confusing and frustrating especially as you wanted a fresh start for going back to work. I hope it's negative by Wednesday so you don't have to go for the bloods x

@Bugdem123 - I'm so sorry to hear that they were like this. You're absolutely right, a bit of compassion is really needed here. Some people may prefer to consider it as "tissue" but it's basic care to talk to your patient and ASK them what they prefer. I'm similar in that I wanted acknowledgement that this was my baby we were talking about.
I understand how you feel and honestly I felt the same just as I went off to sleep for the procedure. The idea of letting that happen felt so overwhelming.
Well done for speaking up for yourself. I really am so sorry you went through that.
You're not the weird one at all and the midwife should have been offering emotional support as well as the medical side. I've always told students that when a patient comes into us, they may have been our 20th patient with the same story that day. But to them, this is huge and it's their life. So treat them as such and recognise the magnitude of their situation for them. Some medical staff seem to lose touch of the fact their role isn't 100% clinical. Emotional and practical support is a huge huge part of it.
I hope you're home and settled today, as much as can be.

@Bugdem123 aw thanks - woken up to sunshine today which had helped my mood lots. Also think my opk has had a little rise this morning which normally happens the day before my peak so hopefully looking on track to ovulate ok after my CP (would be around CD11/12 so slightly early compared to normal). So sorry to hear how you were treated. It's absolutely baffling that professionals can be so cold sometimes isn't it. You're absolutely right that they should ask what you prefer and also be sympathetic to tears etc. It's not too much to ask surely?!

@Olivia199 sorry your test was positive. So hard when you just want it all over. Hopefully it'll be sorted by Weds so you don't have it drawn out any longer.

@Khanga27 sorry they weren't much help. Hope you're doing ok and manage to get hold of someone more helpful today if needed.

Morning everyone, hope you are all feeling okay today. @Bugdem123 Sorry to hear you haven't had much empathy from the clinicians at the hospital - I get that they can't get too caught up in the emotions that their patients are feeling or they would never be able to do their jobs, but sensitivity is so important at a time like this. I hope things continue to go okay for you - take care of yourself and try to get plenty of rest and relaxation.

@Olivia199 Sorry to hear you haven't got your negative test yet, that must be so frustrating. Keeping fingers crossed for you that you get it soon, and good luck going back to work.

I had my follow-up scan at EGU this morning, nothing had really changed so I'm booked for surgical management tomorrow. I felt quite emotional after leaving the hospital, more so than I expected considering I've had a week and a half to adjust to this mentally - it still doesn't feel quite real though, like two weeks ago I was pregnant and looking forward to what was coming next, tomorrow it will all be over. I've been lucky that I've been really well looked-after by the EGU team - the nurses and sonographers at both of my scans have been amazing, they've shown so much empathy but also been really good at giving me clear and practical advice, and I met the consultant who'll be doing the procedure and he had a lovely bedside manner so I feel really confident that I'm in good hands. They also told me that if/when I get pregnant again I can call them straight away and they'll book me for scans around 6 and 9 weeks, which is amazing as I didn't think they would do that for someone who had only lost one pregnancy. I'm quite nervous about tomorrow and really not looking forward to the weekend ahead (I have been warned to expect a massive hormone crash in the 36 hours after the surgery) but I'm really glad that after the next few days I'll be able to start looking forward.

@CluelessInLondon Yeah, I absolutely get they need to have some distance - my work involves dealing with victims of crime on a daily basis so I get the need to detach - but some comforting words or some recognition of how horrible this is would have went a long way to making me feel seen and validated. Literally just a hand on my shoulder telling me it'll be okay or they know this is tough would have been enough.

That's so good about the future scans and things, that'll be so reassuring.

I feel like we're at the same stage; I'll go in tomorrow for the second set of pills. I actually felt okay for a couple of days in the middle there but feel a mess today. I hope it all goes well for you tomorrow and you can start to heal from then. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow x

@Olivia199 @Bugdem123 @SnookyPook Thank you. I got a GP appointment, and examination was very thorough and he's not concerned. However, despite the timeliness I gave of what had happened up to now, he goes "so you had an abortion, not a miscarriage?" And even after I said "no, I had a missed miscarriage, that's why I needed medical and surgical management" he kept saying "abortion" then quickly correcting himself. It was awful.

