Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 7. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Apologies, I didn’t realise the last thread had filled up.

Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
miss-support.org.uk/support/
blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
petalscharity.org/
www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk. I’ve had 5 MCs, and am now sadly at the end of my IVF journey, but want to keep this thread going for everyone else who might find it helpful.

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4559567-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-6-all-welcome?page=1

@SnookyPook - That really was a beautiful post. It's something I relate to a lot and that's really helped me reframe it is such a positive way. Thank you. (But yes, also crying!)

@CluelessinLondon - I found the surgical management really straightforward. I had to wait in the department a long time but everyone was so lovely. The procedure itself was absolutely fine and I had absolutely no effects from the GA. In fact, I was at mums chasing after my daughter a couple hours later. The hardest part I found was the sudden realisation that it'd be gone. Which was strange as before that I just wanted everything over. It felt quite final which floored me a bit at the time.

@CRbear - I'm sorry you're joining us here and I'm so sorry for your loss. The heartache does get easier. Every day feels a little less like I'm being crushed. I have days where it's better and days where it's worse but we will all get through this. One way or another!

@MindatWork - Hope everything went okay and you're recovering well. Agreed that the weather being like this is helping. When everything was hot and sunny it did little other than irritate me! I'm ready for the Jumpers and appropriate moping weather.

@CRbear consider talking to tommys baby charity if you havent yet
They were very good with / 4 me

@CluelessInLondon of course - it was absolutely fine and I’m glad I went down this route rather than medical management.

I had to go to the hospital on Saturday to have bloods taken for the pre-opp; then I was in first thing this morning and looked after by a student nurse. Be prepared for them to ask you to give a urine sample for a pregnancy test (it will still likely be positive 😖).

I was lucky as I was first on the list so didn’t have too much waiting around - one thing I wasn’t prepared for is that they made me take the meds that you have at
home for medical management just before I went down for surgery (can’t remember what it’s called but it starts with an m). Apparently it’s to help your uterus contract while they do the procedure, but I was reassured they time it so that you’re under by the the time it starts working. I was having cramps when I was waiting to go into the OR but nothing too serious. Not sure if you’ll have this but just a heads up.

I was only under for around 20-30 minutes and felt ok when I came round - they dose you up on painkillers (paracetamol and Diclofenac for me) when they put you to sleep so there was no pain when I woke up. I went under at 9am and have only just taken some cocodamol now, so the pain’s really been minimal and the bleedings like a period.

When you come round they like you to have a wee and something to eat/drink and then you can leave after a couple of hours. I was very weepy in the hospital in the morning but am feeling much calmer now. I feel like I can start to process the loss, and I know it was the right choice for me.

Ive been told I could bleed for up to 3 weeks and it might sleep a while for things to settle down, but I’m prepared for that.

I hope this helps but do feel free to pm me with any specific questions xxx

Thanks @MindatWork and @Olivia199 for sharing your experiences - I've never had surgery of any kind before so even though I think it will be the right thing for me it's still quite nervewracking! And @MindatWork I hope your recovery goes well xx

That is such a lovely sentiment, and has made me cry too but I do agree that it's important we are kind to our bodies.

Thank you to all of the well wishes, work isn't great atm which makes things so much harder. I have to retest this week so have told work I won't be in that day.

Sorry to have new joiners, sending lots of love to everyone

@EdithGrantham - I'm sorry work is so difficult. I'm currently on annual leave and due to return Friday which is my retest day. I'm dreading the whole thing.

@SnookyPook oh your post choked me - such beautiful words and lovely sentiments. The idea that our bodies just want to cradle our little ones for a little longer…💔 I’m sad that we are all here but so so comforted that we are here together supporting and understanding each other x

@Bugdem123 oh you really are in the thick of it and it feels very hopeless. The realisation that it won’t be but the awful wait for the physical side to kick in. I’ve always found that the hardest part - you can’t even process it and start to grieve because you’re still waiting for it all to happen. I really hope things get moving for you soon and you can then focus on your emotional healing. Keep talking to us x

@CRbear im so sorry you’re also in this awful boat with us. I’ve got the same Tommys percentage rate as you 😊 We need to try and look at it that the odds are very much in our favour. Yes 99% would be great (!) but we’ve still got a great roll of the dice.
its still fresh for you and it can seem impossible to think everything will go back to normal but day by day it will get easier. Like you I feel cheated that I’ve lost so much time and I’m back to square one but another part of me thinks what’s meant for us won’t pass us by and it just takes that bit longer to make the prefect egg / baby 🙏🏻 I’m now in the TWW - first go trying (I miscarried start of August) xx
@CluelessInLondon I’ve had surgical management twice and I found it very straightforward. I was going to go for it this time again but nature had other ideas and I miscarried naturally. All the staff were so lovely when I had my procedure and for me the pain and bleeding afterwards was minimal and I started ovulating 2/3 weeks later without any issues x

Sorry to come in with a bit of a TMI question but it's something that's worrying me slightly.

After the surgical procedure I had a small amount of fresh bleeding for a couple house. Never enough to fill a pantyliner. That then turned to brown on wiping only and has been consistent ever since. I'm now 17 days on and for the last couple weeks I've had lower back pain which seems to be increasing. I've been on annual leave/sick leave for this time so unsure if I've just been lazy and the pains come from sitting down more than I'm used to. I don't really know what I'm worried about. If things weren't complete, would you expect more bleeding? I've no other symptoms to indicate a problem. But lower back pain was always present in my first trimester with my DD and was for this pregnancy too.