He said my cervix was open but wasn't concerned. I decided to call the ward again today and they had a gynae doctor on duty today who advised it wasn't a concern as well, and I could still have sex although should be protected. I had hoped that with me feeling like I was getting symptoms suggesting ovulation that we could perhaps try again (and I think cervix opens just before ovulation?!?), but I'm wondering now with everything that's happened, maybe I should at least wait for one period to happen first, for some closure?!? I want more than anything to be pregnant again, but it's been so tough that maybe I just need a little bit of a break. I feel that if I wait though, is time running out though (I'm in mid-thirties and know people have children older than this, but feel the nhs guidance makes me feel old for this sometimes)

@Khanga27 I'm so sorry about what the doctor was saying, that must have been so upsetting. I can't get over the lack of compassion from the medical staff.

I'm 34 so understand the feeling that you're almost up against it time wise. I've been told I need to wait until I've had a period before I can try again but no one has explained why. From googling I think it's to make it easier to date but I think psychologically I'll need the break until at least then anyway.

@Bugdem123 I was told at EGU this morning that it's for dating but also helps them to understand if everything is developing as it should, especially if you're being monitored more closely in early pregnancy because of previous losses - the nurse explained to me that it's harder to make sure the pregnancy is developing as expected if there's a bigger window in which you could have conceived because they don't know exactly how it should be at any given point.

Sometimes some times your advised to wait to avoid uterus getting infections/ infected

@CluelessInLondon @worldwidetravel2017 that makes sense, thank you. I don't think I'd even consider it until after a period or two anyway but good to know the reason why I need to avoid it for at least one.

Ive mulled over / been gutted my recent early miscarriage but really wana try again asap

Have upped vit d dose ,
& started floradix liquid
& done a thyroid test

I have a gynae appt at weekend for something non pregnancy related - guna ask them if we can try again from next week

Interestingly the consultant who saw me just before surgical management said without me asking that I didn't need to wait for a period as the only reason why some doctors sometimes say this was for dating. This really surprised me because of how much I'd read on here from people who said they were told this.

But i had a good think yesterday about how I am feeling with my energy levels etc and while I did think I wanted to be pregnant asap (and to be honest I still do), I also think for me personally I need the physical recovery and to feel better for myself first.

Evening ladies. Just catching up on everyone’s updates. @Olivia199 im so sorry your test is still positive, that’s so frustrating! Having said that, with a previous MC I had a couple of years ago my tests were still showing positive at 3 weeks post surgical management. I got my period back at 5 weeks and that seemed to have done the trick and cleared everything out. I really hope it’s the same for you x
@Bugdem123 oh gosh your experience sounds awful! How they can be so cold about it!? I understand they see it everyday but surely they must understand the magnitude of it for women. Show some compassion! To turn her back on you when you were visibly distressed is just so sad, I’m sorry that happened to you. I’ve definitely had a few hit and miss staff over the years and I was tempted to complain about one at my MC in august who had a go at me for making her late because I’d gone to the toilet - she was actually running 45 minutes behind so I nipped for a wee which took all of 30 seconds! Having a go at me as she was scanning me telling me the baby had passed. Talk about not reading the room! 🤦‍♀️

@CluelessInLondon how did your surgery go? I hope everything went well and you’re feeling ok. It’s a weird mix of emotions - knowing you’ll be through it physically but at the same time not wanting to let go as it feels so “final” xx

I’ve had a weird couple of days. I did a pregnancy test (first time trying since my miscarriage) which of course came back negative - I thought it would. I just felt so angry, I had a little baby why couldn’t it work out? Why did it have to go wrong? Why even fall pregnant in the first place to go through that rollercoaster of emotions? Age isn’t on my side at all and I feel like I had my dream dangled in front of my face just for it to be cruelly snatched away. Arrrrrghhhhhh! Rant over 😀

@CrazyMILonthecase Thanks for thinking of me. ❤It went as well as could be expected - it was a long old day in hospital, I was there for 8 hours and found it all quite upsetting and stressful. Obviously it's been a really difficult time anyway, plus I am really terrible with needles so all of the prodding and poking was really anxiety-provoking, and I had to be moved to the surgical unit from the ward I was meant to be on due to the doctors strike so my husband wasn't allowed to sit with me and I found going through everything alone really hard. The procedure itself went as planned though, I was a bit crampy afterwards but otherwise okay and this morning it looks like the bleeding has slowed right down so I'm hoping I'll be back to normal pretty quickly.

Sorry to hear about your negative test - don't put too much pressure on yourself, which I know is super-hard when you're worried about the biological clock (I can empathise there, I'm 37 so don't exactly feel like I have time to take a lengthy break from trying!). Maybe the body just needs a little bit of time to relax before you go again - our bodies are pretty amazing things but a miscarriage puts it through a lot of stress. Be kind to yourself. 💐