I'm getting a bit paranoid I think.

@Olivia199 I think any kind of increasing pain around abdomen/back area after a miscarriage is not a daft thing to speak to a healthcare provider about. Especially if you have a niggling worry - sometimes our gut knows more than we do consciously. Hopefully it's nothing but no harm in having it checked out. 💕

I'm really touched that so many of you found my words such a comfort. It's just little things I've sort of found myself thinking as I process it all! But I do think remembering to be kind to our bodies after this horrible loss is so important. And to be as gentle with ourselves as we would be to a friend going through this.

Lots of love to everyone this evening ❤️

Thank you @SnookyPook, I think you're probably right. The lack of bleeding sort of threw me but the back is definitely starting to get me down. I'm laying in bed and just can't get comfortable at all. Though it could be the joys of being a bit on the lazy side...!

Honestly your words have meant so much tonight. You've put it beautifully and it really has helped. X

Hey all. I am so sorry for any new joiners going through this.

It's been 10 days since my surgical management (which followed 2 lots of medical management, 1st medical management being 11th August). I was told to take a pregnancy test 2 weeks later, but I've had some clear stringy discharge which has me wondering whether I've ovulated or am about to ovulate. On that basis I want to take a pregnancy test now to see if its negative, but wondered should I wait for first thing in the morning to do this for whether hcg (if any left) is at its strongest? Or should I just wait the full 2 weeks like I've been told?

Hey @Khanga27, I don’t think it would do any harm to do a test today - you know your body best. I’m not sure about how the biology works but would assume if you’re ovulating then your hcg level must have dropped right down?

@Olivia199 did you contact anyone about your back pain in the end? Hope it’s a bit better today xx

@MindatWork Thanks. I took a pregnancy test this morning and it was negative. I stared at it for so long as for me this missed miscarriage and everything that has followed has been a month and a half. It has been so long of me feeling like I had no control over my body.

I feel so sad at what we have lost and the hope we had for what would have been our first child. But I feel I finally have my body back and am able to actually process everything properly.

@Khanga27 - So pleased to hear the physical side can be over for you lovely. Time to process and grieve in peace. Thinking of you.

@MindatWork - I had all the best intentions of calling the GP today but unfortunately ended up in A&E with my DD who fell and hit her head at nursery and wasn't doing so well. Thankfully 7 hours later we are home and she's fine but it's been firmly put to the back of my mind until tomorrow!

You could do a preg test now

The 2 weeks of no sex - no swimming - no tampons is to avoid infections

Omg @Olivia199 your poor DD! I’ve been there and well remember how stressful head bumps are - hope she recovers quickly xxx

@Khanga27 i totally understand the relief of having your body back. This has been an incredibly long road for you and
you’ve been an utter warrior to deal with it for all this time. I hope you can find some peace now, and wishing you all the best for the future ❤️

@MindatWork - Thank you, it was absolutely terrifying but thankfully she's perked right up since getting home. No more laying and looking drowsy. Happily running around! It really is such a worry! X

@Olivia199 that must have been so scary, I hope your DD is okay.

I've felt really down today after feeling a bit better yesterday. I'm bleeding slightly more today but nothing I'd call significant, I haven't even filled a pad in the past couple of days.

I'm going in to the EPU tomorrow for the first drug in the medical management process. I'm absolutely dreading it, I've kept hoping that maybe this has been a dream or a mistake and it's not really happening.

I simultaneously want this to be over and for it not to be, it's so strange. I also can't wait to start trying again and also never want to be pregnant and go through this again. It's such a horrible time, isn't it?

@Bugdem123 - Thank you. She seems mostly over it. I am not!

I totally understand how you're feeling and I'm so so sorry.
I was so desperate for my surgical management so it could be done. But as soon as I walked into day surgery I felt like they were taking something so huge from me. I hated that it was going to be over while also desperately needing it to be.

When I considered another attempted I thought of the finances behind it (IVF here) and the heartache and I just felt so lost. I want to try more than anything because I want to grow my perfect little family. Equally I can't put myself thought that again, not to mention the fact we'd have to significantly pull in the purse strings and I don't want to do that to DD. It all feels like such a mess. Such happiness and joy and wonder just.. gone.

@Bugdem123 - Sorry, sent too soon. I really hope tomorrow goes as okay as these things can. I'll be thinking of you.

@Bugdem123 Sending you a hand-hold for tomorrow, I hope it goes okay. I can empathise with the conflicting emotions - perhaps the best thing I can say is that there's no right or wrong way to feel, you just have to let yourself feel however you need to at any given time.

I'm finding a week on from my scan that the emotions are starting to feel a bit less raw - I still feel really sad and get upset if I try to talk about it, but it's settling into more of a "background" sadness that's less debilitating than it was a few days ago. I think it will probably stay like that for a while, and I'll have to learn to get comfortable with it.

@Olivia199 oh you poor thing - injuries are so scary with little ones. I’ve done many an a&e trip and it’s so horrid! Glad your little girl is feeling better now - hopefully you’ll manage to get an early night and soothe those frazzled nerves! 🫣
@Khanga27 That’s great your test is negative. It’s been such a drawn out ordeal for you, it must be a relief to know that physically at least you’re through it. I ovulated within a couple of weeks after mine so your discharge could well mean thinks are kicking back in. Do you have any OPKs to test?

@Bugdem123 opps sent too soon. Was meant to wish you luck for tomorrow, I hope it goes as well as it can. We will all be thinking of you x